Britpop Circus

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ACT TWO
Scene three

(On the streets of London, Blur is walking to a pizza restaurant.)

Girls, running towards the band: It’s them! This is our lucky day! Oh, guys, could we have your autographs?
Alex, signing: Of course.
Girls: You shouldn’t worry about what Noel Gallagher said last night. We’re totalling voting for you!
Damon: Thanks!
Girls: You guys are way nicer than Oasis!
Damon, interested: You think so? Have you ever met them?
Girls: They’re in town somewhere! Here, we have their autographs as well!
Graham, looking at Damon: Where did you see them?
Girls, pointing: Across the streets, there. They shouldn’t be far.

(The guys cast an eye at each other.)

Girls, worried: You aren’t going to look for them, are you?
Dave: No, of course not. We were on our way to a pizza.
Damon: Um, thanks for your support.
Girls: You’re welcome! Bye!

Graham: What do you say? Go after them?
Alex: We’re outnumbered.
Damon: If we pick a fight with them, everyone will take their side.
Graham: Oh, c’mon Damon, he wanted you to get AIDS!
Damon: I don’t have it, do I? So there’s no problem.
Graham: They’re the problem.
Dave: Whatever. I’m hungry, I want my pizza.
Damon, patting Dave’s head: Always so wise, Dave!
Dave: Look, I don’t care what they say, really.
Alex: Alright, alright. The pizza it is.

(The guys walk on.)

(Suddenly, Oasis is walking on the other side of the street, through the crowd. One of them sees Blur and they quicken their pace.)

Alex: Oh no.
Damon: Should we turn around?
Dave: No way. Let’s just walk past them and show them we don’t care.

(The two bands stand on the sidewalk. Pedestrians step aside to watch what’s going to happen. Blur tries to get past Oasis, but they block the way.)

Noel: Well well well, look at you!
Damon: Let us pass, Noel.
Rest of Oasis, stopping Damon: No way, little brat.
Graham: Get the hell out of the way! You should be ashamed of yourselves!
Noel, innocently: What for? What did I do?
Graham: You know exactly what I’m talking about!
Noel, walking towards Damon: Oh, you mean him?
Graham, furious: Don’t touch him!
Liam, to Noel: See, I knew it would work.
Noel: So you’re the one that actually wants to fuck Damon. We were voting for Alex, but I guess you proved us wrong.
Graham, jumping at Noel: You asshole!
Damon: Stop!

(Noel reacts quickly and punches Graham in the face. Graham backs off, dizzy. His lip is bleeding.)

Liam: That’s enough, Noel! We were only playing around! Why did you have to hit him? You idiot!
Noel: Self-defense, that’s all!
Liam: You’re so childish, Noel. Let’s get out of here, guys.

(Graham tries to hit Noel again, but Alex, Dave and Damon manage to hold him back.)

Alex: Don’t, Graham! Are you mad?
Damon, whispering sadly at Graham: You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?
Dave: They’re gone.

(Graham gets hold of himself again. Blur reaches the pizza restaurant, followed by a curious herd of onlookers.)

Graham: Fuck off, you! What are you looking at?
Damon: Graham!

(The crowd does as they’re told.)

(Blur sits inside the restaurant.)

Graham: I’m gonna kill him.
Dave: Oh, please, Graham. Don’t you think that’s a bit drastic?
Graham: Alright, I’m gonna hurt him then.
Alex, ignoring Graham: We could sue him. Everyone’s seen him hit Graham.
Damon: Yeah…maybe.
Dave: I don’t feel like it.
Damon: Me neither.
Graham, suddenly starting to cry: Why didn’t you help me?
Damon, stroking his hair: Hush. It’s okay. We did help you.
Alex, rolling his eyes: Really, that’s all we did.
Dave: They’re still looking at us. Let’s go home.

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