Dream On

Chapter: 5

After a while, these four white walls start to look normal. It's average to see people screaming about bugs under their skin and scratching wildly at exposed body parts. It doesn't shock a person when someone tries to gnaw off your arm. And after that while, when all things strange and terrible seem every day to you, you realize exactly where the fuck you are and just how hopeless the situation has become.

This is what it's come to. I hold the pills in my hand. These are the last pills I will ever take in this god forsaken place, if everything goes as planned. But, that's a big if.

"Orlando, look at me. It is of the utmost importance that you listen to what I have to say and that you take it to hear. Alright?"

I look at my 'doctor' who's become surprisingly close to me over the last four months, and nod. OF course I'd listen to her. She's one of the only two people who will actually listen to me. The only ones who give a damn.

"Good. Tomorrow, they're going to let you out. You know this. But, I need you to talk to me now and tell me anything at all that you have to say about anything. I need to hear all the facts or else, I can't let you out with a completely clean bill of health. They will make me sign your release forms as cured but not permanently and you don't want that hanging over your head. Do you understand me? Do you understand that this is our last meeting?"

It's a strange feeling of warmth and pain to hear her speak those words. My time here has ended. I have to step out into the real world of electronics and bills and families now, and it scares the shit out of me.

I feel like Red in Shawshank Redemption. Will I have to ask my next employer if I have to use the bathroom? Will I just kill myself after a few months on the outside? Will I end up right back in here? There are too many ifs and wills and have-nots and should-haves. Maybe I should stay here. Maybe I could-

"Orlando."

My horrid thoughts stop and I look to the good doctor. She's tried so hard to help me. "Look, I just want to go the fuck home." I smile, sheepishly remembering our first meeting.

She smiles as well, the memory almost fond now. "So, there is nothing I can help you with one last time?"

I look down at my hands almost sullenly, almost entranced by their smooth, almost translucent texture and color. They're strange hands, long and slim. They're not really good for much besides moving on thing from one place to another. Or taking pills. Not really useful at all.

"Orlando?"

"No doctor. I'm truly fine now. All I need is to get out and back to my life. I've wasted far too much of it already." I meet her gaze. She smiles at me, sympathetic. She once told me that she never gets too close to her patients, so when she stands and leads me to the door, I'm not offended. I'll see her tomorrow any way.

"Take care tonight Orlando."

We shake hands before I exit into the capable hands of the orderly.

I watch him enter the room and a tear drips down my cheek.

I'm actually crying for the miserable bastard and it hurts.

He sees me and smiles as he walks over. He's getting out. I'm not. End of story. Right? Lord I hope not.

"Hey Spooky. Last night. What do you wanna do?"

I smile back at him, wiping away the tears he doesn't see. I won't let him see me crack for him. "I don't know. Why don't you tell me." I leave the words hanging. There are a hundred different ways he could interpret the statement, but it wouldn't be Orli to look at them sexually. He doesn't want that from me, and that is amazing.

"Well, we could raid the pantry and have a blast giving sugar to Gesties." He likes my suggestion. Gesties is a Manic Depressive with no memory that goes, how can I say it, fucking crazy when given sugar. He's tried to kill me three times since I first got here on account OF the sugar. Of course, ElfBoy wasn't there to protect me then. He's made up for those times with many a black eye and many a trip to Solitary.

"Are you sure you're up to the task?"

I give him a humored look. "Please. I taught you everything you know about getting into trouble here. Besides, it's not that hard to break into the pantry once you have the codes." I gave him the best shit-eating grin I could master and he laughed loudly.

"Well then my short she-woman, lets go freak up some mental patients."

Well, we get into the kitchen easy enough . . . but we decide to stay and have fun, just for the hell of it. Just because it will be the last time that we can do something fun together before I go-

It's such a strange thought to have to leave Cassia behind. She's my best friend now. She really is. I've told her things that I have never told anyone before. And I don't want to leave her behind.

"Hey ElfBoy, look! CHOCOLATE!" She grabs some candy bars and shoves them in her mouth after ripping off the wrapper. I laugh at her and shove some in my mouth, groaning at the forgotten joy of the sweet brown substance.

She digs some more and comes up with a can of corn, some chocolate chip cookies, and my favorite, Vanilla cake with the little sprinkles in the frosting. Grabbing chairs, we turn off the lights and sit and watch the stars through the small window. It's actually the first time I've looked outside through a window not covered in mesh in a long time.

We fall asleep like that, happily filled with chocolate and cake. And I dream.

**flash**

"HEY ORLI! Over here!" Meg runs through the waves, her sarong held high against the waves splashing at her legs. Her hair is almost golden in the late afternoon tropical sun. She looks so heavenly right then. It is then that I decide that I want to marry her.

**flash**

"Meg, I love you beyond everything. I want to spend my life with you. I want to marry you." I look at the empty seat in front of me and sigh. Why is it so hard to do something that I know is so right? Why is it so hard to speak my heart?

**flash**

There's a bright flash of light then the unmistakable sound of gun fire, three times rapidly. Atti falls next to me, three holes in his chest and blood everywhere. I scream and fall to my knees at his side, yelling for him frantically. On his other side, I see Meg standing, her eyes wide, then another bang and she drops to the ground, a bullet hole between her beautiful eyes. She stares at the heavens, completely lifeless. The blood flows from Atti's dying body and tears fall from my eyes. "No! You can't go. No Atti. Please, don't leave me too."

**flash**

"Orlando, you have problems. You need some help." I look up, like a small child, at my friends. They don't understand. They just don't understand at all."

**flash**

Cassia's wide innocent eyes float in front of me.

"Why are you here?"

"I killed my best friend."

"Sounds interesting."

"Yeah, bloody interesting."

**flash**

With a jolt, my head pops up. There are orderlies all around me. And they don't look very happy. "Hey guys. How's it going?" One of them backhands me, sending me sprawling to the floor and landing in our candy mess.

"Hell of a last night stunt Fairy. You sure fucked up this time." I slowly crawl to my hands and knees, my head ringing furiously.

"Don't hurt her. She didn't do anything." The only thing I can think of is keeping Cassia safe. She has to hold on longer than I do in this place and I don't want her hurt for my revels.

"Don't hurt who. Who the fuck are you talking about?"

One of them grabs me by the nap of my neck and hauls me to my feet. I look around wildly, trying to see Cassia and make sure she's all right. If they've hurt her, they better pray for their lives.

I see her, finally, my gaze coming to rest on the counter to my right. She grins happily as she swings her feet like a child and takes another bite of the candy bar in her hand. I take a step towards her. She's all right thank god.

"Where the fuck are you going? No where but Solitary. You may be leaving tomorrow, but I can still punish you today."

I reach for her, trying to pull her with me, and protect her. But she smiles and shakes her head, her hair in pigtails and swishing nicely.

Something dawns on me. They've left her alone. They haven't touched her. "You, you turned me in, didn't you?"

She grins again, takes another bite, and nods happily.

"You little conniving bitch! You were supposed to be my friend!"

"Who are you talking to Bloom?" I look up into the leering face of the biggest, ugliest orderly in the world.

"Don't play that game. She sent you after me and all you can do is pretend she doesn't exist?"

The orderlies loo looked to the counter, but there was no reaction. It was like they couldn't see her there, mocking me. "You sons of bitches." I struggle against their hands. Then suddenly, they let go, throwing me to the ground. I land hard, on my hands and knees once again.

"What the hell is going on in here?"

I look up into the startled face of my doctor and breathe a sigh of relief. She'll set them straight. She'll help me out. "It wasn't my idea doc. I swear it was her idea. Whatever she told you is a lie."

Her face is no less confused. In fact, now she looks downright bewildered. "Who Orlando? Who is she?"

"HER!" I point, very angry now, at Cassia, still sitting there, swinging her legs.

"Orlando. There's no one there."

They call it schizophrenia. Imagine it. Me, schitzo. Me, Orlando Fucking Bloom, boy wonder and all around great actor.

I pace my room like I've done everyday for the last four years. Eventually, eventually they'll figure out that I'm not crazy. That it was that evil conniving bitch the whole time. Eventually.

"Hey ElfBoy. Wanna play?"

I growl at Cassia, sitting so nicely on my bed. "Leave me alone. JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!"

"Isn't there ANYTHING you can do for him doctor? Aren't there some new crazy pills out there or something?" Samantha Bloom looked at her older brother's doctor with hope and despair.

The man shook his head. "No, there is nothing for a case as serious as this one. I'm afraid he's gone."

They both turned to look through the double-sided glass at Orlando, who was screaming at his empty bed. Samantha shook her head woefully as a tear dripped down her cheek. Placing her hand against the glass, she kissed where her brother was standing and turned, too pained to look at him. "Get better Orli. Get better."

With a repressed sob, she turned and walked away.

It sucked you in, it dragged you down
To where there is no hallowed ground
Where holiness in never found . . .

Feel the fever coming,
You're shaking and twitching
You can scratch all over,
But that won't stop your itching.

~ Depeche Mode, Dream On ~

The End