Kinyoubi no Koibito

Kinyoubi no Koibito--pt. 2


Kinyoubi no Koibito
Part 2by Matrim
Hen no Yuki
song: Angry

~So scream you, out from behind the bitter ache
Heavy on the memory, you need most
still want love, love's ugly smooth and delicate
not without affection, not alone~


"He did what?!!!!"
Hiro winced and pulled his ear away from the phone. "Kazuki...you're so loud."
"Sorry...just...I mean...I didn't want those two to break up!! I hated the way their relationship was annoying me but I didn't want them to break up!!"
Hiro took a look at Yuki who was sleeping peacefully on the bed, quite a contrast from the way he was last night after having two to three bottles of good wine. Hiro sat at the end of the bed and tried to get comfortable without waking Yuki. "No one wanted them to break up."
"How is he?"
Hiro took another look at Yuki. "Let's just say he'll wake up with one very bad hangover."
"Alcohol doesn't solve anything."
"It did for Yuki."
"He'll wake up, Hiro and feel worse than before."
"But we'll be there for him. Just like you guys were there for me."
There was silence on the line and Hiro wondered what Kazuki was thinking. "Eto...but....this is going to be hard."
"Are you saying thatsorrsorrow wasn't--"
"Hiro!! I didn't say that and you know it. No...I mean," Hiro imagined Kazuki scratching his head in thought. "This'll take months!! Damn, I wish you told me earlier--I would've gone off hunting Sakito and Miyabi and made them pay!!"
Hiro smiled. He knew Kazuki would say that. "They're only kids, Kazuki. They don't know what love is."
"Then they should stop messing with old men."
"You're actually admitting you're old?"
"I didn't say that I was old. I'm nineteen...I can't be old." Kazuki snorted. "That's why I don't bother falling in love with those younger than me. I love older men..."
"When you have a chance to get your hands on them." Hiro returned and enjoyed the indignant noise that Kazuki made. "Anyways...we were talking about Yuki?"
Kazuki sighed, "Yeah...I'd still like to hurt someone, though. Poor Yuki...he fell hard for that boy, didn't he?"
"Yes...but it'll be easier to get him out of his depression this time. I've been through the same thing, remember?" And it still hurts...came a stray thought but Hiro pushed it out of his mind. He'd never have to see him again and that was one blessing that he was very thankful for. "And if you and Yukito can't do it, I'll bring him out of his depression even if it kills me. Or him."
Kazuki made a sound of approval. "What a time to do this at....look after him for a couple of days, okay? I think he'll be closer to you since you've been through this thing and knows what he's going through and you've been there for him last night, so make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. And try not to get him drunk, okay? He's just running away from the pain and not dealing with it. That's no way to heal a wounded heart."
Yuki flopped over onto his stomach in the bed and moaned loudly. Hiro looked at him, "He's waking up."
"Oh, then I'd better go."
"Why? Whenever there's something wrong with us, we all know that someone calls you but everyone pretends like nothing's happening. We all know you're spying on us."
"Humor me and Yuki, Hiro. Just pretend that I'm a vain arrogant selfish bastard, alright?"
"Who's pretending?"
"Baka yarou...." Kazuki said softly. Yuki moaned again. "Oh, I hear him. I'd better go. Look after him, okay?"
"Hai."
"Ja."
"Ja." Hiro hung up the phone and turned around to stare at Yuki, who blinked his eyes slowly.
"Ohayou." Hiro told him.
Yuki's eyes shifted over to Hiro and just as he was about to respond, his eyes widened and he hastily began to stand up, tripping twice over the sheets and knocking over the trashcan in an effort to get to the bathroom. As soon as he got there, he threw up in the toilet and Hiro winced. Yuck. There was a few spitting noises and then the sound of Yuki throwing up again. Hiro winced again. Okay, so maybe the idea of getting him drunk wasn't such a good idea. Hiro listened as Yuki flushed the toilet and the noise of running water, alerted to him to him that Yuki was starting to brush his teeth.
"Daijyoubu, Yuki-kun?" Hiro asked, making his way to the bathroom.
Yuki turned around, toothbrush in his mouth and shook his head. He continued to brush his teeth vigorously.
"What's wrong?"
"Mmnff...fnef...sneffrero..." Yuki whined around his toothbrush.
Hiro stood there for a second as Yuki spat into the sink. "Nani?" Hiro asked.
Yuki rinsed his mouth a few times, looked at Hiro and his eyes began to water.
"Yuki..." Hiro reached out and gave Yuki a hug and the shorter man practically melted into it. "It'll be okay..."
Yuki didn't say anything just gave a few sobs, dampened Hiro's shirt and then pushed himself away from the drummer. He walked back to the bed, flopped down onto it and curled himself into a ball.
Hiro stood there stunned and then after a few minutes asked, "Are you hungry, Yuki? You haven't had breakfast, yet...I could call room service..." His voice trailed off. It was too quiet in this room. Yuki moved his head slightly. Hiro decided to take that as a no.
"Too rich for a hangover? Uhm...okay, I could get you a donut."
Yuki's head moved in the same manner again.
"You want anything to drink like tea or something?"
Again that movement.
"Do you want anything?"
Again the same movement.
"Do you just want to lie there?"
A different movement this time and Hiro decided to take that a yes.
"Hm. Alright, then I'll just leave you here and--"
"No."
"Nani? Did you say something?"
"I said no." Yuki sat up and stared at the drummer with red rimmed eyes. The bathrobe that Hiro had wrapped him in before he went to sleep the night before, fell off his shoulder. "Don't leave me, Hiro." Yuki said, harshly then went back to his former state.
Hiro stood there uncomfortably and then sat at the edge of the bed, his back toward Yuki. What the hell was he supposed to do now? He heard a whimper. What was he going to do? Did Yuki want him to hold him or anything? Or did Yuki just want him to sit there? Oscrescrew it.
Hiro crawled his way over to Yuki and stroked the singer's arm idly, in an effort to comfort him. This was going to be harder than he thought.
Yuki muttered something uncomprehendable.
"Hm?" Hiro leaned in closer.
"I want him back."
"No, you don't."
"Yes, I do."
"Yuki, he doesn't deserve you."
"I don't care."
"Well, I do. You don't need someone who will cheat on you."
Yuki glared at him, "Then what do I need, ii oniisan Hiro?"
Hiro ignored that, "You need someone who will appreciate who you are and not go looking for the same in someone else. You need someone who will mean what they say, who will tell you the truth, who will cherish you in every single way. You may think that he loves you but you'll find out that he never really did. He shouldn't have made you feel that way. So, forget him."
Hiro pulled the singer to an embrace. Yuki didn't resist.
And they stayed that way fost ost of the day, saying nothing. Occasionally, Yuki would whimper and Hiro would stroke his cheek.

********

~Cry when you cry, run when you run
love when you love
represent the ashes
that you leave behind~

--a few days later--

I feel like a mother, Hiro thought as he eyed Yuki protectively. Sure, the other musicians who weren't part of his band were staring at him strangely. Let them think what they want, Yuki was his responsibility. He did have to admit that the singer was sounding and looking a lot better than he had a day ago. He's a little too cheerful but he doesn't like people to worry over him.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Yasu asked. He raised his eyebrows at Yuki's strange happy behaviour and Yuki laughed.
God, that sounds a little forced...I have to talk to him about that, Hiro thought.
Yuki bounced over to Hiro and linked arms with him playfully. "Of course!! I've got my Hiro here to make everything better!!"
Yasu smiled that strange smile, the one that made everyone who knew him groan. It meant he was thinking something bad. "Hounto ni? Your Hiro? And what has your Hiro done to make you smilemuchmuch?"
Hiro looked down, blushing furiously. It didn't help that Yuki was clutching his arm like he did own him. He had to admit that it felt nice, though....
"He's just been a very good friend, that's all."
"Hounto ni?" That same damn tone of voice again.
He didn't think he could blush any harder but somehow he managed to and Yasu noticed this. "Seems like he's been a very good friend, indeed..." Yuki looked up at Hiro and then suddenly, let go of his arm.
"I didn't mean it that way," Yuki said, his voice softer, his own cheeks red with embarassment.
Hiro felt a strange pang of regret.
Yasu smirked and quirked an eyebrow as if to say he knew better and walked away with Ka-yu. Yuki watched them go by and Hiro didn't miss that slight spark of longing before it was quenched. Hiro picked up his drumsticks and idly began to drum on the drumpad on his lap. He let his mind wander as he did so, let the familiar rhythm of warming up take over his arms. He stared down at the blur of movement. Why had he been so much more attentive toward Yuki? His other friends got dumped and it never affected him this much. Maybe it was because he had never seen them in the process. Or maybe it was because Yuki was closer to him because they spent so much time together as band mates. Hiro began a sixteenth note warm u his his right hand then switched to his left hand. Or maybe it was because Hiro had been through the same experience?
Bullshit, he thought and mentally sped up the beat. His other friends had been through that and...well, he had already thought about that. Try to find another reason, he thought and began to paradiddle on the drumpad, slowly and eventually dingding it up. Then he began to drum one oeir eir songs randomly. It had to be that since Yuki was closer to him, he'd feel a sort of brotherly love toward him. Yeah..
Or something like that.
He hadn't totally snapped Yuki out of his depression but he knew it would take time. He was beginning to hate that cliched phrase despite how true it was. Things don't heal overnight, something nagged at him and Hiro stopped playing Sakura to drum a faster song . As his mind wandered, his senses became heightened like it usually did when he tried not to pay attention to other things.
Like how he could smell Yuki's hair.
Like how he could see other people moving around him, rapidly.
Like how he could hear what other people were saying.
Yukito was speaking to Kazuki about the setlist.
Kyo was arguing with a tech about the sound system.
Die was chasing Toshiya around because of some mix up with the makeup and Shinya and Kaoru were tryto sto stop them.
Yasu was trying to convince Ka-yu that no one would hear them if they did it in the ladies bathroom. No one ever went there anyway, was his argument. True...there weren't that many females around but everyone could hear Yasu, no matter how quiet he tried to be. He was a vocalist after all.
And then he heard it.
"Kawaii, ne?" Toshiya was saying.
"Hai..."
"Wonder if Hiro notices..."
Notice what? He began to wonder as he finished the song and began another"Nah"Nah..drummers don't notice anything." Die said.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Shinya said, sounding offended.
Yeah, what the heck is that supposed to mean?
"Itai! I meant, that drummers are way too focused to notice anything. Sometimes you have to save their lives to get the point across."
"That was merely coincidence," Shinya replied. "Besides, what if he's just ignoring it?"
"Then he's breaking a heart!!" Toshiya returned.
"What are you talking about?" That was Yasu.
What are they talking about? Hiro wondered and chose another song. A slower one so that he could hear a little better. Eavesdropping was bad something told him but he told that side of him to take a long walk.
"Ne, Yasu-kun, don't you think there's something up between those two?" Toshiya asked.
"Hm...I was thinking about that."
Do they know how loud they are or is it just me? Hiro wondered.
"Hiro has been paying more attention to Yuki lately....I don't know what happened..."
"I heard something happened at the hotel the other day..." Ka-yu said.
"Really?"
"No one's confirming it, though." Shinya pointed out.
"Bloody rumors...I want hard concrete evidence!" Toshiya demanded.
"Sh! Or they'll hear us!" Yasu replied.
"Look how Yuki's watching him...."
Hiro looked up from his drumpad at that and noticed another noise. He turned to Yuki, who sitting on his right. Yuki had been singing along with the drumming. Hiro tapped the drumpad. Four solid beats and Yuki--
"Mega sameta nara...omoi todo keyoo, dare yori kimi no koto aishite......" Yuki's eyes held Hiro's as long as he held the last note, his eyes burning sorrow, longing and something else deep into Hiro's soul. Hiro's breath caught in his throat as Yuki painfully sang the last two words.
"Iru kara...."
Hiro reminded himself that blue was not his best color and began to breathe again. Yuki closed his eyes and as the last note died away. He wiped at them a little while later as Hiro placed his drumsticks down. "Yuki? Daijyoubu ka?" He placed a hand on his shoulder.
Yuki sniffed, "Hai. Hai." He looked at Hiro's hand on his shoulder then looked away.
Hiro picked up his drumsticks again.
Things were getting strange around here.

*********

~And instead of wishing that the road
had shoulder
man you're seeing that you're sinking
over time~>

Yuki had no idea why he kept Hiro from going to his own hotel room. Well, he had an idea but he didn't want to consider it. It would just lead to more heart ache. Every single night, Hiro would stay in Yuki's room, not doing anything to him, just sleeping over. He slept on Yuki's couch, made sure Yuki ate, made sure Yuki didn't fall asleep in his clothes, made sure Yuki didn't do anything stupid. In short, he was being like a mother to him.
So, why had it affected him so much when Yasu teased him?
My Hiro?
Where did that come from?
But, still...Yuki peeked at Hiro out from under his sheet. The drummer thought he was asleep but he really wasn't. The lights were dimmed on his side of the room. Hiro was getting ready to sleep on the couch again. But, still...he tried to finish his earlier thought before Hiro came out in a bathrobe. It felt right when he was near Hiro. It felt right when he slipped his arm in Hiro's. It felt right when he called him, "My Hiro."
Yuki buried himself under the sheets and comforters and placed a pillow over his head for good measure. Yuki no baka. Not even a couple of days and he was starting to fall for Hiro. I'm such a slut...he thought. He didn't want Hiro. He just wanted the security of someone's arms around him again, someone to come home to again and--Yuki shook his head. It wasn't good to feel that way. He just had to learn how to become independent again. He clutched at the sheets.
He sobbed. So if he wanted to become independent, he had to stop using Hiro. He'd have to send Hiro away.
And that was the last thing he wanted.
I'm not in love with Hiro.
I'm not in love with Hiro.
I'm not in love with Hiro.
Then what was this new pain in his chest?
Sure, it still hurt to have people call him Yu-chan or did anything that reminded him of Sakito. But it hurt to have Hiro comforting him at every turn and stealing hugs from Hiro because he could. And singing to him yesterday--
...as if...
Hiro's not in love with you either...he's only doing this because Kazuki put him up to it.
Yuki threw off the sheets and Hiro gasped. ki-kki-kun?"
Yuki punched at the pillows for a little while then turned over so that his back faced Hiro. I wish I could just shut my mind up!!! He curled into a ball as he felt a hand brush his hair. Go away, before I pounce on you and break your heart!!
I'm not in love with you. Now go away.
Stupid Sakito.
Stupid Hiro.
Stupid Yuki..

*********

~I'm not angry it's never been enough
it gets inside and it tears you up
I'm not angry but i've never been
above it
you see through me don't you~