Captivation

Chapter 35. The Awful Truth

Much later, after Tom has given him tissues, cuddles and a calming cup of coffee, Bill is finally able to sit up in bed and talk about what I did to him, although he skims over most of the details. With puffy, reddened eyes and a voice made husky from all that crying, he tells Tom that I touched him, but that it was through his clothes and reassures his big brother that I never assaulted him physically. He doesn’t tell Tom about his impulsive declaration of love for me, Bill instead focusing on what happened after that.

“All of a sudden, he just turned into a different person. Cold and cruel. He said I was stupid and foolish, and he wished he never kidnapped me. And that’s the good part.” Unable to repeat the exact insults I gave him, Bill summarises bitterly, “He basically told me that I disgusted him.”

Hearing this, even Tom looks taken aback. “Why would he say something like that? I thought he liked you.”

“I don’t know. Perhaps it’s some kind of test. Or maybe he doesn’t like me at all. Maybe he never did.” Sounding disillusioned and disappointed, Bill guesses, “Maybe he was just playing games with both of us from the beginning.”

“Well, I don’t know what his deal is, but someone’s gotta stop him,” Tom authoritatively proclaims. “Permanently.”

“Who? You?” Bill queries.

“Why not? If I don’t, he’ll just keep doing this same screwed-up shit again and getting away with it, over and over. He’s done this seven times already. Eight, including you and me,” the bigger boy points out. “I swear, Bill, I’ll make sure he can’t kidnap any more innocent twins and do to them what he’s done to us. Nobody deserves that.”

Nodding weakly, Bill seems to agree that my illegal activities need to be halted, no matter what he feels for me, or used to feel. My callous words would have been a massive slap in the face to him and hopefully made him reconsider what he thinks of me and my character. I am a bad guy, no more, no less. It’s time he accepted that.

Drained after the day’s tumultuous events, the emotionally-distraught brunette curls into a ball on the bed and takes a nap. By his side, Tom sits there the entire time, chin in his hand, thinking hard. It appears he’s plotting something. Most likely vengeance upon me. He’s probably pondering ways to get me alone and catch me off guard so he can use his newfound strength to overpower me. That’s no easy feat. The last time he even came close to overpowering me was just before we had sex in the conference room, after he beat me bloody, when he had his arm around my neck trying to choke me. I bet he wishes he hadn’t stopped. I bet he wishes he’d just kept going, kept choking me until I quit breathing and turned blue. If he’d killed me then, I wouldn’t have had a chance to wound his twin’s sensitive soul.

While Bill is sleeping soundly, Tom sneaks into the bathroom with the cordless phone and calls me on my direct connection. So that he doesn’t know I’m watching him, I act as though I’m expecting his brother instead.

“What do you want NOW, Bill?” I say frostily after picking up the receiver. “I thought I made my feelings towards you pretty clear.”

“Uh, hey. It’s not Bill. It’s Tom.”

“Oh…hi, Tom,” I reply, acting astonished, since this is the very first time he’s ever called me. “How can I help you?”

Tom’s deep voice comes down the line, taut with nerves. “I was, uh, wondering if you wanted to have another lesson. With me. Tonight.”

“A lesson? I thought you didn’t want those anymore.”

“I changed my mind,” the older teen lies. “I know I still have a lot to learn from you.”

“You do,” I concur.

“So…could I come to your room later?”

“You could,” I say hypothetically. “But I also know that I upset Bill earlier and you’d be looking to get revenge for that. What’s your plan - pretend you want sex with me, get me naked and then strangle me from behind instead of fucking me? I don’t think so, Tommy. I know you want me dead.”

He almost crushes the phone in his hand. “I just want to go home,” he grinds out, annoyed that I can see through him so easily.

Answering him, I reply, “Well, we all want things we don’t have.”

“Bill said you offered to let us go, a couple of weeks ago. Is that true?”

“Yes. I was feeling generous that day.”

“I realise Bill refused,” he continues in a last-ditch effort towards freedom, “but I’ll take you up on that offer, if it’s still available.”

I pause as if considering it. “Okay. I’ll let you go.”

“…Really?” he asks, sounding dubious.

“Really. Bounty Hunter’s honour.”

“Both of us? Or just me?” Tom questions warily, implying that I might want to throw him out on the street and keep Bill for myself as a play toy to torture and torment whenever I wish.

“You can both go. In fact, I was already planning on releasing you boys, without you even asking,” I inform Tom, surprising him.

“Why?” he asks, appearing confused. “Why let us go now? We haven’t done what you want.”

“I guess you could say I’ve had a change of heart,” I answer, not telling what Bill said to me after I touched him through his jeans, how he’d given up on Tom and wanted me instead. “But first I would like one final group meeting in the conference room. Does five o’clock this afternoon suit?”

Puzzled yet cautiously optimistic, Tom agrees to bring Bill and meet me in the usual place at the allotted time.

At five on the dot, they arrive. Tom shows up looking like his usual gangsta self in oversized clothing and a baseball cap over a stretchy head-wrap that’s holding the ropes of his dreads out of his face. Bill has dressed up extra-pretty, in a sheer white tank top through which his nipples can almost be seen, tight back studded leggings and boots, a thick metal chain around his neck, bracelets on his wrists and rings on his fingers. His hair is tied back into a sleek ponytail and he’s wearing eyeliner and mascara. You can’t even tell he was crying earlier, all the redness and blotchiness gone from his ivory skin thanks to a layer of foundation, the whites of his eyes clear and the dark brown hue of his irises as velvety and mysterious as always. His lips are coated in pink gloss. By making himself appear sexy and glamorous, it’s as though he wants me to see what I’ll be missing out on since I coldheartedly rejected him. As gorgeous as he looks, he doesn’t have to show me that. I already know what I’m going to miss.

Once they’ve taken their seats in the conference room, I offer them coffee but they both decline. I stay standing, addressing the pair of musicians from across the table. Bill is avoiding my gaze but Tom isn’t, his dark-eyed glare as challenging and hostile as it used to be in the beginning.

“Bill…Tom…the reason I asked you here today is two-fold. Firstly, to let you know that you will be released very soon. Possibly tomorrow. And secondly, because I need to tell you something else,” I concede, trying not to sound nervous. “Though it shames me to admit it, I haven’t been entirely honest with you boys. I have been keeping secrets. We’ve gotten so close lately and shared so much and I believe you both deserve to know the truth.”

Bill peeks up at me and then quickly away.

At my drawn-out hesitation, Tom prompts impatiently, “The truth about what?”

“About what’s really been going on here. I know that my behaviour has been…odd…at times but not everything is as it seems.” I realise that I’m fiddling with my dragon necklace and have to force myself to stop it and carry on speaking. “Before I release you two, there’s somebody I want you to meet. Somebody that’s been a big part of my life and who has played a crucial role in your kidnapping.”

The teens exchange alarmed looks.

“Stay in your seats, please,” I instruct as I’m heading to the door. “I’ll be back shortly.”

Outside in the corridor, I take a few deep breaths, my heart pounding like mad. “I don’t think I can go through with this,” I whisper apprehensively.

The other person with me snorts in a mocking fashion. “Are you shitting me? Telling them was YOUR idea, Koji. Not mine. I’m not sticking a gun in your back and making you do it.”

“I know that,” I answer agitatedly, “but I’m afraid of how’ll they’ll react!”

“Pretty fucking badly, is my guess.” My companion give a lazy shrug, unconcerned. “Who cares? They’re already screwed up by this whole thing anyway.”

“But if I tell them, they might understand more and forgive me for what I’ve done. I don’t want Bill and Tom leaving here hating me.” The gold dragon pendant is back in my fingers again, being fretfully twisted around on its metal loop. “Since I’ll never see them again, they ought to know what’s been happening, and why they’ve been treated the way they have. After everything the twins have endured down here, they’ve earned it, don’t you think?”

“So, go tell them. Go on, hurry up,” I get prodded rudely. “What are you waiting for? The zombie apocalypse?”

At the thought of facing my captives and spilling this secret like blood out of a vein, I hesitate, anxiety and fear freezing my limbs and lungs. Breathing is impossible all of a sudden.

“God, Koji, you’re such a pussy.” The male that I’ve been talking to shakes his head scornfully and steps forward, pushing me back. “Fuck it – if you can’t do this, I will.”

A minute ago, I walked out of the conference room. Somebody else walks back in.

“Hello, boys,” he says coolly and confidently to the pair of nineteen year old Germans seated in chairs at the other side of the table. “You don’t realise this but we’ve spoken before. In fact, the majority of meetings you’ve had here in this room were conducted by me. Most of the time, I was the one questioning you, not Koji.”

Tom glances to Bill in bafflement. Bill blinks, looking completely lost, as if there’s some practical joke going on here that he doesn’t get.

“I suppose I should be polite and introduce myself.” The person speaking to Tom and Bill performs a small Japanese greeting bow and says to them, “My name is Keiichi. I’m Koji’s twin brother.”

There is a very long silence. The brown-eyed teenagers stare at the man in front of them, the man who looks exactly like me down to the honey colour of his irises and golden-brown of his lengthy ponytail.

“But you’re dead!” Tom blurts dumbly.

“Not as dead as you were led to believe.”

Looking utterly devastated and betrayed, Bill whispers, “He…he lied to us?”

“Yes, he did. We both did. This entire experiment wouldn’t have worked otherwise. So, now you know. There’s two of us.” Keiichi smiles in sadistic amusement. “Surprise.”

Barely controlling his anger at this news, Tom grits out, “I want to talk to Koji. Go get him.”

“How about a ‘please’?” Keiichi replies in slight annoyance.

“How about a ‘fuck you’?” Tom counters furiously, jumping out of his chair and glaring at my brother with both fists bunched. “I don’t know you and I don’t owe you shit, you lying bastard! Get Koji back in here. NOW!”

“Whatever.” Kei sounds disinterested, unbothered by Tom’s rage. “Yell at him all you want, Tommy-gun. It’s not gonna change the facts.”

My identical twin closes his eyes.

I open them, gazing anxiously at the two boys waiting for me in the conference room. While Tom appears madder than a bull at a rodeo, Bill is just sitting there with shoulders slumped and a stricken expression on his face, as though I’ve crushed what little faith he had left in me, as though I’ve let him down in the worst possible way. It pains me to see him hurting like this.

“I’m sorry, Bill,” I say, feeling gut-wrenchingly guilty. “I didn’t want to lie to you but…but I had to. All those awful things I said to you earlier…that wasn’t me. It was him. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

Turning to the other teen, I continue in a regretful rush, “I know you’re angry, Tom, and you have every right to be, but please believe me when I say I wanted to tell you about us. God, I wanted to tell you so many times but Keiichi wouldn’t let me. He said it would compromise our mission. I hope you can both find it in your hearts to forgive me.”

Bill’s expression intensifies and he covers his mouth with a gasp.

Frozen on the spot, Tom is staring at me, a slow look of horrified comprehension filling his rounded eyes. He gradually lowers his fists. He tries to speak but nothing comes out. He swallows and tries again. As if talking to a three year old child who’s playing with a live grenade, the older teenager says slowly and carefully, “Would you mind giving Bill and me a moment alone, please?”

“Who are you speaking to, Tommy?” Keiichi drawls. “Me or Koji?”

“Both of you. Would you guys be able to leave the room so I can talk to Bill privately?” Tom gulps uneasily. “Please?”

“Of course,” I reply understandingly. “Take as much time as you need. We know this information is a shock to you.”

Keiichi’s cool, impersonal tone changes my voice, making it harder and less friendly. “Although,” he states with a criticising look at Tom and Bill, “if you two dumbasses were half as smart as Koji thinks you are, you should have figured this out long ago.”

Interrupting him, I say hastily, “We’ll give you boys a few minutes to yourselves and you can ask us anything you like when we come back, okay?”

My brother and I exit the conference room and go to the viewing booth to see how the kids handle this bombshell.

When they’re alone, Tom drops into his chair and leans backward, clasping both hands behind his head and exhaling a long breath of incredulity. “Fuck,” he remarks in disbelief. “Holy fucking FUCK.”

He turns to his little brother. As he has been since I left, Bill is focused on the closed door with a far-away gaze, his hand still over his mouth. He has started crying soundlessly and emotionlessly, almost as though he doesn’t realise he’s doing it, trickles of saltwater rolling down his face and over his fingers.

With a frown, Tom touches his arm. “Hey, you all right?”

Bill’s hand lowers robotically into his own lap. “He’s sick, Tomi,” the smaller male replies in dull acknowledgement. “Koji is really, really sick.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all along,” Tom says insistently. “I always KNEW there was something seriously wrong with that guy. I just didn’t realise how bad it was. I mean, he thinks his dead brother is living inside his head! You can’t get nuttier than that.”

“It’s not Koji’s fault.” With tearful eyes, Bill finally looks at his sibling. The younger Kaulitz boy sounds both profoundly despairing and sympathetic. “Oh, God. We need to help him!”

“How can we help him, Bill? He’s too far gone. Once you cross the border into Crazy Town, you don’t come back.”

“He’s not crazy, Tom. He has a psychological disorder.”

“What’s the difference?”

Bill doesn’t answer, just sniffles and wipes his eyes and nose with tissues from the box on the table, looking deeply distressed by what he has learned.

“Oh man, everything makes SO much sense now,” Tom announces excitedly. “This totally explains why he acts the way he does, why he switches between nasty and nice in the blink of an eye. He’s got a split personality! Guess losing his twin fucked him up more than we thought.”  

I decide to go back into the conference room before Tom can say any more insulting things about me and my mental state. The young musicians straighten up in wary alertness when I enter and take my seat, as if they’re not certain who I am.

Looking between them both, I say reassuringly, “Relax, guys. It’s me, Koji. I know my situation is…unusual. Are there any questions you’d like to ask?”

“I got one,” Tom volunteers, holding up his hand. “Have you ever thought about getting professional help?”

I make a dismissive gesture. “Psychiatrists are of no use to us.”

“Us? So, who did I beat up that day in here? You or your brother?”

“That was me. I let you do it. But Keiichi was the one who made you angry. He’s a lot meaner than I am.”

“Yeah, I’m the evil twin,” Keiichi confirms, smirking at Tom. “Get used to it, buddy-boy.”

I speak again, attempting to distinguish what I’ve done and more importantly, what I haven’t.

“Anytime I was mean to you, or said something cruel, or was physically violent, it would have been Keiichi saying and doing those things. He’s the one who slapped you, Bill,” I tell him apologetically. “He’s the one who knocked Tom down on the floor at the beginning and took his gun, pointing it at him. Keiichi’s the one who did the chokehold on your brother that day and the one who pressure-pointed Tom later on, forcing him to his knees. He’s the one who made you perform oral sex on me.”

“And Koji was the one who said sorry for it. He wants to be the good guy that everybody likes,” Keiichi drawls. “It’s kinda sad and pathetic how he needs approval from a couple of punk kids.”

“Kei, butt out,” I scold. “I’m trying to explain things here and you said you’d let me talk.”

“Why bother?” he retorts. “They’re not gonna understand anyway. They’re dumber than a box full of bricks, even put together.”

“At least let me try,” I return with quiet determination. “We owe it to them. And they’re much more intelligent than you give them credit for.”

“Fine. I warned you not to tell them about us so if these spoiled little rock-star wannabes hate you for this, don’t blame me.” Keiichi sighs and shuts up, letting me have my way.

The boys are staring at me in utter bewilderment, watching me argue with myself. Or at least that’s how it looks from the outside.

“Sorry.” I wince remorsefully. “That was rude.” 

Expressing his bafflement at the rapid way my brother and I shift back and forth during a conversation, Tom exclaims, “How the hell are we supposed to know who we’re talking to?”

“Most of the time it’s me,” I reply. “You should be able to tell when we switch. As you see, Keiichi is quite sarcastic. He can be harsh and blunt, he says exactly what he thinks and likes creating arguments and conflicts. I’m a little more diplomatic, I guess. I have much more patience than him and I don’t like to fight.”

“The times we played in the games room,” Bill begins in confusion. “Were you with us then or was it him?”

“It was me. I was on strong painkillers during that period – you know, for my cracked ribs? – and that seemed to keep him subdued. That’s why there was no fighting between Tom and I and we were all getting along so well. Although, Keiichi is always there in the background, trying to influence my behaviour. Sometimes I can control him. Sometimes I can’t. Sometimes he just takes over.”

“How long has he been…with you?” Bill asks in a delicate manner.

“He appeared to me about a year after he died,” I reveal. “I’d started my freelance bounty hunting business and had just taken the Spanish twins. That was an unplanned abduction, my first one, a spur of the moment thing. After I released them, I just woke up the next morning and heard this voice in my head telling me to do it again. I recognised it as Keiichi’s voice and realised that somehow he’d found a way back to me. We talked. I listened to his messages and followed his instructions. Even if he was just a disembodied soul or spirit, I was so happy to have him back in my life that I would have done anything he wanted me to.”

Which I did, whether it was for kidnapping or other, more erotic purposes. I don’t tell the boys of the private messages my dead twin gave me, how he’d ask me to touch myself naked in front of a mirror and imagine it was him. I don’t tell them how I’d turn my head with shut eyes and suck on my shoulder to leave a purple hickey, like he was the one marking me. I don’t mention how he’d get me to push three fingers into my own body and think of him fucking me. I don’t recount out loud how Kei would make me come onto the mirror’s surface and lick it off, as if I was licking up his semen, not mine. This highly sexual stage didn’t last though, as it was ultimately unfulfilling for both of us not having two bodies anymore, and my brother soon focused back on the idea of capturing and enlightening as many pairs of twins as possible.  

“With each week, Keiichi got stronger and stronger,” I divulge, Bill and Tom listening with growing concern. “He didn’t just speak in my head anymore; he could talk through me and use my body as his. He convinced me to kidnap all those kids, saying that it was a good thing we were doing, helping other twins have the kind of loving relationship that we once had. He said this would keep him alive so he could stay with me. For that reason alone, I was glad to do it. I used my bounty hunting skills to find, track and take them all. But when it came to you guys, I wasn’t so confident. We had known about you for a while; we’d seen your band performing in a music video clip a couple of years ago and with a little internet research soon found out you were indeed twin brothers. I’d always thought you were both very beautiful but had no plans of trying to abduct you or anything. You were such high profile celebrities; I didn’t think we’d be able to capture the pair of you and get away with it but Kei said we could, that we were too clever to get caught. And so far he’s been right.”

I think back to how relatively simple it’s been, stealing and locking away each of my captives. All it takes is a bit of careful surveillance and the right amount of planning, down to the last detail. If you prepare everything in advance and plot your actions properly and meticulously, you can kidnap just about anybody on the planet.

“With the other twins, I never felt guilty for abducting them, seeing it as a necessary part of helping them love each other. I believed that what I’d done was right. However, once I got to know you guys,” here I look between Tom and Bill, “I began to wonder if I’d made an enormous mistake doing what Keiichi told me to. I began to feel anxious whenever he took my body over, not knowing what he would do or say. Not only was he getting stronger, but he was getting crueller too. He knew how much I’d grown to like you both and he was jealous. Punishing you was his way of getting back at me. Guilt was creeping up on me and every time he hurt you or made you cry, I felt worse and worse. You see, I had come to care for you too much and wanted to let you go but Kei said no, we had to see this thing through to the very end, just like all the others. However, you’re not like all the others,” I admit to the Kaulitz brothers. “You’re special. I’ve tried to show you as much kindness as I possibly can, to balance out all the bad.”

“Can’t you just stop him?” Bill pipes up timidly.

“Believe me, I don’t like seeing either of you boys in pain but when Keiichi takes over, I am powerless,” I confess. “It’s like I’m trapped inside my body, aware of everything that’s happening and everything that being said but all I can do is look on helplessly. I know you think I have a split personality but that’s not quite correct. Most people who have multiple personalities are unaware of what goes on when their alter ego takes control. They mentally black out, regaining awareness after the fact and with huge holes in their memory. They don’t remember what they said or did when they became their alternate identity but I do. Unlike them, Keiichi is not a fictional character. He’s a real person and he shares my body and my brain. He speaks through my mouth and my hands are his. What he does and says…I witness it all and that’s what makes this so difficult for me. I have to watch as he hurts you and manipulates you and more often than not, I can’t do a thing to stop it.”   

“Which one of you gave me those ‘lessons’?” Tom demands. “Which one of you freaks did I give that handjob to?”

“Me. Him.” I shake my head. “It doesn’t really matter. What you do to one of us, you do to both of us. We both feel it. We both experience it.”

“Maybe you both felt what I was doing but it must have been you in the driver’s seat then because you nearly cried,” Tom reminds me. “I bet your asshole brother wouldn’t cry during sex.”

“No,” I reply quietly. “No, he wouldn’t.”

Squinting suspiciously, the dreadlocked guitarist guesses, “So, was Keiichi the one who kicked me out of your room that day? Was he the one who called me a bitch and told me to get out?”

“Yeah. That was him. He’s the one who taunts you and calls you ‘Tommy’, because he knows you don’t like it.”

“He’s a fucking douche,” Tom says flatly. “And so are you because you actually believe what you’re saying.”

I frown. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you’re completely deluded if you think your twin brother still lives and speaks through you. This other identity…whatever it is…YOU made it up,” the argumentative teen accuses me. “You created it in your mind. Your brother died years ago. Whatever is in your head, it’s not him. It’s not even real.”

“I AM REAL!” Keiichi roars, launching himself over the table like an attacking panther before I can halt him. He grabs Tom by the neck and roughly hoists the frightened nineteen year old youth out of his chair, making him stumble across the floor and shoving him hard up against the nearest wall. My face is twisted by Keiichi’s rage, my teeth bared in resemblance to a growling animal.

“Does this feel real to you, Tommy? Do you think it will feel real if I dig my fingers further into your throat and rip it out, you arrogant little fuck?” Keiichi snarls, pulling a fist back in readiness to punch Tom. “Do you think it will feel real if I smash your skull into the concrete behind you?”

All of the weights training the first boy has been doing in preparation to fight me again goes out the non-existent window as Tom is too terrified of the snarling yellow-eyed beast I’ve become to even speak, let alone try to struggle, his complexion turning white as Keiichi’s hand tightens viciously on his throat like claws.

“No! Don’t hurt Tom,” Bill frantically begs, appearing beside us and clutching my arm. He is starting to cry again, looking at me beseechingly through tear-filled eyes. “I know you’re in there, Koji. Stop him! Please, Koji, PLEASE…”

Hearing Bill saying my name so pleadingly shocks me back into my own body and I jerk my hand from Tom’s neck.

“Oh, God. I’m so sorry, Tom,” I breathe in horror as I back away from him. “I would never…I’m sorry!”

In a panic, I turn and flee the room – taking my brother with me – before anything dreadful can happen.

………

 

I find myself in the bathroom, facing my reflection in the mirror. Except, I don’t see myself. I see my identical twin, looking back at me from the depths of the shiny glass rectangle. Tom’s damning accusations have shaken me and left me questioning what I believe about my entire existence.

“Are you…are you real?” I bewilderedly enquire of the reflected face.

“Of course I am,” Keiichi replies, sounding offended that I’d even ask.

“Because sometimes I’m not sure you are,” I continue uncertainly. “Sometimes, I think I might just be losing my mind and talking to myself.”

“Come closer, Koji. Look at me.” He puts his hand up on the mirror. “Touch me, brother.”

I place my hand over his, palm to palm, staring into glowing amber eyes that are duplicates of mine, my face directly opposite his matching, angularly-cheekboned one. If I leant in a little further I could kiss his dusky-coloured lips, and have done so in the past, but I’m too troubled and confused to be kissing him right now.

“You know I’m really here and I’m not going away,” he says to me. “Don’t let Tom influence you. He might not believe in me but that doesn’t mean I don’t exist.”

I take my hand down. “You shouldn’t have done that to him. He’s scared of us now.”

Keiichi scowls. “Well, he was being a prick!”

Defending the older teen, I reply, “He just doesn’t understand yet.”

“We should MAKE him understand!” My brother’s voice rises in anger again.

“How is hurting him going to help?” I counter. “Tom just needs a little more time to process this. So does Bill.”

“We shouldn’t have told them about us. They know too much now.” Narrowing his eyes, my twin hisses in a deadly tone, “We should kill them both.”

I recoil backward. “No!”

“You love them more than you do me!”

“I do not,” I insist. “I’ve always loved you, Kei, more than anybody in the world.”

“Oh, yeah? Why did you let Tom fuck you, then?” His words are sharp with jealousy. “Why did you suck his dick? Because it certainly wasn’t me who did that.”

“It didn’t mean anything.”

“Liar. And don’t get me started on Bill. That primping brat has you wrapped around his polished little finger. You’d do anything he asked, wouldn’t you?”

“I haven’t slept with him,” I remind Keiichi. “Or kissed him.”

“But you want to, don’t you? You want to make sweet love to Bill Kaulitz and forget all about me and what we once had together. Well, guess what, dear brother of mine?” His expression turns spiteful and vindictive. “I won’t LET you forget. I will never let you be happy. Not with anyone else.”

Starting to hate him for the first time, I mutter, “Leave me alone, Kei.”

“Never,” he taunts from the other side of the silver-backed glass. “You will never be rid of me. My body may be ashes but I will be here haunting you for the rest of your miserable life, making sure you don’t replace me. I’ve let your little indiscretions with Tom slide because you were teaching him much-needed lessons. I’ve even excused you for rubbing one out of Bill because he was so pitifully desperate to get off but the instant you try and stick your cock into his inviting ass, I will put a stop to it. I will throttle him right in front of you, Koji, and make you watch as he dies. I will not let you betray me for some stupid fucking kid!” 

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” I scream and punch my brother in the face, shattering the mirror and his hateful image along with it. After the last shards of glass tinkle to the tiled floor, everything turns mercifully silent.

I leave the bathroom and go sit on my bed, staring absently at the framed photograph of me with my departed twin, back in happier times. He was much nicer then. My cut knuckles are bleeding onto the blankets beneath me but I don’t feel the pain.

I can’t believe how close I came to really hurting Tom. Well, not me but HIM. Keiichi. My other half. The deranged half. He’s the one who pushed Tom into the wall and made those awful threats. Not me. I want to let them go - I’ve wanted to let them go for a few weeks already, but he doesn’t agree. For the moment, my brother has gone. But he will be back and if he attacks either of the boys again, I don’t know what the outcome will be. I might not be able to jump in and stop him next time.

Feeling strangely numb, I get up and take a gun out of my weapons closet. Tom’s gun. It’s still fully loaded. Gazing down at it, I hold the revolver in my hand, caressing its smooth, cold metal chamber.

Perhaps I should blow my own brains out. That might be the only way of stopping Keiichi for good. Then again, if I try that he could take over and turn the weapon on the twins in the other room, killing them just to spite me, to punish me for being too soft and weak. I’ve gone along with many unethical things at my brother’s urging but that I cannot let happen. I cannot let Bill and Tom die.

But what can I do? This whole situation has gotten utterly out of hand. It’s gone way too far and has to end. It has to be terminated.

One way or the other.