Whose Universe Are We In?

2

Without a hope of recapturing the ardour of moments before, Dan climbed off Alan and they sat side by side in silence.

Alan slipped his arm back around Dan and tugged him close. “Sorry, I rather ruined the mood there but....”. Dan interrupted, “No, no, we need to be thinking about what to do next. So, if you’re right then we need to find out what Harry and Severus were doing before they had a chunk of castle dropped on them. Shit, they were found naked, but surely not shagging in such an obvious spot, maybe they apparated in from somewhere – Oh, I dunno, but if we find out, get their story then hit the websites and find it then try and figure out how to get back....or something....or what we have to face....given that the author isn’t the original one. Fuck! No certainties at all then, are there?”

Alan just held on and let Dan wind down.

He leaned in and kissed Dan’s temple, “Things could be worse. I’m alive, I’m with you and I find I’m enjoying that very much indeed. Those, at least, are certainties that we can hold on to. We know who we are although there have been some changes, we still know who we are. I know that even if I could, I daren’t go home like this and will have to wait until we are in our own time and space to return there although as there are few physiological changes to yourself, maybe you could actually go, get the scar surgically removed. Try and tell someone what has happened get some help or something, or ride this out and see where it’s going”.

Dan laid his head on Alan’s shoulder and shrugged, “I like being with you. I’d like to stay with you if you’ll let me and we’ll sort this out. I can’t go either. I have nothing from the non-magical world with me. I have no ID, no credit cards but I do have a bunch of money in this world. I wonder if we’re in one of these stories where you come from landed gentry and you have pots of cash in that wizarding bank.....what’s it’s name? Gringotts”

Alan smiled and nuzzled his face in Dan’s hair, “That would be nice. Tell me more about the dirty stories though. How come you found them?” Dan felt himself redden, “Ah, well....my kid sister was surfing Harry Potter sites, official ones, but then, so she says, she got led down some weird backwater when, instead of putting in the searchline, ‘HarryPotter/DracoMalfoy’, she wrote, ‘HarryPotterslashDracoMalfoy’ and a whole new world opened up. She showed me some of these sites and asked me how I felt about it all.

Wow, it was weird and weirdly hot, too. All of these stories are written by kinky straight girls,they had my character and Malfoy up to all sorts of stuff, adventures as well as, erm, the sex. There were sites about me and you as well as those featuring me paired with others I’ve been wi.....oh, shit!”

Alan smirked, “Others you have been with in the cast?” Dan felt like a fish on a hook under the man’s intense scrutiny, “Um, yeah. ‘S’where I sort of got the bug for older guys, ‘s’a matter of fact”, he mumbled. Alan pushed him flat along the length of the sofa and loomed over him. Dan giggled and squawked, “Shit! Knew I shouldn’t have said anything, now you think I’m a complete tart and it wasn’t like that at all, promise”.

The smirk widened slightly and a black brow climbed, “And, whom, may I ask, am I sharing favours with?” Dan looked shocked, “No-one, honest. I don’t cheat. I’m not like that. Nine times out of ten, it’s me that doesn’t see it coming when I’m dumped or I imagine there’s feelings there that aren’t, but, yes, I have looked for love on the set. Let’s face it, there’s precious little getting out and about in the hothouse atmosphere that is the set. And I have to keep my head low when not filming. I can hardly be seen falling out of gay clubs when I make kid’s films, can I?”

Dipping his head, Alan kissed Dan very slowly and softly without tongue, “I’m sorry, love, that came out all wrong. Of course you’re not seeing anyone else. I wanted some hints as to your scurrilous past and I phrased that last sentence appallingly. Forgive me”. That earned him a deeper kiss and being pulled down on top of Dan,

He loved that the lad liked being crushed under his weight. Whilst not a heavy man, he was certainly solid but Dan wriggled beneath him and he held himself up on his hands as Dan positioned himself, one leg hooked over the back of the sofa and one over Alan’s back. Alan let his body down again now he was between his lover’s legs. They had a little through-cloth frottage and kissed again. This one definitely contained tongue.

They parted. Each could feel the other hard for him. “Why do you want to know my past? What of your own, Professor?” Alan grinned and planted kisses along Dan’s jaw, all the while keeping up a gentle side-to-side rocking motion that was driving Dan wild, “Because I am fascinated as to why such a young, luscious thing such as your sweet self finds such an old codger as me attractive, for God’s sake. Think of it from my point of view. Come on, Dan. It may be a favourite fantasy for an old bloke to have a beautiful young man in his arms but I know for the most part, it’s just that: fantasy, and this is bloody real....and amazing....and fabulous, and I want you so fucking much, you cannot believe”.

Dan felt the passion in the words and said so, “That’s why I like older guys, all that burning passion. I love that. Okay, if you must know it was Gary and David, um, together”. This made Alan burst into laughter, “Why, you little trollop! Those two together, eh? They kept that one quiet. I had no idea. Very interesting. Do go on. How many times and who else, you sweet little tart?”

Blushing, Dan would only admit to “several times during the fifth movie”, and said no more. Alan kissed him for blushing. Oh, he was enjoying this. Then Dan stammered, “I had the twins once, though I doubt they count as ‘older’ in the strictest sense of the word. God, they were amazing. I did have David on his own too; a couple of times, when his missus was expecting their last kid but I was the one that finished it that time. It was going nowhere, he was going home at the end of the film to be a daddy. And then there was Tom the Tart. I knew he wanted Matt really. Never mind the roles, I knew he fancied him like mad and I also knew he wasn’t going to stop until he’d been in his pants. That’s what that row was all about, the first time you kissed me outside. And now there’s you. There you have it”.

Smiling at his lover’s bravura, Alan leaned in for another kiss then pulled away slightly and looked into the glasses-covered eyes, “Well, Dan, I thank you for your honesty. In return, I will tell you that there have been three men, well back in my youth, a brief one-night dalliance with David and many years with my partner although the passion died out of that some time ago. I have kept my encounters since then all male and very discreet. So you see, you and I have a similar level of experience. Do you have any experience with women?”

Dan slowly shook his head, “I tried a time or two. There was this girl I took out. She was nothing to do with the Industry and she just liked me for me. I liked her back. A lot. I think she was the nearest I’ve ever come to falling in love.....properly, I mean. I’d love that with a man. Are gay men even capable of falling in love? Forgive me for being cynical....Anyway, she was great but in the sack I was a dud. She tried everything, bless her and eventually she gave me a lovely blow-job. I gave her one too and gave her what she said was the best orgasm she’d ever had but we both knew we wouldn’t be doing it again. I think it had something to do with wilting every time I lined up to enter her”, he sighed.

The older man considered, “Well, at first I had no problem with loving Rima. She was a very vibrant and passionate lover but somewhere after a few years, we sort of let the sex side of our relationship dry up. I will always miss her. She is a brilliant friend and companion. For years we have gone our own ways sexually, I with men and she with women. It didn’t ‘do’ to be queer in our day and age, and she really is a lovely woman. I think she’d really like you. At the moment, she’s involved with a sculptor, great girl. We have a pretty open affair and I’m pretty involved with nieces and nephews. I’d hate to think I’ll never see them all again. I love them all”.

Not knowing what to say to this, Dan held Alan close. “We’ve got to figure out how to get back, Alan. I don’t want to be a killer and I want you to see your relatives again. I miss my sister, the most perfect fag-hag a guy could ever have. She knew I was queer before I did and she’s read way more of this ‘slash’ fiction than I have. Maybe I should describe this scene to her and get her to search for the story we may have fallen into. In fact, we should make notes about our situation and post it on the web, I bet girls in the slash community will know the story. Shit! I need a laptop and access to the Internet and I doubt this place even has electricity. Shit! How are we even to research without the Net?”

Alan held him and kissed him quiet again, then rose onto his elbows. Between pecked kisses, he said, “We have to go and recuperate, yes?” Dan nodded, “We’ll sneak off and do stuff then. I think we can change magical currency to English and we can get all you need. Bugger. I even have a state-of-the-art laptop at home, well, at the place I’m staying, or was”, he frowned and squeezed his eyes shut.

Alan kissed the lids and watched them relax to fluttering, “I know. We have none of the accoutrements of our daily lives. We have no bank cards, no credit cards, no mobile phones and no computers. We are plunged into this strange twilit world. We need to stay together and figure this out. We may have to do the acting of a lifetime but we are alive, and perhaps shouldn’t be in the light of the fact that we were crushed by rock. I think the first thing we have to do is seek out a non-magical newspaper. But not now. Right now, I’m lying between your legs, your stiff dick is pressing into mine and I want to remove your night-clothes slowly and fuck you ‘til you scream. I want all the other stuff to fade into the background and I want to enjoy your beautiful body”.

Twined around the man, Dan gulped, who the hell was he to gainsay the man, deny him this passion. He was already involved? So what. He wanted Dan. Oh, yes. Dan reached out, folded tight with his arms and was rewarded with kisses and touches that drove him slightly mad with want. He relaxed and let his lover take control. “Yes, love. Strip me. Take me”, he whispered in an urgent tone and Alan had to exercise supreme control. He carefully edged his lover from his clothes and was relieved to see the fuller twenty-year-old body being exposed as he stripped the lad. He had no secret desire for the very young.

Then Dan was stripping him and for the first time after all the strangeness, they got a proper look at each other. Alan had definitely.....de-aged, Dan thought as he kissed any and all skin as it peeked from beneath cloth. The handles were gone, the whole of his lover’s body was tighter, harder. He may not have gone back in time as regards age but Alan definitely had. Dan decided to say nothing for now.

They stripped each other in the lowered light and let their bodies slide together once they were naked, slippery and wet with sweat. They had barely started yet and they were both panting into each other’s mouths. They kissed as hands ran all over each other at a lovely leisurely pace. Alan kissed his way along Dan’s body, watching his face all the time as he descended then smirked when he swiped his tongue over the head of Dan’s cock and the lad rolled his eyes back and shamelessly thrust at Alan’s mouth. Ah, the joys of youth.

Alan let his fingers do the walking as he sucked his young lover and pressed a couple against his dry little hole. Dan squirmed, he really wanted Alan inside him with that thick dick. He wanted it buried in him but his fingers burned as they breeched him and Dan skittered away. “No. Ouch. I can’t do this dry, love. Give me a second. This is where we find out if we’re supposed to be in one of the mucky stories or not”. Alan frowned as Dan gripped his wand, bent almost double between his spread legs, touched it to his hole and muttered something that Alan didn’t quite catch, lying back with a grin and murmuring, “Try now”. Alan felt the wetness with probing fingers and sank two up to the palms inside his lover. Both of them groaned.

“What did you do?”, he whispered hoarsely as his fingers fucked and spread. Dan made these sweet little almost-sobbing sounds and replied, “Lube charm. It worked. We’re in a porno. Now fuck me with your fingers then your cock. I want you face to face. I want to watch you come deep inside me”.

Alan was merely a flesh and blood man, very turned on by the lovely man squirming on the end of his thrusting fingers. He leaned down and kissed his young lover as he speared him to feel and hear the mewls of delight as he opened him, readied him then slipped fingers out and asked Dan to do the same charm on his cock. It was dripping and slick in an instant. He vaguely thought in the back of his mind that this magic stuff could actually be pretty cool but his thoughts fled as he finally slid inch by inch into his new lover; who took it stoically, squeezing his eyes shut and grimacing with the pain whilst encouraging Alan further in with a well-placed foot under the older man’s arse.

Alan had to screw up his face as he was finally all the way in. He gasped audibly and kissed Dan fiercely, “God, you’re beautiful and you have taken all of me. I need you, I need to fuck you. May I?” In his lust-addled state, Dan nodded and gripped Alan’s shoulders tight as his lover began to move. Christ he was huge. It took quite a while before Dan relaxed around the massive cock. He eventually squirmed on it and opened his eyes. Alan kissed away the involuntary tears. He had seen them before on other lovers. It took quite an arse to take him all the way in, and now this lad had done it, despite or because of the pain he had caused going in. He waited patiently until Dan’s arse relaxed.

Then he fucked Dan properly. Letting loose all of his passion and want. Until he had young Dan a mewling sweating mass beneath him, still taking every thrust and all his length, then he kissed him and held him harder and tighter as he fucked him. He was inside this boy and it was amazing, glorious. He felt the legs tighten around him, the channel he fucked tighten around his dick and a warm stickiness erupt between them. Dan had come untouched. This made him exult and fuck all the harder until he whited out as he came deep in the boy’s insides, sobbing and gasping for air and letting loose little vocal gasps as he came down off one of the more memorable orgasms of his life.

His eyelids were heavy but he held his lover tight in the aftermath. Their kisses were slower and wetter and they laughed sensuously into each other’s mouths as they kissed. Alan knew he was bright red but he held his Danny tight, “You are pretty amazing, you know that, don’t you?”, he mumbled as he grabbed Dan roughly around the middle and pulled him back against him as he lay on one side. Dan reached right back with his head for a kiss. He was rewarded and moaned lightly, then snuggled shamelessly until he was comfortable in his lover’s arms. No more was said between them for now. Dan was asleep soon afterwards, wrapped in Alan’s arms. Alan followed, his cheek crushed in Dan’s hair.

Once again, the matron on her nightly rounds found them pressed closely together and naked. This time she did a plain reading of their general health then pulled up a blanket over their chilly shoulders. As she left them she smiled. Actually she thought they looked good together but Merlin only knew what Harry’s friends were going to make of it all. She sighed as she dowsed them and left the ward on silent feet.

****

The next day on her early round, she looked in to see Severus sitting up in bed, his pyjama jacket on at least although it was unbuttoned. She smiled at him and advanced quietly into the room, “Good morning”, she whispered then bustled up to the bed, withdrew her wand and cast a silencing bubble so as not to wake Harry. Alan started at the crackle of magic all around him then faced the woman aware that his eyes had just betrayed him.

The smile stayed soft, “That’s just a spell that allows us to talk but Harry can’t hear us. You’re not Severus Snape, are you? And your young man there, isn’t Harry Potter either, is he?” Alan breathed out with a sigh and slumped a little, “Have you spoken to the headmaster?” She laughed then, “Oh, that was very Snape-like, dear, but you still don’t fool me. Dumbledore likes to keep his secrets but I’m no imbecile sir. Despite most of my work consisting of patching up youngsters who do stupid things to themselves or each other, I am a fully trained medi-witch and have taken care of both of you in some capacity or other for many years now, I mean Harry and Severus, and you are simply not those men. So, I ask again. Who are you?”

Alan wondered how much to say but thought as she was his primary medical care-giver at this time then she probably had a right to know. “Madam, are you bound by oaths of doctor-patient confidentiality?” She nodded, “Aye, I was muggle-trained first, at St Bart’s in London, signed the Hippocratic oath there then was magically bound upon graduating from the teaching programme at St Mungo’s. You may trust me with anything you care to tell me”.

He frowned and nodded, “Very well, as you have surmised, we are neither of those men. We seem to have inadvertantly slipped through from one universe to one closely parallel, yours, by some strange twist of fate”, he forbore to mention that this new universe was entirely fictional, the people seemed real enough right now and he felt that to do so would be extremely rude at this point. He continued, “My name is Alan and I am an actor, as is young Dan at my side. We were making a film based on Harry Potter’s life here at Hogwarts. We think something happened to us in our sleep and we woke up here in your infirmary with major injuries that should have killed us almost repaired in the space of a little over ten days. We are not magical people although we can seem to do a little with the wands we have although we haven’t tested our abilities properly yet. We seem to have taken on some of the attributes of the people that are missing from your world. I have brown hair laced with grey really and sandy brows, hazel eyes but I was still in costume when whatever happened, did.

Dan actually has blue eyes but now his are green and he has the scar as I have a Dark Mark but neither of us has felt anything through them yet and I hope we will be spared that. I am a family man with a partner and many young relations, Dan has parents and a sibling. All these folk will no doubt be wondering where we are. Is there any way we can obtain newspapers of the several days we have been gone? Maybe the Times or the Guardian, preferably not the tabloid rags?”

She smiled and nodded, “You are so not Snape, dear. You are polite and a nice man. I take it Dumbledore is trying to get you out of this jam?” Alan snickered, “Well, we’re not much use in this world, are we? And I’ve no doubt that your people will want to be back here”, he said nothing about knowing the story because he didn’t really and he didn’t want to confuse the issue any more than was necessary but it occurred to him in the back of his mind that the future or possible future was so onerous for the missing men that they may have indeed wanted to escape it and never return. He kept the thought there for now but he’d have to discuss this with Dan.

She leaned in and patted his shoulder, “Thank you for telling me, Alan. I knew you weren’t Snape from the start. That poor man has sustained a great deal of magical damage in his life and there’s no sign of it in your body but I have to wonder at your referring to ‘costume’ in the film you were making as the cloak we found you wrapped in was a real Hogwarts cloak with the correct Slytherin badge as befits your position as head of house. Might I ask where you obtained such a thing and how did you end up looking so like the folk we have missing?”

Perceptive questions indeed. Alan was at a loss, then, “We may have crossed over as we slipped between universes. Somehow, Dan and I were without clothing with just your man’s cloak to hide our blushes. We were not in possession of other er, Hogwarts apparel were we?” She frowned and shook her head, “I suppose it is possible as you have taken physical attributes as well. Hmm, this is all very strange.....with your various Marks and all. Do I have your permission to speak to Albus about your case?” Alan shrugged, “For my part you may do so, but you’ll have to ask Dan’s permission too”.

“Ah, it doesn’t matter about him, sweet boy, he’s only just of age....”, she was summarily cut off by a wave of Alan’s hand. “Certainly not! Dan is a twenty year old man and as such is of age in any part of the world save the United States where I believe the age of majority is twenty-one, unless restrictions like that apply here as well, I cannot countenance you doing such a thing as going over Dan’s head”.

She pursed her lips but nodded her acquiescence, “Very well. In this world our age of consent is seventeen and Dan is far beyond that. Forgive me. Harry is....was... only just of age and still in our care. I will await his awakening. On that note I will take my leave of you and send Dobby to bring you breakfast. You may feel the tingle as I lift the silencing charm”, with that she sailed from the room.

Alan slumped down in the bed and thought hard. So, ‘Harry’ would be somewhere in his upper sixth year if what the nurse said was correct. This gelled with the date of Sirius Black’s demise according to the original books, so whoever the storyteller was, they were adhering somewhat to the original timeline....which meant he had just buggered a seventeen-and-a-half year old boy....except that he wasn’t, he was twenty. Alan’s head hurt from all this and he lay down on his side facing his still-sleeping partner, his lover, who, even with all the bodily modifications that had been going on was still only half his age. Alan huffed out a breath. He supposed it had to be better than the lad being a mere third his age. Ah crap! The thought didn’t bear thinking about.

So he pushed it from his mind with an effort of will then allowed himself to feast his eyes on his nubile young lover still asleep beside him.

How best to wake him? Alan thought with glee, and was just deciding on sucking Dan awake when that weird little creature ‘popped’ into the room making Alan exclaim in fright with a hand to his chest. The elf frowned at him, “I has been sent to request your breakfast order, Professor Snape, sir and what does Harry want for his breakfast?”

The question was answered by the man himself, rising thickly from sleep with his hair going every which way and bleary eyes, “Sausage and egg on two toasts, please”, he mumbled then sank back amongst the pillows, “Oh ‘n’ orange juice if you have any and coffee, hot strong and black”, he subsided to snores again.

Alan had to laugh, “Did you catch all that, Dobby?” The elf nodded, “Harry Potter is being very strange. He usually likes porridge and toast, some bacon and pumpkin juice to finish with....Still, if that is what Master Harry wants...what of yourself, sir?”

The older man shrugged and found himself smiling at the small creature who wrung his hands at the appearance of the smile and looked for all the world as if he himself was to be breakfast, when the man spoke, “Fresh croissants. Two please. A fat latte with chocolate sprinkles and a bowl of Fru-grains with milk”. The elf’s eyes widened, this was not Severus Snape’s usual breakfast....the man seemed to subsist on poisonously strong tea and very little else, “And a copy of the muggle Guardian from ten days ago if you can manage that, though I don’t mind if you can’t. Oh, that’s a newspaper”.

Dobby was more and more confused. He ‘popped’ out of the room mournfully and had to request an audience with Professor Dumbledore right away. Wringing his little hands and threatening to ‘nut’ every hard surface within his height range, he told the headmaster what had been requested of him, “I don’t know what this ‘Guardian’ is, sir. He says it’s a newspaper and from ten days ago. Is this about he-who-shall-not-be-named, sir?”

Up in his eyrie, Albus calmed the frantic elf’s fears, “Dobby, you do the breakfast. I’ll see to the newspaper. Tell them I will obtain it for them if I am able and that I will see them after breakfast”. Dobby looked relieved and smiled as he bowed and ‘popped’ away.

After two sips of the dangerously strong coffee, Dan could feel his eyes blast open. Bloody hell this was good coffee. He sat up and looked around to see Alan tucking into croissants and a trayful of food on the bed beside him from which the aroma of sausages emanated. He loved the service in this place if nothing else. These house-elf chaps were incredible. He wondered if he could steal one and take it back with him.....that Dobby seemed an amenable enough little fellow.

Working his glasses onto his nose he turned and finally said his good mornings to his lover who smiled at him over his coffee cup. Dan warmed inside, he could get used to this, breakfast in bed with this incredible man. He smiled back and they munched in companionable silence.

There was a knock at the door as they finished eating and Dan called, “Come in” but no-one appeared and there was another knock a few moments later. Puzzled, Dan scrambled out of bed, into his pyjama bottoms and hopped over to the door, followed by ribald comments from his lover, and wrenched it open to see the headmaster standing there. Dan blushed and ran his hand through his hair, apologising. “Sorry, I yelled to come in but these walls must be too thick....”

Albus grinned as he entered, nay, he laughed, “I couldn’t get through your wards, young man, otherwise I would have entered when you called out”. Dan’s brows shot hairline-wards, “Sorry? Wards?” Alan said from the bed, “Remember, Dan, you tried some locking spells last night before we....erm, went to sleep? They must have worked”. Dan shrugged, “Oh, yeah, didn’t think they’d work though, they were only stuff out of her books you know”.

The headmaster seemed impressed, “They did indeed work, young Dan, I couldn’t walk across them without some serious spell-work. However you crossed into our world, chaps, you brought some pretty serious magic with you. As for crossing, I am as yet unable to fulfil your request for the newspaper, Alan. However, I am working on it and have requests in at various muggle libraries that they might still have their copies. I presume you wish to read of the effects of your disappearance in your own world, am I right?”

They both nodded as one and Albus smiled slightly at this. Right in front of him he seemed to have two wizards who had no idea of their status. Wizards who had somehow crossed over with his two. This was a strange thing indeed. However, what Dan had said about wizarding spells and lore being written down for muggle consumption somewhere did seem to be true: these men could perform magic, only they thought it was fiction, only it wasn’t.

Confused, Albus changed the subject. “Dan, in this school, Harry Potter has two special friends”. Dan butted in, “I know, Ron and Hermione. She’s the brainy one and he’s the impulsive hothead who will defend Harry to the grave. She’ll defend me being gay while Ron will react badly, especially at my choice of lover. Were Snape and Potter lovers before they disappeared?”

Albus’ voice was soft. “I relied all too heavily on those two. I pushed them and pushed them. They were our only hope, you know”. Dan nodded, “Yeah, the prophecy and all that. So, were they lovers?” Albus turned helpless eyes on him and shrugged, “I know not, they were always so discreet but I suspect so. Yes, I think they had become so. Why is this relevant?”

Dan breathed out hard, “Dunno, but I think it is. I think that they had only just become lovers as we had, me and Alan. They obviously meant something pretty serious by it, maybe they did a Rite of some kind and we got...er...mixed up somewhere. From the descriptions of where we were found that I have so far heard it sounds like us and your boys were in the same place at the same time, at the base of this tower, when the rock fell on us and we ended up here and they ended up.....God knows where”.

Dumbledore sat back in his conjured chair and was thoughtful. A power he knew not, eh? Well Voldemort didn’t know these two, did he? He snapped back to himself. “Sorry, boys, I need to think about all you’ve said. I had the Aurors in and they read the spot where you were found. There is a powerful magical anomaly at that spot, so your theory of ‘crossing’ from one universe to the next makes sense, young Daniel. But I’ve no idea what it all means nor yet how to return our worlds to their rightful positions. I will work on it. In the meantime, I have two very dear friends of Harry’s who long to see him. I am at a loss as to what to say or do. Is Harry alive? Are they both still alive? Who knows. You can trust these two, even though they are much younger than yourself”, Dumbledore’s last statement was aimed at Dan.

Dan clutched at his head with one hand and looked desperate, “I don’t know what to tell them! I am not their friend....shit! I’m not their Harry. No! Don’t let them near me! I cannot be what they want. I am not him”, Dan wailed and both of the older men glanced at each other, clearly distraught at the young man’s feelings. Alan held him, throwing his arms around him then glared at the headmaster, “Don’t even think about making us pretend to be the folk you have lost. We may be actors but we couldn’t sustain a lie such as this. Your people are so much stronger and more learned in your arts than we are, we would be exposed as frauds in moments and I have no wish for either of us to be on the end of one of those killing curses. We had an accident and that accident needs to be reversed, pronto, or possibly we all die rather nastily and your world ends up being ruled by Voldemort”.

The headmaster paled, outflanked again.

He rose stiffly and made a vague bow in their direction. “I will tell them that you are too ill to see them yet. I have a wizarding world to uphold, gentlemen, and I, for one, cannot inform the whole world that their future saviour is gone, to be replaced by a pair of muggle actors. Now, if you will excuse me, I think I’m going to go and get spectacularly drunk”, his walk was every bit as regal as always as he departed.

Neither Dan nor Alan could blame the man but they felt a bit lost and abandoned. The elf popped in amidst their ruminations. Neither of them started. Maybe they were getting used to him. He cleared the breakfast things and asked them if there was anything else they wanted. Dan turned to Alan, “What do you drink?” Alan shrugged, “Everything from a fine Saint Emilion to Stella Artois. Why?” Dan grinned and ordered in a low voice from the elf. As long as he was given orders for food and drink he could cope.

He ‘popped’ back in moments later with Dan’s order, several bottles of Butterbeer and a couple of Ogden’s Old Firewhisky. Dan snuggled up to his lover, “Look, they don’t know what to do with us. They don’t want to expose us to superior magical types and the headmaster has retired to get drunk. We don’t have to see anybody, answer to anybody, so I propose we do what the headmaster is doing and relax. I know the present surroundings are not conducive, but weren’t we told we could go back to the professor’s rooms?”

Alan grinned wickedly “Let’s call the matron. Only she can clear us as fit to leave”. He divined what Dan was up to: he wanted him away from here and in private. Alan started to harden at the thought. Poppy declared then fit and told them, “The rest of the school is at lessons right now so you shouldn’t be bothered on the way back to Severus’ quarters, only I wouldn’t move too much around down there if I were you.....Severus Snape is a very particular man and hates intrusions into his quarters. Don’t mess with either his books or his potions ingredients then you should be fine”. They took her advice as they took their first tentative steps outside the ward.

They started out to go to the dungeons and it took them many fits and starts to get there but they did eventually. They were somewhat surprised to find the man’s quarters open to them but presumed that this was the headmaster’s work. They ventured in slowly, half expecting ancient curses to rain down upon them. Alan had played this man for years and knew he’d be sneaky, laying booby traps, but nothing stopped their journey into his private rooms.

Dan muttered, “He didn’t go out expecting not to come back. I expected more of a rebuff. Whatever took him to the place where the anomaly is? He didn’t expect it to be that bad. He thought he’d be back soon and didn’t bother warding his rooms. Don’t ask me how I know but let’s just say I’ve read plenty of the stories and Severus Snape would so over-ward if he suspected anyone getting into his quarters under the radar”.

Alan nodded. “Yes” was all he said. Dan flicked a glance his way. “You agree?” Alan whispered, “I’ve no fucking idea. I can do some kinds of magic. I look like someone else that everyone hates. I want to go home”. When his eyes met Dan’s next, it was to see them wet. Dan’s face crumpled, “I want to go home too, yet I want to be with you. Don’t ask me what, but something tells me that being with you is part of all this and the only real way I can be with you is to be here”.

Alan made a small sound deep in his throat and pressed his forehead to Dan’s. He had enough presence of mind to close the door before taking Dan in his arms and kissing him until he moaned. Fuck, Alan loved making his Danny make that noise. Hang on. That was the second time he’d thought of the man as ‘his’ in under two minutes. He made to back off the kiss but Dan followed him, plumbing his mouth and making him moan. Alan knew he was besotted with the lad.

The kiss was long and deep, ending with both their arms wrapping the other tight. They emerged and took a look at the quarters in which they found themselves. Dan started to smile as he looked around, “We’re definitely in a porno, love”, he cocked his head at the large thick rug before the fire. Alan found himself caught up in the mirth despite the bizarreness of their situation, then pointed out the deep comfortable sofa, they cracked up at this.

With streaming eyes, Dan spluttered, “And I bet a pound to a penny that the bed is huge and a four-poster. Yippee! The accommodations are all right at any rate, Now let’s find glasses for this booze”. Dan scampered off in the direction of a door but Alan took his time looking around. The room was large and rectangular with a large fireplace on one of the long walls and a tall window at the far end now covered in thick deep green velvet.

Before the fireplace were the aforementioned sofa and rug. Lining the walls on both of the long sides were floor to ceiling bookshelves broken up here and there by small cupboards, made by enclosing small parts of the shelf in a random fashion. To Alan’s eye the place was perfect, even better than the flat he’d rented, altogether less chintzy. Now if only this man had a decent erotica section.....

They doffed the cloaks they wore over their dressing gowns, the one they had been ‘found’ under and another that had been left in the Infirmary and Alan drew his wand from the pocket of his gown, “Right, now to try something out”, and so saying, he advanced on the fireplace. He’d seen Robbie do it in the first film, it looked easy enough. He pointed, muttered ‘Incendio’ and bright flames leapt up in the grate.

He stepped back, startled. Dan turned to him, bright-eyed, “Wow, that was cool. See this, though”, and Alan turned to him to see two thick-based tumblers floating along in the air behind Dan who was stopping them from crashing to the ground by keeping his wand pointed at them. He watched as Dan levitated them to the coffee table before the fire and lowered them carefully. One of the glasses fell on it’s side but Dan caught it before it rolled off the table, “Whoops, haven’t got the hang of this stuff yet. Well, Alan., there’s no doubt about it, we can do magic”, the older man joined the younger at smirking.

They both were of the opinion that butterbeer was simply awful and they found a sink in a tiny kitchenette, pouring it away. The firewhisky was altogether more to their taste. They poked about in the rooms being careful not to disturb things too much and had fun doing so. Dan poked in cupboards while Alan browsed the bookshelves. Dan turned up the bedroom and a nicely appointed bathroom. Hogwarts certainly looked after it’s staff..... Alan whooped with joy when he found the stash of erotica and started to flick through a book, calling Dan in to see the moving pictures.

“Looks like old Snape was definitely on the queer side of bisexual however much he loved Harry’s mother”, Dan remarked, peering over Alan’s shoulder, “The moving pictures are pretty rad though, shame the wizards aren’t better looking. All that facial hair, ew. What is it about wizards and beards?”

Alan turned his head with a smile and planted several kisses along Dan’s stubbly jaw, “Hark at the kettle calling the pot. Pomfrey kept you shaved all the time you were out cold but I think it’s a spell of some sort, no doubt it is taught to every male wizard sometime during adolescence. I think we need to learn it and soon unless you fancy wizardly face furniture of your own”. Dan swiped distractedly along the other side of his jaw and had to concede that Alan had a point.

They gathered up a few of the tomes of erotica and went to make themselves comfortable before the fire. Dan shivered despite the merry flames and his wool robe, “Brr, it’s still bloody cold in here. God what I’d give for central heating right now”, he said wistfully, pulling his feet up onto the sofa and tucking them under him. Alan snickered, “You’re nesh, that’s all that’s wrong with you. A bit of cold makes a man of you”, he nudged him.

Dan shrugged and tried to make himself smaller, “Yes, all very well, but I’m not much of a man with my nuts in my throat and my dick shrivelled to the size of a small wrinkly cocktail sausage, pun intended”. Alan snickered and pulled Dan into his side, “Aw, poor spoiled brat, missing his home comforts. Come here and snuggle up. I’m plenty warm enough for the two of us”. Dan grinned and went.

Hooking his legs across Alan’s, Dan let himself be sort of swept up in the man’s arms. He had to admit it felt bloody amazing. He leant on Alan’s chest, grinning. They were silent. Did he but know it, Alan was sitting there with a big daft grin plastered on his face and several stone of warm, loving boy in his lap. He recalled the daydream he’d envisioned in his flat; this was so much better. He tightened his hold and planted ecstatic little kisses in Dan’s hair, now soft and gel-free.

The head beneath his lips started to move, tip back. Alan’s kissed Dan’s brow then along his nose then his lips that opened beneath his own and their tongues came out to play. Dan let one hand play in his lover’s thick fall of hair and he finagled the other up around the broad shoulders, holding on tight as the kiss deepened drawing out long sweet sounds from them both.

They had started to fumble at each others clothing when a pointed cough right in the room with them startled them out of the kiss and Dan actually fell off Alan’s lap to be confronted with a green-lit head in the fireplace. He squealed and shrunk back against the sofa.

It was Albus. “Forgive me boys, but I really thought you ought to see this. It has been delivered to me just a moment ago. I’m afraid it bears very bad news”. Dan clutched at his chest, willing his breathing to slow down. After the initial shock, he realised it was the headmaster making one of those fire-call things. He was vaguely aware of something being shoved at him out of the green flames. Alan muttered, “I think we’re supposed to take whatever that is off him”.

Dan crawled cautiously to the fire and tentatively put out a hand. Albus smiled slightly, “While all is green then there is no heat. Here, take it. It is the newspaper you requested but, alas, not the day you asked for. This one is from three days ago. It will shock you. You have been warned”.

Closing his hands around the shape and snatching backwards, Dan found that indeed he had a copy of the Guardian in his hands. Nervously he thanked the elderly wizard who wished them goodnight before the flames became real fire once more.

Dan watched the flames change colour with his eyes wide. He was still clutching the newspaper. It was only when Alan murmured, “So let’s see what all the fuss is about”, that Dan finally came back to himself, shook his head and looked at what he held.

“Shock us? How?”, he finally muttered as he unfolded the thing.....and there it was on the front page..

‘A NATION MOURNS: THE LAYING TO REST OF ‘HARRY POTTER’ AND ‘SEVERUS SNAPE’.

WHAT?

The Blurb read: - “Thousands of fans and well-wishers lined the streets of London to see the funeral cortege of Daniel Radcliffe, otherwise known to millions as ‘Harry Potter’ as it ran side by side with that of Alan Rickman, who played the duplicitous ‘Severus Snape’ in the films of the world famous Harry Potter books, before the two processions diverged, one turning towards the Family home of Mr Radcliffe in Fulham and the other, that of Mr Rickman, traveled further south, where he is to be laid to rest beside his father in Kingston, Surrey. The corteges have made their stately way south over the previous two days from the site where Messrs Radcliffe and Rickman met their untimely deaths. (For further details: see page 2).

A spokesman for the two said, “The long journey was to let the fans pay their respects”. This reporter hasn’t seen such an outpouring of grief since Princess Diana died and I believe that there are books of condolences set up for the beleaguered child fans of the two actors (see page 5 for a synopsis of their careers). They will be much missed by their families, friends and their army of fans.

“FUCK”. Dan was the first to explode and he leapt to his feet. Alan could quite sympathise with Dan’s outburst. They couldn’t go ‘home’ now. Alan was too in shock to react much, he just felt himself going numb. He could see Dan going apeshit as if through a filmy lens but he just sat there dumbstruck until he felt Dan’s arms around him. He didn’t even realise his cheeks were wet until Dan kissed him gently, brushed their faces together and he could feel the wetness, then all the fun they had been feeling, all the joy, the novelty at this new set of abilities evaporated around them with a dull certainty.

They were never going back. They were dead and buried.

What the hell did they do now?