Slow Motion

Here's the second brand new chapter as promised!



chapter thirty-six: Revenge For Ryan [part one]



Brendon's never been to a funeral before. He's never had to go to one, he remember's when his grandmother died, he was eight year's old but he didn't go. He didn't go because his father said no, that no one would be going so, Brendon's never been to a funeral but that's still where he is now.



He's at Jon's funeral, standing with his hands clasped together, wearing a stuffy suit that Nate rented for him because Brendon doesn't actually own any suit's. Nate's standing next to him, a solid picture of strength. He didn't know Jon but that doesn't stop him from mourning the fact that he died in such a sad way.



Ryan's there too but he doesn't really get it, his concept of death is skewed by his situation, by his little picture book with the angel's and those disney movies. Nate found Ryan a suit as well, secondhand but it still look's nice on the boy. Brendon hasn't seen Ryan in a suit since Ryan's dad's death, another funeral he didn't go to.



Of course Spencer is here, slightly shabby suit, Nate offered to get him a new one but the younger boy declined. Brendon might've overheard Spencer telling Nate that the suit he was wearing was the same one he had worn to his senior prom, the same prom where Jon had been his date, showing up wearing flip-flops and a dress shirt unbuttoned over a t-shirt. Nate says that Spencer smiled when he talked about it.



The boy isn't smiling now. Jon's dad wound up wiring Spencer some money. It was his last act as Jon's father, his last attempt at being a good father. That's how they paid for the thing, the casket, the spot where he was burried. At least Spencer had managed to find a preist who would perform the funeral for free. To Brendon's surprise the priest was that one guy..brother Gillespie, or Aaron, the priest that Brendon had met at the church after Pete's suicide attempt.



The boy wasn't sure if Aaron remembered him but he smiled and asked god to take good care of Jon, to keep him at peace. Spencer didn't cry at the funeral, just stood there with his jaw set tight, staring at the closed casket, it's black top shiny in the daylight.



Besides the four of them, five if you count brother Aaron, no one else came to the funeral. None of Jon's family, not his parents or his brothers, not his sister, not friend's, absolutely no one else. Brendon expected this to happen but it didn't stop it from being sad.



He wonders about his own death one day, who will come to his funeral? Will Nate be standing there in a rented suit? Ryan will probably be there, maybe Spencer, William might show up, he'd probably drag Gabe along with him. Pete would probably stand in the back, not make his presence known to anyone. Travis would probably come back later and piss on Brendon's grave.



Spencer is ready to leave before they even lower Jon's casket into the ground. No one argues with him and they go home, brother Aaron the only one still at the burrial site, his ginger head bowed in prayer.



They're back home again, Spencer shedding out of his suit the second they hit the doorway. There's a for sale sign already in the yard of the house Spencer and Jon used to share. Brendon and Spencer had spent a good amount of the day before picking out thing's that Spencer wanted. He didn't want much, some clothes, a couple of pictures, a stash of money that he had hidden under one of the floorboard's.



That was it, everything else was getting left behind. Taken by the company that owned the house, shipped somewhere that Spencer didn't want to know about. All of Spencer's posession's now rest in a box at the end of the sofa in Brendon's house.



Nate help's get Ryan changed and Brendon changes as well. Spencer asks for coffee but they don't actually have any left. Spencer offers to go pick some up but Brendon tell's him that he'll go and get it instead, Spencer tell's Brendon that he's going to the store with him.



That's where they are now, Brendon driving to the store with Spencer tucked safely in the passenger seat. The two of them are riding in silence, Spencer staring out the window. Brendon isn't saying anything, he's not sure what he should say to the boy, what is even okay to talk about on the day of your abusive ex-boyfriend's funeral?



"I think I need to find a place of my own." Spencer says moment's later. He turn's away from the window to look at Brendon.



"You know you don't have to right? I have no problem with you staying at my place." Brendon hopes he hadn't been giving Spencer the impression that he want's him gone, nothing could be further from the truth. Spencer nod's.



"I know that. It's just-" He fall's silent again, looking down at his knee's before he look's back at Brendon. "Living next to it...it's too hard." The younger boy finishes. Brendon knows what he mean's, the house, the memories, it must be driving Spencer crazy.



"Well," Brendon starts, changing lanes and heading down to the local market. "Just don't do anything rash okay? I don't really want you rushing into anything." Brendon doesn't think he should be trying to tell Spencer what to do, that's what Jon did.



Spencer smiles just a bit. "It's not like I would be out turning trick's on street corner's Bren. If anything, I would go back to my mom's, she doesn't live too far from here." The blue eyed boy explain's, Brendon's glad because maybe his mind would get away from him if Spencer just left and he'd surely be thinking the worse.



Brendon pull's into the parking lot of the market, trying to find a space in the crowded lot. Spencer is still smiling, little and warm. Brendon likes when Spencer smiles but now, now he's got this weird little feeling in his stomach when Spencer smiles, a feeling that's usually reserved purely for Nate. Despite everything that's happened Brendon's mind slip's back to the night Spencer kissed him.



He's not going to lie, Spencer's attractive, Brendon's always thought so. Even back before there was Nate, back when he and Ryan first moved into the house. When Spencer introduced himself from across their yard's. Nothing ever happened back then because there was Jon and then there was Pete and now there was Nate so nothing could happen. Brendon wouldn't let it happen.



Brendon would not become Pete.



The boy find's a spot and promptly pull's into it, he and Spencer going into the store in silence. Brendon has a bad habit of getting bored in stores and wandering away, he does it this time, leaving Spencer alone in the coffee aisle, the older boy going instead to check out the magazine's.



He's still wandering around when he see's a familar figure standing in the cereal aisle. It's someone that Brendon hoped he'd never see again, someone who makes an instant fire spark up in his belly.



It's Travis.



He's standing there in sweat pant's and a baggy hoodie, debating between two different kind's of cereal. He look's a hell of a lot skinnier since the last time Brendon's seen him, that mean's he's probably still on drug's, the hardcore kind, the kind that made Ryan into what he is today. Travis' usual companion Alex isn't around, or at least not somewhere that Brendon can see. Brendon wonders if the same thing that happened to Ryan has happened to Alex.



Brendon is sort of frozen on the spot, he doesn't know what to do. He really feel's like running over and tackling Travis to the ground and beating the shit out of him. At the same time he feel's like turning around and leaving, never speaking to the monster that's hanging around a cereal aisle.



Brendon decides on the latter and is about to turn around and go when he knock's into one of those display's, a can from said display falling and clattering loud against the floor. Brendon doesn't even have to turn around to know that Travis is looking at him. He bend's quickly to get the can and as he straighten's up, a cocky voice settles over him.



"Brendon Urie..." Travis' voice says, Brendon turn's around slowly, looking back at Travis as he stand's and has the nerve to smile, fucking smile at Brendon.



"Travis." Brendon sort of grit's out. Travis' eyes drink in the younger boy's body and Brendon is already uncomfortable.



"If you wanted me to look at your fine lil' ass you could've just asked." Travis says and Brendon's teeth clench. He doesn't know if Travis is serious or not, maybe he's trying to get Brendon all wound up.



"I'll never be that desperate Travis." Brendon replies, Travis laughs.



"Ryan was that desperate if I recall."



Brendon's fist tighten into ball's at his side. He's not going to get into a fight here at a grocery store and he's not going to show Travis that he's pissing him off, that's all the older boy want's, to work Brendon up.



"Brendon, there you are." Spencer says from somewhere behind Brendon. The boy turn's and Spencer is looking at him expectantly, two containers of coffee in his hands. Spencer see's the look on Brendon's face, see's Travis staring at Brendon with a knowing sort of smirk. Brendon knows he must be confused. "I was..looking for you." He add's weakly. Travis chuckles.



"I had heard that you and Pete broke it off. So, this is the new ass your tapping?" Travis asks, his eyes raking over Spencer's form and he not so subtley licks his lip's. "Good choice." He add's, his voice darker than it had been moment's before.



"Come on Spence, we're leaving." Brendon tell's the younger boy, he's not giving Travis that smug sense of accomplishment, he's not even going to justify him with an anwser. Spencer nod's and turn's away, glancing at Travis with worried eyes, Brendon following the younger boy, leading him to the front of the store.



"I wonder if he's tighter than Ryan..." Travis says a little too loud, making sure that Brendon hear's. Both boy's freeze now, Brendon whirling around and Spencer standing there with his jaw dropped. "I wonder if he'd cry for help like Ryan did? What do you think Bren?" Travis breaths out, his voice low and dark, he's smirking again. Brendon want's to pounce on him and beat that smirk off of his idiotic face.



He's still trying to just let it all go. He's just trying to get out of it all, get away from Travis and go on living. But it's too hard, all the memories the day Travis hurt Ryan so bad, how he pointed the gun at Brendon and all the boy could do was let him get away...the burning anger was too much.



Brendon was gone before Spencer could grab him, if the younger boy would even try to stop him. The black haired boy was propelling himself at Travis, tackling him to the hard floor, holding him down and slamming his fist into the dark skinned boy's face repeatedly.



"Brendon!" Spencer gasps out but he doesn't make a move, not yet. Travis is grunting and throwing his own punches, his arm's longer than Brendon's and he land's a few strong punches to Brendon's jaw, to his eye. The boy doesn't care though, the pain isn't even registering, all that's getting through to him is the anger. The way Travis had Brendon watch, the way Ryan was so desperate for help and the fact that Travis was getting off on it, it was too much for Brendon.



Eventually some store worker's show up to stop the fight, attempting to pull Brendon off of Travis. The younger boy slamming his fist against any part of Travis that he could. A paticularly beefy worker is holding on to Brendon, the boy's leg's kicking out desperately trying to connect with any part of Travis' body. A tall worker has Travis in a vice like grip, holding on to him as the dark skinned boy cusses and tries to break free.



"You two have to leave the premises now." The worker holding Brendon says. They start to drag the two boy's away in seperate direction's.



"Send my regards to Ryan!" Travis yells with a laugh. Brendon tries to break free a little harder and when he can't his brain spit's out the thing it think's will hurt Travis the most.



"Tell Tyga I said hi next time you visit him in jail!" Brendon yell's back and his word's take a split second to register on Travis. His face goes blank for a split second before he growl's and jerk's trying to break free and pummel the shit out of Brendon.



They both wind up outside, Spencer too, the worker's having taken the coffee from the boy. The worker's escort Travis to his car and he speed's off, squealing rubber against the pavement. They also escort Brendon and Spencer out to their car, Spencer drives this time.



The two of them are driving to a different store, one where they can actually find coffee at.



"Wanna tell me what that was about?" Spencer asks after a few silent moment's. Brendon look's at him with a rapidly blackening eye. He doesn't, really he doesn't. Spencer doesn't need to know about how Ryan was hurt by Travis, he doesn't need to know but he does deserve to.



"That guy, that guy is a horrible person. He's done horrible things." Brendon says, flipping down the vanity mirror so he could check out his swelling eye. Nate would not be pleased by this encounter.



"Like what?" Spencer presses, look's at Brendon from across the seat. The older boy sighs raggedly, tap's his fingers against his jeaned leg, it's now or never, time to bite the bullet.



"He got Ryan into hardcore drug's, he was the one who helped Ryan become mentally challenged." Brendon pauses, wait's to hear what Spencer's reaction is. The younger boy's blue eyes widen and he shakes his head a bit, makes his hair flick to the side. "That's not all though." Brendon add's and Spencer glances at him, worry in those blue eyes.



"What else Bren?" He asks, he stop's at a red light and Brendon's got his full attention now. Brendon set's his jaw tight, just saying it makes him angry, make's him wish he had done so much worse to Travis than repeatedly punch his smug face. "It's bad isn't it?" Spencer asks and Brendon nod's. No one knows about what happened to Ryan except for Gabe and Nate, that's it, but Spencer is so close to the older boy, he deserves to know, that's what Brendon tell's himself.



"That guy...Travis, he raped Ryan."



Spencer makes a choking sort of noise and grip's the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white.



"Before?...or after?" He asks, his voice low and more dangerous than Brendon's ever heard.



"After Ryan's accident...that's when he did it." Brendon notices his knuckles are this strange purple color, he's oddly sastisfied with this, he hopes that Travis goes home and examins all the marking's Brendon left on his face and chest, see's them like Brendon had to see the mark's the older boy left on Ryan.



Spencer look's pissed, look's angrier than Brendon's seen him in awhile. It's a good thing they're not too far away from the next store, Spencer might accidently kill them in rage.



"How could he?...how could he hurt Ryan like that? He's so..he's like a child!" Spencer is crying out, his eyes are hard and his knuckles still white as he turn's into the second store's parking lot. The younger boy park's the car, hands gripping the wheel and he's silent.



"I know." Brendon says, he does because he's thought of the same thing a million or so time's. A fresh surge of guilt washes through Brendon, he knows that ultimately what happened to Ryan is his fault. If he hadn't taken Ryan into that atmosphere, if he didn't fuck himself up and then leave the older boy alone and vulnerable that Travis would've never gotten his slimey hands on him. It's Brendon's fault, it is but he won't admit to that part, can't confess to anyone but himself that his own stupid choices led to what happened to his best friend.



The duo go into the store in silence, moving quietly and quickly, wanting to get the searched after coffee and get out. There's nothing much else for the two of them to say to each other, their thought's centered around Ryan. They get the coffee and get back in the car, Spencer driving once again.



"Brendon, how did that happen to Ryan?" The younger boy asks, Brendon won't lie, he was expecting this question, expecting Spencer to want the details's about the situation. Brendon is afraid to anwser, doesn't want to see the look that Spencer will give him, he doesn't want to see the hate that would reside there. "I mean..did that guy get into the house? Maybe you could press charges or something?" The boy suggest's.



Brendon shake's his head. "I can't press charges against him."



"Why not?" Spencer's watching him with intense blue eyes, sidelong glances between driving.



"Because I was getting high when it happened...I took Ryan with me to this guy's house, I passed out and Travis got a hold of Ryan." So, now Brendon admitted it and it actually feel's good for the briefest of second's before the fear take's hold. Telling Spencer was right though, all the thing's that boy has confessed, Brendon feel's like he owes it to him, he feel's like he always has to tell Spencer the truth.



Spencer is silent, his blue eyes flickering with thought. Brendon is expecting the cold shoulder but he isn't expecting Spencer to pull suddenly to the right, jutting the car across the lane's, earning them honk's before he settles at the side of the road. He's staring at Brendon now, his hands off the steering wheel and pressed into his lap.



"Ryan got raped because you were getting high and not watching him?" He asks, his voice cold.



Brendon nod's. "I was a different person before...I was fucked up...I was shit...I still am."



"Why would you take him?"



"It was a stupid choice I know that! I love Ryan, I don't ever want anything to hurt him!" Brendon find's himself shouting, Spencer wasn't questioning Brendon's love for Ryan though, they all know he loves the older boy.



"If you love him so damn much why do you take such shitty care of him?" Spencer isn't raising his voice, he's barely remaining calm but he is.



"You don't know how hard it is Spencer. To know someone and then suddenly they're not the same...they can't even understand you."



"Brendon...I watched Jon change right before my eyes...I do know." Spencer's voice is cold, a kind of cold that chill's Brendon to his bone's. It's strange to hear them arguing because they've always been so considerate of one another, always so careful that maybe it was only natural that the two of them break down at some point. "He depend's on you...you're all he has." Spencer whispers.



"I never asked to take care of him! I never wanted that responsibility! I had to do it because they wanted to put him in a home! He was afraid and I took him in because there was no other choice Spencer!" Brendon's still yelling, his voice echoing in the confined space of the car.



"So, you think of him as a burden?"



"He was my best friend." Brendon's voice is faltering.



"He still is! He's not some hopeless case Brendon! He's getting better!" Now Spencer's voice is loud, it seem's the two of them have swapped volume's, Ryan being a strong arguing point for both of them.



"I know...only because of you though...you did that." Brendon is losing this argument, he knows Ryan may need him but he deserves better than him. Spencer sigh's.



"He think's the world of you Brendon, every time he learn's something new, everytime I teach him something. He can't wait to show you, to tell you about it, he love's you." Spencer's voice drop's again. Brendon's not sure if this is a guilt trip or not, it doesn't matter because he does feel guilty. With so many thing's going on in his life, Ryan has slowly dropped rung's on his importance list.



"I don't want to talk about it anymore." Brendon says definitly, he's sort of desperate to end this conversation. Spencer stares at him for a long moment before the younger boy nod's, start's up the car and pull's out of the lot.