Code Blue

Epilogue (Kaiti Courts)

One Year Later

                You step off the plane and make your way up the gangway, not quite knowing what to expect. It had been almost three months since you'd been able to Skype with Tom, and he didn't sound so convincing when he told you he loved you. As you came out of the tunnel, there was no one there holding a card with your name. As much as you didn't want to admit it, you expected it. You made your way to baggage claim, got your luggage, and hailed a cab.

                On the ride back to your apartment, you thought about everything you'd experienced the last year. You had become part of people's lives in Africa- you'd vaccinated children against disease, you'd saved children from the brink of starvation, you'd educated mothers on how to take better care of themselves. You would never forget one experience in particular, though. One of the older women in the village, Lesedi, was your patient one day. As you cared for her, she kept her eyes on you. But not like she was wary of you or what you were doing- she was almost searching you for something. Finally at the end of your meeting, she said in broken English, "Something heavy on you, child. Why?" You stopped and wrinkled your brow. "Heavy on me? What do you mean?"

                "You have weight here," she explained as she touched your chest over your heart. "That is why you come?"

                You gasped quietly and stilled. No one in your camp knew much of your past, just that you were a good nurse. How would this woman know the first thing about you? But she continued, "I feel the weight on you. You carry too much. One day you miss something because you do not put weight down." Her words struck you, and you blinked and uttered, "How...?" Lesedi patted your hand. "You can always  put weight down. Maybe pick up later, but maybe not."

                You thought about her often. And her words to you. You hoped and prayed it wasn't too late to put your weight down, as she said. The cab stopped in front of your building. You hadn't even realized you were here already. As you unloaded your bags from the trunk and paid the driver, you searched the lot for Tom's Jag. You didn't see it. Part of you didn't look very hard because you didn't think you'd see it anyway. You trudged up the steps to your door, digging for your keys. Unlocking the door, you opened it wide and the familiar scent of Code Black wafted over to you. It must have been a remnant from your night together, just before you left, you thought. You carry your bags to your room and as you come out, something catches your eye. Movement on your balcony. You freeze. It would be your luck you get home just in time to catch someone robbing what little you had left in your apartment. Your breath quickened as you took a small step forward, and look out the back door.

                You had no reason to worry, though. Taking a drink from a tumbler half-filled with Jameson, is Tom. Looking out over the skyline, he sits in one of your deck chairs, his legs sprawled wide. You can see his profile- face drawn, eyes down and more than a little sad. You blink hard, making sure you're not just imagining what's happening. But he was still there after you opened your eyes. You draw a breath and whisper, "Tom..."

                His head whips around at the sound of your voice. He almost drops his glass as you step towards him. He leaps from the chair and rushes to meet you. Without warning, he grabs your face and crushes your lips with his. It's full of longing and desperation and love and missing you. You snake your hands between the two of you and slide them up his chest and around his shoulders. He grabs you around the waist and picks you up, refusing to break the kiss. He needs you, and he needs this. And so do you. You wrap your legs around him and he slides his hands around to rest on your bum. He accidentally breaks the kiss as he stumbles backward and into a wall. You rest your foreheads against each other and catch your breath.

                "You- you came back. You're back, you're here again," he stutters out.

                You let out a small laugh. "Of course I did. Where else would I go?" you say as you look down to him. The tears in his eyes spill over as he looks up at you. "Don't cry, ducky, don't cry...it's all right. I'm home." Tom shakes his head as you cup his face to wipe his tears away. Tom struggles to find words, to give voice to the million thoughts running through his head, but he can't seem to find it. Instead, he kisses you. He kisses you like he's dreamed about for the last year, the thoughts that have kept him awake at night by himself. The thoughts that he used to comfort himself when you weren't there to take care of it for him. He moves from the wall and further into your apartment, walking towards your bedroom door. You watch the light change through your eyelids as he kicks the door closed behind him. And you know what's coming next. This moment kept you going yourself for the last year. And finally, every one of your hesitations, every one of your insecurities and every ounce of your imagined frailties melted away. You were more than 100% certain this is where you wanted and deserved to be.