Freak

Frank's POV.

"But mum, are we really doing this?" Mikey whispered, and I had to try my best not to snicker.

"Yes Mikey, it will be good for them." Donna replied and once again I had to stop myself from smiling.

I was lying wrapped up in Gerard's arms, 'sleeping'. I had woken up when Mikey and Donna suddenly walked into our room, not beeing that quiet I'm afraid. I peaked a bit before closing my eyes and pretending to sleep again, but what I saw made me terrified at first.

One of Donna's friends had a granddaughter that she was raising, since her own daugher died when she was born. Donna's friend, had needed a weekend alone, and Donna offered to look after little Caitlyn. It had been funny, watching Gerard watching Caitlyn. Gerard didn't have any experience with children, what so ever.

The first time Donna asked if he wanted to hold the eight month old baby, Gerard turned deathly pale and started to say something, but instead nothing came out. He had started breathing rappidly, so Donna quickly let Cailtyn move to Mikey's arms instead. Gerard later told me it was because he was so afraid to drop her, or to hold her too tight and hurt her. That made me kiss his cheek, but I didn't try and force him to hold her. He knew best if he could do it or not.

I had spent the whole Friday holding her, because I loved it. Once one of my best female friends got pregnant, and I doted over that kid a lot. I fed him, I sang to him, and I held him. Sandra was happy I helped her, since the boys father had left her. Of course all things must come to an end. Sandra fell in love with someone else and he told me to get the fuck away from her kid. It hurt, but I had to leave, I had no place there.

I mean, get me right, I'm not ready to have children, not by a long shot. But I know that one day I will be, and then I'd love to adopt. If I'm still with Gerard at that point, I know it will be hard, but I'd love to adopt anyway. No matter how much I have to fight for it, I want to be a dad. Someday!


"But, what if-"

"Mikey, they can take care of this, Frank's here. Lets not you and I stay here any longer. We'll wake them up. Lets just leave a note in the kitchen." Donna whispered again, and soon I heard them leaving the room.


They had planned to leave Caitlyn in the care of me and Gerard the whole day, not intending to get back until late. I knew it was because they wanted to teach us to take responsibility, or well I guessed it was. I hadn't overheard them talking about that part. But I knew we, or rather I, could do it - easily.

I decided to go back to sleep, as I knew when Caitlyn woke up, I'd wake up. It was her crib by the way, that they carried in here, in case someone haven't figured that one out yet.


Gerard woke up.
Gerard opened his eyes.
Gerard freaked out.

"God, calm down Gee." I said trying to soothe the frantic boy sitting next to him in bed.

"But why is she in here, I'll hurt her for sure!" He hissed, pointing towards Caitlyn's crib. I shook my head and tried to not laugh.

"Gerard, I'll look after her all day, all you need to do is help me with some of the things I can't do alone, alright?" I said, trying to calm him. I knew he was afraid, because he sometimes did drop things, and he did still snap from time to time. I wasn't going to force Gerard to look after the baby alone.

He nodded finally, and calmed down. I sighed and kissed him, before climbing out of bed. Caitlyn had woken up, since Gerard had been everything but quiet. It was close to 7am anyway, she never slept longer than that.

I made my way over to her crib, not bothering with putting any clothes on (I was in just my boxers), and picked her up.


Narrator's POV.

Gerard had to admit, Frank kept his promise. He took care of Caitlyn, and only asked Gerard to do things like heating her bottle or throwing her dirty diapers away. Gerard thought Caitlyn was the cutest thing he had ever seen, but he couldn't hold her. He was too scared.

When dinnertime came around, Frank had ordered pizza for himself and Gerard, since he didn't feel like cooking while having to look after a kid. He wasn't that skilled yet.

Frank sat on the couch, eating his pizza while keeping one eye on the girl playing on the floor. Gerard sat next to him, also staring at Caitlyn as he ate. He was nervous all the time with her around. He never took his eyes off her. He wanted so bad to be able to hold her and cuddle her like Frank could, but something stopped him. Maybe it was the fact that he had once dropped his brother's hamster in the aquarium. Or maybe it was because he once stepped on the turtle Mikey used to have. Gerard only knew that a child was so different from an animal. And he couldn't even look after those. Frank was the one looking after the fish in Gerard's aquarium.

"Oh come here, no crying." Frank hushed as he put his pizza on the living room table and leaned down to pick Caitlyn up. She had accedentally tipped over when sitting and playing with some of her toys. As soon as she was in Frank's arms she calmed down a little. She was the type of child who didn't cry much anyway. Just when she hurt herself or was really, really tired.

Frank rocked her for a bit and talked to her softly. Gerard put his plate away as well and scooted closer to Frank. He wanted to touch her. He hadn't even dared to do that. He asked Frank with his eyes if it was alright and Frank nodded, smiling from ear to ear.

Slowly, like he thought she might be hot, Gerard extended a hand and gently touched her arm. He giggled, when he realised she wasn't going to die from his touch, and gently started stroking her arm. Frank shifted even closer to Gerard, so that they were almost sitting on each other.

"If you want to hold her Gee, you can. I'll sit right here, and I'll hold her with you." Frank whispered, stroking Caitlyn's hair. Gerard nodded slowly. He really did want to hold her, he didn't want to be afraid. Besides, he was sitting down and Frank would be right there, what could go wrong?

Frank slowly lift her up, and placed her in Gerard's waiting arms. He did as promised, and kept his arms on her, helping Gerard hold her. At first Gerard was stiff, and looked like he had wet his pants, but soon he did relax and his embrace on Caitlyn seemed more natural.

Gerard smiled from ear to ear and petted her head slowly. Frank felt a wave of warmth, and he knew. He simply knew, that he and Gerard could have children together - one day.


Frank's POV.

The day passed too fast. I did have a blast, and so did Gerard. After he dared to hold her for the first time, he didn't want to let her go. He sat on the floor with her when she played, and he played with her toys with her. He refused to hold her unless he was sitting down and unless I sat next to him, but he had opened up a lot to her. He wasn't afraid of her anymore.

It made me happy, because it felt like a big step. Gerard had taken another huge step forward when it came to holding Caitlyn. And it was great. He was moving in the right direction. Even if he still snapped, even if we still fought, it was alright. Because he was doing so much better. Besides our fights never lasted that long, but sometimes it did anger me. But it was okay, because everyone fights - everyone.

Finally Donna and Mikey came home, and they had brought Donna's friend to pick Caitlyn up. When they saw us, they hurried over to hear how the day had been. I let Gerard speak, and instead I just watched him. I studied his beautiful face. I studied the way his lips moved as he spoke. And I studied the proud look in his eyes when he told them he had held her. Everything about him sparkled as he said that, as he explained how he had been sitting with her in his arms. I think I knew, in that moment, that Gerard did want children just as bad as me - one day.


Two hours later, Caitlyn had been taken home by her grandmother, and Donna and Mikey had gone to bed. Gerard and I lay in our bed, snuggled very close under the covers. Me in boxers as I always slept these days, and Gerard in his new Star Wars pyjamas I had ordered for him.

"I love you Gerard." I whispered and kissed his neck, and he giggled.

"I love you too Frank." He replied and I sighed happily.

Then the day ended, just like it had begun. With Gerard and I, wrapped so tightly around each other that it was hard to see where he ended and I began. Not perfect, but close enough.