All I'll Ever Love

Chapter three: Church on Sunday

P.O.V. = Mikey

The incessant beeping of my alarm clock wakes me up in the morning, way before I’d like to get up. But mom will bitch and complain if I miss church or ask to sleep another half hour. I yawn throw the blankets off me, trying to wake myself up. Regretfully I get up and walk into my bathroom, leaning on the sink and looking at myself, assessing the imperfections. The water in the shower is cool at first but it warms up pretty quickly and I step in, wishing that you were here to hold me under the spray. It’s horrible when you’re not around. I literally count down until we can sleep together and wake up at each others sides.

“Michael?” Her voice is like nails on a chalkboard, stinging my ears as she pulls me from my daydream and into my crappy Christian reality.

“I’m in the shower.” I yell, rinsing off my hair.

“Breakfast is ready.”

“I’ll be out in a minute.” Sounding as annoyed as I can and still get away with it.

After brushing my teeth and blow-drying my hair, I move back to my bedroom, putting on my stupid black suit. I hate how it makes me look all…churchy and shit.

I grab my watch and shuffle down stairs after making sure my bed's made. At the table I see Gerard, with a mouthful of sticky pancakes and he nods to me. He looks all churcy too with his hair all funky and dressed in navy blue. Just by looking at him you can tell it’s not him and that he’s meant for grungier darker things.

Our meal is filled with thank yous and your welcomes at passed syrup and butter, unlike your house where we just eat our food and shut the fuck up unless it’s important or funny. There’s no such thing as manners at your dinner table.

“Mom…” She stops chewing and swallows looking up at me.

“What dear?” God she’s annoying.

“When we get back, can I go to Franks?”

“No, Michael, you’re still got to clean our room.”

“Uh, I cleaned it three days ago.”

“Is the bed made?”

“yea.”

“What about homework.” I want to choke her.

“Done.” Lie.

“Well…I guess it’s okay. Be back”

“By super, I know.” She smiles regardless of the fact that I cut her off and I smile back. If only she knew the secrets I keep.

“I filled our a job application the other day.” Gerard says before taking another bite of his food.

“Where this time?” Dad asks, his voice full of skepticism.

“A comic book store.” He answers and nervously lowers his eyes, poking at his pancakes. For some truly odd and unknown reason, which is also completely unreasonable not to mention stupid, dad hates comic books. I don’t know why. He just does. But he hates Gerard more. These two things don’t mix.

“You know I don’t want you to work there. It’s bad enough you get away with reading that shit.”

“I need a job.”

“Get a real one. Try looking instead of being lazy.”

“I did look! What’ve you got against comic books, or me getting a job? The fact that it’s something I like?”

“Don’t argue about it.” The tone in dads voice is scary, and for a second I think he’s going to reach out and hit Gerard. But he doesn’t.

“Whatever.”

“Don’t whatever me you ungrateful shit. This is my house, my rules. Grow up. Deal with it. Get your act together, It’s disgusting.”

“Dad! Would you just leave him alone? At least he’s trying to get a job and do something good for himself.”

”Michael’s right.” Mom says earning a cold stare from my father. He shuts up and starts eating again, angrily shoving his fork into his big ugly mouth. I hope he stabs himself with it.

I hate it when they fight or argue. Gerard is a good kid and an amazing brother. He doesn’t deserve it. I can hear him crying at night sometimes, and it forces out the tears in my eyes. I hate it.

When we’re done eating mom puts all the dishes in the sink, leaving them for later and Gerard and I go get in the car.

“I’m sorry hes such an asshole.” I say trying to erase that sad look of his face but it doesn’t work.

“It’s not your fault. I’m just a fuck-up.” He slams the door as he gets in and I walk around to my side.

“Don’t say that. You’re wonderful. He’s a fuck-up.”

“Pfft. Yea…Right.”

“Do you want to go to Franks with me?” I ask trying to change the subject. “You could have dad off your back for a while.”

“And do what? Watch you guys suck face all day?”

“No…we’re going to the arcade.” I lie.

“Sure. I mean, if you don’t mind.”

“I want you to come.” He smiles at me before seeing dad walking out to the car, mom right behind him.

Needless to say church is boring and it sucks.

For the most part, I just sit with my arms crossed, counting down the minutes until I can get out of here. I hate church. It’s always the same thing over and over and over. Just when I’m ready to rip out my fingernails for entertainment, everyone starts getting up to say their good byes. Gerard and I are both in the car as soon as we can be, leaving our parents to talk to the old people as we sit and wait.

He sighs as he slouches in the seat, putting his foot on the edge of the door.

“I can’t fucking wait to get out of that house.” He says, and I sympathize with him.

“I know what you mean.” He stares blankly out his window, watching the cars go by on the street and all the old people coming out of the building.

The car pulls in the driveway and I run into the house, desperate to escape the church boy image of Sunday morning. I fix my hair and change, throwing on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that my parents probably wouldn’t approve of. Last but not least I rim my eyes with the smooth black pencil on my dresser, making the brown seem a little less dead. I slip my wristbands over my bony wrist and push the gummy bracelets over my hand. Total emo cliché but whatever. Gerard’s already waiting for me at the door when I go downstairs.

“What took so long?”

“I had to straighten my hair.”

“You know, you’re not Madonna.”

“Shut up.” I leave the house with him before mom or dad has a chance to see my make up. They hate it, and try to make me wash it off when they see I have it on because it’s ‘for girls’. Evidently they’ve never heard of punk rock or Kurt Cobain.

“I’m thinking about going to art school.” He says randomly and I nod in response, not really having a well-based opinion on it. “Well, when I get out of high school.”

“No crap.”

“There’s a good one in New York that I could probably get into.” We turn up your street as Gerard rambles on about how he’s going to pay for it, needing to get a car et cetra. I’m relieved when we get to your house, Gerard shutting up as we reach the walkway. I knock before walking inside, Gerard right behind me. Your mom told me a while ago that I didn’t have to wait for her to answer like some stranger. She’s a loving woman in that sense.

“She’s sitting in her chair watching soap operas and I greet her with a hi and a smile.

“Hey. Hi Gerard.” She says acknowledging his presence and he nods to her, biting his lip in that shy way he has. “Franks in his room. I think he’s still sleeping.”

“Kay.” I head up stairs to wake him up, Gerard staying in the living room cause that’s just the way he is.

I quietly open your bedroom door and sneak over, crawling in with you.

“Hey.” I whisper in your ear, and you turn away, completely oblivious. “Pst…Frank…Wake up.” I say quietly, moving so I can see your face. I kiss your cheek and you clench your eyes turning away again.

“Brutus don’t.” You mumble into your pillow, still asleep. You say something else but I can’t make it out.

“Frank!” I poke you in the arm and you pull away. Evidently you still think I’m the dog. “Hey Frank, c’mon, get up.” I shake you gently and you slowly start to wake up. "Nap time’s over.”

”Mikey?” You look at me blinking the sleep from your eyes. “How long have you been here.”

“Um…Like five minutes “

”Oh.” You yawn and stretch out before lying there and looking up at me.

“I brought Gerard with me.”

”Sweet.”

“Dad’s being an ass again.”

“What this time.”

”Gerard’s trying to get a job at a comic store.”

“Fucking Christ. Your parents take religion wy to serious.”

“Mom’s happy for him. Well okay with it at least. I don’t know. C’mon, I told him we’d go to the arcade or something.” You sigh and rub your eyes again.

“Okay.” Slowly you crawl off the bed, the sheets falling away from your perfectly flawless form. You dress quickly and splash water on your face to wake yourself up before brushing your teeth. When you’re ready I go to head downstairs, but you stop me. “You never kissed me good morning.” I smile shyly as you take me in our arms, pressing our lips together softly. Your warm hands slide up my back, holding me close as our lips linger, and you pull away.

”I love you.” I say, smiling.

“I love you too. Now let’s go cheer up wing-nut.”

After hours of scouring comic book stores and playing Pac*man we’d all run out of time and money.

As we walk back to your house you hold my hand all of us silent as Gerard reads his new comic book.

“You’re going to run into a telephone pole.” I tell him and he shrugs.

“I doubt it. And besides, I’m not running.” Nonetheless he looks up briefly to be sure. Your fingers are laced with mine as we walk slowly, always a few steps behind. As we near your house our foot-steps seem to come even slower, making more time to be together. Turning up your walkway you face me loosely slinging your arms around my hips. I put mine on your shoulders like we’re dancing and you smile at me.

“I love you.” You lean down and whisper the words into my ear, your voice soft, filling me with warmth and I snuggle my face into your neck.

“I love you too.” Your lips come to mine and we fall into the sweetest of kisses.

“Oh Jesus, you guys.” Gerard says, but we don’t listen. “C’mon, people can see you. I can see you and it’s not cool.” Reluctantly we pull away from each other and we laugh a little at Gerard. He’s older than both of us, but more shy and modest.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” You say and I nod.

“I love you” I press our lips together gently and you tighten your arms around me for a moment until I pull back.

“I love you too.” You say and glance over my shoulder at Gerard. “I guess you should go before his eyes get stuck like that.” I look and see his eyes tightly screwed shut and laugh. “Bye sweetie.” You whisper and kiss my cheek.

“Bye.” I smile at you and you turn to go in, our fingers touching until the last moment where they can’t reach anymore.

“You don’t have to be all over each other so much.” Gerard starts. “I almost died in the arcade, watching you with your tongue down his throat. And he practically had his hands down your pants.”

“We’re in love.” I reply and e just keeps his eyes fixed on his book.

“I know but still…not everyone is in favor of watching two dudes make-out all the time. Plus, that was an awfully long bathroom trip.” I smirk.

“I really had to pee…A lot. And I really don’t care what other people think. I’m still gonna do what makes me happy, like you and your comic books.”

“That’s not the same. If dad catches me with one he might yell at me and throw it away but if he catches you and Frank, holding hands, or kissing and fucking he’ll either kick you out or kill you.” I don’t say anything, trying to drop the subject. I know he’s right but I don’t want to admit it.

Back home we find super on the table for us. Dad’s gone and there’s a new hole in the wall. Mom will cover it up with a picture when she gets a chance. That’s usually what she does until she can get it fixed.

Gerard eats like he’s in some kind of hurry and heads up to his room with out saying a word. He can’t stand it when he knows dads pissed off. He knows he’ll get the worst of it.

I can’t get to sleep. Dad still hasn’t come home and mom’s really upset. She just stays in her room with the TV on. I get up and pace around but it doesn’t help Gerard’s already asleep.

Three o’clock. Maybe dad just won’t come back tonight. Or ever. That’d be nice.

I put n one of your shirts and lay back down, thinking of you. I wonder if you lay awake thinking of me too.

Before I get a chance to wonder further my eyes are closed and I’m drifting into sleep. Sweet simplistic sleep.