May All Be Pain or Love

Author's Notes: Yay for filler chapters XD This chapter was completely revamped from the original version. Hence why it took so long to update. But thanks to my wonderful beta macabre_love who gave me ideas for it I got through it. Thank you so much to the people that reviewed on my last chapters


Chapter 2


The residence was still; the men had gone back into the corridors and their barracks to make themselves scarce so that they could whisper their crude theories behind the family's back. For some, the loyalty-substandard or enduring-wasn't expected to hold. No one had even counted on it. It was out in the open now, and if there was to be any further betrayal it would be received with a grain of salt.

Kyo knew this now. He was thinking, still lording himself over the things he'd put in the ground, smirking as though he'd buried his enemies in that bantam tomb. I had already made up my mind to call for an internment. No one leaves the residence unless instructed, no one in, no one out. The little oni's mind was running in a completely different direction, however. All this I could tell by the earnest look in his eye. "That's it." he mumbled.

He pushed himself upright with an arm on one side, canted in this posture as if he wasn't unanimous in the decision to
stand. When he had settled himself finally and was ready to convey to me his thoughts, he only said to me, "Go to Gion Kobu, or get someone who will go for you...no, never-mind. I don't trust anyone else. Just go yourself."

"And where am I going? Just to Gion? For no reason?" I raised my eyebrow.
"To the Umeda okiya. Apologize to the mother for rushing her girls off and ask that she send them round again later this
evening." He nodded to himself as though he were confirming his decision.
"Kyo?" I asked. I thought his confidence was unjustified, acting as though he buried his worries with those caterpillars.
He smirked. "You think I'm going mad, don't you?"
"Not at all. I just don't understand. Wouldn't it be better if we kept everyone in?" I replied.
Kyo shook his head. "That will only make everyone uneasy. Mistrust doesn't need to rise any higher here. It will only
make people nervous. Go get the girls and tell the servants to set up the reception hall to entertain. Ask for a shamisen and tell the cooks to make a large dinner."

Shock. What on earth was he doing? I had attempted to change his mind, but he said, "Make it a present to my samurai." And then I realized his intention. He wasn't interested in playing host at all. One of our top men had betrayed him, he wanted them to see that it hadn't intimidated him at all, that he would carry on without awarding it another thought, in spite of the fact that it had hurt him. I didn't question him further. Instead I walked to the temple and had a hand cart take me to the okiya.

Despite the fact that I understood his reasoning-if it was in-fact his own and not my own presumptions at work-and that I had immediately done as I was asked, I still felt awkward; as though he were hiding his true thoughts on the matter from me. At the same time I was dispirited in that he had to worry about such a close betrayal. Maybe that was what really made me want to show him that I was still here, no matter what other person was not. Only problem was that I didn't know where to begin.

I walked through gojo-zaka on my way back home, where the smell of smoke and incense bathed the air, travelling all the way from the temple just up the hill and the heady aroma of various foods made my stomach grumble in appreciation. The market was open-air, sitting on the slanted street below Kiyomizudera, selling everything a person could desire, save for
things of the flesh: textiles, hand made kimono, jewelry, geta, ornaments, fans, gilded weaponry, even various confectionary shops and noodle stands.

Small stalls were arranged in lines with little gaps between them leading to back alleys or dead end streets, or
sometimes they would run backward where more rows of vendors sat behind. It was afternoon so the area was absolutely overflowing with activity, people shouting over one another to bargain their way to a better price. Children whining for the
parents to buy them something sweet. I was pushing my way through the people, another faceless form lost in the frenzy. At
such a close vantage no one cared who you were, the crowd blurred past so quickly you could have barely recognized a friend, much less the face of a stranger. I wandered slowly, not in any rush to get home, admiring the exotic odor of the bazaar, but something on the sidelines caught my eye.

An aged woman sat behind a covered table, various antiquated jewelry laid out on display, all had been polished up and
prepared for resale. The selection was stunning, mostly gold with a few silver pieces carefully placed to break the monotony. The sign that was nailed to the table said that selection was salvaged from a cargo ship carrying jewels from India that had crashed off shore and had been seized before the embargo that ceased foreign trade was put into effect in 1633.

One piece in particular had caught my eye, the thing that had drawn me in, a long gold chain. It was wrapped around a wooden post in perfect mimicry of an alloyed collar, but it was wrapped so many times I couldn't be sure how long it really was. Perhaps at first glance I had thought it to be solid, a waterfall of gold acting the timeless accessory of a cut bit of birch. Absolutely apart from the post, an independent star of shimmering richness. But there was nothing to hold it together but for the way it wound, proximity and constraint keeping it clinging to itself. The thing was brassy and old, but still gleaming in full glory, the weathered look of it only adding to its charm. Thin lines of red stained the surface like watercolor so that the thing somewhat resembled a golden flame. It was subtle but the draw was so intense I immediately thought of Kyo.

A gift might have been just the thing to distract him from the otherwise taxing day, and I could only imagine how delicious the chain would looked wrapped around that beautifully sensual neck. I smiled to the lady- who returned it with a bright, toothless grin-and pointed it out.
"How much for this one?"
"700 mon." She said in a meek but matter of fact voice. My eyes widened but I had to remind myself it was for Kyo and anything
was worth it if it could make him smile.
"You're kidding." I retorted, hoping she'd come down on the price even a little. She shook her head.
"It is supposed to have belonged to a Hindu princess."she said mysteriously. "Royal price for royal jewels."
Bitterly I nodded and paid her. In no way concealing the devious smile that crept on her face from reaping such a price, she
picked up one of the hand made boxes for sale on the table, made of cherry wood, covered in red silk, two embroidered pheonixes emblazoned with gold feathering along its top. She handed me the box and smiled. "For your gift.
Consider it a token of appreciation for buying such an expensive treasure." she said. "At that price you keep me in good spirits for a long time, young man. Thank you."

Smiling, I thanked her and moved to continue on my way home, ducking
through an alley that led to Kiyomizu-michi so I wouldn't have to walk home in the crowd. only thinking of seeing the look on
his face. But my advance was impeded by another body as I tried to move through the
little back street.

"Ah, Kaoru!" exclaimed the body and I turned my head toward the voice.
"It's been awhile, Niikura-san." the familiar face smiled under his shaggy hair. Hizen Hirota...
"Hirota! This is a surprise." I said warily. After all even being an old friend, he was still one of Ryozen's retainers and I
worried that he would cause a scene.
"You look like you've seen a ghost. Settle down, man. No quarrel." He laid a hand on my shoulder.
I nodded and then he pointed at the box in my hand. "What's that? From that shop there?" he gestured towards the vendor I had
bought the gift from.
"A gift." was all I said.
He raised an eyebrow. "Expensive gift. Must be some girl."
I stammered, trying to think of an explanation that would ease his curiosity. I didn't want to tell him I had bought it
for Kyo. It would only get back to the other samurai and then they'd think Kyo even more a target than before.
"It's for my grandmother." I lied. "It's her birthday soon."
He seemed to accept the tale easy enough and gave a nod. "Haven't seen her since we were kids. I didn't know she was still
alive."
"Oh yes. She lives down by the river...for several years... I'm on my way to see her now." I said. Though I hadn't been but
telling him so had reminded me that I was due for another visit. It had been almost a month since I'd spoken to her.
I looked at him curiously all of a sudden, not wanting to bring up a sore subject, but wondering so hard the pressure was
eating my brain. "Hizen...can I ask you something?"
He gave me a suspicious look, but allowed me leave to speak.
"The seven slain..." he tensed when I'd said it.
"What of them?"
"Do you know who ordered the attack?" I asked.
"Your master, wasn't it?" he scowled. "I told you, Kaoru. It was only a matter of time before that demon dipped his claws in
some real blood. I'd watch my back if I were you."
"It wasn't him." I said almost angrily. " We only found out about it an hour or so ago. Someone has betrayed our house. It's
the only explanation..."
I stared at the box in my hands sadly.
"Internally?" he asked. I nodded.
"Do you know who?"
When I shook my head his face seemed to have gotten smaller. Maybe it was that he had scrunched it up in thought.
"You know I can't let this go...Hizen..."
In a shoddy attempt to calm me he laid a hand on my shoulder. "And what if you can't figure it out? The traitor could be long
gone by now...or plotting something else...And what if our houses clash? Eh? Will you throw your life away for it? My advice to you is to wait this out. If we war, I'd advise you to go ronin. I know I will."
I shot up. "Abandon my family? Are you insane?"
He smirked. "Suit yourself, my sense of honor may not be as strong as yours, Kaoru, but at least I know when to abandon it in favor of my life. You may live by your honor, but I don't. 'To die for my lord is the essence of bushido'...Is that not it?"
"Something like that." I said.
"That's not for me. And it shouldn't be for you either."
"But it is. Look, I will tell you this now. Kyo-sama, he did not order those attacks. They didn't come from me, or from
Toshiya, Shinya or Dai. Someone is setting us up. Know that. If your Lord comes for us it's because he bought into some intricately orchestrated charade. If we find the person who is behind this, believe me, we'll turn him over to you after we're through with him. You can disembowel his bloody corpse for all I care, but I'm telling you now that no one of us harmed your men."
"I believe you Kaoru!" he said in his defense, "But, like you, I have to do what my Lord says. If he says we come for your master's head...then..."
"Then the next time we meet we'll be enemies." he looked surprised. I pushed myself away from the wall I was leaning on.
"I'm sorry, Hirota, but I won't let anyone near him. Come to me as a friend, but if you ever set foot in my house with sword unsheathed I will have you killed."
"Don't you think you're being a little unreasonable?" he questioned.
"No. I'm just protecting my family. Please understand."
He cocked his head to the side. "Well, I understand, but I can't say I agree. Maybe I'll convey your sentiments to my lord in
a slightly less threatening manner."
I smiled as best as I could. "By all means."


o o o

As the afternoon progressed I began to feel dizzy. It seemed to go back to something my mother had told me, about how I would always worry myself into illness when I was little, that I would quite literally make myself sick. Which, I suppose only helped enforce the old adage. Apparently it was something I never fully grew out of. I decided I had best go and visit my grandmother since the idea was already in my mind. Some many years ago, when I was just a teenager, she had finally married
that old Somura who lived down the road. Though a year earlier he had died at the ripe old age of 92 and she was since a
widow for the second time. Really I felt heartbroken for her. I could no more imagine losing two loves than only one. I didn't know my grandfather but the way my grandmother spoke of him was as one would speak of the deities. She loved him well into a form of worship. I suppose my slant on love was very much the same.

Now, at 86,my grandmother was still a woman of strong constitution, but her emotional frailty seemed to be scorched into her skin. When I showed up at her door she was positively alight with happiness. You see, because I had followed Kyo instead of my family, and since that decision set them against me, I had to make the conscious choice to leave them behind. But the force that drove me toward Kyo was as strong as if a howling wind had picked me up out of my own home and placed me by his side. Because of this resolve to stay with him, I hadn't seen my mother and father in seven years, but I had made it a point
to visit my grandmother as often as I was able.

The house she lived in was rickety, repairs neglected due to her time-weakened body. The paint was flaking on the
timbers, the garden was in very bad dissaray, but still the little wildflowers grew near the walkway and the charm of it all was without age. I was careful to remove my shoes and then bow properly before coming into her home and then to enter and bow again. She took my hand with her smaller, wrinkled one and took me inside, making me sit at the table. Then she poured me some tea and lowered herself shakily to the floor and smiled at me brightly.

"It's been such a long time." She began in her sing-song voice. "You must tell me how you have been. Come, come, drink your
tea, don't let it cool."
At her insistence I picked up my cup and drank.
"Well," I said. "I don't think you'd find my life terribly interesting."
She laughed and patted my hand that lay on the table. "Look who you're speaking to! All my friends tell about their lives and
it would seem all they do is grow older and complain far more often than they need to. You're far more interesting than those old busy bodies. Their grandsons are farmers and merchants. What do they know about being interesting."
I chuckled. "And what do you do I wonder, if not grow old and complain like the others?" I joked.
She put down her cup excitedly, as though she was going to tell me a big, wonderful secret. "Just last week, there was a bird!"
I blinked. "A bird?"
She shook her head emphatically in something that resembled a nod. "And it had a beard just like your grandfather. White and
everything. Comes here ever day and makes noises by the wash basin. Your grandfather was always very clean." she nodded once again. "I've been speaking to him all this time, though he may not be the most articulate conversationalist. You must have a talk with him sometime, you've never spoken with your grandfather."
Before you think that my father's theories were correct and that she had indeed entered the ravages of senility , let me tell
you she was an avid Buddhist and believed in the idea of reincarnation with her whole heart. To someone else a bird may have been a very poor incarnation of her beliefs, but she really did love birds, and she loved my grandfather which was two for two. And she believed that when he came back he would wear a skin that she would recognize so that she knew it was him. And
no-matter how strange the idea seemed, I realized I was in no position to call her out on it since I was in love with what I
claimed to be a demon. Besides, at that point anything that made her happy I did my best to believe in whole heartedly. Why not a bird? Better a bird than a flower, or a spot of grass-which she also loved-which would die with the first drought or heavy frost.

"No. I haven't. Maybe I will whenever he comes back." I said, humoring her with a broad smile.
She laughed then and placed her hand on mine. "Now," she said. "You must tell me these things, because I've been hearing all
sorts of nasty rumors through the bakufu."
"Like what?" I asked, hardly expecting the answer she gave me.
"Well, one of my good friends, Mrs. Nitta, who lives near the village-" she paused. "Do you know her?"

I shook my head, vaguely wondering if Mrs. Nitta was a person or an animal.
"Oh. Well, she's not a very clever woman, but she seems to be in the know on everything that goes on in the city. Probably
because her husband works in the magistrates office. He has a dreadfully big mouth on him. Anyway, they've been hearing some awful things about your house."
I stiffened.
"I don't believe most of it, of course. They're saying that sweet fair haired youkai is going around ordering the murders of..."
I cut her off. "Don't believe it, baba."
She slapped her hands on the table, the cups clanking against the table as the rickety old legs wobbled. "Well, of course I
didn't! And I told that old nag that her head was full of rocks and nothing else! She said that samurai shouldn't be under the lordship of an oni, and I said to her, I said: 'When the character of a man isn't clear to you, look at his friends.' If a person as sweet as you can give up your family to follow someone like that, then he must be an honorable person."
"I'm sure he'd appreciate that. The general opinion of him has been mixed as of late. I wonder if my parents have heard
this."
She nodded emphatically. "Of course they have. Everyone has. Ryozen's samurai are wasting no time in spreading the word. But
don't waste your time thinking about what they say. You already know they'd be thrilled to see you fail, just as that dried up old prune, Nitta, would. But I know better don't I?"
"I'm glad to hear that." I murmured. "I have a feeling things are going to get worse."
"Eh?" Her old eyes widened. "I don't think you'll have much to worry about. You're much more ingenious than they are."
All I could bring myself to do was nod.
She gave me a bright smile. "And your grandfather, oh bless his soul, he told me 'Now, Yumi, don't worry about that boy.' And
I'm not going to."
Before I could finish my chuckle she looked down at the box in my lap. "Oh what a beautiful box. What did you buy?"
"Oh." I said, startled and opened the lid so that she could see it.
"It's a gift for..."
She smiled devilishly. "That Kyo boy." I coughed up the tea I was sipping, but she ignored me and held it up to the light. "It's perfectly normal for a boy your age to have these feelings, youkai are sensual creatures. I remember once, when I was younger, there was this beautiful fox spirit that lived in the woods behind our house, ooh he was absolutely brash, dear, and such a sinful spirit. That was before I met your grandfather though, you shouldn't say anything about that when you talk to him."
"Ba-chan, please." I groaned.
Her raspy laugh charmed the room. "I will have you know I've always been a very loving woman."
"I can tell." I said, trying to keep from falling into fits of laughter. "Father always said that was your curse."
"Curse?" She made a face. "Nonsense. He never did appreciate the wilder side of life, determined to walk the straight and narrow and fall in line with the rest of those uptight merchants. He certainly didn't get that from either one of us." She said referring to
herself and grandfather. "I guess it must skip a generation, because you've always been attracted to the unusual. Which reminds me, is that Kyo boy still as pretty as he used to be?"
It was at this time I thought I had better set my cup down in case she said anything like this again, and then I would have surely broken it.
Blushing I nodded, "More so."

We spoke for awhile, about many things. Loneliness seemed to overtake her at last. My parents hadn't spoken to her in
years...it was because of me. Only because they disagreed with the choices I had made and wanted to hurt me. And they knew that alienating her would hurt me deeply. Now, with Somura dead and I, her only line to keeping her 'never die' attitude she was slowly giving in to her seclusion. Finally, she asked me if she could come and live at the house. I tried to reason with her, I told her that it would be dangerous in these coming months, but she wouldn't hear it. In the end I agreed to speak to Kyo about it,
understanding that at her age she needed all the company she could get.


I walked home, watching the sun yawn in the sort of way that it cast down a bright shock of light and then swallowed it up again, back into the clouds, the rays glinting off the silver, zig zag ornaments that hung on the eaves of the north gate of the temple. Kiyomizu was bleeding people. A rush flying down the steps and spilling back into the city streets. All talking, some smiling, some worried, some filled with the barest of hope for their troubles. I had thought about going to pray myself but I didn't want to contend with the outpouring of people and I knew there must have been someone waiting for me to come back to the house.

When I arrived at the house I snuck into Kyo's room and sat his gift on the vanity, right next to his masks, knowing that
there was no way he would miss it. Even the box seemed to go well with the room, complimenting the colors painted on the furniture. It belonged here. I thought a moment and decided that I would leave a note to go with it so he understood why I had bought it. I scribbled a quick message on a discarded sheet of paper and set it on top of the box, standing then and leaving it to be discovered when Kyo dressed for the night. Silently looking forward to seeing the expression on his face when he found it and the sensual way it would rest against his throat.

My scrawling kanji having read:
'"An antique treasure for an old world neck. Know that this chain embodies my thoughts of you, a glorious find in amidst a selection of pieces as dull and dreary as the decaying ship they went down with. A salvaged treasure only made more beautiful by its owner. Please keep it close to your heart and know that no matter what happens, whatever you lose, know that the important things will always find their way back to you, if they can ever bring themselves to leave you at all. Kaoru."


o o o


Stifled laughter feathered from one of the partitioned rooms as I made my way back through the halls. Deep sounds of secret mirth. I kept my footsteps light and walked to the cracked door, realizing the sound was coming from the courtyard on the other side, not a room at all. The wind swept through the cherry trees, blowing petals round and round like a rose colored typhoon. Risible footsteps splashed into the koi pond, and when I looked I found that Dai was sitting in the water looking stunned, but happy, laughing up at the other person on the flat stone bridge. It wasn't really a "bridge" per se, more like a series of
rectangular stone slabs joined together in a zig zag pattern that just happened to cross the water. Made according to superstition. Something about how evil spirits could only walk in straight lines and if any were following you walking zig zagged would throw them away from you and they would tumble into the water. Which sort of made me laugh at the thought that Dai must have been Shinya's evil spirit, as the thin boy stared down at him like he was a cruel apparition, though he was nothing more than a prankster.

"You look good wet." Shinya said sneeringly. He smiled his crooked grin and hopped off the bridge and into the water, sloshing
and splashing as he made his way toward the taller man, finally collapsing on him as Dai pulled his arm to bring him down. Shinya had immediately latched onto him, kissing his mouth hungrily, enjoying their closeness, even if it was in the water. Finally he began laughing again as one of the smaller fish began mouthing against his bare toes causing him to erupt into fits.

Dai shooed the thing away from his lover, his broad smile lighting up the growing dusk. "I'm the only one who can suck on you, ne, Shin-chan?" he commented deviously. Shinya giggled, "Well you'd best prove that to the fish before they try and harass me again, shouldn't you?"
Dai flipped him over so that he was pinning Shinya to the banks of the koi pond and ripped off the other's robes, kissing down the exposed flesh as Shinya moaned underneath him. The proof of their passion in the way their bodies throbbed, hard and wet, with all a lover's warm acceptance.
I slid the door shut, not wanting to watch anymore. I'd have liked to think it didn't bother me that I was the only one who couldn't enjoy my lover without worrying about being caught. It should have made things more intense, the sneaking around, the desperateness that was cultured inside of us, wanting to taste each other in an explosion of passion, it should have been seductive, but I hated it. Oftentimes Kyo kept himself so detached that he rarely ever worked up the desire to touch me. And I suffered it with a smile.

It was strange to think of him as my lover when we hadn't touched one another in almost seven months. No, not strange, hurtful. And I couldn't shake the feeling of being undervalued. But at the same time the fond looks he gave me were still flowing steadily, and I could see my own self worth still existent in his eyes, even if the words that accompanied them weren't even so affectionate as stripped significances of a friend's clemency. Everything was dispassionate, apathetic.

Merciful, passionate soul, give rise to pretension and the thirst of a love born out of a young age.


o o o

That evening I knelt in the big meeting hall of the house feeling out of place amongst all the vibrance when compared to the geisha and my master. Kyo was wearing a kimono of ivory silk with a large phoenix design in red all along the lower half. The gilded wrapping taking me back to the box that was lying in his room. This was all tied together with a red intricate obi that gathered in the back in a great trail as would a maiko's. His hannya mask lay beside his bent knees as he sat on the tatami, the great mass of gold was tied up in knots, section by section, his bangs and two thick locks near the front were left loose and fell over his shoulders. The chain I had given him was nowhere on his form. I had placed the box so well that he could not have overlooked it, the absence of the gift seemed a direct revolt against me, or that it was an insignificant thing to a man who had everything. This ornamental serpent.

I must have looked cheap by comparison -- wearing a solid black kimono with the crest of our house on the back and collar and hakama. My dark hair was pulled back into a high ponytail, the bottom of which hit against the higher part of my midsection. Though I thought I looked a great deal better than the majority of the room's inhabitants, excluding only a few. The geiko were dressed in brightly colored kimono: pale blues, pinks and yellows boasting soft patterns reflecting the season. Their highly ornamental hair was decorated with silk sakura blossoms (because it was April) and red coral hana kanzashi. In front the silver flutters or bira chimed against each other to bring a sweet and subtle noise into the air. Right away I scanned the room of its other occupants, which included the previously invited samurai (four in sum), immediate retainers ( of which category my closest friends fell in), and a few of our most trusted attendants-- as well as our few kunoichi that Kyo held in highest regards. These were: Midori Togarashi, Eri Asada, Ai Sagara and Jyun Ietomi.

We were all seated in a long row around the room, which was large enough to fit the fourteen in the room as well as any additional attendees that happened to wander in. Each of us had a black lacquer bento tray in front of us as well as several assorted bowls and utensils all set out for dinner. While we ate the geiko poured sake, told stories and generally chatted amongst themselves. All the while, I payed very close attention to Kyo's eyes. The way they flickered up from his cup to observe his guests meticulously, served to remind me that this was not a celebration, despite how it seemed. And no one else seemed to be the wiser.

After dinner we watched as the geiko performed a dance entitled Gionkouta [the ballad of Gion] and then another after
a round of sake called Nanoha [the story of the butterfly and the cole blossom]. But, all throughout the dances I was still absorbed in my studies of Kyo. He seemed so very courtly as he sat neatly folded on his cushion, but then after awhile --once the geiko began to pour the sake -- he relaxed and laughed whenever they would tell their jokes. His secret comments made to the geisha and not to me. My demeanor was something I was beginning to become concerned over. Seriousness had seemed to spread inside me like a cancer ever since Ryuta had brought that accusation into the house. I was beginning to worry if I would ever become myself again, or if this deadpan persona was the real me. Mainly I had begun to worry if Hizen had been right.
Would I really obsess over this like I did everything else until I made myself socially unreachable to my friends? I wondered
what they were thinking.

I thought that maybe I could figure it out, but when I looked up from my cup all I saw was group of boisterous persons engaged in lively conversation. They were playing some game in between rounds but I was so lost in the conversation I couldn't make out what kind. After they had begun to wind down Yuka fetched another bottle of sake and set it on the table, announcing the start of another game.
"What's this one, now?" asked a samurai named Satoru.
Yuka pursed her lips together "Well...I can't think of any." She laughed.
Masako clapped her hands loudly and proclaimed; "Oh! I've thought of one." She huddled up closer to the table. "We shall
each say two things that we have never done before..." she paused for dramatic effect. "One of them will be a lie."
"You mean one of them will be something we have done?" asked another samurai.
"Well of course, Rio-san" said Masako. "You see, once the person has told both it's up to us to figure out which is the
truth and which is a lie. Whoever guesses wrong will have to take another drink."
Rio laughed. "I don't think I should have very much more to drink."
"Then you had better guess right if you don't want to be sick." said Yuka playfully.
"So you mean us to guess which statement we think is a lie?" asked Eri.
"Exactly. Then we shall ask for the truth and see if we guessed accordingly." explained Masako.
"Dai-san, you're the first." said Seikou.
Dai's uninformed smile crept upon his face, sinking in to his expression with a seedy sluggishness. "Count." he told the girls
and all at once they giggled and called; "Ichi"
"I have never won a Kendo match." he said through a stifled laugh.
"Ni!", called the girls.
He thought a moment. "I have never...seen a woman naked."
The room erupted into fits of haughty laughter.
"Well that's obviously the lie." said Toshiya.
"Are you sure? I'm not very good at Kendo." Die tried not to smile.
"Everyone guess now!" cried Masako.
"Number two." was the consensus and Seitou prodded Dai. "Now you have to tell us. Which is the lie?"
"I have never won a match..." he began, much to everyone's surprise. "...but only when fighting against a select few. So
the second is my lie."
Nobody drank.
After awhile the rounds began to hurry past, the room and its inhabitants began to grow increasingly tipsy, but for the geiko who had stopped taking penalty shots and were now simply watching and goading us on as the topics became more and more indecent.
"Ichi!" Came another shout, this one much less unruly.
"I have never removed my clothes in public." said Shinya seriously. Dai held back a grin, knowing Shinya was being playful in
his wording. No, he hadn't removed them, Dai had.
"Ni!"
"I have never kissed a man."
Another fit of laughter.
"One. It's number one. That's obvious because you would have had to take off your clothes at the onsen."
Shinya's lip turned up just slightly, his dashing way of smiling.
"Drink. You've all got it wrong."
A disastrous inquiry of noise came thundering from the girls and a few of the men.
"Who did you kiss?!"
Shinya shot up in his seat adopting an authorative posture. "I don't think it was in the rules to say that much or give an
explanation to anything. Anyway, it's Kaoru's turn."
I thought a moment while the girls yelled again.
"Ichi!"
"....I've never set foot in Pontocho." Which was of course an astounding concept to half the men in the room should they guess
as much. Pontocho was the red light district, full of tayuu and brothels, but I had gone there on occasion in my younger days to ferry messages to a few of Dai's favorite ladies.
Satoru laughed. "That is the most brazen lie I have ever heard in all my life. You must be ashamed for picking something so
obvious."
"Ni"

I took a moment to think, the sake already muddling my rationality. And indeed all I could manage to think of was how hurt I
was that Kyo had ignored my gift, and how completely cold of him-I thought- that he had.
"I have never made love to a man." I spat, hoping he could catch some venom in my voice. Hoping it was enough to tell him
that I was hurt without ever saying it aloud. But once I'd said it I realized I had drank more than my share for the evening. And would I have had the capacity to reflect on my insecurities I would have been pressured to look to Kyo, but the sake had dulled my senses and I only sat in a daze trying to will myself into a more free-spirited mood.
"Then I am correct and the first must be a lie...I can't imagine Kaoru-san having such a leaning."
Already I had regretted drinking anything. I couldn't believe I had been so bold.
"Imagine that" said Midori. "A samurai that's never visited a jorou-ya! I never thought I'd live to hear it."
Since they had all settled on the fact that I must've been lying about having gone to Pontocho they never asked me to confirm, and I should've kept quiet and let them believe it but for some reason that probably went back to my outstanding record of honest service, I decided it was in the rules that I had to tell my lie and if I was going to play a game I was going to play it right. Besides the cruel whispers in me told me to drive the non-caring response in my master's direction. If he was so wary of being found out let him squirm. I wasn't going to say his name, but he didn't know that. For all the sake I had had, and he had seen me drink I could have been expected to scream it out in a fit of honesty.
"I have never been inside a jorou-ya." I said. "But I've certainly been to Pontocho."
The room was silent.
"You can't be serious." said Satoru. "You've...with a man?"
I nodded sincerely, wishing then that I hadn't said a thing.
"You're joking, Kaoru!! You!?" I had no idea what could be so surprising about that.
"Sou da. But I'm not saying any more so you might as well move on." I said seriously.
After a moment of completely stunned silence the girls decided I wasn't going to elaborate and went to the next person. While
I was trying hard not to look at anything but my cup I heard them say; "Well...in that case it's your turn Miyamoto-san."
My eyes flicked to my side where Kyo sat. He slid a long tapered nail along his lips in thought. All of a sudden I was
completely sober and entirely aware of his expression which hadn't shown even a hint of amusement.
"Ichi." said Yuka and Masako together.
"I..." he thought. "I have never taken a life..." he trailed off...and before the girls could announce the count he added his
second. "...and I have never loved anyone in my life." He looked at me sternly, absolutely seething.

Inside my body I felt my heart burst with such a viciousness that it seemed an assailant was thrashing in the carnage of
it. I had seen him kill...seen the venomous way he sunk his taloned hand into a body, crushing their organs with his bare fist. Like a beast. I'd seen his voice nearly turn a person inside out with pain until they bled from every opening. It was such a lie that the truth made my body cave in on itself. And I instantly regretted having such a vengeful tongue.
"That one's easy." said Ryuta. "The first is the lie."
"But then the truth is so sad. Miyamoto-san can love me." laughed Yuka.
"I wouldn't mind."
Kyo smirked and shook his head before standing.
"Where are you going?" asked Shinya.
"To bed. You can continue without me." said Kyo. Then he was gone. Before I could stand Dai grabbed my arm. "And you're
sneaking off too?"
"He's upset." I whispered. "I should talk with him." I walked outside only to see him trailing a few paces in front of me.

"Kyo..." When I called his name he turned and glared at me.
"What possessed you to mention that!?"
"Twelve cups of sake." I stated flatly. I wasn't going to give him any other reason if he didn't care enough to figure it out
on his own. "I never mentioned your name."
"You weren't supposed to be drinking." he responded. "You were supposed to be watching them, not playing with them."
"That would've been more than a little suspicious, don't you think?"
Vexed, he looked away.
"And what about what you said?"
"What about it?" he sneered. I closed my eyes sharply.
"Never mind..." I growled and turned to leave him.
"Kaoru..."
I turned. "Yes?"
He didn't look at me. "They were both lies." I looked at him questioningly. "You didn't expect I would play by the
rules did you?" I didn't say a word.
He sighed. "I'm sorry I made you believe otherwise...even for a second. I'm just...frustrated, angry that one of those people
in there is acting like a friend to this family and all the while they mean to destroy us from the inside and then you had to go and say...Look, I didn't mean to take it out on you... Don't think you mean nothing to me."

TBC~


words to know:
kunoichi ~ female ninja
jorou-ya ~ lit "a shop for prostitutes" a brothel. jorou is the term for a low priced whore.
onsen ~ bathhouse
Post Notes: Please Review. It helps me want to do more of this. It's alot of work so I like to know that it's appreciated. And any constructive criticism is very very welcome.