Slow Poison

Never again. Gackt told himself, as his rubber soled shoes pounded on the cement beneath him. He made it to the garage, securing himself into his car intend on going to the one place where he could truly think. His mind soon got the better of him and memories of yester year began to wraif through his mind like the ghosts he never could quit escape.

" Hey pretty." Mana's normally cold voice cooed in his ear. Hearing such an warm endearment from his trademarked iciy lover made him feel better damn good. Gackt rolled over to greet his lover only to find that Mana had his back to him. They had made love majority of the night after shooting the video for 'Beast Blood', Mana had slyly stated that the song brought out something almost animalistic in him. He was tempted to reach out and touch orange colored curls but instead prompted himself on his tingling elbow- he had for some odd reason tucked in under his head while he slumbered- he hadn't really meant to eveasesdrop on Mana's phone call, he was just curious as to whom his lover was speaking to so early in the morning.

" Yea, he's still alseep." Mana's voice continued, his tone becoming much like the harshness he was used to from the bishouen.
" He's a decent lay. That's why!" Mana snapped angrily into the phone.

A decent lay. That was all the procelain god saw him as. Just a quick fuck when there were no screaming groupies around to make do with. A harsh reality that hit him hard due to the fact of this: Gackt had fallen for Mana. He had truly loved him for his harshness. Mana in the end had taught him something as an lover and a musician.

Gackt fought hard against the tears that were dangerously close to spilling free. He had driven to his favorite spot in Kyoto, his laid on his back staring up at the sky line from his position on the hood of his car. There was no moon to guild him, making him feel as if his beloved night had turned it's love away from it's greatest admirer. The sun hadn't too long set giving the slowly brighten lights of the city a soft almost haunting glow before the sky became alive with it's artifical stars.

Gackt dragged hard on his smoke recalling the words that Masa had spoken. " Slow poison." He mumured aloud. " That's what it's like to be in lust. It's a dangerous desire that eats away at what love is supposedly there until nothing is left but an bitterness that effects both parties involved." Gackt's grey eyes fell on the nub that had been his cigarette. " A pleasureable death indeed." He whispered to the wind with thoughts of Mana on his mind. The good, but mostly the bad. Did he really want to risk that with Masa?

A slight vibration sent a pleasurable chill down his thigh. It took him a good minute to realize that it was his cellphone.

"Moshi moshi, Gackt desu."* He said into the phone.

"Washiya,"* You said into the phone.

Gackt wasn't surprised at all, he was somewhat waiting to receivce a call from You. Sliding off of the hood, Gackt said quietly for reasons he could not explain to himself, "You."

" Yes, I'm here." You responded sounding a bit put out.

A beat.

" Where are you?" He asked sure he already knew the anwser to that.

" My favorite place in Kyoto." Gackt voice was causal yet soothing showing no signs of earlier discomfort.

'' I'm glad you're doing better, Gacchan. I was...worried."

His affectionate concren was touching, reminding Gackt exactly why he could confide any and every thing to You.

" Gacchan," You begin again, his voice sounding a bit strange to the vocalist.

Gackt reminded silent and waited. Whatever it was, You would have no trouble getting it out.

" What happened between Masa and you? I know something happ-"

" He told me that Toshi and Chacha went for a walk." Gackt stated quickly. He hated to tell him such news but it was better then telling him what had went on between he and Masa.

" I know." You's voice had a touch of melonachy in it. " Ren and I found them in your room."

" My ROOM?" Gackt boomed pissed off that they would even venture there without his permission.

You laughed, light and sweet.

" Nothing went on. They were just reading you Banana Fish manga."

A relieved sign escaped his lips. He had to admitt that he was a touch bit disappointed.

" Where's Masa?" Gackt stated out of genuine curiousity.

" Gone." You anwsered, adding, ' We thought he had went off with you."

" He tried to." Gackt quipped before You could question him further. He then added for good measure, " Who's staying?"

" Ren has a date, Toku bailed after losing his money to Ren while playing games. A good thing too since Ren ahd mention he needed some extra cash for his date. Chacha and I need some-"

" Alone time.'' Gackt finished feeling something inside of him grow heavy. The thought of the two of them bothered him so much. Why? He didn't begrudge You a relationship. He wanted You to be happy.

" Yeah." You sighed.

" You want to know if he wanted to bed Toshi don't you?" Gackt asked softly mentally kicking himself for the interest in You's love life especially since he wouldn't share his own love woes.

" Yes and no." You answered.

He was sighing again, and Gackt was sure he was running his fingers through his dyed blonde coif.

" I trust him thought."

Trust. That single word stuck a sour cord in the other musician. He had trusted too. Trying to keep the bitterness he was feeling in his heart out of his voice he said,

" So no one is staying?"

" Do you want us to wait for you?" You offered.

"No." Gackt replied firmly. " I would like-I want...I want to be alone tonight." He lied feeling the pangs of longing in his chest.

/He's lying/ You told himself.

Picking his words carefully, You asked once again,

" If something happened between you two, you can tell me."

'' Nothing happened." Gackt stressed clutching the phone in his sweat dampened hand. He hadn't even realized how moist his skin had become.
" Look, You, I have to go."

" Okay, Gacchan." Then adding softly, " I'll be sure to lock the doors for you."

```

Masa watched as everyone slowly departed from the house. He had stationed himself across the street taking safety in the generous clump of trees that were present. He had noticed right off that Toshi had left with You and Chacha and the three seemed rather chummy. Not that that bothered him, it actucally made he feel good.

I'll wait ten more minutes for Gaku. Masa told himself.

A cold rain begin to fall driving the bassist inside. Belle's excited yep echoed off the walls. Without the house's host, Gackt's home seem rather strange. Growing weary of waiting, Masa reintroduced himself to the couch. The cushions bounced beneath him causing a pilow to fall to the polish wood.

Fuck it. He'll fix them the way that he likes them after he kicks me out.

```
Gackt parked his car into the garage visibly pleased that all cars and people who had been present had gone. He removed himself from his car and immediately found it unnature in the stillness that surrounded his house. Normally the house didn't feel so empty to him but tonight it might as well have been his tomb, a pretty tomb shrudded in darkness and beauty that reflected it's only perfectly. He entered from the back door, shutting it gently as to not distrub Belle who would usually come running upon his returns.

I wonder if anyone fixed my couch.

He wondered, a part of him hoping that he had not attempted to do so since none of his bandmates could properly do it to his liking. You had come close but no dice. He entered, and even in the dark he could make out the human shaped lump that was Masa.

" Masa," Gackt called softly as he neared the still form. Masa's head was at the left end of the couch giving him easy access to the top of his head. He reached out gently snatching up a handful of darkness. Masa's chin length coif felt like silk against his skin. He decided he rather liked the feeling and continued to touch.

Gackt's featherlike strokes stirred the guitarist from slumber. He mumured the singer name dreamily as he titled his head up to face him. He could barely make out the others features. He groped blindly for the lamp Gackt kept near. He found what he was looking for and soon a soft light filled the small corner of the room giving sight to the blind j-rockers.

" Masa." Gackt called again matching Masa's dreamy tone. His face was serious was his tone bothered on amusement.

Masa eyes blinked twice his eyes widened, dielated and seemed to apologize all at once as he adjusted himself to the sudden light. He sat up reminding Gackt of a schoolboy who was caught sleeping through a lesson. Belle's loud yap at her master's side really waking the sleeping j-rocker. Starled, Masa pushed his hands into his hair, tucking it behind his ears so that he could see Gackt better. Gackt, had knelt down on his knees and began to message Belle's ears.

" What time is it?" Masa asked groggily. He hadn't been sleeping long but, he still felt so very tired.

Gackt cut Belle's greeting short, taking hold of his sleeve pulling it upward so that he could check the time.

" It's a little after nine." Gackt replied. His expression was somber making Masa feel a bit at ease.

" I'm really sorry." Masa said curling his legs under his butt. He knew Gackt's didn't like feet on his couch-unless it was his own- but Gackt didn't seem to care.

Belle sent Gackt a 'should I leave' look. He nodded giving the dog her leave. He then rose to his feet taking a seat beside the bassist.

" Not as sorry as I am." Gackt's voice was soft, sad, and apologetic at once.

Masa turned to look directly at the taller musician. His mind seemed to be trying to fathom the meaning behind those words.

"Pardon?" Masa replied frowning, even with the corners of his lips turned downward he still looked quit kawii.

Gackt took a breath. It was a slow intake of air that felt cool when released.

Here goes...

" I lied eariler." Gackt informed the younger man bringing his hand up under the other's child. Masa's skin felt warm against his giving him what he needed to continue. "I do care about you. I care about you then I'd like to admitt to myself."

" Then why-"

Gackt titled Masa chin upward, he locked onto his eyes. " Let me finish." Gackt demanded with gentle sterness. Masa felt something in him soften. He quieted and waited for Gackt to continued.

" But we can't be together as anything more then friends."

" Why?" Masa acts innocently. His hands moved from his side to latch onto Gackt's covered wrists. He wished that he could trult feel him but at the moment he would settle for the touch of Gackt's fingers beneath his chin.

I don't understand. He seems so sexual but at the same time he seems so bashful at times. Could it be that Gacchan was shy?

" Why can't you be with me?" Masa pressed on, trying to keep his anger in check.

" The band." Gackt replied flatly feeling lame in saying so.

" They'll understand! And if they don't fuck them." Masa hissed growing angry once again.

Gackt bit his lip.

He did understand about You and Chacha, so why wouldn't they? Was he just using that as a crutch? After all, they ha found happiness.

" I'm scared." Gackt confession was more so to himself then Masa.


1. Hello, this is Gackt

2. It's me.

I was glad that I found those phone pieces in an interveiw that I read. The fic isn't over, i have but a mere few chaps to go. *sigh* I hope my brother wasn't too mad at me. after all, it is his author name. he uses my sn so i guess we're even, ne? next chap up soon. your whore,loveswhore