Only the Strong Survive

Title: Only the Strong Survive
Pairing: Mat Devine/Dan Wiese
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Mat goes back to Dan's after band rehearsal, and they talk about the situation Mat's in at home.


It was raining harder by the time Dan pulled the Mustang into the parking lot of his apartment building. He turned to Mat, laughing a little. "I got as close to the front door as I could. But I think we'll both get a bit wet."

Mat shrugged, starting to open the car door. "Won't kill me. It's just water." He grinned, looking over his shoulder at Dan. "Even if it will mess up my hair. The return of the fro."

Dan laughed, a low, throaty sound. "Well, it isn't as if I haven't seen it before." He opened the door and got out, quickly closing and locking it and hurrying toward the building. Mat did the same, running across the parking lot.

They reached the lobby door at the same time, both young men laughing a little breathlessly. Mat pushed his damp hair out of his face as he entered the carpeted lobby, looking back at Dan. "Hey, at least it's not snowing."

Dan rolled his eyes and made a face. "Oh, god forbid. I hate driving in snow." He headed for the elevator, pressing the call button and looking surprised when it opened almost at once. "It looks as though luck is with us. No long wait for the elevator."

Within a few minutes, they were at the apartment door, Dan pulling out his keys and opening the door. He stood back to let Mat walk inside first, then pulled the door closed and locked it. Mat had to smile as Dan's cat Murman crossed the floor and meowed, twining himself around Mat's legs. "Hey he remembers me."

"Of course he does." Dan leaned down to pet Murman, smiling when the cat closed his eyes and purred loudly. "Murman remembers any person who feeds him."

"I didn't really feed him. I just opened the can of cat food."

"Believe me, I'm sure he saw that." Dan laughed, making his way into the living room. "Ugh, my shirt is sticking to me. I need to change."

"Me too." Oh shit. I don't want him to see .... Mat cringed inwardly, knowing that his upper body was covered with bruises from the past few nights that Jake had taken out some kind of anger on his body. "I-I'll change later," he stammered, hoping that Dan didn't notice how he sounded.

Dan looked back with a frown. He had caught the hesitancy in Mat's voice easily, and he could guess why his friend didn't want to change clothes in front of him. "You can go into the bedroom to change first, if you want. You know where your clothes are."

Mat nodded, looking relieved. He pushed the thought that sooner or later, if he was staying here for a few days, Dan would have to see the damage Jake had inflicted on his body. But he didn't want to think about that until he had to. "Okay. I'll be right out." He went into the bedroom, closing the door behind him and letting out a soft sigh of relief.

He made his way to the chest of drawers, pulling open the bottom drawer. Sure enough, there were a few sweatshirts, t-shirts and some jeans there. Man I wondered where some of these clothes went. Good thing they're here. I wouldn't fit into any of Danny's clothes and I don't want him to see how fucked up I am.

Mat pushed the drawer closed, throwing the sweatshirt and jeans across the bed. He pulled the shirt he was wearing over his head, then reached for his belt buckle to undo it and take off his pants so he could put on the dry clothes. Catching sight of his reflection in the mirror, he winced and bit his lip. He looked worse now than he had this morning. Guess I was too half asleep to really see how bad it was.

There was a network of bruises across his stomach, a few on his chest. The bite marks and bruises on his neck stood out starkly against his porcelain skin, looking as painful as they felt. And his arms .... Mat shuddered, wrapping his arms around himself and looking away from the mirror. He hated to look. He hated to see the evidence of his own stupidity.

But I can't just walk out on him. I can't. If I leave Jake then I don't have anybody. Yeah I've got friends but that's different. And what if he changes? What if he's just fucked up right now and things get better? It wasn't always like this. We were good when we started. He never hit me or hurt me. It's just the last few months. I can't just leave without giving him a chance.

He sighed and slid his jeans down his legs, stepping out of them and resolutely avoiding looking in the mirror again as he drew on the dry clothes. It took a few seconds for him to get his belt through the loops, and he wasn't looking up when the door opened.

"Mat, are you all right ...." Dan's voice trailed off, a soft gasp leaving his lips.

Mat's head jerked up, his eyes wide. OH SHIT. Those were the first words that came to his mind.

"Mat .... oh, my god ...." Dan's voice was trembling. "Jake did this to you?"

Mat looked down, unable to meet Dan's gaze, his own eyes filling with tears. "I didn't want you to see." His voice sounded very small and defenseless, like a child caught doing something naughty.

Dan crossed the room in a few steps, pulling Mat against him. It happened too quickly for Mat to protest; one minute Dan was over by the door, the next he was letting Mat lean against him, those gentle hands stroking his hair.

Mat couldn't keep the tears back any longer. He leaned against Dan, crying silently into the other man's chest. He didn't care any more what Dan thought about him. He's seen the worst. Well not the worst. I can't tell him the worst. But at least now he sort of knows how bad it is. And he's not backing off or running away. I guess that says something.

He didn't know how long he stood there, his arms wrapped loosely around Dan's waist, letting the tears flow. After what seemed like a long time, he sniffled a little and lifted his head. "Sorry man. I didn't mean to howl all over you."

"Shhh, Mat. It's all right." Dan smiled a little, as if he were trying to make a joke out of it. "My shirt was already wet."

Mat managed a smile and a choked little laugh. "Yeah I guess it was. So there's no major harm done." Thank god he's not freaked out. Well I guess he is .... but at least he's not screaming or anything. Then again there's not a lot he can do. The damage is already done.

He pulled away from Dan a little, reaching for the sweatshirt he'd taken out of the drawer. "Just .... let's not talk about it okay? It happened and it's done and there's nothing we can do about it now."

"Yes, there is, Mat. You can leave him." Dan's voice was low and quiet. "You should, you know. We're all afraid for you. None of us want to see you hurt more than you already have been."

"Just don't talk about it Danny!" Mat shook his head, not realizing that his voice was sharper than he intended. "I don't wanna go over it again and again. Just let it go."

Dan went to the door, not looking at Mat. When he spoke, his voice was strained. "All right, Mat. I won't talk about it now if you don't want to. But sooner or later, I do want us to talk about your options. You do have them, you know."

No I don't Danny. But you don't understand that. You probably never will. Mat sighed, closing his eyes for a minute until he could feel the tears that threatened to spill over starting to recede. "We'll talk about it sometime. But it won't do any good."

Dan nodded, looking back at Mat from the doorway. "Come on. I'll make dinner and we can watch a movie. And I promise we don't have to discuss it tonight."

Mat followed his friend from the bedroom, hoping that Dan meant what he said. I don't know how long I can keep him away from the subject. But I have to. I'm not gonna talk about it. It's my problem, not his. And he can't help me. Nobody can.

A few hours later, Mat was sitting in front of the tv, his eyelids starting to droop. Fuck I'm gonna fall asleep in a few minutes. I'd better get to bed. He looked over at Dan; the guitarist looked as sleepy as Mat felt.

Dan caught his eye and smiled. "I think we should both go to bed. It's been a long day, and we have another rehearsal tomorrow afternoon."

Mat nodded, feeling relieved that Dan had caught his mood. He never had to spell anything out with Danny. It was one of the things that made him so easy to be around. "Yeah. I'm tired and I bet you are too. Let's get some rest."

"I hope that sleeping in the same bed won't be a problem." Dan frowned a little, indicating the couch. "You could sleep here .... but I doubt it would be all that comfortable."

Mat shook his head. "Nah I can sleep in the same bed. It'll be warmer anyway."

Dan nodded and stood up, heading for the bedroom. Mat watched him, wondering why Dan would have asked him that. They'd slept in the same bed before and hadn't thought about it twice. It's cause of Jake. Cause of me being all fucked up. I guess Danny's afraid I wouldn't wanna get too close.

He sighed and got up, going into the bedroom. Dan had already stripped down to his boxers and was pulling back the covers. He got into bed and turned over, giving Mat a little privacy to get out of his clothes.

Mat quickly pulled off the sweatshirt and jeans, slipping between the sheets and pulling up the blankets. He turned toward Dan, watching as the tawny-haired man reached for the light on the table by the bed and turned it off. "Danny?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks again for letting me stay." Mat's voice was a little trembly and he had to blink to keep back a sudden rush of tears. "It means a lot."

Dan turned over to face him, laying his hand on Mat's cheek. "It's all right, Mat. I didn't want you to go home to .... that." His voice was low and a little hesitant. "I wish you didn't have to go home at all. He doesn't deserve you, you know."

Mat shook his head, swallowing around the lump in his throat. "Let's not talk about that Danny. I .... I just wanna forget about it for a couple of days okay? Please?"

Dan nodded reluctantly, stroking Mat's dark hair back from his face. "All right. But we do need to discuss it at some point, Mat. You can't keep letting him abuse you."

Don't tell me what I can and can't do. I don't have a choice. Mat sighed, closing his eyes. "Let's just get some sleep. Maybe it'll all look different in the morning."

"I doubt that .... but yes, we should get some rest. We'll have a long day tomorrow." Dan pulled the covers up over Mat's shoulders, tucking them in around him. "Good night, Mat. I'll see you in the morning."

"Night Danny." Mat leaned forward and impulsively brushed a kiss across Dan's cheek. His skin is so soft.

Dan looked surprised, but returned the gesture, his own soft lips brushing against Mat's skin. Mat felt a jolt go through his body, and his eyes lifted to Dan's. But the other man wasn't looking at him. His eyes were closed.

Mat sighed softly, snuggling down into the covers. He closed his eyes, but it was a while before he could fall asleep.