Best friends can also be best lovers

Chapter 3


When Kaoru made his way to the hotel's dining room the next morning some time after nine o'clock, no other band member - or member of their whole crew in that matter - could be seen among the other hotel guests. Kaoru shrugged. Maybe it wasn't such a miracle after all, who could possibly eat anything when suffering a hangover? Kaoru couldn't. Perhaps all the others were planning to sleep till midday when their ride arrived to escort them to the airport. Well, however, but it was definitely historical for him to be the only person with no hangover the morning after their gig.

Yawning, covering his mouth with his hand when doing so, Kaoru went to get himself a cup of tea to get his day started with a little amount of caffeine, but he had hardly managed to sit on a free table when he got company. The company of a last person who should have been awake at this time in a morning. Kyo looked quite terrible when he sat there opposite him with his red eyes and his hair sticking in every direction. But apparently he had at least showered and changed in fresh clothes because Kaoru didn't catch a smell of old booze coming from his band mate. Kyo yawned loudly and rubbed his eyes.

"How is it that you're up this early?" Kaoru asked grinning. It was great that Kyo had arrived: now he wouldn't need to ask to speak with him privately when others could hear and so he wouldn't need to explain himself. Now he could ask Kyo about him and Toshiya without anyone needing to know they had shared any kind of private conversation at all. He most definitely wouldn't let everyone to know that he didn't know the truth about his own sexuality being over thirty years old! But Kyo could be trusted, he wasn't the kind of guy who enjoyed any kind of gossip.

The small vocalist gave Kaoru a daggers glare after his not-so-good joke about his sleeping habits before muttering: "Not even I can sleep the same time someone's vomiting out his intestines in the bathroom."

" Who's vomiting...?"

Kaoru could see from Kyo's face that the vocalist was a little embarrassed and he soon avoided Kaoru's gaze.

"Well, after seeing what you did last night it can't be a big surprise to you that we... Me and Toshiya... have slept in the same hotel room sometimes during this tour." Kaoru couldn't find anything to say to that because it was really very rare to see Kyo feeling so uneasy no matter what. This thing between Kyo and their bassist however seemed to be something Kyo was very sensitive about.

"It must have been a real shock to you..." Kyo continued his muttering. " Of course it was a shock! You're the straightest man in this band and having to watch how everybody else goes for cock... You shouldn't have had to witness that..."

"Kyo... Well, of course it was quite shocking to see what I did yesterday", Kaoru admitted when he finally found his voice and Kyo glanced at him little hesitantly. "It was a shock because I... always thought you are straight. But for exactly that reason... Uh, you probably think I'm being very rude for asking something like this but... how did you know? I mean... did you know even before Toshiya? How did you notice you're not straight but..."

He let his voice go down when he noticed how bewildered Kyo looked. The younger man stared at suspiciously, clearly wondering if Kaoru had completely lost his mind for wanting to know something like that.

"Why the hell do you want to know?" Kyo finally huffed and Kaoru knew he couldn't make the vocalist talk unless he himself first opened up to him. He quickly made sure no one was near enough their table to hear the conversation and inhaled deeply, little unsure how to start. It wasn't really like him to open up to anyone about his personal life, after all.

"This must sound idiotic but... even though you all seem to think I'm the straightest guy in this band, I... Well, how can I know if I really am? Because... I care about this one guy a lot", Kaoru said quietly, feeling himself quite stupid. Kyo was staring at him with his eyes wide.

"But I don't know how I care about him!" he soon continued, desperately. "I thought I care for him as a friend. But then I got to know that he likes me, more than friend and I'm not... sure if I'm only imagining my feelings because now I know how he truly feels about me. I can't do anything about this situation. What if... I realize I have been wrong? What if I do something with him and then realize I'm straight after all and I hurt his feelings?"

"Kaoru", Kyo finally said after a moment of silence. Kaoru turned to look at Kyo instead of his tea cup he had been staring at because he'd felt so embarrassed after his words.

"What?" he asked reserved.

"You're thinking too much", the little vocalist laughed gently. "I thought you are like this only when it comes to work. I mean making songs, arranging gigs and all... You always think too much and get yourself all stressed. But it seems like you do the very same also when it comes to your personal life."

"I don't get myself stressed", Kaoru said furrowing his brows.

"I just mean you shouldn't worry too much. Things will go fine even if you don't."

Kaoru couldn't believe what he heard. He pushed his now already cold cup of tea aside and snapped: "So you think I should just go and fuck him senseless and then notice it was a mistake, is that it?! What would I do then? Say: "Uups, it was an accident. I thought I liked men but it seems that I don't. No hard feelings." Is that what I should do?"

Kyo stared at him once again completely flabbergasted which wasn't a miracle because Kaoru usually didn't loose his cool so completely. Kaoru grimaced and reached his tea he had just pushed away, starting to stare at it miserably.

"So you seriously don't know what your feelings really are?" the small blond asked. Kaoru nodded, not turning to look at his band mate.

"How could I? I'm not the worlds biggest romantic if you have happened to notice..." He laughed bitterly. "If I knew what I feel do you think I would have made a complete fool of myself by asking this kind of stupid questions...? Asking about you and Toshiya... When it really isn't my god damn business."

"Kaoru..."

"How did you know, Kyo?" the guitarist asked anguished and forced himself to look at the younger man who eyed him worriedly from the other side of the table. "Was it... Toshiya who made you realize... that you are...? I'm sorry if I'm being a jerk. But I really..."

"Do you really want to know?" Kyo asked, looking a little suspicious. "Because if you really want... If you think it will help... I can tell you. But it doesn't mean you won't get shocked."

"After what I just saw last night I don't think anything can shock me anymore", Kaoru reminded and Kyo blushed, just a little, but blushed anyway.

Kaoru gave his band mate an apologizing look and sighed: "Hey, it doesn't matter to me what you and Toshiya do together. You don't need to be ashamed, really. I just... really would like to know... how you knew..." Kyo was chewing his lower lip and after watching him hesitantly for a moment before he finally spoke.

"To be honest... before Toshiya... I really didn't have a clue I might not be straight. I had never even... thought about men that way." Kyo fell silent but before Kaoru had time to ask anything, he continued already. "I'm probably not the best person to give you any advice in this matter because... nothing has really changed between me and Toshiya. I mean we're still friends, also. We go shopping, watch tv together, get drunk... But then there is also sex." Kaoru's brows furrowed.

"That's it?" he asked. "It was the sex that made you notice that -"

"No! No, not the sex!" Kyo quickly exclaimed. "Sex with Toshiya is... Well, it is... wonderful..." the little man admitted embarrassed. "But it's not it. Even if I do want to make everything to him and nothing in sex disgusts me when it's with Toshiya, it could still be because of something else. I could feel like that because of... lack of sex or something. It wouldn't necessarily have anything to do with love or even sexual orientation."

"I don't understand", the guitarist sighed frustrated. "If sex doesn't have anything to do with it, how did you you know then? You just said sex is the only thing that has changed between you two, didn't you?"

"It's something you can just... feel", Kyo said almost whispering, looking very serious. "Me and Toshiya... Well, it started when we... slept together while we were drunk... I really didn't think anything about it afterwards. But it felt... good anyway. And then we... continued doing it. I knew Toshiya likes me. Perhaps that's why I first let it all happen, and because the sex was good. But sex can be good almost with anyone..."

Kyo shook his head.

"You must think I'm an idiot who only thinks with the lower half of his body..." he muttered. "And that's what I did, actually... But how I finally realized that I might not be straight... Agh, what ever, this isn't going to help you anyway!"

"No! No, I really want to know", Kaoru groaned desperately. "If you don't tell me, how do you think I'll ever find out if I like Die more than just as a -" He fell silent in the middle of the sentence when he realized what he had just let to slip out his mouth. Kyo looked at him for a time that felt like eternity until grinning mischievously.

"So it's all about Die..." the vocalist laughed. Kaoru felt horrified but he managed to nod anyway, but Kyo didn't continue teasing which Kaoru appreciated greatly. This wasn't easy for him and Kyo must have known it.

"How I noticed... Kaoru, it is something you just feel. Right here", Kyo touched his chest where his heart was. "I felt it the moment I woke up from his bed one morning and he was sleeping there right beside me. We had... had sex the night before, but this time we had been all sober and I think I've never felt so great when I've woken up. And then I looked at Toshiya... I wanted to sneak my arms around him and continue sleeping, because it felt so natural and good to be near him. So natural and... right. That's when I knew it wasn't just meaningless sex."

They sat in silence for few moments, just looking at each other and then Kyo laughed, shaking his head.

"Well, I can't help more than this. And I actually doubt this will help you at all but... now you know."

"Thank you, Kyo-kun", Kaoru said smiling a bit. "Do you want to eat something? We're in a dining room anyway..."

"Yeah, I could have a bite of something..." Kyo agreed. "And besides, I'm not interested to return to listen Toshiya's vomiting yet anyway."


***


A week later Kaoru was standing at the door of Die's apartment without any good reason. No, without any reason at all. Except that he wanted to see Die. What he would do then, he didn't have a clue. Kaoru was hoping that after seeing the other man and looking in his eyes, he'd knew what to do. He hoped he would understand... He had been thinking and thinking his feelings towards the younger guitarist but still he couldn't be one hundred percent sure of what he felt... He cared for Die, that was clear, but how much and in what way? He wanted to understand before acting. He didn't want to hurt Die any more than he already had.

He checked the time from his cellphone, it was already 10 p.m. Maybe it was too late for paying a visit. Maybe Die wanted to go to sleep early or he wouldn't open the door at this hour. Kaoru hadn't called at Die or anything to inform him that he was going to come for a visit, so it might be that Die wasn't even at home. He might have been in a bar, or worse, with some man and - Maybe Die had company right here, right now, in his apartment? Maybe he should just go and come back some other time, earlier at day and when the other man knew he was coming... Yes, it would be best for him to leave right now.

He still hesitated at the door and decided to leave, when, for some reason, he went and rang the door bell anyway and started to wait if his friend would come and open the door.

After a brief moment Kaoru could hear something from the other side of the door and he noticed he had been holding his breath. Letting the air out of his lungs he tried to relax but then Die was already standing at the doorway looking perplexed and Kaoru was sure he looked all but relaxed.

"Kaoru? What are you doing here at this hour?" Die asked. The older man shifted his weight from one foot to another and asked carefully: "May I come in?"

"Yeah. Yeah, of course you can..." Die said and stepped aside, letting Kaoru in. He quickly took off his shoes and followed the younger man to his living room. He had never felt himself this nervous in his entire life and he felt terrified. What should he say or do? Why the hell had he came?! Die gestured to the sofa and Kaoru sat on it and soon Die was sitting right next to him.

"You seem to be nervous. Why did you come?" the younger man asked looking at him worriedly and Kaoru answered his gaze, whispering: "I am... not sure..."

He looked at Die's big, brown eyes and felt like he'd never ever want to stop answering Die's gaze. His eyes were full of worry and so full of warmth, that kind of warmth Die didn't know he was aware of, and Kaoru wondered what was it that Die could see in his eyes. Was there same kind of warmth in his eyes? Did he love Die the same way Die loved him?

Kaoru realized their faces were now only few inches away from each other's and when their lips finally met, he closed his eyes. Die's lips were so soft, so smooth...And tasted strongly of tobacco. Kaoru moved his lips against the other man's own, he parted his lips when he felt Die's tongue touching them, let the wet tongue in the warmth of his mouth, touching Die's tongue with his own... His whole body seemed to answer to the kiss by pressing closer to the younger man and Die took his face gently between his palms. Kaoru moaned to the kiss. He felt good, he felt wonderful and soon he slid his own tongue in Die's mouth, searching, tasting... Their bodies pressed even closer each other and Kaoru felt how warm Die's body was and he felt how Die wanted him. Just like he wanted Die right now.

But did it mean he wanted something more than just sex? Just like Kyo had said, sex could feel good with anyone and Kaoru knew that too, having had enough one night stands when he was younger. Sex and love didn't always belong together. What if sex was the only thing he wanted from Die? Kaoru stopped the kiss and drew away from the younger guitarist, standing up. He was shaking. He shouldn't have come because he apparently couldn't control himself at all!

"What now, Kaoru?" Die asked, panic could clearly be heard in his voice. Die watched him from the sofa with his puppy like eyes and Kaoru turned to look away.

"I can't do this!" he said hoarsely, feeling so ashamed. Die got up from the sofa and walked next to him and Kaoru forced himself to look at the taller man's face even though he was afraid of doing so. Die looked so disappointed. So sad...

"You can't do what?" Die asked quietly. He shook his head and turned around to leave but Die got a firm hold of his arm and soon Kaoru felt the other man's warm, strong body pressing against his back. Die's lips touched his neck and Kaoru sighed when the other gently started to kiss his sensitive skin there. It felt almost too good but... he just couldn't do this. He really couldn't... He would never forgive himself if he did this and it would all turn to be just a stupid mistake... But when Die embraced him from behind and gently nibbled his earlobe, he realized he didn't really care at all if this was right or not. Why should he leave? He felt good, better than ever, and he knew this was what he wanted, wanted so fucking much. If it was just for sex he could think about it later. Right now he didn't care. He didn't want to care...

He gently removed Die's arms around him and the younger man let out a disappointed sigh, but when Kaoru turned around he knew Die could see his lust just by looking at his eyes. Die backed a little, looking at him questioningly and Kaoru hesitated just a moment before taking hold of his shirt and pulling it over his head, revealing his lean upper body and tattooed arms. Did Die like what he saw? He waited silent, Die just stared like he didn't believe what he was seeing right in front of him, and then pulled away his own shirt, dropping it to the floor. They both stood now bare chested, looking at each other, and Kaoru felt the beating of his heart fastening when he stared at Die's bare, smooth chest. He took a step forward the same moment Die decided to do exactly the same and without saying a word, both men threw their arms around each other, kissing each other roughly enough to draw blood, clinging to each other's bodies almost violently. Kaoru felt Die's hand grabbing his bottom and feeling encouraged Kaoru did exactly the same to Die's butt, making him whimper. Kaoru laughed and nibbled Die's neck and Die panted hard, leaning willingly against him.

"Kaoru... Do you want us to... move to the bedroom, maybe...?" Die asked little shyly and Kaoru, who was concentrated on nibbling and sucking the other man's neck, found himself thinking he wouldn't have cared if they had to do it right here on the floor. But he answered anyway: "Yeah... That sounds good..."



TBC...

A/N: Everyone, please READ THIS!! The next chapter will be last, but it will also be the longest one and so I want you all to know that it may took long for me to get it translated and posted here! I may post here a oneshot while working with the last chapter but the oneshot isn't finished yet either so I'm not sure. I just want you to understand that the last chapter is coming, no matter how long it may take... >.<

And thank you all who have reviewed! It's great to see you have liked my fic this far. Please review and rate again and tell me what you think! ^_^