The Devil knows my Name

Jackie was missing Ginger. Her work had stopped her from going with him to the next concert. He was feeling well again and could play drums once more. Jackie was bounded to her new album, which she called a project. She had chosen many bands to pick from and the last one to woo was Nine Inch Nails. She hoped to get Trent.

Fifteen songs had been selected from the scrapbook and tuned to the finest. Jackie looked at the lyrics on the paper and finally noticed the message behind the words. It was her story… The story of her heart.

“I can’t do this,” she muttered and slumped behind the piano. She was afraid that Ginger could see through the lines and find out that she had been deceitful. Grabbing a pen, she started to change the words to erase all the evidence of John. Just then the doorbell rang. She stood up and went to open the door herself because she didn’t want a maid in the villa. The cleaning lady only came three times a week and that was enough for her.

“John?” She was surprised to see him.

“You called me,” he said and started to think he had mixed up the dates.

“Oh, right. Yes, I did,” she agreed and apologized for forgetting that. She had been buried in the work for too long. John stepped in and looked at the place she lived in. He had to agree it looked very great. It had to be. She was Astoria after all.

“Do you want something to drink?” she asked politely in hopes to get rid of the tension he had created. John shook his head, saying he needed to be sober for her. Jackie stared at him for a second and then guided him to the living room.

“I was thinking that maybe…” she started as John set his guitar case down and opened it to take out his favorite Fender. She looked at his face brighten up when he hold the guitar and played few accords on it to see if it still was in tune. She could see how much he loved that instrument and smiled.

“I have two songs that would be perfect for you,” she said and went to look for the papers. She had composed a simple melody but had figured to add more and more darker notes to it with drums and guitar. John looked up and saw her looking around the black grand piano to find some sheets. She didn’t saw him stare.

“Good. Play them for me,” he said and went to her when she obediently sat down behind the piano. John sat down next to her onto the bench but his back was towards the piano as he took the Fender to his lap and turned his head a bit to see her face. Jackie seemed to become nervous but when her slender fingers touched the keys, he heard rather strong and vivid tune, which suddenly turned into quieter and gloomy melody that made him think. Her music was dancing from one emotion to another with grace and he wanted to know the lyrics.

“Sing for me, baby,” he said huskily and started to pluck the strings of his Fender. Jackie was afraid to do that. The song was practically all about him.

“John…” she pleaded but he looked at her with those dark eyes.

“Sing for me. I need to hear you voice,” he said with longing. Jackie took a deep breath to calm down and rested her fingers on the keys again. The song was called “The Sin” and she had written it few years ago but finished it just few days ago. She started to play the intro and then went to the first verse.

He planted a sin inside her
She is dead
She is sleepin’

Shadows growing from her fingertips
Slowly
Slowly
Gather those blossoms
The day has no shelter

Mold her body
Carve the darkness from her
Please God, look
Bright eyes have bled to black

She stopped when she felt his hand on her face. John looked at her intently when she turned her head a little but didn’t flinch away from his touch.

“What happened to you?” he asked and caressed her cheek. Her big eyes were looking right into his and even deeper into his soul.

“You happened,” she whispered and turned away to resume the song.

Silence has turned into jaundice
Shadows have fallen on her face
On her open eyes
Dead eyes

God loves her
Like murder under snapping rubber bands
The pain has no use
The lie has no use
With a white crow the truth
Will be sent to mankind

Her soul has been exiled into times
You left without any feelings

Breathe
Breathe her scent
Dirty and deadly

You feed on God and scars
Reality is lost
You, you, you…

God bless you, diseased mankind
Her death is the sacrifice
Her beauty will decay as an illusion
Hypocrites

Let her fuck you
Let her crawl under your skin
Let her guide you back to hell

Let her come inside you
Let her burn
Let her become you
Let her burn

Burn, burn, burn…

Jackie lifted her fingers from the keys and hung her head in embarrassment. She didn’t want him see her like that. John didn’t say anything at first. This new side of her had surprised him. All the darkness inside her had suddenly become visible. Then he started to see how her albums had turned bit by bit more morbid with every year. From a cheery little rock princess to a creepy dead girl. She was like dying with each day.

“Jacqueline,” he murmured and pulled her into a hug while pushing his guitar to his side to give her better access. Jackie tensed up a bit but then relaxed and buried her face against his warm neck. Her hands came around his shoulders to pull him closer.

“What has happened to that girl I once met?” he asked and stroked her long hair, taking in her spicy scent that was making him hungry. Jackie moved slightly against him and rested her cheek on his shoulder.

“That girl grow up,” she said quietly and started to feel that need again to run away from him as far as possible. John murmured something and then took hold of her shoulders to push her back a little so he could look at her properly.

“I don’t believe that,” he said harshly and scared her a bit, “For six years I have watched you with him. For six years I have seen you fade away and I can’t let you vanish for good.”

“John, what are you talking about?” she asked in confusion. “I’m not fading away. It’s you… who is falling away from the world.”

“Because I couldn’t have you,” he said sharply. Jackie moved away from him because his tone was scaring her. He was starting to sound like Pogo when he was absolutely insane.

“What do you mean?” she asked carefully.

“I did everything to get you back then. We all did! But you chose him and he wasn’t even trying hard enough. Why?” asked John and there was anger in his voice.

“What? You all were harassing me for a whole year! Ginger was the only one who was nice to me. He took me to dinners, he gave me nice little presents every now and then and he never forced himself on me. I felt safe with him and I still do,” answered Jackie and felt her own anger rise. John glared at her and didn’t believe a word she was saying. She had to be blind.

“Safe? Is that what you call it?” he asked and frowned.

“John, please leave. I can see this is not working out between us,” she said and stood up. John stared at her.

“You are kicking me out?” he demanded and stood up too, putting his guitar on the bench. He strode to her and grabbed at her shoulders to keep her from escaping. “Don’t I mean anything to you?”

“John, please,” she begged and winced from the pain his fingers were causing.

“Don’t tell me you can’t feel anything when I touch you,” he growled and pulled her flush against his body and wrapped his arms tightly around her. “When I caress you,” he snarled and cupped her breast and felt her nipple harden under his palm. He grinned wolfishly. Jackie was mortified and helpless. He was too strong and had the power over her.

“Or when I kiss you,” he whispered softly and bent down his head and captured her lips with a passionate kiss. She fought back and even bit his lower lip but that only made him want for more. He pushed her against the piano and trapped her with his body.

“Tell me you don’t feel anything,” he growled and stared at her. He was so angry with her and with himself for loosing control like that. Jackie was shivering and couldn’t say a word. She just wanted the nightmare to end.

“Tell me!” he shouted and Jackie flinched. She was afraid of the maniacally obsessive side of his. In that state he could do anything.

“Let me go,” she begged quietly. John glared at her and then startled when he noticed the fear in her beautiful face. He stepped back a little to give her some room. Jackie took the chance to escape and ran but John was quicker. He grabbed at her hand and yanked her back.

“You are not going anywhere,” he growled and hauled her closer to him but Jackie was resisting as much as she could.

“Let me go! You are insane!” she yelled and struggled to get free.

“No!” barked John and wrestled with her when Ginger came back from the concert and found them fighting with each other. Jackie slapped John across the face and then apologized but John laughed and with one swift move he had her sprawled on the floor.

“What the hell are you doing?” roared Ginger and ran to them. He grabbed at John’s collar and threw him off of Jackie who was silently crying. John landed on a coffee table and broke it under his weight.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?” asked Ginger and kneeled next to her. Bruises on her wrists and shoulders were brightly visible for him and that angered Ginger. He turned around and glared at the man lying in the derbies. He recognized the younger man.

“What are you doing here, John?” he asked and picked up Jackie who was clinging to him for dear life. John moaned in pain a bit before getting up and looking at Ginger and Jackie in his arms.

“She invited me to work on her song,” he said honestly and brushed splinters off his clothes.

“It didn’t look like that,” said Ginger and held his temper. He didn’t want to upset Jackie who was sobbing quietly. John held up his hands in surrender and packed up his guitar to leave. Ginger watched him like a hawk and when he was gone, he carried Jackie to their bedroom.