Kinyoubi no Koibito

Kinyoubi no Koibito--pt. 4

Kinyoubi no Koibito~pt. 4
Life's a Bitchby Matrim
song: China


~sometimes I think you want me to touch you
how can I when you build the Great Wall around you
in your eyes I saw a future together you just look away
in the distance~

Tomo finally made it outside and sagged against the wall. He needed to calm down. He needed to breathe. He needed...God, he didn't know what he needed anymore. He took a few deep breaths and let them out and almost jumped when his phone rang. He answered it, slightly breathless, "Moshi moshi?"
"Tomo-kun? Daijyobuka?" Yuki's voice asked, slightly panicked.
"Hai. Hai. Yuki...I just don't feel well...could I meet you back at hotehotel?"
"Hai."
"Ja!"
"Ja!"
Tomo hailed a taxi and made it back to the hotel, sure that being as far as he could from Hiro and Yuki would calm him.

"What's wrong?"
Yuki looked up at Hiro after he hung up the phone. "Oh...nothing."
"Is it your best friend? You mean, he didn't come?"
Yuki shook his head, "No, that's not it. He was there. He was in the front row in fact but then something happened, he looked so pale and so scared or something and he ran away. I called him up just now and he said he didn't feel well. I hope he's okay."
Hiro sat next to him. "Don't worry. I'm sure he'll be okay."
"I hope so. He looked so bad." Yuki frowned but then froze as Hiro took his hand.
"Don't frown so, Yuki-kun. A bishonen like you should not worry. He's a grown man, I'm sure he can take care of himself."
Yuki blushed and was happy when Hiro didn't pull his hand away. Yuki's phone rang again and unthinking, Yuki answered it, "Moshi moshi?"
"Yu-chan?"
Yuki gasped. Hiro squeezed his hand. "Nani? Is it him? Did something happen?"
"Yu-chan? Are you there? Can we talk? I--I really miss you...."
I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry. "No. I don't want to talk to you, Sakito."
"Yu-chan--onegai? I made a mistake--"
"Go away." Yuki hung up the phone and tried not to slam it down on the table. Great. Of all the things to ruin his mood. He looked at Hiro's hand in his own and smiled...well..his mood was entirely spoiled.
"Yuki-kun? Dare desu ka?"
"Iie...nobody."
"Are you sure?" Hiro asked. He was worried.
Yuki nodded firmly. "Hai. Nobody important." Anymore, at least.
It was quiet for a couple of minutes as Yuki stroked Hiro's hand with his thumb. "Ne, Yuki..."
"Hai?"
"I'm hungry...ano...do you want to come with me to eat?"
Yuki looked up at Hiro, who looked a little nervous. Yuki smiled. "Hai."
They left the dressing room, hand in hand, to find a restaurant.

**********

Kazuki watched his two band members leave and sighed. Yukito caught this and smiled as reassuringly at him as he could. "You shouldn't be so disappointed, you know."
"Yeah, I know." Kazuki replied, laying his head against the dressing room table.
"You knew it was going to happen."
"Yeah, I know."
"So, what's with this change of mood?"
"Nothing."
Yukito sat in the chair in front of his band leader and asked, "C'mon, Kazuki. You take care of everyone and refuse to have someone take care of you. Just relax and tell me what's wrong. You're the only one that you can't take care of."
"I can't relax. You know that."
"Bullshit. I'll make you relax even if--"
"Alright!"
"So, what's wrong?"
"I'm just being stupid and feeling sorry for myself that's all." Kazuki raised his head and stared at the mirror. Yukito stared at the guitarist's reflection as well. "Some people have it so easy, you know? They can just reach out," With this he touched his reflection, "And someone will be there to do the same. But with me...when I reach out...the person that I want to do the same....tells me to wait. That I'm too young." He stroked his reflection's cheek and his big eyes looked ready to fill with tears. "That I don't want them. That when I get older, I'll understand."
Yukito said nothing. Just let Kazuki talk everything out. That was how Kazuki was.
"I've waited three years, Yukito. My mind hasn't changed. I've been taking responsibility for everything so that I will understand, so that I can be older--if not physically, but mentally." A tear slipped from his eye, "But...they tease me. Saying that I'm still too young, but I'm catching up...yet I'm nowhere near what they wanted. They know of my love, they know of my struggle...but...they don't care!! Raphael could be at the top of the charts with a billion fans and--and each of us could own our own private jet, we could own five mansions in different parts of the world...yet it would mean nothing....nothing to them. I would still be too young. Too stupid."
"Kazuki--" Yukito began.
Kazuki let his head rest on the table and in a muffled voice said, "But...no matter what. If it takes three more years, ten or even fifty...I will still wait. I'm hopeless. I'm insane."
Yukito gave a painful smile. "You're in love."
"Dammit."
"C'mon...let's go ask Die if he wants to go out drinking tonight after his show. It'll take your mind off things."
"Alcohol doesn't solve anything," Kazuki protested, weakly.
"For a little while, it will. Besides, Die's your sempai. He hasn't asked you to drink yet, and I think you should demand it."
Yukito dragged an unprotesting Kazuki to the Dir en Grey dressing room.

************

"We've been all over the place, Hiro, and you still can't find a place that you want to eat at!" Yuki scolded, dragging an unprotesting guilty looking Hiro behind him. He stopped. "Now, we're going stand here until you say which restaurant is the one you want to go to."
Hiro squirmed, "I don't know," he said, helplessly. "I said any restaurant was fine...I'm just hungry, that's all."
"Well, what do you feel like eating?" Yuki asked, knowing that this probably wasn't going to go anywhere but figured he might as well give it a try.
"Food..." Hiro said, meekly.
Yuki sighed. It was kind of cute that Hiro looked helpless but it was also getting on his nerves. He was hungry, too, and it was getting painful. "What kind of food?"
"I don't know!"
Yuki moaned and sank to the ground. He wrapped an arm around Hiro's leg and rested his head against it, closing his eyes. "Mou...pick randomly and do it quickly, ne? So mean..letting your koi starve..." He hoped didn't hear that last part, he had said rather quietly anyway.
"Ne, Yuki...pick a number from one to ten."
"Must I?"
"If you want to eat, yes."
Yuki groaned. "I don't know....Roku." He spat out.
"You what--?"
"Iie!! Not boku--roku!!" He glared up at the drummer, who smiled down at him.
"Roku...that's back at the hotel. That restaurant you constantly escape to."
Yuki punched Hiro's thigh softly, "I do not constantly escape to that restaurant!! We just got to this hotel--how can I--"
"Eto...lessee...you've been to that restaurant as soon as we got to the hotel, for breakfast, and after we went shopping and were resting in the room, you went to that restaurant and chances are that you probably hid there while Kazuki was complaining about you missing. So, why not go all the way and eat dinner there? Why do you run away to that restaurant, an? T? There's nothing special about it...at least, I don't think so."
Yuki punched Hiro's thigh again. "I like it. And besides, all your fault." He said, the last part muffled since he said it into Hiro's thigh. I'm such a dork--I can't even tell how I feel straight out. He should know...but...there are times where I've seen assuming can really hurt someone.
"Get up. We're going to eat."
"Yatta!"
Hiro reached down and took Yuki's hand and helped him up. They walked off to the hotel and Yuki couldn't help but smile.
Hiro hadn't let go of his hand.

***********

--elsewhere--

"And that's why he's a bastard!!" Kazuki ranted and tried to stand but his legs didn't agree with him and dumped him on the floor.
Yukito sighed. Die laughed. Shinya shook his head.
"Ne, Yukito-kun...maybe we should get this one back to the hotel?" Shinya asked. Kazuki gave a strangled sob and groped at the edge of the counter, trying to pull himself up.
Kazuki whined, "I hate my love life." His hands danced across the counter, looking for a good grip. "Or rather my lack of a love life." Kazuki pulled himself up but fell again.
"Yup. This one definitely needs to go back to his hotel room." Shinya said and Yukito nodded. He clumsily moved over to his fallen bandleader but Shinya pushed him away. "You're almost as bad as he is. No. I'll help him."
"Demo--" Yukito began but trailed off as Shinya easily picked Kazuki up and tried to set him on his feet.
Needless to say, it didn't work.
Kazuki giggled.
Shinya knelt, draped Kazuki's arm around his neck and picked the guitarist up. Yukito gasped. Shinya looked frail but...
"You think that's shocking?" Die said, making Yukito jump. "He can pick me up." Yukito stared at him. The guitarist waved his glass around, "Yeah, I know! The nerve of him!"
Kazuki sighed, "Shinya, you're so nice. Can you be my ojiisama (prince)?"
Shinya gave him an amused smile and Die frowned. "Iie, Kazuki-kun. I'm already taken."
The younger man whined, "Not fair. Why do all the nice ones get taken? Hey...wait a minute, I'm nice!!! Why doesn't anyone want me?!!! Stupid Ki-sama!! Ki-sama," He said it again then threw his head back and laughed long and hard, "Kisama!!! Kma!!ma!!! Ki-sama wa kisama desu!!!!"
"Kazuki, you're so loud!!" Yukito told him.
"So? Who cares?!! It's not as if he's in this fucking bar anyway!!!! And if he was, I hope he heard what I said!!! Ki-sama wa kisama desu!!! Bakayarou!!" He said drunkenly and gave a hiccup.
Die stood and Yukito and Shinya with Kazuki in his arms moved toward the exit. "We're going back to the hotel now, Kazuki." Yukito told Kazuki. The guitarist nodded and gave another hiccup.
"Home, Jeeves!!" He told Shinya and laughed again.
Shinya's eyes narrowed, "Is he always like this when he gets drunk?"
Yukito shook his head, "No. This is the first time I took him out drinking when he was seriously disturbed about something. I guess he loses control over his emotions when he's disturbed and drunk. Poor Kazuki..." He reached out and patted Kazuki's hand.
The guitarist grabbed Yukito's hand and gave him a swift kiss on the back of it. "Sweet Yukito. So caring. I wish they would clone you and accelerate the growth and make him gay for me. And then I wouldn't be going through this." Yukito smiled at the compliment. "Ne, Yukito...you got a sister?"
"I have a brother."
"I don't like your brother."
"I know you don't."
"You don't either."
"Only when he tries to outdo me."
"Why can't I be like Yuki?" Kazuki demanded. "I'm cute--why can't I have someone like Hiro? And get him without even trying?"
"Well, for one thing--Yuki doesn't have 18+ piercings.""Urusai, Yukito..." Kazuki said. He closed his eyes and thankfully, said nothing more afterwards.

**********

Yuki's cellphoneg agg again. "Moshi moshi?""Yu-chan, it's me.""Leave me alone.""I know you probably don't want to talk to me or see me but--""I don't.""Yuki, matte o--""Goodbye." Yuki hung up on him, trying to suppress the urge to gouge out the buttons of it with his long nails. Everything would be fine if this psycho would just stop calling him."What did I say about frowning?" A voice asked near his ear. Yuki jumped, smiled and blushed. Hiro smiled and pulled away as if nothing happened."If you would follow me?" The host led them to a table near a window and gave them each a menu."Finally, something to eat! Or are you going to take a long time on that, too?""Oh, hush, Yuki."
**********

"Thanks, Shinya-san." Yukito bowed, "I'll take him from here if you don't mind."Shinya nodded and set Kazuki down, who instantly fell onto Yukito. Kazuki giggled as Yukito got up, making sure the guitarist leaned on him."C'mon, Kazuki. Time to go to bed.""Hai, otousan!"Yukito grabbed his cellphone and dialed the hotel and asked for his own room number. "Hai? Yo-chan?"Kazuki was saying something loudly so Yukito moved the phone to his left ear. "Kazuki's drunk and I have to make sure he doesn't hurt himself on the way to his room. I'll be--ten minutes later than I thought I would be, okay? Hai. Hai." Yukito smiled, "I love you, too. Ja!""I swear to God--no one knows or appreciates a good man in a green dress when they see one." Kazuki ranted, clutching at Yukito's pant leg. The bassist hung up the phone while still trying to keep his balance. "Yukito-kun, you have nice legs," Kazuki said in a voice full of wonder."Arigato," Yukito said with a laugh. He reached down and helped Kazuki up by the elbow. "C'mon..hold onto me. That's it, we're going into the hotel now, so you have to be quieter."Kazuki leaned against Yukito and narrowed his eyes when he saw someone pass by. "Ne, Yukito.""Nani?""Isn't that...that Sakito brat that broke Yuki's heart?""Doko ni?""Are," Kazuki replied, pointing. He hobbled hastily after him up the steps, dragging Yukito with him. "Why is he going into our hotel?"Yukito struggled to keep Kazuki from hurting Sakito, Yukito and himself, but Kazuki was stronger. As well as drunk. "Don't be hasty, Kazuki. Maybe it's just someone who looks like Sa.""N.""Nonsense! I know that kid even if I--I were drunk! Which I am!"At least he knows it,Yukito though as he and Kazuki got into the hotel. "You're not going to do anything are you?""Dare? Boku?" Kazuki blinked innocent eyes up at him. He had given up on trying to walk fast with Yukito in tow, so instead he had crawled in there, and now was on his knees.Yukito didn't believe that innocent look for one second, "Hai. Kimi." Kazuki made a derisive noise."I won't do anything! Demo--""Nani?""Yuki and Hiro are having dinner in that restaurant." Kazuki said, clutching at Yukito's leg again and pointing."Are you drunker than you're letting on? They left for dinner hours ago!" Yukito replied."Ah, but you forget!" Kazuki pointed upwards in pure anime fashion as the other man helped him up. "Boku wa okaasan! I know everything about my band. Hiro is very indecisive! Yuki would let him get away with murder. And so he let Hiro drag him around until Yuki's hunger overrode his love and somehow they ended up here.""Sakito's heading toward their table.""Dooshite?""I don't know--let's just watch.""Okay."
***********

"Yuki--"He jumped and stared, "What are you doing here?"Sakito took a look at Hiro, who only stared at him. He turned back to Yuki, "Please, Yuki--I need to talk to you."Yuki pulled away from him, "I have nothing to say to you."Yuki--I'm sorry!! Please forgive me--Miyabi--I-I was wrong. He never loved me--he could never love me like you did. I'm sorry..I love you..Will you take me back--onegai? We could start all over again."

Yuki trembled. "No, never. Do you think you can just leave me whenever you like and come back, expecting things to be the same--expeting it to be okay? I loved you, Sakito--but you obviously didn't feel the same enough to stay with me!"

"I don't expect things to be the same or okay. I told you we could start over again--"

Yuki shook his head, "No! I don't want to start over again! It's over, Sakito! It was over the moment you touched Miyabi!"

Sakito's eyes flared as he grabbed Yuki's wrist. "It's not over unitl I say it's over, Yuki!"

Hiro stood, as soon as he saw this and touched Sakito's shoulder, "It's over. Please leave."

Yuki took his wrist back and glared at Sakito. He sat again and decided that the table was more interesting to look at.

"Dare desu ka?" Sakito asked, bluntly.

Yukised sed his head, tears streaming from his eyes, "Hiro. Boku no Hiro. Boku no koi."

"Is there a problem here?" The host asked.

"This man is disturbing us," Hiro replied, coldly.

"Sir, I have to ask you to leave."

"Fine." Sakito glared at Hiro and Yuki, "Good luck with him. He's a heartless son of a bitch to have around. Terrible in bed, too." Sakito left with Hiro sending a deathwish after him.

Hiro sat and stared at the man across from him. Yuki was staring down at his hands in his lap and his shoulders shook every now and again. "Yuki...don't cry. You'll be okay."

"Iie...just my contacts..s'all."

"Liar."

Yuki wiped his eyes hastily, "Hiro...gomen ne? You didn't have to hear that."

"Neither did you." Hiro quieted as a waiter placed their food in front of them. "Look..our food is here. You'll feel better if you eat."

"Okay..." Yuki picked up his fork hesitantly and slowly began to eat.

*********

"Well that must've sucked," Yukito said, in a rare show of Kazuki's behavior that had rubbed off on him. Sakito passed by them. "Ne, Kazuki.." he shook him, "Kazuki!!"

"Mm?"

Yukito rolled his eyes. Stupid motherly guitarist--fell asleep. Oh, well as long as I don't have to explain myself to our manager or security. "Let's go to your room."

"Mm. okay."

*********


They walked outside to enjoy the night air and to talk without worrying about someone prying.

"You shouldn't let him get to you."

"I know."

Yuki stopped near the highway railing and leaned against it. Hiro stopped with him. "But it still hurts, huh?" He asked and Yuki nodded. "Yuki-kun, you're very caring. You're sweet, you're beautiful, and you're talented." Yuki tried to suppress the smile he felt but tears sprang up in his eyes. "You do not need a brat telling you you're terrible. And..." Hiro paused. Yuki looked up, curious.

He was blushing. "And despite what Sakito may say...you probably are good in bed."

Yuki laughed, then stopped. Tell him now or you may never get the chance. "Hiro-kun...I have something to tell you."

"Nani?"

Yuki took a deep breath, "Hiro...I really would like to thank you for looking after me all those weeks. And I'd like to thank you for sharing a room with me. And dealing with Sakito."

"Dooitashimashite."

"Ano.."

"Mm?"

"There's more." Yuki straightened and stepped away form teh railing. He looked Hiro in the eyes and swallowed. "I...I..." He closed his eyes, "I love you."

"Oh, Yuki."

He opened his eyes to see Hiro smiling sympatheticaly at him. Yuki felt confused. What's wrong? This wasn't supposed to be happening, was it? He asked himself.

"You don't love me--"

"Nani?"

"You love the way I make you feel."

"N-nani?"

"What you feel for me isn't love."

Yuki felt his world being ripped apart for the second time that month. Everything is a lie...can I trust anyone--anything ever again? Yuki felt himself nod his head. "Ah...souka?"

"Hai."

Yuki turned and walked back to the hotel, ignoring Hiro. He began to cry silently from the very man who had helped stopped it. Why couldn't he have just said that he doesn't feel the same way? Why couldn't he have said he wasn't ready? Why was I so stupid as to tell him? I'm never going to say anything again... He entered the elevator and and closed the doors quickly before anyone could enter after him and leaned against the wall. Maybe he's right, but I can't go back to our room after this.
He stepped off the elevator and knocked on a door.

The light flicked on inside and the door opened.

"Yuki?"

He stood there, crying silently until he sobbed, finally breaking down.

"Kazuki!"

~I can feel the distance
I can feel the distance..
getting close~