Coming Home

I sat in the window bench in my old room, staring unseeingly out at the Sakura trees in the other yard. I was so confused! And I hurt. Oh God, did I hurt! I'd loved Toshiya for so long, and now I knew it would never be reciprocated. I felt the sting of tears, but refused to cry again. I'd done nothing but cry all day.

I had no idea what to make of Die's... what? Declaration? He hadn't said he loved me. He'd kissed the hell out of me, and said he'd been trying to get my attention, but... that wasn't love, was it? The man frustrated, aggravated, annoyed ~~ aroused ~~ Whoa! I shook my head. When the hell had he started to turn me on?

Then there was Shinya. Oh yes, Shinya. I'd spent most of my teen years kissing him, but had never seen him as more than just... Shinya. He'd been my best friend, the one I'd learned to kiss with, and the one I'd protected. I'd never before noticed that his arms were so muscular, his eyes so pretty, or his lips so full ~~ even when I'd been kissing them!

And let's not forget Toshiya. I couldn't just turn my feelings for him off. I'd loved him since that first time I ever laid eyes upon him. He'd been a little chunky back then, but oh so beautiful. His face was just... perfectly proportioned, his lips full, and his eyes so dark and nicely tilted. I remembered the first time, after he'd hit puberty, when his voice had become so deep and I'd heard him talking to someone else. I had melted. My heart had thudded, and I'd leaned against the wall around the corner from the room he'd been in, and I'd shut my eyes and just listened to him.

Dammit! What now? What the hell was I going to do now? Though, if I was honest Toshiya didn't want me, and Shinya had never said he felt anything other than friendship. So...

"You were ten, and all dressed up for something, and you were so pretty I stopped breathing. The very first time you ever told me off and hit me I knew there was something about you. God!" Die pushed from the doorframe, and paced the room. "I would do whatever it took to make you notice me, and forget about Toshiya for a little bit. Even tease and torment you. Whatever it took. I would date, and when I'd kiss the girl I'd pretend in my mind that it was you. I don't even remember what the first girl I fucked looked like. In my mind I was with you."

I blushed scarlet. "Well, nice to know I'm fuckable."

He rolled his eyes. "Must you take things so damn literal? I'm trying to tell you how I feel."

"By telling me that in your mind you fucked me?" I arched a brow.

"For fuck sakes!" he growled. "I had just kissed you, and couldn't get you out of my head. I couldn't even do anything unless I pretended it was you! Not like you would have let me touch you that day in the barn. You punched me just for kissing you!"

"You tied me up in that barn, and kept me there until I gave you that kiss!" I cried, pushing to my feet and facing him. "I would have killed you if you'd taken my virginity." Not that he would ever have forced or tricked me. I knew him better than that. "That's for the man I love, for that special someone..."

He blinked, coming to a halt. "You've never had sex?"

I flushed. "If I sleep with a man he has to mean something to me. I can't do casual... Not that it's any of your damn business!" I shot.

"It is if I want to be that someone!" he shot back. Shaking his head he took my hands in his. "Don't stand here and lie to either of us. You feel something for me, I know you do. I knew back then too. And I felt it again this morning when I kissed you." He lifted my hands, and kissed each palm in turn. "You were never a liar. You feel something."

"Is sex all you want?" I whispered. I wished he wouldn't kiss my hands, or look at me like that over them.

"I open up and admit I've loved you for eleven years, and you can ask that?" He again touched his lips to my palms. "I know you always favored Toshiya, but I also know you always felt something for me." His eyes were heavy lidded, and he nibbled the inside of one wrist. "I know you do."

His hands slowly slid the length of my arms to my shoulders, drawing me closer to him, and my heart thudded against my ribcage. "Die..."

His head lowered until our lips were almost touching. His warm breath made mine ragged and hurried as it caressed my lips. "Ask me to kiss you," he whispered.

"Iie," I gasped softly. My hands were still framing his jaw, my fingers trembling, and I leaned into him. "Iie."

"Hai," he growled low. "Ask me."

His fingers were caressing my neck beneath my ears, and around to my nape. They sent shivers coursing up and down my spine. "Daisuke..."

"Ask me!" he hissed with a tinge of a growl in his voice.

From downstairs came the sounds of a door slamming and then shouts. "Konnichiwa! Suji-chan!"

With a low vicious curse Die backed away. I fell heavily back onto the window bench, my knees refusing to keep me up. My heart still raced, and my breathing was still rapid. "H-hai!" I managed to hoarsely shout. "Upstairs!"

Die crossed his arms and leaned back negligently against the wall just inside the door, his lashes lowered over his eyes and his face tight. The sound of several people climbing the stairs echoed up until Kyo entered first. Behind him came Kaoru, Shinya and Saika.

Saika sat beside me and took my hand in hers, offering me a comforting smile. "Enough brooding alone. My brothers can be asses..."

"Hey!" Kyo scowled and sat on the bed. His gaze was caught by something, and his eyes widened. "Oh! Die!" He grinned. "Did we interrupt anything?"

Die's lips thinned, and he shot Kyo a glower, but did not reply. His gaze then followed Shinya who moved and sat on my other side and took my other hand in his. Die's lips curled back. "How sweet! Shin-chan knows how to hold a girl's hand," he sneered jealously.

I would have snapped at him, as was my old habit, but Shinya gently yet warningly tightened his hold on my hand. "I know how to kiss one too. Want me to show you?"

"Fuck you!" Die snarled, shoving from the wall with his hands fisted at his sides.

As Kaoru and Kyo jumped to intercept the redhead I stared at Shinya. "You pick now to taunt him?"

Any further comment was interrupted by the appearance of Toshiya at the door of my room. "I need to speak to Suji-chan."

Everyone stared at him. My heart sped up, and I slowly stood. He'd never once before ever entered my home, much less my room. "H-hai?"

Toshiya entered, but did not speak. Kaoru nodded. "Minna, let's go downstairs." He saw Die open his mouth to argue. "Now," he pulled the rank of oldest.

Saika gave my hand an encouraging squeeze before she left. Everyone filed out, Kaoru and Kyo waiting for Die to go first so that one had no choice. I clasped my hands together, nervous now. I couldn't look at him. I was so afraid: that he knew I loved him, that he was here to tell me what Die had told me that morning, and that he'd come to... What? Was there a tiny chance he'd come to tell me Die was wrong? I peeked up at him through my lashes.

He'd been looking curiously about, but now inhaled deeply and looked at me. "I heard what happened. I'm sorry," and he bowed. "I've known Die loved you since you were twelve. I never wanted you hurt. I'm sorry." Again he bowed.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" I blurted. "It must have been so painfully obvious when I was a child."

He sighed. "I figured you'd outgrow the crush. Then you moved. I never thought..." He blushed slightly, shrugged, and went to my dresser and ran a hand over the top of it.

"You never thought I'd ever come back?" God that hurt!

"Iie, not that," he quickly denied, shaking his head. "I never thought you'd still... care. Not after six years. I figured some American would have won you."

"Then why did you still avoid me?" I demanded. He shook his head, and turned away, and I took a step forward. "Toshiya-san? Why?"

He headed for the door. "I'm sorry. I hope I didn't ruin your return. The family is so happy to see you again."

I caught at his arm, trying to get before him. "Toshiya-san!" He turned slightly away, and it tore me apart inside. "Why can't you even look at me? Why do you still avoid me?"

"Die loves you. He's a good man," he pulled gently free, and hurried out of the room and down the stairs.

I stared at the doorway, unable to believe it. He couldn't even look at me! Sight blurring I made my way back to the bench at the window, and sat hugging my knees. I would not cry! I would not cry!

The sound of footsteps entering made me turn my head so my cheek rested on my knees, and I could wetly see Die enter. I forced a shaky smile. "I think I'm going to stay here a few days."

"What happened?"

I shrugged, a tear leaking free. "He hates me so much he can't even look at me," I choked.

In three long strides he was on the seat, and drawing me onto his lap. He rocked me, holding me while I cried. "You can't stay here alone. Mama would never accept it. And I'd worry all night."

He'd never done this before. He'd never held me when I cried. Only a handful of times had he ever made me cry as we grew up together, and he'd always apologized for it. But he'd never held me before. I buried my face in his neck just below his ear, and clung to his shirtfront. My throat hurt so much from all the crying I'd done that day. "I can't go back to the house," I whispered. After a few more seconds I pushed away from him, and wiped at my face. "Arigatou."

When I tried to move off his lap he tightened his hold on me. "You're not okay." He used his hands to tenderly wipe away the tear tracks from my cheeks. "I'll take care of you," he whispered. "I'll give you all the love you need, all the love he can't. I'll take care of you."