Playing With Fire

++++++++



"So you've always lived in Texas?" Stephen asked Kelly as he set down a plate full of eggs and bacon in front of her. She had woken up early, and hadn't been able to go back to sleep, so she followed her nose downstairs to find Carrie's dad fixing him something to eat. It didn't take much to convince her to join him.



"Um yea, I mean. I lived in California a couple years when I was real young, like four or five, but I don't really remember it," she explained. "Then after I graduated from high school, I moved out to L.A. to try to make it as a singer."



"What happened?" he asked, curiously.



"Um, well, I was working my butt off, juggling about four jobs at a time. I actually had some luck at first doing demo work and background vocals. Then it all kind of fell apart in a matter of days."



"You gave up?"



Kelly smiled. There was something about his tone. He wasn't accusing her or berating her. He was simply interested.



"No. I just couldn't live in my car forever," she laughed. "I went back home to try to make so more money so I could go back to L.A. and as I was driving home, one of my friends called me and told me about this audition."



"American Idol," he nodded.



"Yep."



"God works in mysterious ways," he smiled.



"That he does," Kelly nodded, taking a bite of the food before her. "Mm. Wow. This is good."



"Thanks," he laughed, starting into his own breakfast.



++++++++



"Hey you," Carrie smiled, walking into the dining room as they were finishing. "I was worried that you had been run off."



"Na," Kelly smiled. "Just having a good one on one with your dad. He's a pretty smart guy, you know."



"I tried telling her that," Stephen laughed, standing up and bringing he and Kelly's plates into the kitchen.



"You didn't sleep well," Carrie commented, looking into Kelly's tired eyes.



"How'd you know?"



"You were moving all night."



"Sorry."



"No, it's fine. I just wanted to make sure you're ok," Carrie said, worriedly. She reached out, taking Kelly's hand into her own.



"Yea, just not used to the bed, I guess," she shrugged, taking her hand back as Carrie's dad re-entered the room.



"So, my mom has a list of errands to do. You want to go into town with me and help me out?"



"Yea, sure," Kelly nodded, standing.



+++++++++



Carrie glanced at Kelly out of the corner of her eye as the walked down the street to the post office. Kelly's hands were shoved into her pockets as she chewed on her bottom lip. Now Carrie knew something was wrong. She put a gentle hand on Kelly's forearm, stopping her. She could feel the Texan stiffen beneath her touch as she looked around nervously.



"Kell, what's wrong?" Carrie asked, fearfully.



"Nothing," she replied, her eyes completely dull as she smiled at an elderly couple as they passed. She shrugged out of Carrie's grip. "We should get going. Isn't your mom cooking lunch for us?"



"Yea," Carrie nodded, hurrying to catch up with Kelly as she started to walk briskly down the sidewalk. "But it's only eleven."



"It's rude to be late," Kelly sighed.



Carrie linked their arms together as they entered the post office, "Maybe you should take a nap this afternoon."



Kelly moved slightly to the side, slipping away from Carrie's touch as she felt several pairs of eyes on them, recognition clearly etched across their faces.



"Kell--"



"I'm just trying to make this easier on you," Kelly replied.



"What?" Carrie asked, turning to her in confusion.



"How may I help you?" a rather short man asked as he walked behind the desk.



Kelly stared down at her feet as Carrie turned to address the worker.



++++++++



"So are we just not going to talk about it?" Carrie asked as they settled into bed that night.



"Talk about what?" Kelly asked, laying flat on her back and staring up at the ceiling.



"Why you're acting so weird."



"Guess I'm still nervous."



"Kell, I've seen you with my parents, they love you. It's not nerves."



Kelly took a shaky breath, turning onto her side and into the warm body next to her. Carrie instinctively wrapped her arms around her, holding her close.



"Kelly, please, you're really starting to worry me," Carrie said.



"Care, you love me, right?" Kelly asked softly.



"Of course I love you," she replied quickly, tilting Kelly's chin upward so she could look her in the eye. "Why would you ever question that?"



Kelly shook her head, "I'm sorry. I just. Everything's been going so great, you know? I guess I keep waiting to wake up."



Carrie smiled, "It's ok, I know the feeling."



Kelly gave her a small smile in return as she rested her head against Carrie's chest. Carrie ran her fingers through Kelly's soft hair, wondering why there was still an unsettled feeling deep in her stomach.



++++++++



Carrie led Kelly by the hand along the fence of the pasture, stopping in front of a chestnut brown horse that was gazing at them, almost knowingly.



"Do you ever wonder what it would be like?" Kelly asked, petting the horse's nose softly.



"Being a horse?"



"No," she shook her head. "To not be famous. You know, to just have a normal life."



"Is there a such thing as normal anymore?"



"Care, I'm serious," Kelly frowned, turning to face her.



"I don't know, I guess," Carrie shrugged. "But I can't picture my life without music."



"Not necessarily without music, just without the millions of eyes watching and having a say in everything we do."



"There's a price to everything, right?"



"Yea," she nodded, looking up at the sky that had darkened with clouds in a matter of minutes. "But I've been starting to wonder lately if it's worth it."



"What?" Carrie asked, shocked. "Of course it's worth it, Kell. It's your dream. It's my dream. We've both wanted this our whole lives, how can it not be worth it?"



"I don't know. I guess I just think things would be easier if we weren't who we are."



"Well, what do you want to do? Go in the witness protection program?" she teased.



"Carrie," Kelly fussed as she felt rain drops starting to fall on her.



"I'm sorry, Kell, but what do you want me to say?"



"I want you to say that you hate it too," she said, her voice wavering. "I want you to say that you wish it didn't have to be like this. I want you to say that you wish we could be together, for real, and not have to worry about what other people might think."



"Hunny," Carrie sighed, touching her cheek softly, as the rain started to fall harder. "Even if we weren't who we are, we'd still have to worry about what other people think. There's still our family and friends."



"You mean my family and friends? Because right now, I'm the only one that has to worry about that. You're still standing there, looking all innocent because nobody has a god damn clue who you're sleeping with."



"What?" Carrie asked softly.



Kelly shook her head, "I'm going inside."



"Wait," Carrie said, grabbing her arm.



"It's pouring," Kelly pointed out.



"Where is all this coming from?"



"How can you not know?" she asked, before turning out of her grip and making her way back to the house.



Carrie stood there, letting the rain pour over her. She could feel her chest tightening, making it hard for her to breathe as she watched the Texan walk away. The imprint of her eyes, staring at her as if she didn't even know her anymore, permanently etched into her brain.



She felt something push against her cheek, and she turned to find the horse nudging her, almost as if telling her to go after Kelly. Carrie patted it's nose, finding that the more she let herself think about those eyes, the less she could feel the cold rain against her skin. Eventually the horse walked away, looking for a dry place to keep warm, leaving Carrie there by herself. Carrie took a deep breath, running her hands through her now soaked hair. How could she fix what she didn't know was broken?



++++++++



Carrie walked into her room to find Kelly pulling on a dry shirt.



"Your mom cooked," Kelly said, flatly. "Dinner's ready."



"I think we need to talk," Carrie said, stepping in front of her as she tried to make her way out the door.



"Ok. About what?"



"I don't know," Carrie sighed, tiredly.



"When you figure it out, come find me," Kelly replied, pushing past her.



"I'm not a mind reader, you know."



"No. You're my girlfriend."



"That's not fair."



"And what you're doing is?" Kelly asked, making sure not to raise her voice.



Carrie looked at her with a mixture of confusion and hurt in her eyes.



"You know, I don't expect you to be a mind reader, I don't. But if Jason could see it--Jason, the most clueless person in the world--if he could see it, I don't see how you can't."



"See what?"



Kelly took a deep breath, "When are you going to tell your parents about us?"



"My parents? We've talked about this. I don't know when. But what does that have to do with anything?"



Kelly sighed, unbelievingly, "I'm gonna go eat."



"Kell," Carrie called after her, but didn't get a response.



+++++++



"Are you feeling ok, sweetie?" Carole asked as Carrie joined the three of them in the living room, sitting with Kelly on the sofa. "We waited for you to eat, but you never came."



"I'm fine," she shrugged, glancing at Kelly out the corner of her eye. "Just wasn't hungry."



Her mom nodded, going back to watching the show that was playing. Carrie inched closer to the Texan, and immediately noticed her stiffen.



"Kell," she whispered softly.



Kelly crossed her arms, moving completely to the side of the couch.



Carrie slowly moved her hand to where it was resting next to Kelly's leg. She gently rapped her fingers against Kelly's jeans, and the shorter singer immediately jumped up.



"Is everything ok?" Stephen asked.



"Um, yes sir. I was just gonna go get something to drink. Do you guys want anything?"



"Nonsense," Carole smiled. "I'll get it for you."



"No," Kelly quickly replied. "I got it."



Carrie watched as Kelly hurried off to the kitchen, "I'm gonna go help her."



+++++++



"Are you ok?" Carrie asked as she walked into the kitchen.



"Peachy," Kelly replied, grabbing a water bottle from the fridge. "You?"



"Hun, come on," Carrie sighed, taking a step towards her, freezing at Kelly's glare. "So nothing's wrong?"



"You tell me."



Carrie leaned her head back, closing her eyes as she took a deep breath.



Kelly nodded, going to walk past her, but Carrie's arm moved out to stop her.



"Let me go," Kelly said softly.



"Not till we talk," Carrie replied, slipping her hand into the Texan's, only to have her pull it away. "Kell," she reached out for her.



"You know," Kelly said, her jaw clenched, but her eyes shining. "You're awfully touchy feely for someone who doesn't want anybody to know about us."



Carrie's jaw dropped as she watched her girlfriend walk away, realization finally crashing down upon her.



++++++++



Carrie frowned, dropping her keys on the counter as she walked back into the house. She had hoped that going for a drive would have helped to clear her head and think, but all it did was make things more confusing. She knew there was only one person that she could talk to that could make this better, and that person was sleeping in her bed right now.



"Kelly?" Carrie asked softly as she entered her room, closing the door behind her. Sure enough the Texan was asleep, curled up under the covers. Carrie looked at the digital clock, frowning when she saw it was well after two in the morning. She knew the sweet thing to do would be to wait till the morning to wake up Kelly and talk about it, but she also knew that there was no way she was going to get a good night's sleep, and from the way Kelly was turning over and mumbling, neither was she. Besides, this was probably the only time the two of them would get a decent amount of privacy.



"Kelly, wake up," Carrie said, shaking her carefully. "We need to talk."



"Please don't leave me," Kelly mumbled, fearfully.



"I'm not going anywhe..." Carrie's voice trailed off as she realized that the Texan was still fast asleep as she turned over in the bed. Carrie leaned closer and felt her heart drop at the sight of the tears rolling down the sleeping girl's cheeks.



"Kell, please wake up. Come on," Carrie said, shaking her a bit more firmly.



"Care?" Kelly whispered, softly, turning onto her back to look up at the country singer.



"Yea," she smiled, brushing the curls out of Kelly's eyes. "I'm right here."



Kelly looked at her nervously as she sat up in the bed.



"Bad dream?"



"More of a nightmare, if you ask me," she replied, honestly.



"I think we need to talk," Carrie said.



"Yea," Kelly nodded, moving out of Carrie's reach.



Carrie sighed, but ignored it, "You think that I don't want to ever tell my parents, don't you?"



"Maybe."



"Come on, Kell. You know that's not true."



"Then why haven't you told them yet? I mean, I'm sure there's been a plethora of opportunities."



"Because I'm not ready yet."



"And you think I was?" Kelly shot back.



"Exactly," Carrie replied. "And look how that turned out."



"I really don't think that the way it turned out had anything to do with how she found out, or when. My mom would never have been ready to hear the truth, but she heard it. By not telling them, you're just lying to them."



"Ever think that maybe I'm doing this to protect you?"



"Protect me from what?"



"Do you have any idea how much it hurt to hear those things your mom said? Maybe I don't want you to have to go through that."



"That's bull shit Care," Kelly replied. "So what? Some woman, who you hardly even know, hates you? Well boo, freaking hoo. You're doing this to protect yourself, and you know it. So, don't you dare say otherwise."



"Where is all of this coming from?" Carrie asked, her voice small. "You were fine with how things were. You said it was okay if I waited."



"It's just something that Jay and Ashley said," she answered, lowering her voice as well.



"What did they say?"



"They just pointed out that I seemed to be the only one that seemed to be feeling the downside of this relationship."



"The downside?"



"Care, my family is getting ready to celebrate the holidays thousands of miles from here. My baby niece is have her first Christmas, and I won't be there to see it. All the while, you're here all nice and cozy in your home, surrounded by your family."



"I told you that you could go if you wanted to," Carrie reminded her, sitting on the edge of the bed.



"Yea, I can see it now. I'm sorry mom for disappointing you, and going against everything you believe, and kicking you out of my house...twice, but Merry Christmas. Yea, that would have gone over well."



"And that's what you want me to do with my parents," she pointed out.



"No," Kelly shook her head. "That's not it at all."



"Then what is it?"



"I want you to want to tell them. I don't care if you do it now, or months from now. I just want you to feel that urge to share with them how much in love we are, because that's how I feel every time I talk to a person," Kelly explained, her eyes watering.



"Kell," Carrie reached out, wiping away a tear.



"I'm just afraid that you don't want to tell them because you're ashamed or maybe because you're not in this for real. And if you don't want to tell them, then there's no way you'd want to tell anybody else, and I can't live like this forever," she cried.



"Baby, I do," Carrie replied. "I do want to tell them. I'm just..."



"Just what?"



"I'm afraid to lose them. And you can't blame me for that. I've seen what you've gone through the past few weeks, so of course I'm gonna be scared."



"So, you're not ashamed?" Kelly sniffed.



"Never for a minute," she shook her head.



"And you're in this?"



Carrie swallowed hard before replying sincerely, "I'm in this for the rest of my life."



Kelly felt her eyes watering again, "I'm sorry," she cried as Carrie pulled her onto her lap. "I'm so sorry."



"Shh. It's ok," Carrie replied, rubbing her back soothingly.



"No, I've been horrible to you."



"You were just scared," Carrie said, feeling Kelly's warm tears against her neck.



"But I shouldn't have been."



"Of course you should be. I mean I would hope you'd be."



Kelly looked up at her in confusion.



Carrie laughed softly at her tear-stained cheeks, "I love you...so much. And everyday I'm afraid that I'm gonna lose you, that you're finally gonna realize that I'm not enough for you and that you deserve so much more than what I have to give."



"Care, I would never--"



But Carrie placed a finger on her lips, stopping her, "The fact that you're scared just shows how much you love me and how much I mean to you."



Kelly just sniffed again, looking down at her hands that were fidgeting nervously.



"So, now that we got all of that out of the way," Carrie smiled. "Can I kiss you, without you pulling away like I'm some sort of leper?"



"I don't deserve to be kissed," Kelly pouted.



"With lips like that, I beg to differ," Carrie replied, placing a finger under Kelly's chin, and lifting her face upward. "Besides, you're not the only one at fault."



Kelly raised an eyebrow.



"You're right. It's not fair to you that you're the only one that's had to risk everything for this relationship, and I'm gonna make it up to you. I'm going to tell my parents. I'm not sure exactly when, but it's gonna be before we leave here. I promise."



"Thank you," she smiled softly.



"You don't have to thank me," Carrie grinned. "Just kiss me."



Kelly leaned forward, closing the gap between them and pressed their lips firmly together with a loud smack, making the country singer giggle.



"How's that?" Kelly asked.



"I think you can do better."



"You really need to stop overestimating me."



"Just come here," Carrie laughed, pulling her close and capturing her lips in her own in a sweet kiss. She could feel Kelly sigh against her lips as she readjusted herself so that she was straddling Carrie's lap. Carrie wrapped an arm around Kelly's waist as she carefully leaned forward, lying them back on the bed.



The two broke apart for air, and Carrie smiled down at the Texan. Kelly couldn't help but blush under her adoring gaze.



"I love you," Carrie beamed.



"I know," she nodded. "I love you too."



"Maybe we should go to bed."



"But I don't want to," Kelly replied, her voice ever-increasingly raspy.



Carrie closed her eyes as all the blood rushed from her head southward, "I know. I think that's why we should."



"Pretty please," she pouted again.



"I want to wait until after I tell them."



"Carrie, honestly, do you know how long it's been? And with you constantly around me, looking hot like you always do, I'm about to spontaneously combust."



Carrie laughed, "Two weeks."



Kelly's face paled.



"At the very, very longest."



"Promise?"



"Promise," she nodded.



"Pinky swear," Kelly demanded.



"Alright," Carrie giggled as they hooked their two fingers together. She leaned down for one last kiss before rolling off the Texan and onto her back. Kelly immediately snuggled into her side.



"So we're good?" Carrie asked, running a finger up and down Kelly's arm.



"Perfect," she replied, dreamily.