Cross My Heart and Hope to Die

Jordan skidded along the ice covered streets. He absently flipped on the radio and a popular song blared out at him. "How do they get this crap played on the radio" he said out loud as he slapped the CD player on and a soft jazz tune replace the noise. "Thats more like it," he said to no one as he tapped on the stirring wheel. His tires sloshed in the melted snow as he turned into Donnie's building's driveway. The doorman pulled down his hat against the snowy wind.
"afternoon sir," he greeted him his opened car door.
"Thanks, man" Jordan replied as he tossed him the car keys and jogged into the lobby.
He walked throught the marble clad lobby entrance and headed straight for the elevators as the desk woman stared at him. He punched the button for nine and tapped his boot to the music and examined the flowers on the table. As he waited for the elevator to arrive he tried to ignore the desk clerk and the door man who were whispering and looking in his direction. Well he shrugged as the bell chimed and the doors slid open, at least they aren't snapping pictures and screaming his name. As he rode up in the car he continued tapping his foot to the droning elevator music. He stopped tapping what was up with him today? he thought absently. The elevator chimed as it stopped on the ninth floor and Jordan hopped out. It occured to him that he was almost positively giddy. He chuckled and shook his head, god he had completely forgotten what it felt like to be this happy. Apartment 35 was on the right overlooking the street. Jordan walked up and knocked on the door.
"County morgue, we've come for the body," he chimed
The door opened a crack.
"Go away, you've got the wrong apartment," A voice said back.
"hey man, whats up, open the door," Jordan said as he pushed the door to enter.
"Fuck off man, I said go away," Donnie put his weight against the door so it wouldn't budge.
"Fuck off? What is up with you, let me in damn it" Jordan said angerily as he pushed the door and again. It didn't move an inch.
"I don't feel good man, just go away," Donnie said straining against Jordan's weight.
"don't feel good, why won't you let me in?" Jordan said dejectedly as he leaned against the door.
"I just don't feel good and don't want company ok," Donnie grunted back.
"Ok man," Jordan said backing off the door confused. "you going to be at mom's house tomorrow" he asked the crack with new concern and growing uncertaintly.
"Of course I will," the crack replied "I have never missed one, have I?"
"No, No....." Jordan trailed off "No you have never missed one" he finished kicking at nothing on the floor.
"well, see you tomorrow then," Donnie said and closed the door with a snap.
Jordan seemed glued to the floor, he just couldn't move. What in the hell was going on here? In all the years he had known Donnie he had never closed any door in his face.
Jordan stood for a long moment looking at the closed door. He was so fucking confused. What in the hell was up with Donnie? He had never shut him out before. Never. Fresh worry bloomed in his stomach, this was so unlike him.

On the other side of the closed door, hot guilty tears slid silently down Donnie's face. He couldn't do this to the only friend who had stood by him in all of his troubles and triumphs. Donnie winced as he turned from the door. He didn't know what hurt more, the brusies on his ribs or his breaking heart.
He just couldn't do it, he couldn't ask his best friend to bear this cross with him. Jordan was already so burdened with his own rising demons. but Jordan had always been there to help hadn't he? He had made the promise and stuck by it. Well, this was different Donnie assured himself, totally different.
After this morning it was nolonger an old brusied ego that plagued him it was danger, serious danger. He just couldn't jeopardize his friend's life for anything, not anything in this world.
The two goons that had paid him a visit didn't play around. He had paid, paid his debt of brusing someone's pride and he knew that he wasn't finished.
They would hurt him for his one night of complete indiscreation, more than they had already he thought sickenly as his ribs continued to ache and he wasn't sure that he would live through it. The guilt plagued him as he pressed his bruised back against the door. Donnie frustratedly wiped the the tears away from his face. How did he get himself into this mess he thougth angrily. Oh he new how, he continued, he had let some dumb childhood rivalry get the better of him and he acted before he thougth. Damn, why did he have to be so stupid.

Jordan stood at the closed door another moment in consuming confusion, hurt and worry. It all seemed to flash across his face. The happiness that, what now felt like eons ago, seemed all but forever lost. He slowly made his way back to the polish elevator. He punched the down button hard, the anger was back now he thought absently as he slammed a fist into the gleaming metal doors. They opened almost in response.
A cute elderly couple stood in the back of the gold reflective interior. He plastered a warm smile on his face and enterend the droaning music in the
elevator. When he turned he caught his reflection in the gold tented mirrors. His deep brown eyes had lost their sparkle of this morning and he now wondered if they would ever sparkle again. Over his shoulder he could see a red scarf tucked into the woman's coat. Red? it seemed to flash in his mind
The woman from last night swam back into his thoughts. He knew her, he was almost sure of it, and she knew him too. Thats what had touched him, he could read the shocked regonition on her face as their eyes met. But where did he know her from?
"Are you getting out son?"
"Oh, what?" Jordan said destractedly
The little grey haired man placed a concerned hand on his shoulder. "are you getting out of the elevator?" he asked again.
"Oh! Yeah! It doesn't go any lower, does it?" Jordan said reflectively.
The little man knowning read his troubled eyes. "it will all work out, I promise" He said quietly patting Jordan on the back.
"Excuse me?" Jordan said, his head felt full of fog.
"It will all be ok," The man repeated, "it always is." he finished as he helped his aged wife out into the lobby.
"Thanks," Jordan said trying to sound thankful and plastering the fake smile back on his face.
It must have looked geniune because the couple smiled back and stepped out into the snow.
He sat down on one of the lobbies padded benches and hung his head. He didn't know just where to turn next so.....as the doorman brought his car around he decided to go to the one place where he had alway felt steady.....his mothers.