The Winter Guest *Complete*

Chapter 7



The touch of soft lips and the smell of man woke me while it was still dark. I felt a strong hand on my stomach. I was lying on my back, and next to me his lips buried in my neck was the worlds most gorgeous man. His eyes were closed. His breathing was slow and steady. My hand traced his bare arm leading to his hand on my stomach. I hardly dared breathing myself because I didn’t want to wake him. He looked so sweet, eyes closed, a vague lingering smile on his lips, his hair ruffled from previous business. I gently kissed the nearest part of him, somewhere in his hair, and considered myself lucky. As I shoved a little lower down the bed, rolling my back against his stomach I felt his penis come to life again. Looking up though, I still found him sound asleep. “You must have a very pleasant dream.” I whispered while deciding I was going to give him the best wake up call ever. Lowering my head beneath the sheets I gently took him in my mouth. While my tongue was playing with the tip of his manhood, I felt him stir and he moaned which fired up the nice but weird feeling in my stomach once more. Sliding my tongue down the whole length he finally woke and a deep voice called my name.

“ Oh …God.. Kate… that is … that is so good…” His hands found my hair and I felt his penis getting even more stiff in my mouth. His breath fastens and I saw his knuckles turning white as he grabbed the sheets, muscles tightening, grunts getting stronger. Listening to his breath, rhythmic and heavy, made me crazy. I push my hips forward hoping to meet any resistance. To feel him underneath me like this, was nearly enough to make me come. Trembling he pulled me up. “Not now… so soon Oh Kate..” Panting he rolls himself on top of me. Our mouth sealed in a hot kiss while his hands trail my body impatiently. As I feel him spreading my legs a tiny jolt of fear glides through my body.



The last time I did this, things weren’t all that comfortable. The last time I did this, I didn’t want to do it at all. Forget it Kate, please forget. My mantra is back. The smell of the office comes back in my nostrils nearly making me gag, the embarrassment of somebody touching you when you don’t want it. The pain, that horrible pain when he entered me, feeling I was going to be ripped apart. Feeling so small, so dirty, so guilty, the memory hits me hard in the face.



“Kate…. what’s happening?” His voice brings me back to my own bed.



“ I can’t … I am so sorry… I want to, but his face is…I can’t forget!” I cry out the last words loosing the control I had over the last three years. All I can do is cry, hard, painful tears that wanted to come out a long time ago. Alan pulls me up, wraps me in a sheet and holds me. Rocking me back and forward his voice pours words of comfort in my ear.



“Kate, don’t be scared, I will never ever hurt you. Your safe now.” Still crying I cling to his body, shaking with fear or anger, maybe both.



“Don’t let go Alan, please… hold me.”



“ I won’t let go, I am here now, remember you are stronger Kate.” My crying turns to sobbing and suddenly I feel so stupid and empty. This was the first time I ever lost it in front of somebody.



“You must think I am the biggest lunatic on this planet.” I look at him, his face looking serious.

“ I don’t,” He wraps another sheet around himself, our nakedness is very uncomfortable all of a sudden. “ Have you ever spoken with anybody about…..this?”



“No, it’s the past, I should forget. I need to move on.”



“You will never forget Kate, moving on yes, but you will never forget. I don’t know what happened, but you need to face your fears before you can move on.”



“I have faced my fears countless of times, it doesn’t help. You don’t understand.” I hate myself immediately for being nasty. “I’m sorry Alan.”



“No, don’t apologize, you’re right, I don’t understand. But maybe if you tell me, I will. I want to help you, you are hurt. I can see the fear in your eyes, if you don’t talk about it ever, that fear will never go away.”



“Why are you so nice to me?”

“Because, I like you.” He said it plainly, but my heart fills with emotion.



And so I tell him, everything. About the robbery, the rape, the pain everything. It’s a long night, filled with many more tears, me breaking down and Alan picking me up. Comforting me, helping me to tell all the horrible details that were locked in my mind, holding me and not interrupting me. His face not showing horror, or anger. Just interest.



“It was all my fault.. if I hadn’t been so…so” He took my hand and held it gently.

“How can any of this be your fault? Don’t ever say that again. This was not you fault. You’re really brave for telling me all this.”



No more tears left in my eyes I looked at him. “Thanks for listening.” It’s no more than a whisper and my body aches with exhaustion. He pulls me close and I am almost sure I see his eyes filling with tears. “ Nobody will ever hurt you again Kate, never.” Pulling the duvet over us, we lay down, smelling each other and listening to our breath sounds.



“Get some sleep Kate, I’ll stay with you.”



Already I was getting drowsy my head pounding, head aches after crying are the worst. His warm body next to mine is a comfort, nothing sexual this time. As I slowly drift away into a dreamless sleep I hear myself whisper; “ I love you Alan..” His chest moves with his big sigh and something wet dripped on my cheek but I hardly noticed as sleep came over me in big, soft waves.