Chipped Black Nail Polish

Disclaimer: Don't own them. Song is property of TBS.

Chipped Black Nail Polish
Part Four: You Still Care

You see, it's never been enough
Just to leave or just give up
But, it's never good enough to feel right

We stayed late at practice and then we all went out to eat. You made me eat everything, muttering things behind your hand. You said I was getting too thin, I was going to get sick. You actually said you didn't want that. 'I don't want you getting sick, all right?'

Your voice was softer than normal. I ate everything. I felt like a four-year-old kid when you smiled at me over my empty plate, but I felt better than I'd felt in ages. Maybe tonight things would go back to the way they used to be. Maybe you'd say I love you.

I fell asleep in the car. I didn't mean to. You shook me awake when we got home. I stumbled into the house, wiping sleep from my eyes and yawning. All I wanted to do was collapse. The couch even looked comfortable and I know it's not. You pulled me by my arm into the bathroom and started pulling my clothes off.

"Jeans." you said after you tugged my shirt over my head.

I didn't hesitate, but I looked down as I stripped, afraid you'd hit me if you saw the tears in my eyes.

"Knees." I turned to kneel, but you grabbed my shoulder and stopped me, then slipped your hand under my chin. I was shaking as you pulled my face up so I was staring in your eyes. You clenched your jaw and slapped me. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" I didn't say anything.

I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. Mikey, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry.

But you can't hear words I never say.

"I was so lenient on you today." you snap, slapping me again. "And all I want when we get home is this and all you can do is fucking cry. What is wrong with you?! Why do you insist on doing this to me?"

"I-I . . ."

"Get out!" You point and I burst into tears.

"No! No, Mikey, please don't. I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry." I try to stop my tears. "W-What do you want me to do?"

You glare at me and shove me against the wall, then lift me onto the counter. I stare at you as you undress, then press into me. I've learned not to expect any lubrication or preparation by now, but it still hurts everytime. I grab your shoulders and then pull my hands away, terrified you'll slap me again.

"You can." That's all you say, but I understand. Tentatively I grab your shoulders again, my black fingernails digging into your skin as you thrust harder and harder into me. I bite my lip. You like me to be quiet during sex.

I gasp audibly, however, when I feel your hand on my erection. You haven't touched me in so long. Usually you just finish and leave me to finish myself. "Quiet." you snarl, but your hand continues stroking, your fingertips tracing my length.

I'm so confused. How can you be so cruel and yet start doing these things you used to when we were . . . normal?

I tense as I feel my orgasm building . . . I come in your hand as I feel you erupt inside of me. I didn't even realize I was whispering your name until you told me to shut up and pulled out of me, holding your hand to my mouth. "Well?"

I lick your hand clean, chancing a glance at you once or twice. Your jaw is set but your eyes aren't as cold as they normal are. Before they were an ice storm and now they're more like a blizzard.

You leave when I've finished with your hand, wiping it on a towel before you shut the door. You open it again and stare at me. "Shower, then go to bed. Boxers, no shirt."

"M-Mikey?"

"What?"

"W-Which bed?"

You contemplate for a minute. "Ours." you say finally. "I think you earned it."

I turn on the water after you leave, smiling as tears run down my face. I haven't slept with you in weeks. I stay in the guest room unless you say otherwise. I know we'll sleep on opposite sides of the bed and we won't even touch, but I don't care.

I know they say it's wrong for this to happen and I know it is, but I don't care.

As long as you love me I won't leave you. And I know one day you'll say it again. I step into the shower, letting the hot stream soak my body.

Something's cracking in your heart, isn't it? Why else would you be doing this? Is the ice finally melting?

---To Be Continued---

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