Coming Home

That day I went to scrub and took music with me. Mama had made a lunch box of food for me, and even sent a thermos of tea. I had gone to the old house right after breakfast, loaded down with my lunch and cleaning supplies. Mama had offered to help, but I was enjoying the time alone where I could reflect on my childhood here, and my teen years. Or most of my teen years.

I had spent a long day scrubbing and singing along to good Japanese rock music. Now I was enjoying the warmth of late afternoon, drinking the last of my tea, and watching birds in the gardens. I heard footsteps nearing, and glanced up to see Die. He still wore his work clothes. "Is it time to eat already?"

He shrugged as he sat beside me, and took my tea from my hands to take a few sips. "Dunno." His brown gaze moved over the gardens and yard. "You really gonna sell this place?"

I sighed heavily. "I don't know. I knew I'd feel nostalgic if I saw this old place."

"You like America that much? Don't you miss Japan at all? Don't you miss us at all?" he asked.

"I do miss being here," I whispered low.

"So come back," he said, putting the cup down. "You have more here than you know."

"Except a job," I sadly smiled.

"I'll help you," he stated.

I laughed, and pushed up to my feet. "By irritating me and teasing me and...?"

He stood up as well, scowling at my back. "I'm not a kid anymore, Suji. And you have no sense of humor."

"No? Funny, I heard it bothered the hell out of you wondering which brother I kissed. That made me laugh," I turned to face him.

He snorted. "I found out. I take it back. You kissing little Shin-chan is hilarious."

I growled at him, grabbing my stuff, and heading into the house to lock up. "Stop calling him that. Why do you always have to pick on him or ridicule him?"

He followed me. "Why do you always have to defend him? For fuck sakes, he's a grown man!"

I spun to face him. "Hai, a man. Not a damn girl." I turned and made my way to the front door to leave and lock it behind me. "Did you come here just to piss me off?"

"Well, forgive the hell out of me for offering to help you!" he shouted.

We argued the whole way across the street and to his family's house. When we entered there came the sound of a high-pitched squeal. I turned, and saw Saika who was home for holidays. I cried out in joy, and we collided in a hug. Die moved by us, rubbing at his ear, and wincing at the high-pitched noises of delight we made. "I bet even half-deaf Kyo heard them!" he grumbled.

Kyo quickly flipped him the bird while the others laughed. "I know where you sleep," he threatened.
.........................................

Kaoru paused, and backtracked to Saika's bedroom doorway. He stood there, looking at Saika doing up my hair. "Why are you getting all done up?"

I was putting on lip-gloss while my hair was being done. I sat at the vanity, and my best friend stood behind me. "We're going out."

"Out?" he repeated, one brow arched. "Who's going with you?"

Saika waved an impatient hand. "We're over 20 now, adults. We can go out and do whatever we want. We don't need my baka brothers to ruin our fun!" We were 21 now, and in Japan 20 was considered legal age.

But later, at the dance club, I spotted all five of her brothers. I caught at her arm. "Did you know they'd show up?"

"Of course!" she beamed. "Now Toshiya is here, and you can ask him to dance."

I choked on that one, and blushed scarlet. "Iie! Are you baka? He's never really spoken to me, and barely even looked at me! Why the hell would he say yes?"

"Because now you're not some little girl," she replied.

"Yeah? Well maybe I don't love him anymore!"

"Be that way," she snorted. Taking my hand she dragged me towards the males. "Wow, I merited all of my big brothers here at once! I'm honored."

Kyo's eyes narrowed. "You have quite the attitude. You should have been taught proper respect towards your honorable older brothers."

Her gaze moved over them, pausing on Toshiya. "Are you going to just stand there and look menacing, or are you going to dance? I have a perfectly pretty and available friend here..."

I went scarlet. "Saika!" She was trying to goad Toshiya into dancing with me. Not too embarrassing!

"Dance?" Kaoru blinked, turned to Die, and arched a brow. "What the hell is that?"

Toshiya laughed. "You don't want Kaoru or Kyo to dance, Saika. They look extremely scary when they try. They once cleared a club."

"We don't come to clubs to dance," Kyo haughtily told her. "Women come to clubs to dance. We come to find the women."

"Don't you have to dance to get them?" I asked.

"Iie," Kaoru replied. "We stand here and look... cool, and they come to us."

"That works?" I asked in disbelief.

Behind us I heard several squeals and shouts of "Toshiya-san!", "Kaoru-san!", "Kyo-san!", "Die-san!" and even several "Shinya-san!" Then women were rushing forward to be near their favorite brother.

I blinked, and glanced at Saika. "It's like some dorama! I don't believe this!"

She rolled her eyes. "I do. For some stupid reason they're never without women. I don't know why. They're not that pretty."

One female gasped. "You must be baka!"

"She must be our baby sister," Die bluntly told her.

Shinya was blushing, and I took pity on him, like I used to always do. I grabbed his arm. "Shin-kun! Come help me!" I dragged him to the other end of the bar.

"Arigatou," he said low. I ordered, and he watched me closely. "You still love Toshiya."

I flushed. "I... don't know. Right now I'm so confused. About the house, about Toshiya, about... I feel turned inside out."

"Will you be moving back?" he asked.

Would I? Why didn't I just leave the old house as it is, tell the real estate agent to sell it, and leave? Because I wanted to see my best friend? We'd kept in touch in letters. And later in emails. To be around Toshiya? Was I hoping that now that I was a woman he'd take notice?

"I don't know."
...................................................

There was a shout, the bed started to bounce crazily, and then something heavy fell on me, and I came awake with a gasp, trying to breathe. My frightened squeak turned into a loud curse. "Daisuke-san! I can't breathe!"

"Ohayoo!" he spread out more over Saika and I.

Saika cursed and pushed at him. "You weigh a ton!"

I was wriggling to try to dislodge him. "Hey! Watch the hand!" I snapped. "Die!" He was wriggling and spread eagle and beaming at us.

I heard a noise as I wrestled with him to shove him off, but he was strong and refused to be moved. Peering over his shoulder I saw Toshiya in the doorway. He was watching us a moment, turned his head, and then began to leave. Was there some flicker of emotion on his face before he left?

"Iie! Wait! Toshiya, wait!" I pushed at Die's shoulder, struggling even harder to try to push him off. "Iie! Dammit, Die-san, you did that on purpose! Get off!"

He cursed viciously, pushed back onto his knees, and glared down at me. "I am sick and fucking tired of you blindly holding onto something that's not there! Why do you think he always leaves when you show up? Eh? He doesn't love you. He never has. Not that way. He sees you like a little sister. You're wasting your fucking time while for years someone else has been trying to get your attention!"

I never had the chance to react, or to say anything. Die's hands framed my face, and drew me hard to him. His lips caught mine angrily, holding onto them a long time, gentling a little just when I got over my shock and yanked free. I stared at him, stunned, and then leapt out of the bed. I ran, my sight blurring. I was in the washroom, having found my way blindly, and I fell to my knees, hugging myself and sobbing.

He doesn't love me. He leaves when I show up. I'd known it. Hadn't I? Toshiya had never really been around much when I came around hoping to glimpse him, hoping to speak to him, and hoping he'd smile at me. I'd always made excuses that he was older, had his own friends and life, and had other girls around him that kept him from noticing me. Had I refused to see the truth? How could I not have known? Dammit, why hadn't Saika ever said anything? Or even Shinya? They'd been my best friends. Why had I spent so long trying to win something that could never be?

As my sobs slowed I realized that comforting arms were around me, rocking me gently, and my face was buried against a bare shoulder that was now soaked from my tears. I drew back slightly, and blinked several times, finally focusing on a handsome face. One full of worried tenderness.

"Shinya?" I whispered.

"Shhh," he rocked me gently. "You held me many times over the years we grew up together. Now it's my turn to hold you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry Die was so cruel. I'm sorry Toshiya doesn't feel the way you do. You know Toshiya, he's so sensitive and probably never wanted to hurt you."

"Did you know?"

"Iie," he replied. "Maybe Die was the only one who knew." He had a small towel in one hand, and he used it to tenderly dry my face. "Don't let this ruin your return."

When the hell had Shinya become so damn handsome? I stared at the shapes and planes of his face, at his full lips, and his dark eyes with those long lashes. When had he stopped being the gangly awkward kid and turned into such a handsome man? He'd always been gentle, patient, wise, and sensitive. He was good with animals, and loved them. He often chose his dog over most humans. I didn't blame him there. Some humans ~~ often Die ~~ should never be allowed near other living things.

"You should have married me six years ago," I joked, and then hid my face against his shoulder once more, more tears falling. "Arigatou," I sniffled. And he kept holding me, and rocking me, both of us kneeling on the bathroom floor.

In the hallway Saika marched up to Die who stood glaring at the locked bathroom door. "How could you?"

"Easy," he never looked at her.

"You were cruel!" she cried.

"I was fucking honest!" he shot back. "It was about time she gave up on something hopeless. He doesn't love her."

"Oh, but you do?" she cried, snorting. "I find that..."

He finally turned to her, his dark eyes hard. "You know nothing about my feelings." In frustration he hit the wall, cursed, and stormed off.

"Do you know why Die wasn't there the day she and her family were leaving? If he refused to say goodbye to her she wouldn't go." Toshiya came out of the room he shared with Die. "He was a bastard for a week, barely tolerable, and then when his anger was gone he was heartbroken. I heard him, Saika, crying the day the truth hit him, and he realized she wasn't coming back."

"You weren't there either," she recalled. "Why's that?"

"He's loved her since she was ten," he told her. "He's loved her for eleven years." He sighed heavily. "I'm sorry he upset her. Will she be okay?"

"I don't know. She's loved you since she was six. In case you can't count that's fifteen years!" she snapped, turned, and marched back to her room, slamming the door shut.