I'm Not Gay

|| Tom’s PoV ||



I was having a good time with Bill as we both sat on my bed, laughing, drinking, and just… learning about each other. After about the fifth time he told me he wasn’t adopted, I finally had started believing him. But there was so much about him. And I liked pretty much all that I learned. I played guitar, he sang. He got along with both of his parents. I only got along with my mom. I was allergic to strawberries- so was he. My favourite food was pasta with meatballs and lots of parmesan cheese, so was his. I had an image to uphold, he didn’t care what people though about him. I’ve had sex with a lot of girls; he’d only ever given a guy a blow job. I had never kissed another boy; he asked me how I knew I was strait then. I wasn’t attracted to boys- how did he know he was gay if he’d never been with a girl, he had kissed one girl before- girls made him kind of ill. He asked if I thought he was pretty. I told him he looked like a faerie. He told me I looked like rapper wannabe. I told him he would make a cute ferret. He told me I was just cute. I laughed. He blushed. I was drunk. So was Bill. I asked him what the most random thing he ever did is. He kissed me.



It took me a moment to even realize what had happened. My mind was so foggy. I must have really drank too much, because the next thing I knew, I was kissing him back. I don’t know who that was more of a surprise to. Bill… or me. I was strait. I still maintain that I’m strait, even as my hand curled into his hair and pulled on it, making his gasp and my tongue quickly took its chance to press into his mouth. I felt something cold inside his mouth- his tongue was pierced. I had never kissed a girl with a tongue ring before. I should have stopped the kiss. I should have stopped the kiss before it even started.



But I didn’t. Despite everything I had told him, ignoring the fact that I swore up and down during this whole night that I was completely strait, I took dominance over the kiss and pushed Bill onto his back on my bed. I straddled the other boy’s hips as my tongue explored his mouth. He made the smallest of whimpers of pleasure as I sucked his pierced tongue into my mouth which almost snapped me back into reality- but not quite yet. I only bit down on his tongue to silence him. It worked. My hands were on either side of his head as my lips moved away from his mouth, trailing a line of kisses down his neck and nipping at the skin where his neck met shoulder. He moaned. My eyes widened.



What was I doing? I pulled away from him, eyes wide with horror as I pushed off of the boy who was under. Boy. Not girl. I did not just do that. I did not just enjoy every second of that. I could feel that I was hard. I was pushing it off to being drunk. Bill was still laying on my bed, trying to catch his breath as I had myself pushed as far into the corner of my bed against the wall as I could get without falling off of it.



“Tom…” His voice was a little slurred, which just proved me right we had both drank too much. Bill wasn’t attracted to me. I wasn’t attracted to him. He just looked too much like a girl. That had to be it. Damn make-up and all. “I’m sorry,” he said. I looked up at him, my eyes were normal again, well, besides the glassed over look from the vodka. “I shouldn’t have done that.”



I should be pissed at him. Fuck! I should be a lot of things. But I wasn’t. I wanted to kiss him again. I looked at the clock, it was almost eleven. “I’m not mad, Bill.” I promised him. My voice held no lie, even if it was just as slurred as his was. It should be a lie. I know I should hate this boy more then I’ve ever hated anyone before. “Just… maybe… maybe you should just go.” I told him.



Bill nodded, moving to get off my bed. He stopped and looked at me once he had gotten off though, leaning in close to me and whispering me in my, “Still think you’re strait though?” He whispered in my ear, his warm breath brushed against my skin and I shivered. Before I could respond Bill was gone. I need to hate him.



xXxXx



I was a mess at school the next day. I hardly slept because every time I closed my eyes I saw Bill again. I heard his voice whispering in my ear. And now, I have the worst hangover I’ve ever had before- thanks to lack of sleep because of Bill. Fuck! It’s happening again. I can hear him.



“Earth to Tom, are you alive?”



My head spun around and I sighed in relief. No, I wasn’t hearing things again. He really was talking to me. How he looked so perky was beyond me. His hair was in the spikes again, his smile was almost to wide for his face when he looks at me, his make-up was on perfectly- and he had a mark on his neck that I know wasn’t there yesterday. Fuck! I had left him a mark! I took a breath and tired to ignore that. “Shhh,” I finally said to him, “You’re too loud.”



Bill looked hurt. I guess he thought I was telling him off. The smile had fallen off those lips that I had kissed mere hours before and he pushed bangs off his eyes. “I… I’m sorry, Tom. I just-”



I cut him off by shaking my head, “No, it’s not you, Bill. I just have a hangover.” I explained. My hands rubbing my temples. God what was happening to me? I shouldn’t have cared if he was hurt or not. Damnit he kissed me and I’m fucking strait! I’m not gay! I’m not! I’m not! I’m not!



But the more I thought about it… I knew I was attracted to Bill. More then attracted to him. Because when that smile was back on his lips and I knew I put it there, I had to hold myself back from capturing them in my own. He opened his mouth to say something to me as someone walked behind me and put her arms around me. “Tom, are we still on for tonight?” She asked, whispering in my ear and kissing at a spot behind my ear. A place that used to make me turn around and kiss Natasha right in front of everyone. I had forgotten I made plans with her yesterday to come over today.



Bill looked a little hurt again. I hated that look on his face. I just shrugged her off of me, she was used to that too. All the girls were. I didn’t date- I just fucked around. And right now, I didn’t want her. I didn’t want any of the girls I could so easily have with just a look at them. I wanted the boy in front of me who proved to me last night I could have as well. And that scared the shit out of me. “Sorry, Natasha. I made other plans.” I said coldly to her. Both her and Bill looked confused.



Only Natasha was the one to voice her confusion though. “With who? So help me god Tom, if you’re blowing me off for Sarah again I swear to god I’ll-”



“You’ll what?” I hissed, spinning on my heal and glaring daggers into her, “You wont let me fuck you again? Please, Natasha, you weren’t that good anyways. You’d be lucky if I would take you again.” I taunted her. It wasn’t a complete lie. She was good. Natasha was really good. But she kissed like a whore. And the only person on my mind to kiss right now… was standing right behind me. I had to get out of here.



“Let me give you a ride home real quick then, Bill.” I said, turning around to face him, crossing my arms over my chest and brushing off Natasha, who had huffed and crossed her own arms over her chest, “We can be back before class is over and you can pick up your homework. Sound good.”



I was glad he caught on so quickly, because the smile had been put back on his face and he nodded, “Thank you so much, Tom!” he said, as though my lie was the truth. I’d never met anyone he had caught onto something like this so quickly before. “I just didn’t know who else I could ask, both my parents are working.”



I knew he said that for a reason and I grinned, “It’s no problem. Lets go.” I said, nodding my head for him to follow me. I wanted to take his hand and lead him out of the school like I had led him to my bedroom the night before. But like I told Bill the night before- I had an image to uphold. I was strait. I just wanted… I don’t know what I wanted. But for fucks sake, I didn’t want Natasha and I didn’t want to ever see that hurt look on Bill’s face again.