Should the World Fail To Fall Apart

Title: Should the World Fail To Fall Apart
Author: chemical_muse
Pairing: Gerard Way/Mikey Way
Rating: NC-17
Summary: An interlude by the lake.
Warnings: WAYCEST. Don't like it, don't read it.
Author's notes: Still Gerard's POV.
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.


I don't say a word, I just twine my fingers through Mikey's and lead him across the darkened parking lot in the direction of that glimmer of water. I hope it's some kind of lake or whatever, because there's just something about water that always makes me feel peaceful. With all the stuff that's been going through my head the last couple of days, I could use some inner peace.

I glance over at Mikey, and I can't help but smile. He's wearing this look of intense concentration, like he's having to pay attention to where he's going. He does, really. He's never been able to see well in the dark, even with his glasses. It's a good thing I'm here to guide him.

But isn't that what I've always done? I've always been there to guide Mikey. To help him through everything, from homework when we were kids, to dealing with the overly grabby fans at shows these days. I've always helped him out, and I always will.

I even helped him through his first time with a man. Well .... I'm the only man he's ever been with. So I'm not sure if I should congratulate myself for that, or blame myself. Maybe I've spoiled my little brother for all other men. A really selfish part of me hopes that I have. I can't stand the thought of another man touching my Mikey.

That thought makes me physically sick. Somebody else kissing those perfect, petal-like lips. Somebody touching that velvety skin, running their hands through his cornsilk hair .... somebody else thrusting into him, feeling the tight heat of his body around them, hearing his little moans and whimpers. My Mikey making those sounds for somebody else.

God, no. I don't want to think about that.

"Gerard?"

Mikey's voice startles me back to reality. I look over at him; he's walking slowly beside me, a frown on his face. I realize that I'm clutching his hand as if he's a life preserver and I'm a drowning man. Holy shit. I can't let myself get carried away with my thoughts like that again.

"It's okay, babe. Just thinking." I give him my most reassuring smile, in spite of the fact that I don't feel reassuring. Those thought of him with another guy are still too close, still too disturbing. Make them go away, Mikey, let me hold you and kiss you and undress you and make love to you, let me bury myself in you until I lose myself and all I can see or hear or feel is you. Make the monsters stay in the closet and under the bed, don't let them come out and get me.

"Thinking about what?" His voice is soft, hesitant. He's got this sweet, almost naive way of talking. Almost like he's afraid to say anything sometimes. "Us?"

I don't want to tell him the truth. I don't want him to worry, to think that I have any doubts about him and me. Even though I do. Mikey doesn't need to know that. He doesn't need to know that I'm riddled with doubts, even when I don't want to be.

I know it's selfish of me to not want to tell him. But I can't. I don't want him to lose his confidence in me. I was always afraid that would happen when we were kids. I was always afraid of losing Mikey's respect, afraid of losing the one person who always looked up to me and thought I was great, no matter what.

I can't give up that look in his eyes, that look that says I'm amazing. I want to still be his big brother, the person he looks up to. The person he needs, the one he goes to for reassurance. I need to be that to him. That, and so many other things too.

It's like that song we did with the Used. The cover song, by Queen and David Bowie. "Under pressure, pressing down on me, pressing down on you, no man ask for ...." Those words hold so true to my life. Mine and Mikey's both. We're always under pressure. We always have to live up to expectations.

When was the last time we could really be ourselves, with no fear of retaliation? I don't remember. Even with the other guys in the band, we can only let go to a point. They know about our relationship. They have to. It's not like we can keep it from them when we're fucking in the bunk and they're trying to sleep. And they accept us. But there's still that wall between us, that little bit of uneasiness that won't let us unwind and be completely open.

I can't help sighing. Mikey looks over at me, his expression worried.

"What's wrong, Gee?" His hand grips mine more tightly. Poor baby, he looks scared. Like he's afraid of what I'm going to say.

"I've just got too much on my mind. That's why I wanted to come out here tonight." We've been walking through some trees, and suddenly we're out of them, into a clearing. I was right. It's a man-made lake, an expanse of water glimmering in the moonlight. "I needed to get away from everything." I turn to face him, my fingers still twined through his. "With you."

Another one of those beautiful smiles, that make my heart turn over and my breath catch in my throat. God, Mikey's so beautiful when he smiles. Like an angel. My angel. Fallen from heaven into my arms.

I don't remember the precise second we ended up in each other's arms. All I remember is pulling Mikey to me, kissing him, moving my hands over his body. Pulling his shirt off, fumbling with his belt buckle and getting his jeans unzipped. Slipping my hand inside them, hearing his soft gasp when my fingers wrap around his cock. His own hands tugging at my shirt, pulling it off, his soft, slightly calloused fingers getting my pants undone and pushing them down.

Shit. Nothing for him to lay on. Oh well, I'll improvise. I push Mikey down on his back, onto our shirts, hoping it's enough of a cushion for him. Well, we've made love in more uncomfortable places than this.

God, I can't wait to be inside him. I need this. Judging from the way Mikey's spreading his legs and whimpering, he does too. But I'm not going to go too fast. Oh, no. I love teasing him, making him want me. Knowing that he needs it just as bad as I do when I finally slide into him.

At least, that's what I think I'm going to do. But I'm too hard, I need him too much. I want him too much. Fuck, I can't wait. Not with Mikey spread out in front of me and needing me as bad as I need him. All I want is to be inside him, to be part of him, now.

Fuck. No lube. I know it's going to hurt him; it hurts him even when we have it. I can't help but hesitate for a minute, not sure if I should go slow or just thrust into him and hope the pain doesn't last long.

Mikey decides for me. "Gee .... please," he whimpers, pushing his hips up.

There's always a little bit of a shock when I first push inside Mikey. God, he's so damn hot, so tight. It's like falling into molten lava, this incredible feeling of blending with him, becoming one. And the little thrill of pleasure when Mikey wraps his legs around my waist, like he's trying to push me deeper into him, the soft little sounds he makes. I love it all. I feel like I could make love to him forever.

I can't form any clear thoughts; all I can do is focus on the pleasure that's coursing through my body, taking me over. Mikey's hips are thrusting up against mine, meeting every movement of my body into his, urging me to go faster, harder, deeper. He doesn't have to say the words; the movements of his body under mine say everything for him. He wants this just as much as I do .... and I've never been able to refuse him anything.

With one last thrust and a cry of his name, I release into him, pressing my face into his neck and breathing hard. I think he's moaned my name too, but I can't be sure. In the post-orgasmic bliss, all I can hear is the beating of his heart, and my own.

There's silence all around us, like time has stopped. Maybe it has. Maybe we've managed to make the clock stop, just for this brief little time. Stop the world, stop everything so we can be together. If only life worked like that.

I pull out of Mikey slowly, watching his face, knowing that he's going to be sore tomorrow from being fucked without lube and hoping he's not hurting too much. But he just looks happy. Spent, pale and tired, but happy. He sits up and I move behind him, letting him lean back against me. I could sit here like this for the rest of the night. Looking out at the water, the peaceful quiet of the night all around us, with Mikey naked in my arms.

I haven't felt this peaceful in a long time. It's funny how making love can bring you this feeling of the ultimate resolution -- like you've reached some kind of epiphany in your life, in the middle of everything that's swirling around you. This perfect high that you never want to come down from. It's better than drugs, better than alcohol. Better than anything.

It's love. The kind of love I never thought I'd have, the kind of love I never want to lose. I couldn't live without this in my life. Without him in my life.

Can you get high on love? I can. I've known that ever since the first time I touched Mikey like this, pressed my lips to his and knew that this was all I ever wanted.

Mikey leans back against me, not speaking. It feels so good to have him in my arms like this. I don't want to speak, don't want to break the magical silence. I don't want to spill words into the air, meaningless words that would somehow break the spell.

I know we have to talk eventually. I just don't want to break the perfection of this moment. There's a part of me that's terrified it might never come again.

And if it doesn't, at least I have this one perfect moment to remember for the rest of my life.