Silver and Cold

I'm glad people actually like my story! For a few days I was thinking of stopping since no one was reading it, but now I think I'll keep going ^^.

Yami990- don't worry, all your questions will be answered!

-Chapter Six-

Morning came agonizingly quick, and I willed it away, but of course, how do you stop the day from starting? You can't. I moaned as the sun brushed my face and hid underneath my security blanket, shutting my eyes. The events of the night before were still running through my head like some sort of twisted merry-go-round, torturing me to no end.

I could hear Shinya walking across the floor. He was mumbling something, to Miyu or Yuyu probably. I pretended I was still asleep, keeping my breathing in a slow and steady rhythm. He pulled back the blanket I was hiding under gently. I kept my face serene and unreadable, putting out the idea that I was deep in sleep. He leaned closer so that I could feel his exhalations on my cheek. My heart was pounding in my head so loudly I was afraid he'd hear it.

Instead, he brushed my long bangs away and kissed my forehead before letting his hand sweep down to my chin. He left soft kisses down my temples to my neck, and I gasped, my eyes shooting open. Shinya stumbled back, eyes wide. He looked terrified. "I-I'm sorry," He stuttered. "I d-d-didn't mean to..." He quickly walked away with his head down.

I sat up, a distressed look upon my face. I let my fingers cruise down my face, following the trail Shinya left. I was positively tingling, but I wouldn't let myself dwell on it. It wasn't the time or the place.

***

At Dir En Grey's studio, Shinya didn't talk at all, not even when he was spoken to. It wrenched my heart. I knew he was quiet around others, but he wasn't silent around his friends. I felt responsible.

Kyo was sitting beside him, talking about something.. the weather? I couldn't be bothered to listen. Die walked through the door, as usual, he had a bright grin on his face.

"Your tormentor's here, Dio," He laughed at me. I muttered something under my breath before turning away from him. "What? No witty remarks?" He sounded genuinely surprised. "What happened? Hung over?"

I snorted. "Yeah, I wish," My voice sounded like it was flattened out by a hammer. A thought passed through my head; I had told Shinya that we couldn't have a relationship because it would wreck our current friendship, but now it was even worse. I couldn't look at him, couldn't talk to him, couldn't even bare to be around him. How ironic.

Die wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me back so that my back was resting on his chest. I didn't bother to struggle. What was the point? Not like it mattered anymore. I messed up everything. My chance to fix it had come and gone. What was broken however, I didn't know. 'Wow, the drama,' I thought, letting lose a sadistic chuckle. 'When I'm depressed, get all poetic,'

"What's making you sad?" Die purred into my ear. I furrowed my brow, but I didn't say anything. "What happened to your spunk?"

"Spunk?" I laughed maliciously. "When did I ever have spunk?" I was staring at the guitars strewn on the floor, the papers that had fluttered to the ground, anywhere but where Shinya was.

"Before you would attempt to talk back when I insulted you," I narrowed my eyes but I didn't attempt to pull away from his embrace. When I stayed quiet, he said, "See? You're no fun anymore,"

I dared to glance at Shinya and Kyo. Shinya's eyes were penetrating me, making me feel two inches tall. He stared at me with an intensity that I didn't expect from the demure drummer. He said something to Kyo while still watching me, and Kyo turned his head to look at me. I lowered my eyes.

"I give up," I mumbled. "You win,"

Die made a noise in his throat. "That was forfeit. I didn't win. Come on, at least make it fun for me," He laughed, suddenly seeming less like a rival and more like a friend.

I tried to smile but all that resulted from that was an awkward curve on my face. "You're such a freak," I sighed.

"Well, it's a start," Die said. He raked his hand through my hair and finally released me from his grip. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to make the warmth I got from him last as long as possible. But it faded rapidly, being replaced with the same familiar, numbing cold that I had felt so many times before.

That was easily solved. I left to the washroom and got out my pocketknife.

***

"Shinya?" Kaoru had a worried expression on his face. I was, of course, watching from a good distance.

Shinya turned his head away. I felt my stomach turn and a wave of misery hit me like a bus. Toshiya mirrored Kaoru's anxiety. Die looked like he was contemplating something. Kyo, however, had a knowing look upon him. That scared me.

Kaoru turned to Kyo. "You're sure you don't know what happened to him?" Kyo glanced at Shinya. He was sitting at his drum set with his head lowered. The way he looked so rejected and crestfallen made me want to cry for him. I was lost on what to do.

Kyo shook his head. "Not a clue," But when he turned to glower at me, I could tell he knew.

***

Watching Dir En Grey practice was like waiting for my own demise. I knew that in the end I had to go home with Shinya. I had to ride in his car and sit in his living room. That in itself seemed a fate worse then death. I had to face him sooner or later, though.

Kyo watched me while he sang, which was all but disturbing. I mean, when you're singing stuff like, "even past eighteen I still have wet dreams, speaking of which you're a porno mag," And, "I sneak up on my mommy and daddy when they fall asleep, shall I shoot through you first?", It's not right to stare at one certain person the whole time.

After the practice, Kyo pulled me aside. "What happened between you and Shinya?" He sounded like an angry detective.

"I don't know what you're talking about," My voice was calm and smooth.

"Then explain to me why ever since you started living with him, he's been different?" Kyo's eyes were glowing with contempt.

"I don't know!" I shouted involuntarily. The room was empty. Shinya had left without me.

"You're lying!" Kyo was matching my volume. "What did you do to him?"

"Me?!" I spat the word at him. "I did nothing! What do you think I did?!"

"You're a whore! Who knows what you were doing to him?" His comment stung like a slap in the face. I immediately silenced and drew back.

"Kyo..." I couldn't believe this. He thought I was taking advantage of Shinya. "I didn't do anything, I swear," I could once again feel tears like hot needles poking at my eyes. I blinked them away.

"Who am I going to believe?" Kyo still kept his voice raised. "My good friend or some slut off the street?"

I clutched at my stomach, feeling sick. "I'm not a slut," I felt like a defenseless little kid being bullied in the playground.

Kyo was quiet, as if he was thinking about the situation. "Something happened," He said. "Tell me now, or I'll just stick with what I'm assuming," I looked at him and sighed.

"Alright," I said, my voice sounding tired.

***

I couldn't stand the stillness in Shinya's car. I was muted. I couldn't say anything. I felt awful, but not as awful as I had in the morning. Telling Kyo about what happened was refreshing. At first, he was skeptical, but he ended up believing me.

Shinya hadn't left without me. He was waiting at the door, and we both walked wordlessly to his car.

I kept glancing at Shinya while he was driving. He looked like a mannequin, lifeless. I had to say something. "Shinya?" He kept his eyes on the road. "I need to talk to you," I said, looking down at my hands.

"Then talk," He spoke monotonically.

"Ok," I sighed. "I'm sorry that I hurt you," I began with my apologies there. "I'm just-"

"What?" Shinya asked, sounding too calm. "Scared?"

"Yeah," I nodded.

"Or are you just saying that because you don't want me to feel bad?" He didn't seem to care, which mildly shocked me.

"No, not at all,"

He turned to me. "Look, I've been rejected before. I know everything you're going to say," He toke on a mocking tone. "It's not you, it's me. I'm just scared of relationships because I had a bad childhood and was abused and so on,"

"Shinya!" I gasped, surprised he would act this way.

"Don't tell me I'm wrong," He sounded so sad. "If you don't want me just say so,"

Kyo's comments felt like nothing now. I crossed my arms over my chest. "Fine," I muttered. I wasn't hurt anymore, I was angry. Oddly enough, I wanted revenge.

***

When we got to his apartment, he let me eat noodles and watch whatever I wanted. I couldn't care less.

The phone rang, and Shinya went to pick it up. "It's for you," His dull voice said to me.

I looked at him, bewildered. "Who is it?" I asked.

"Die," He said. I walked over and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Dio?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I take you somewhere?"

"Are you kidding me?" I scoffed. "Who is this, really?"

I heard a laugh come from the other line. "It's Die, really. So, can I take you somewhere?"

I looked around, suddenly feeling paranoid. "Ok," I shrugged. 'What the hell,' I thought. 'Anything to take my mind off Shinya,'

"Then wait for me at Shinya's apartment,"

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise," Die's voice was carrying something I couldn't quite figure out. It was nothing good, but I didn't care. It was a distraction, and I desperately needed a distraction.

-End of Chapter Six-

I might add more to this chapter or I might put it in the next chapter the day after tomorrow. Please review and tell me what you think!!!