louder than words

Hardly daring to believe it was real, Ville walked back to the bed. "Say that again." He demanded eagerly.

"Ville....stay." Bam croaked out.

"Oh my god, you did it, you spoke!" Ville flung himself back onto the bed placing an exuberant kiss on Bam's lips. "I'm so proud of you, I knew you could do it."

"Because you helped me."

"You did all the work kulta. Now don't talk too much just yet, start off slow because you haven't used your voice in a while so it's gonna tire you out and probably make your throat hurt for a while until you get used to it again."

He poured Bam a glass of water and helped him sit up properly to drink it. Once he'd finished though, Ville stood up to leave again causing him to whimper in protest.

"No, stay...please."

"I'm just going to call the band, I'll be back soon." Ville comforted but Bam still looked like he was going to cry.

"Kulta, are you scared?" Bam nodded. "Of what?"

"Doesn't matter."

"Of course it does, if you're scared I want to be able to try and help if I can. Is it...is it Dan you're scared of?"

Huge panicked eyes stared at him. "How?..What?" Bam looked like he was about to hyperventilate and Ville hurried to reassure him.

"No one told me, it's just that he said he knew you from the streets and you never mentioned a friend so I guessed it wasn't a happy reunion. I'm also guessing that it wasn't a coincidence that as soon as you two got left alone together you ended up in hospital. If he's done something to you, you need to tell me and we can get rid of him."

"Can it wait until we get back to the hotel?" Bam's voice was still a little strained with the years of not being used and ville knew that he wanted to exercise his voice a bit before they had such an indepth conversation.

"Of course Kulta, and I won't go anywhere. I'm sure Luke will tell everyone where we are." He said, climbing back onto the bed next to him. "Do you want a notebook or are you going to try and talk all the time?"

"I want to talk. If I don't practise, I'll never be back to normal."

Suddenly a nurse bustled in and started making up the cot bed for Ville. Once done she looked over at them disapprovingly as she saw how closely pressed together they were sitting.

"Just to make it perfectly clear, you are to sleep in this bed only Mr Valo, we don't tolerate that kind of behaviour here and Mr Margera is still too injured for physical interaction."

Looking up at the homophobic nurse, Ville felt an evil grin start to creep onto his face. "I'll try but I always have trouble sleeping if I'm not under him." He said deadpan, and grinned slightly at Bam's shocked exclamation of his name and the way the nurse flinched at his words.

"Yes well, you'll have to manage if you want your friend to get better." She emphasised the word 'friend' and it made Ville's usually placid temper rise.

"What's wrong with using the word 'boyfriend' or 'lover'? Even 'partner' would have been better than showing us the fact that you're a narrow minded homophobe."

"Mr Valo, I suggest you watch your tone or I'll have security escort you out."

Scowling at her but unwilling to risk being seperated from Bam, he simply turned his back on her and pretended she wasn't there. He heard her huff in annoyance and then leave the room.

"Sorry." He grinned sheepishly. "I know we're not really a couple and I probably shouldn't have said any of that but she pissed me off. She had no right to be so judgemental of us when she doesn't even know us."

"It's ok."

"Really? You're not angry at me?"

Bam didn't say it but there was no way he could ever be angry at his beautiful saviour. "Really, I don't mind."

"Good, I'd hate for you to be mad at me. Ok, it's getting late and you need to rest so I'm gonna get into my bed and as soon as you're able to leave tomorrow we'll get back to the hotel and you can tell me all about Dan so we can get him out of your life."

Ville started to swing his legs off the side of the bed when Bam's hand wrapped around the top of his arm, stopping him. "Do something for me?"

"Of course Kulta, what is it?"

When Bam didn't answer him straight away, Ville decided to push the subject, wondering what was so bad that Bam was scared to ask him. "It's ok sweetheart, you can ask me anything."

Finally plucking up the courage Bam looked up at him, blushing furiously. "Will you kiss me? Properly I mean, because I'd like to have been able to kiss you once before you find out about my life."

"Bammie, I'd happily kiss you any time but you make it sound like I won't be able to once we've talked."

"You won't want to. You won't want me around when you find out."

"That's ridiculous, there isn't anything you can tell me that would be that bad."

"Ok." Bam agreed but it was obvious he didn't believe it. Ville decided against arguing his point and instead placed a hand on Bam's cheek, guiding their lips together. He kept the kiss as gentle and loving as he could, lips and tongues barely brushing each other until Bam made the first move to deepen it. He felt a hand tangle into his hair, carefully holding him in place and in return he pulled him closer, moving one arm around him to stroke his back soothingly. He wasn't sure if it was minutes or even hours later but he finally pulled away.

"We should really go to sleep now sweetheart." He said reluctantly. "I wanna get you out of here as soon as possible tomorrow."

He pressed one last lingering kiss on Bam's lips before stripping down to his boxers and climbing into his bed. "Goodnight Kulta."

"Goodnight Ville."

*******************

Morning came quickly and when Bam woke, Ville was already dressed again and sitting next to him on the bed, glancing down at him fondly.

"Hi, how are you feeling this morning?" Ville asked once he noticed he was awake.

"Good thanks, just sore." He croaked out.

"Great. the nurse has been in and she said they'll be taking you down to x-ray in about fifteen minutes."

"When was that?"

"About fifteen minutes ago." Ville admitted sheepishly. "I didn't have the heart to wake you."

As if on cue, a nurse came into the room smiling cheerfully at the two of them, thankfully not the same nurse as the night before.

"Good morning, how are we feeling today?" She sing songed chirpily, checking his file at the end of the bed.

"Uh, fine thanks." Bam answered.

"Wonderful! Ok, let's get you down to x-ray so we can get you home as soon as possible." Her voice was annoyingly chipper and Ville and Bam exchanged a look, both trying not to laugh at her.

"That sounds super, thank you so much!" Bam mimicked her tone and Ville nearly choked on his repressed giggles. The nurse however, didn't seem to notice.

"You're very welcome dear." She turned her attention to Ville. "Are you going down to x-ray with him or are you waiting here?"

"Can he leave as soon as his x-rays are done?"

"He'll have to wait a few minutes while we check them but as long as they're clear then yes, he's free to go once they're done."

"In that case, I'll come down with you."

"Wonderful, so are we ready to go?"

"No." Bam replied and both Ville and the nurse stared at him in suprise.

"Why not kulta?"

"Because this hospital gown doesn't have a back to it and I'm not showing the entire building my ass."

Ville couldn't have stopped his laughter if he'd have tried and even the nurse was giggling although she was professional enough to try and pretend she wasn't.

"I'll go and get you a dressing gown." She said once they'd calmed slightly, and she wandered off, still chuckling occasionally.

"Sorry, but it was kinda funny." Ville admitted with a grin.

"It's ok, I probably would have laughed if it had been anyone else. Anyway, is it me or was the nurse almost psychotically happy?"

"It's not you. She is rather scary." Ville laughed. "But she's coming back so I wouldn't say anything else if I were you."

The nurse, who's name was Gloria according to the identification tag hanging on her uniform, handed him a dressing gown that looked and smelt like it had last been used in the dark ages but he figured anything was better than showing a building full of strangers his ass, and he quickly put it on.

He tried not to blush or grin stupidly when Ville put a protective arm around him as he stood up but he gave into temptation and leant subtly into him on the pretense that he was hurting slightly more than he was. He felt safe in the older mans arms, something that he hadn't felt in years and he was determined to get as much of that feeling as he could while he had the chance.

The x-rays didn't take long and they soon found themselves in the back of a taxi heading back to the hotel happy in the knowledge that although he was badly bruised, there was nothing else wrong. Bam was silent on the way back but Ville knew that he was just nervous about the conversation they were going to have to have so he left him alone to let him think.

He still hadn't said anything by the time they reached their room, thankfully not seeing anyone on the way. Bam quickly went and sat down on the edge of the bed his face pale and his hands shaking slightly and suddenly Ville couldn't make him do it any more.

"Bammie, I know this is difficult for you, you don't have to..."

"It's ok, you deserve to know, I just don't know how to say it."

He took a deep calming breath and began to talk, mostly to his hands as he was too ashamed to look at Ville.

"You already know how I ended up homeless, I actually had a good life before that though, it's hard to believe how fucked up it all got. I met Dan when he was throwing away some trash in the alley I was living in. He was really nice to me and gave me an old jumper of his because it was cold and he brought me food and something to drink. I thought he was just being nice but then he demanded sex in return, I told him no but he wouldn't listen. It hurt so much and I begged him to stop but he didn't care and he just left me there afterwards. I was so scared and there was a lot of blood but I didn't know what to do so I just stayed there and hoped I'd be ok because it hurt too much to walk."

His voice broke slightly as he started to cry.

"It used to happen all the time after that, he'd bring me clothes or food and rape me for payment. Sometimes it was a friend of his if he wasn't around. I know I should have tried to fight them off harder but you don't know what it was like. I was starving and it was winter, I needed the stuff they were giving me."

He was barely audible now, his choking sobs threatening to drown out his words.

"I've never stopped being disgusted with myself, I'm pathetic, he was right I'm just a cheap whore. You shouldn't have saved me."

His words did stop then as his entire body shook with the force of his tears. Strangely enough, it wasn't the memories that was making him cry, it was the fact that becasue of his past he could have just lost the first person he'd managed to trust since Novak died.

He felt the bed dip as Ville sat down next to him and he braced himself for the worst. What he wasn't expecting was warm, strong arms to wrap around him comfortingly and pull him into an embrace, rocking him slightly back and forth as he cried.

"My poor enkeli. I wish I'd been the first person to find you so you wouldn't have had to go through all that. You need to stop thinking so badly about yourself though, I don't want to hear you saying things like about yourself ever again because they're not true."

Bam finally dared to look up and it stunned him to see that Ville had tears in his eyes too, tears of sympathy for him and his life.

"I'll go and talk to Luke and get him to fire Dan. I'd love to do it myself but I'd end up losing my temper. You should really inform the police though sweetheart, he deserves to be locked up."

"I was just another homeless guy Ville, they don't care about us." Bam's tone of voice left no room for arguments and Ville sighed in resignation, holding him closer and wishing there was something he could do to make it all better.

His mind kept going back over everything though and he needed to see if he was right about something.

"Is this why you thought I wouldn't kiss you again, you thought I'd be disgusted by you after hearing what you've been through?"

Bam didn't answer but it hung in the air as clearly as if he had.

"I can't believe you though so little of me." Ville said, hurt colouring his words.

"It's not because I think less of you or anything, it was just me being paranoid. You've been so good to me and you make me feel again. I'm just so scared that I'm gonna end up losing that."

Ville just held him tighter if that were possible as if, just by doing that, he could push away all the worries and fears he had.

"It would take nothing short of announcing you're a mass murderer for you to lose me and the rest of the guys."

Bam managed a weak smile at that. "Thank you, I owe you so much."

"You owe me nothing kulta, I just want you to be happy."

"I am. Or at least, I'm starting to be because of you."

They just sat like that for a while both understanding that there was no need for words at that moment. Ville kept his grip on Bam secure but comforting as he breathed in the scent of his shampoo, allowing himself a barely whispered confession into the back of Bam's tousled head.

"Rakastan Sinua"

"What?"

Bam's voice made Ville jump as he thought he'd been quiet enough not to have been heard. "Um, nothing, I was just muttering to myself. So, uh, why don't you have a nap because you must be tired after everything that's happened and I'll go and talk to Luke."

"Ok, but don't talk to Dan."

"I won't. I'll see you later."

As the door closed behind him, Ville rested his head against it in frustration. *What the hell were you thinking?* He scolded himself mentally. *Just think yourself lucky he can't speak Finnish.*

It didn't take him long to work out where Luke was because they were all staying in the same hotel until it was time to fly home. As the door to his room came in sight, Ville picked up his pace, wanting to get everything sorted as soon as possible.

"How's Bam?" A voice behind him made him turn round hoping it was Luke so he wouldn't have to disturb his work. His jaw clenched and his eyes became cold though as he saw that it was Dan that had approached him to ask.

"He's fine." Ville replied shortly, his hands itching to lash out at him. Turning back to his destination, he desperately tried to ignore him.

"You should tell him not to be so clumsy, next time he could be killed."

Ville whirled around to face Dan again, his entire body shaking with anger. "Is that supposed to be some kind of threat? We both know that you did that to him, it wasn't an accident and I'm not gonna let you hurt him again."

Dan's eyes widened slightly with realisation. "Aah, the little whore has been telling you tales of the big bad men has he? It was a business situation that's all, we gave him things he needed, he gave us what we wanted so ignore his sob story. Anyway, what are you, his sugar daddy? Giving him a job, places to stay, clothes and food, you must have him constantly on his knees in return."

He couldn't have stopped if he'd have wanted to. Dan's words made him more furious than he'd ever been in his life and without even thinking about it, he pulled back his fist and let it swing as hard as he could. The sound of Dan's nose breaking was satisfying but it wasn't enough.

"Don't you ever talk about him like that again." He growled, aiming another punch to Dan's face. He didn't have time to duck the one coming back though and suddenly it felt as though fireworks were exploding behind his left eye. Neither man had time to make their next move though because a shocked exclamation announced Luke's presence.

"What the fuck is going on?" He hurried to Ville's side. "Are you ok?"

"Him?" Dan interupted. "What about me? I'm the one he attacked for no reason."

"I've worked with Ville since the band started and I know for a fact that he would never swing for anyone with no good reason so I wanna know what the hell you did to rile up his temper like that and then I'll decide how to deal with you."

"I want him gone." Ville stated firmly, trying to resist punching him again.

"That's a pretty big decision, are you sure?"

"I don't want a rapist working with my band." He spat angrily.

"A rapist?" Luke looked confused and Ville took pity on him.

"How do you think he knew Bam?"

It took a couple of seconds then a look of disgust crossed over his features as it sunk in. "You fucking bastard, I want you out of here. You've got ten minutes to get your stuff and be gone or I'll call the cops. Be grateful that none of the lads know about this because we've all become fond of Bam and if they knew what you'd done, I wouldn't stop them from killing you."

"That whore loved every minute of it." Dan spat back, smirking at Ville. "You should really try him, he screams beautifully."

It took all of Luke's strength to hold Ville back as he tried to get to him. It was suprising how strong such the lithe, girlish looking man could be, but then again, Luke didn't really want to stop him.

"Get out of here before I kill you myself. If you ever come near him again I swear to you I'll make you wish you'd never been born." Ville's deep voice was now an animalistic growl, the fury in it practically tangible and Dan, realising how much danger he was putting himself in, left to get his belongings.

After a few minutes, Luke felt all the fight leave Ville's body and he slumped against him tiredly. "Come on, lets get you an icepack for that eye and a herbal tea. I'd usually recomend a scotch but the last thing I want is you starting to drink again."

Luke was as good as his word and in a short time Ville was sitting in an armchair with an icepack covering his already swollen eye and a cup of hot tea by his side. "I can't believe I let him goad me like that. I haven't lost my temper that badly since the incident with the flower pot."

"Yeah well, love makes people do crazy stuff."

"Love? I didn't say anything about love." Ville started to remove the icepack to sit up but Luke slapped it back in place impatiently.

"Last thing you need is your pretty face all swollen, it's already gonna be black and blue so keep it on there. And no, you didn't say anything about love but it's obvious to everyone who's ever seen you together just as it's obvious that he loves you back and if an old bachelor like me can see how much you two love each other then you must be on to a good thing."

"Thanks Luke." Ville grinned, then winced at the pain it caused. "Just do me a favour, don't tell anyone about Bam being raped and don't say anything to Bam either, he already believes it's his fault, I don't wanna make it worse."

"It's not my place to tell anyone anyway, and I don't treat any of my crew any differently no matter what their gender, sexuality, race or past. I like Bam, he's a good kid and he works hard."

Ville stood up, deciding to go back and check on Bam. "One more thing, don't mention any of this loving each other conversation to him, he's still a bit nervy, I don't want to scare him off."

"I'm not gonna say a thing."

Ville patted him gratefully on the shouler before taking his icepack and heading back up to their hotel room. Bam was still awake when he got there but he'd pushed their beds together and was holding on to Ville's pillow like it was a lifeline.

Looking towards the door, he quickly put the pillow back where it belonged, hoping Ville wouldn't notice but then his eyes widened in shock. "What happened to your eye?"

"I had an argument with Dan." Ville replied, throwing the icepack onto the side table and taking off his shoes.

"You promised you wouldn't talk to him." Bam sounded panicked and Ville climbed onto the bed next to him and pulled him close.

"I know but he found me and started saying things that I didn't like and I lost my temper. At least he's gone now. Do you forgive me?"

Bam nodded, raising his hand to gently touching Ville's bruised face. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, just a black eye, nothing I can't handle. Anyway, what's going on with the beds?"

Blushing heavily, Bam stumble dover an explanation and an apology but Ville shushed him. "It's ok, if you wanna sleep in the same bed I don't mind, I just want to be sure of what you want and what you're feeling."

"It's just that, I always feel safe when I know you're next to me and I thought that maybe the reason you can't sleep is because you get a bit lonely so maybe if we slept in the same bed it would make both of us feel better."

"Sounds like a good theory." Ville smiled. Too tired to change, he removed his shirt before climbing under the covers and wrapping an arm around Bam's waist. Pulling him against his body, Ville bent his head and kissed Bam's lips softly.

"Go to sleep now sweetheart, I'll be here when you wake up."

Laying his head against Ville's chest, Bam drifted off to sleep, a tiny yet contented smile on his face.