Freak

Frank's POV.

The car couldn't go fast enough, the scenery couldn't change fast enough. I just wanted to be home, I wanted Gerard. I didn't want to sit in a car all alone without a place to go. I wanted Gerard. My Gerard. I wanted him to be my Gerard, my Gerard that would love me forever no matter what I did. Maybe it was selfish of me, going back, but I didn't care. Then I'm selfish, because Gerard is what I need.

I was stupid, thinking I wasn't good for Gerard, stupid. Always have people told me how much I've helped him, how much he's changed - for the good - since we fell in love. Maybe I was just blind? Whatever reason for my momentarely ignorance, I was glad I was no longer in the dark about my true feelings.


Finally I entered New Jersey again, and my heartbeat picked up. I was still speeding, refusing to slow down. A miracle, that no one stopped me.

When I saw their house I couldn't see, because of the tears.

I didn't lock the car, I didn't even close the car door, I threw myself through their front door, and I fell to the floor just inside. I saw Mikey and Donna sitting with Gerard on the couch. They saw me, if not they heard me at least, and Mikey gave Donna a look.

Then they left.

I didn't care that they left, and I didn't try to get up from the floor. I crawled towards the couch and my Gerard, who was sitting there, tears still in his eyes. I cried, I sobbed, I wailed. I reached the couch, and my hands found his. I expected him to pull them away, because I deserved it. But he didn't, and I was happy he didn't.

"I'm so sorry," I wailed. My voice cracked, but I didn't care. I leaned foward and pressed my face to his hands that I still held in mine. I didn't know what he thought, because I couldn't see his face. He didn't say anything, so I continued rambling. "I'm so selfish, I'm so selfish that I had to come back. I can't live without you, I can't, I want to, but I can't. Gerard you don't need me, I need you. I have always needed you, always. I know people think I'm the one saving you, but that's not true. You're the one saving me. You're saving me from being miserable, you're saving me from dying, you're saving me from myself. Before you I did drugs, I drank, I had no friends, I hated my body, and I hated being close to people. You taught me about love, you taught me about friendship, you taught me so many things. I can't live if you don't love me, please forgive me, please take me back."

If he had caught anything of what I said - no wait, I rather cried it, loudly - it would be a miracle. I couldn't stop sobbing, and I couldn't stop squeezing his hands, I knew they must be numb by now.

"I love you Frank, I take you back." His voice whispered in my ear, and my head shot up.

"How? I just left, I left you Gerard, I broke your heart, I lied, I said I didn't want you. I lied Gerard, I want you, I'll always want you." I cried, my voice still much higher than normal. My eyes met his, and I saw sincerity in them.

"I love you Frank." He repeated, but I shook my head. I wanted him to take me back, but this wasn't right. He should shout at me, he should hit me, he should hate me.

"I left," I whispered, in hopes that he'd finally let his anger out on me. He didn't, he shrugged.

"You came back," he said and kissed my hands that he had raised to his face.

"But I left!" I insisted.

"You came back," he repeated. He slid off the couch, joining me on the floor. "You came back." He said again, but I still didn't understand why he had just forgiven me like that.

"Gerard, I left you."

"Frank, you didn't even pack a bag, it was quite a pathetic attempt to leave you know." He said matter-or-factly and I stared at him wide eyed. Had he just said that?

"What?" I stuttered, and his lips turned into a smile as he kissed my cheek.

"Mikey explained to me, he said it, he explained. I was sad, I was hurt, but he told me you hadn't even brought anything. Not even your wallet." He pointed towards the living room table and I saw he was right. I hadn't brought anything but the car keys. To a car that wasn't even mine, but Donna's.

I felt my face grow hot, and I knew I must have a nice red colour to it. I realised I had acted rushed, out of panic. Not panic that Gerard was getting too close to me, but the other way around. I realised it was a pretty pathetic attempt to leave.

"I can't believe I failed that bad with leaving." I said, and Gerard giggled.

"I'm glad you did, and I'm glad you came back."


When Gerard kissed me, I realised I was wrong. He wasn't nervous around me all the time, he wasn't always scared of saying what he wanted, and he wasn't scared of being who he was. I was the one who was scared. I was the one always afraid of saying the wrong thing. I was the one who depended on Gerard, just as much as he depended on me. And I realised, it was alright. It didn't matter that I left, because I came back.

He could forgive me so easily, because he understood. He knew, in his own childish and special way, he knew why I had left. He might not understand everything, and he might have a hard time explaining his feelings, but he did somehow understand this. He knew, maybe he saw it in my eyes, that I had done something wrong - thinking it was right. And he forgave me, because there was nothing else for him to do.


I wrapped my arms around his body and I felt his arms wrap around mine. I tilted my head slightly to let him deepen our kiss. And for the first time, he was in command. He was kissing me, it wasn't the other way around. He was being the dominant one, the one who won the battle between our tongues. It was amazing, pure bliss. He broke the kiss suddenly and gave me his famous smile, making him look like a child on christmas.

"I read about something called make-up sex once, I think this situation calls for it." He said, still smiling. I couldn't help but smile as well, leave it to Gerard to say something like that so casually.

"Make-up sex sounds pretty good right about now."


As Gerard pulled me towards the stairs, I prayed silently in my head that Donna and Mikey wouldn't hear us too much. I also felt, that maybe tonight, I'd teach him how to be the one on top. Maybe if I put myself and my body completely in his hands, it'd show him even more how much I trusted him. And maybe, that would make him feel a little less like a child, since I knew he didn't always like how 'young' he was. Surely, being on top while having sex with me, would finally make him feel like a man and nothing else.


A/N:
Sorry about not updating for like... ever.
This story is now 43 chapters and complete.
Obviously not on this site, but elsewhere.
If you want me to give you a link to that place, just let me know.
Otherwise I'll try to remember to update here every now and again.
(I'm just really lazy etc)
Oh, and there will be a sequel that's now in progress of being written.
Six chapters of that story exists already.
So yeah, review etc.
If you want a link, let me know and there will be one at the end of the next chapter.
(Otherwise yeah, I'll still update here until I'm done. I'm just never on here cos it seems most people have abandoned this site.)