Complicated This Feeling

“Tony, no! No. No, don’t ever, ever think that!” Joel wriggled around in Tony’s lap to face him, cupping his face in his hands, kissing him as he spoke. “I love you, ok? I love you. I love what you… what we… the way you make me feel. It’s amazing. You are amazing. Don’t ever think; please don’t ever think I could ever ever be ashamed of what we have.”

Tony felt relief rush through him at Joel’s words and he released the breath he hadn’t even realised he’d been holding. He kissed Joel and wrapped his arms around him. “Then why?” He asked softly. “Why can’t you tell Benji?”

Joel let out a shaky breath, resting his forehead against Tony’s. “All my life I’ve had to share everything with Benji. I’ve never had anything that was just mine and… now you ARE mine. And I just… wanted to keep you to myself, to not have to share. Not even with Benji.”

“He’s your twin, Joel. I think he deserves to know, don’t you?” Joel nodded but Tony continued before he had chance to speak. “How would you feel if you found out he’d been hiding something as… as…” He floundered looking for the right word. “Hiding something as important as a relationship from you?”

Joel whimpered, a look of pain on his face and a tremor shooting through him. He shook his head, biting down on his lower lip. “No, he whispered. “I want to tell him,” he admitted.

“But…” Tony prompted.

“But I don’t know how. I’ve kept this... us… from him for so long, how do I tell him?”

Tony sighed and wrapped his arms around Joel, kissing his forehead. “I don’t know, babe. Look, we were going to spend the day tomorrow, why don’t you spend it with Benji instead; have some twin time?”

Joel pulled back slightly to look at Tony. “You sure?”

Tony nodded, wicked grin growing on his face. “I’m sure. After all, I can have my wicked way with you any time I want.” He flipped them over, pressing Joel down against the bed, holding his hands over his head as he kissed him hard. “And I want now!”

Joel grinned, the giggle quickly becoming a moan as Tony’s lips found his neck, his head rolling to the side. “Tony…”

Before Tony could reply the door opened and they both looked up to see Matt stepping into the room, a shocked expression on his face.