Darren and Richard

Over the next two months, when we weren’t working on the animated DVD, we were spending time with family and friends, or just at home. I planted flowers, hung up the photos from our holiday, went out with Darren to a few shows. The premiere screening party for the live DVD was great, although Darren drank a bit too much champagne, and had a wicked hangover for three days. My poor baby!

Our friends loved the hot tub. As I predicted, Shave keeps looking for reasons to come over, under the premise of showing Darren the latest project he’s working on, but he curiously always has his swimsuit in the car. Last time he was marinating in OUR hot tub, I mentioned how much fun it was to have sex in there. The look of horror on his face nearly had Darren pissing himself! It was priceless! And...silly Cristel refused to wear a swimsuit. She said it was only because we’re gay and weren’t going to treat her like a sex object. This may be true, but it still doesn’t mean I want to see a close friend naked, male or female. I guess I was raised with more modesty than that. We didn’t run around naked in our house in front of each other. Darren, however, couldn’t care less, and took the bait. It stopped bothering me after about fifteen minutes of the two of them making light of the situation and dissolving into hysterical giggles. That’s where “Stupid Dirty Boobs” came from. I may never live that one down.

And, as if that wasn’t bad enough, they had a farting contest to see who could blow a bigger bubble in the water. All without ever having touched a drop of liquor. They just get completely goofy and egg each other on. Two children!

Anyhow, we spent a few days in Ollerton, visiting my family. We had a lovely time in the country. I went to the cemetery where my parents are buried, and laid flowers at their graves. Darren came with me. It’s been a few years since their passing, and I still get emotional. I asked him to give me some time by myself. He walked around, looking at the gravestones in the really old section. I just wanted to talk to my parents alone. Especially Mum. I was very close with her, and it will probably always pain me that she didn’t live to see me married. As usual, I broke down in tears. Darren just instinctively knew I was hurting, and came out of nowhere and took me in his arms.

“It’s okay, Baby. I’ve got you.”
“When does it stop hurting, Darren? When do I stop hating that she’s gone? How long until I stop being angry that she was taken so young?”
“I don’t know, Honey. I don’t know. I guess whenever you’re ready to let go. You can’t bring them back, Rich. But you can hold onto the love and the memories, and not let the sorrow eat at you.”

I looked up at him and nodded.

“You’re right, Luv. I’m the one that told you to let go of the past, and here I am still nursing anger over something that I can’t change. Give me a minute, and I’ll be ready to go.”
“I’ll be in the car, Darling.”

He kisses me and walks down the path, leaving me to my thoughts.

“See Mum? He’s a smart man, and he’s good to me.”

At that moment, there was a break in the clouds, and a ray of sunlight broke through. She was smiling. I know she was. I told my folks I loved them, and joined Darren in the car.

“Are you alright, Richard?”

I nod.

“Let’s go.”

We drove back to Notting Hill, about two hours away. Darren held my hand the whole time, and just let me have my thoughts. I went through half a box of Kleenex by the time we got home. He’s right. I need to get a grip. I think I’m going to get a helium balloon, write down the feelings I want to let go of on an index card, tape it to the string, and let it go.

We did it the next day. Mum loved pink and purple. I got one of each, tied them together, attached the card, and let them go in the park across the street from our house. I really did feel better after that. I took a good long soak in the hot tub afterwards. Darren says it gave him an idea for a song.

You know the flowers I planted just outside the back door? They bloomed pink and purple. I’d like to think Mum got my balloons and was thanking me.