Dreams

Chapter four: And when you wake up I’ll be right by your side.

White fucking everywhere, blinding the eyes I’ve just now been able to open. I know this can’t be heaven. They wouldn’t let me in. I squint my eyes to see where the hell I am. A fucking hospital.

Why couldn’t they just let me die? I don’t wanna live anymore.

“Gerard?” Shit…more good reason to die. Frank. The reason I’m lying in a hospital bed that should’ve been a grave. “Holy shit you’re awake!” He rushes to the door and yels out to the nurses and doctors that I’m awake. Great, just what I need, more company. A small blonde girl (figures) runs in, checking various tubes and needles. I fucking hate needles. Why aren’t I dead?

“Where is everyone?” I ask, hoping to direct the attention away from me, but failing miserably.

“You’ve been out like three days! They had to knock your ass out so you wouldn’t fucking die! Mikey’s pissed, Bob’s pissed, Ray’s worried, and I’m scared shitless!” He seems so mad. Great. Everyone I love is mad at me and I’m still alive to put up with it. Te nurse leaves with a shy smile, letting Frank pretty much chem. Me out.

“Where are they?”

“Mikey and Bob are gone and Ray just went to get more coffee. He’s probably going to go home before too long.” He seems to have calmed down.

“What about you?”

“I’m not fucking leaving until I can take you with me. And if I have to I’m going to drag your ass to a rehab clinic. I’m not letting you do this to me or Mikey or anyone else.”

“You stayed here?”

“Yes, I slept in the fucking chair and the foods really shitty and I haven’t had a cigarette either.”

”They let you?”

“Yea…I told them I’m your boyfriend and they shut up and let me stay.” He blushes and I smile.

“Than you” I love him so much. I wish I had died.

“Yea you fucking owe me too mother fucker.” He laughs a little and I smile back at him. My god he’s so fucking perfect. He kisses my cheek before sitting beside me and taking my hand in his. I can’t breath. Warm skin and sugar lips. He’s never kissed me offstage at all. He sets his eyes on my hand, the iv pumping into it and I can see the sadness wash into his perfect eyes. “Why did you do it.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” I can’t tell hem why. I just can’t.

“Was it an accident? Are you just depressed, what?” Why?” A tear falls from his eye, but he won’t submit to crying. “Do you realize how upset Mikey is? He found you passed out. Everyone’s so worried. If you died…I don’t know what I’d do. You’re just so fucking important to me…to all of us. Why the fuck did you do it?” More tears are joining on his beautiful cheeks.

“You wouldn’t understand.” He wouldn’t really. How could I even expect him to? He’s too perfect for me.

“Please just tell me…” His tears stop and he wipes them off on he sleeve.

“I can’t” Ray walks in thank god and spares this conversation from going any further.

“Hey!” He says, smiling at me with a cup of coffee in his hand. “Good to see you’re finally awake.” I roll my eyes at him. “Oh…right. Well I guess you guys have a lot to talk about and visiting hours are just about over so I’m gonna go tell everyone your awake. Bye.” He leaves quickly and rather oddly as well.

“What’s he mean?” I ask Frank.

“I don’t know. He probably just can’t wait to get home and fuck Bob.” I hve to laugh. It’s one of those funny cause it’s true kind of things. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” But I’m not okay. I’m so broken and dead inside without him. He pulls his chair closer to the bed so he can lay his head down. I’m so tired and figure he must be too. “Get some sleep.” He tells me and I hold his hand just that much tighter before nodding off into sleep.