As Yet Undefined

He's dozing. Wakes every time I so much as move a muscle. Holding him close, cradling him in my arms in his bed. At least he's still safe here, at least Jay didn't make it this far. I'm so glad he didn't. Fuck, if only I'd been quicker getting back, if only I'd never gone, if only I'd bac back yesterday. If only. Lean forward and kiss his temple softly.
"I'm so sorry." Murmuring into his ear in the darkness.
His fingers twitch in my shirt, muscles tensing.
"Shhh." Soothing and he relaxes again.

Warmth flickering up from the side of my neck, Mir shifts and my arm tightens without thought. Bring him closer again. He relaxes into me, soft, warm.
"You're still here." He murmurs.
"Where else would I be?" lean over and kiss his temple.
"You'll stay?" desperate.
How can I say no to that? How can I cause him all this pain then walk out and leave him to deal with it, deal with Jay alone.
"Paige?" pleading.
"For as long as you want me."
Soft sob.
"S'alright Mir, I'll take care of you, it's alright now."
"Promise you'll stay?"
"I promise."
What am I thinking? Doesn't he realize that the longer I stay the harder it's going to be for me to leave when he doesn't need me any more? I shouldn't have left in the first place, he offers me a way out of whoring and I go straight back to it for Jay. Jay….swear to god if that motherfucker comes anywhere near Mir I'm going to kill him. I'll make sure he knows what it feels like to be raped. Bang! What the… Bang!

"Amir? Mir are you in there? I need to talk to you, I'm sorry, please we need to talk…" mumbling, sounds like he's in pain…maybe someone already raped him…
Move to get up but Mir's gripping me so close, cold, shaking.
"Don't go." Yelped.
"I'm just…" growling.
"Please." His heart's pounding against my chest.
Want to go fuck Jay, can't leave Mir like this.
"Amir please, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Bastard." The word hissed out my mouth.
Mir clings closer, sobs.
"Shhh." Hold him close, tight, protective. "It's alright, he can't hurt you."
Stroke his back. I want to kill Jay! Rage pouring through me, never felt like this before, never hated someone so intensely, never wanted to kill someone so much for hurting anyone. Never cared about anyone before. Never….don't want to think about that. Just don't go there.
"It's alright babe, it's okay." Rock him gently.
"Mir please." Jay's begging.
Growl. Have to get rid of him. It'd be a pleasure to get rid of him. An intense pleasure.
"Mir just let me…"
He shakes his head in my shoulder sobs harder.
"Alright, alright. Shhhh, it's alright."
Bang! Bang! Bang! Mir jumps at each thump.

Eventually he goes away. Leaves us alone. Mir's still shaking, shivering cold. Jesus he's a mess.
"He's gone now." I whisper. "You alright? Feel any better?"
Nods.
"Thankyou." He's whispering close to my ear. "For staying."
Smile into his hair.
"You don't have to worry Mir, I'm not going anywhere, you're stuck with me now babe."
"Karl?" small voice.
"Karl can fuck off."
But what have I done? Ran out on Karl…I can't go back now. He won't take me back after all this, he'll probably turn his back and walk away, and he was the only one I had, without him I'm nothing, I have no place to whore, no protection, nothing, I'm as good as dead. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. What am I doing here? I should be back there begging for forgiveness. Should be begging him to take me back. I should be trying to salvage something while I still can. Mir's relaxed, dozing in my arms again. Could I slip away? Get back? Could I salvage something? Get back in Karl's good graces? Is it worth trying? It'll only work now, only now and only if I grab all the money Mir gave me and the money Jay threw at him. Stop! Stop right there! What the fuck am I thinking? Leaving Mir? Stealing all the money he's given me? Taking everything he's done for me and abandoning him to Jay? But Jay's his problem. I didn't make Jay like him, didn't make him take me home, keep me here so I missed my meeting with him. This isn't my fault. Oh god listen to me, what am I thinking? I have to get away from here, away from Mir, I'm scum, I'm shit, I'm trouble for him, pain, I'll only corrupt him, hurt him. I have to get away. I should leave. Slide an arm from under him, pull quietly away. He stirs, cries out softly. My heart pounds, get away, I have to get away.
"Paige?"
I freeze but he doesn't wake. Slide from the bed unnoticed. Drag on the new clothes he bought for me, I might be able to sell them for money for Karl. Collect up my other clothes and without turning back walk out.