Nightmare vacation

Ryan stared at the three judges as if they were mad. "Is this some sort of theme?"

Paula shook her head. "I hadn't thought of that. No, it's not supposed to be. Doesn't a cruise sound fun? We leave in two days and I just know that it's what we need to reconnect."

"Who said we were ever connected to begin with?"

Randy leaned back in his chair. "Look, dawg, I get that you're pissed off about something, but we want to do this for you and for all of us. Can't you just give it a try?"

The younger man looked down at his plate for awhile and thought about his goddess from last night. He smiled at the memory and knew what advice she'd give him. "Alright. Count me in."

Simon grabbed the check when it arrived and waved off protests. "Don't start. I'm rich after all. I can at least buy my friends some dinner." He looked away from Ryan when he saw the surprise in his eyes. Simon was struck with the fact that he had never treated Ryan like a friend before. Of course there were reasons for that, but he wasn't about to tell anyone else.

Randy, Paula, and Simon headed for the limo and expected Ryan to go with them, but were stunned when he decided to walk. They watched him leave and couldn't believe how easygoing he was with the fans. He rolled his eyes at the jeers instead of giving a fake smile. That seemed to soften the moods of the taunters and before they knew what had happened, he was walking and talking and signing autographs.

Paula looked at the others as the limo pulled away. "Wow...he looked pretty relaxed."

Randy nodded. "He got laid."

The other two gasped and stared at him. "How could you possibly know that?'

Randy shrugged. "It's a hunch."

The others shook their heads and just talked about this and that.

The next two days were filled with packing up clothes and talking about the sights. The three judges never talked to Ryan during that time. He had left a message or two on their voice mails letting them know that he was meeting them at the airport.

When Paula, Randy, and Simon arrived they looked for Ryan, but didn't see him. They waited patiently as their flight was called. They finally went to get on the plane and heard a yell from behind. Ryan ran up to join them. "Sorry about that. I had something to take care of."

Paula looked Ryan up and down and didn't say anything until they got on the plane and took off. "Ryan, what is this?" She gestured to his clothes and appearance.

Ryan had pulled on some cargo pants that were baggy and hanging off of his hips. The army green color looked good with the black tee shirt, but it looked like something he could have bought at a thrift store. His face was unshaven and he shrugged. "I'm tired of dressing how someone tells me to. I'll wear my own stuff for the trip."

Simon kept looking down at his lap. He hadn't expected the younger man to get there. He was surprised at the intense rush of emotion when he'd gotten there just in the nick of time. But it was the new look that was really getting to Simon. Ryan was always attractive in a Ken doll sort of way. Now there was something rugged about him that sent Simon's senses reeling. When Simon felt himself hardening in response to the revelation, he crossed his legs quickly and leaned over so that nothing would be noticeable. "You look fine."

Randy nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it's a good look for you. I wouldn't worry about dressing a certain way for this trip, but..."

Ryan frowned at the pause. "But what?"

Randy sighed. "I don't get it. We dress like this because we want to. You're telling us that you don't dress the way that you dress on the show?

"Nope. The stylists said that I wasn't special enough to have my own style."

Paula put her hand to her mouth and then lowered it. "They said that? That's horrible. Ryan, I had no idea you were treated that way."

Ryan shrugged. "You didn't ask."

Simon had the good sense to look ashamed. "I should have looked into all aspects of the show and I didn't. I'm sorry. Look, if you come back next season you can dress however you want."

Ryan raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "Is that what this is? You don't want me to leave so you take me on a vacation and let me wear my own clothes? Excuse me." He headed to the bathroom and slammed the door.

Randy lightly punched Simon in the arm. "Way to go."

Simon raised his hands in exasperation. "What did I do? I thought it was a kind gesture."

"You put him in his place, Simon. We all did." Paula drummed her fingers on the armrest. "Okay, no more talk of work on this trip. We'll just act like friends, okay?"

The others agreed and sat in silence even when Ryan came back to his seat. They didn't have much of a choice since he put on his headphones and closed his eyes without acknowledging them.

When the plane landed they took a car to the dock and Paula grinned while linking arms with Ryan and Simon. "Isn't it magnificent?"

Ryan had to agree that the cruise ship was massive and impressive. The four walked on board and followed Simon to the cabin he had reserved.

Paula shook her head. "I'm finding this hard to believe. You didn't get the value cabins with the little porthole?"

They all laughed except for Ryan. "Just trust me..." He took them up to Deck 8 and stopped. "Now...no screaming or anything. I went a bit overboard." He handed two room keys to Randy and Paula. They had the same number on them. Then he handed one to Ryan that matched his own.

Paula frowned. "We're not sharing a room, Simon?"

He shook his head. "Rumor mills and all...I figured this was better."

Ryan didn't like sharing a small space with Simon, but kept his mouth shut.

Simon took Paula and Randy to their cabin. "It's a bit smaller than the one that Ryan and I have, but I'm sure you'll be pleased."

Paula opened the door and nearly wet her pants. "Shit!" The group went in to explore.

Once they got over the huge balcony, Randy and Paula found two bedrooms with a double bed in each waiting for them. Their luggage was in the living room and they picked their rooms out and moved their luggage into their walk in closets. Ryan took note of the sofa bed in the living area and figured he'd be there when Simon drove him nuts. The two and a half baths were a plus for Randy. He at least knew that he wouldn't have to share with Paula. And if either one had a guest there would still be no wait for a bathroom. Paula immediately claimed the bathroom with the whirlpool tub, which was convenient since it was next to her bedroom. Even though they all both had tubs, Paula had a thing for whirlpools.

Paula and Randy also found their bathrobes and Randy was thrilled with the texture. The hair dryer was Paula's favorite, but Randy immediately pointed out the wet bar. Simon showed them the refrigerator and Ryan started messing with the TV. "Hey, this thing has a VCR."

Simon nodded and told them about the telephone. "It has voice mail so that should be convenient. And since I know how different the two of you are...." He showed them the small panels in each of the rooms. "Individual climate control. I don't want to hear that one of you hates the other because of your different preferences for hot and cold." He smirked.

Paula and Randy emptied some of their things into the safe that was in the room and then followed Simon and Ryan to their room. Simon put a hand on Ryan's shoulder. "Go ahead."

Ryan shrugged and opened the door. He tried not to let his jaw hit the floor. It was easily larger than the one they had just left. They had the balcony and the same bathrooms. All of it was the same except that they had a media library in their living room. The living room also had a Murphy bed and Ryan thought it might be nice to sleep in that instead of a bedroom because it was closer to the balcony. Randy made a comment about how they had a dining salon, but Simon just told them they could come over and use it.

One of the bedrooms had four single beds. Two were on the floor and then there were two pull down berths. Simon said he'd take that room because he liked the ship feel of it. Ryan shrugged and went to the other bedroom. The queen sized bed made him smile just a bit. "It's great..." He went in and sat on the bed for a moment and then walked past the other three to the balcony. He went out and just stood there, looking out over the dock. He could hardly wait for his veiw to be filled with water.

Randy, Paula, and Simon watched him. "Guys...I'd really like to find out more about him. Wouldn't you?"

Simon nodded. "Why don't you two go get settled. I'll find you in an hour or so."

Randy was going to protest, but Paula took his hand and led him to their cabin.

Simon quietly walked out onto the balcony. "Not much to look at."

Ryan shrugged. "I've been told worse."

Simon's eyes widened. He thought I was talking about him. I never knew he thought so little of himself. "I meant the view."

Ryan turned and looked at Simon with haunted eyes. "I like it. I'd rather be on the water, though. It's calming."

"You will be. Give it an hour."

"Yeah, I guess." He turned back to look at the crowds.

Okay...this isn't going well. "Do you have your list for the souvenirs yet?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know...who are you buying little trinkets for?"

Ryan shrugged. "Nobody."

Simon sat down in one of the deck chairs. "What about your parents? You can't be serious. "

The younger man finally turned to look at him. "You dont' think? Simon, what do you think I do all the time?"

The Brit frowned. "I don't know. Everyone has a mum and dad, though. I never thought about it."

"Yeah, I gathered. I work, Simon. Radio, television...I'm young. Why would someone my age want to work all the fucking time?"

Simon shook his head. "I don't know. Why don't you tell me?"

"Because it keeps me busy so I don't have to go home alone. Days off are my worst nightmare. I sit by myself and pray for the day to end."

"You're famous. I can't believe that-"

"That nobody wants to be with me? Well you're wrong. People want to be with Ryan Seacrest, the celebrity, not the person."

Simon felt this overwhelming need to comfort the young man and couldn't fight it. He walked back from the balcony. "Come here."

Ryan looked at Simon and frowned. "What is it?" He walked into the cabin, thinking something was wrong.

Simon touched Ryan's face gently. "You're so special and it annoys me that you can't see it. Dear God, you're handsome and kind and I watch you season after season on that stage and it drives me mad."

Ryan's eyes widened. "What would Terri say if she heard you saying this?"

The older man shook his head. "She's known. She's a sweet girl and helps me provide a public front, nothing more."

Ryan pulled away and sat on the couch. "This is just becoming weird."

"No, don't let it. I care about you. We all do. Maybe we can contact your family...let them know that you need them out with you in LA for awhile. I'll even go with you to visit them if you need someone with you to patch up whatever happened to rip your family apart."

Oh...I guess I was reading way too much into it. "What do you want from me, Simon?"

"I was just curious about your family and-"

"I got my first job at sixteen."

"Oh...that's interesting. Most guys do."

"No, I got the job and then I left home."

Simon felt himself get nervous when Ryan wrapped his arms around himself and zoned out a bit. "Ryan, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"No, you want to know about people caring about me? I'll tell you." He couldnt' believe he was about to tell Simon about his past. That girl from a few nights ago had convinced him to drop his mask and now he found he couldn't use it to save his life. "My parents didn't want anything to do with me. I had to find a job and leave."

"Why would your parents do that?"

"Because they didn't believe me when I said that I didn't seduce our neighbor."

"Oh...so you got some action with the girl next door and your parents were all ashamed or something?"

"No, they couldn't believe that a grown man would molest a child and continue to do so for ten years. He never raped me, but he tried one night and I hit him hard. He went to my parents and said that I had come over and seduced him. When I told them my version they were sickened. They told me that they couldn't believe I would say such things about their friend." His voice broke and he looked away. "Why am I telling you this?"

Simon thought he was going to puke. He hadn't meant to push Ryan to reveal his past, but he had been so curious about his family and he just never thought that something so bad could happen to someone he knew. "Ryan..." He wanted to find this man and kill him. He had never felt such rage before and he put his arms around Ryan in a comforting gesture. His arms tightened and he lost himself in his thoughts of what he would do to the bastard that had hurt his young friend so badly. It was then that a choked sob registered in his mind and he made himself focus on the here and now.

Ryan was panic stricken and fighting to breathe in Simon's grip. Simon immediately let go and watched as Ryan scrambled to the other side of the couch, trying to gulp back his tears.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think."

"It's okay. I just don't like being touched by a man."

Simon's face fell. "Of course. I understand."

Ryan shook his head. "No, you don't. It's something I have to live with and it's very difficult considering...well, I've had feelings for men. I just can't act on them."

"Oh. Well, that's a surprise." He stood and paced a bit. "I need to go meet the others. Why don't you stay put and get some rest."

Ryan nodded and wordlessly went into the bathroom and shut the door.

Simon forced himself not to cry and went to see his friends. What would he tell them about their talk? He had no idea how things could get worse.