Playing With Fire

lol, since some people are impatient, here's an update.



++++++++++



Kelly sat nervously, her hands clasped on the restaurant's table as she chewed on her bottom lip.



"Miss Clarkson?"



Kelly was broken out of her thoughts as she looked up at the waiter.



"Your guest has arrived."



"Thanks," she smiled. "You can bring her back here."



He nodded politely before walking back to the front of the restaurant.



Kelly immediately stood as her mother walked to her table, "H-hey."



"Hey sweetie," Jeanne pulled her into a tight hug.



Kelly forced herself to focus on anything but the hug because she knew she was only a breath away from breaking down in her mother's arms.



"How was your flight?" she asked as Jeanne finally let go, allowing both of them to sit.



"It was just fine," Jeanne nodded, looking around. "This is really nice."



"Yea, they have a great vegetarian menu," Kelly replied.



"Vegetarian?" Jeanne eyed the menu skeptically.



"Yes Mom. You remember Carrie's a vegan, right?"



"Yes, and I respect that, I do, but does that mean we have to eat it even when she's not around?"



"Well, actually I'm a vegetarian now," Kelly eyed her carefully, waiting for a reply.



"You are?" Jeanne asked, trying to hide her shock. "Well, that...that's nice dear."



"It's actually really healthy for you too."



"As long as you're healthy," Jeanne smiled in agreement. "So what's good here?"



"Well, they have vegetarian burgers...you remember, you tried those the first time you met Carrie? You said you really liked them."



"That's true," Jeanne nodded. "I'll probably just have that."



"Me too," Kelly smiled, placing her menu down.



"So, how have you been?"



"I've been good," she nodded. "Reba and I are right in the middle of the tour, and so far the shows have been going great. Carrie just started her tour up with Keith this past weekend, so we're all excited about that. I saw the rehearsals for it--it's gonna be great."



"Kelly," Jeanne said carefully. "I know you're...with her now, but does every thing that comes out of your mouth have to have something to do with Carrie? I mean, it's just been a while since we've done this, and I want to hear about you."



Kelly shook her head, "That's what you've always misunderstood, Mom. Carrie is the most important part of my life. Whatever I do, centers around her."



"Sorry," she apologized as the waiter walked up to the table.



Kelly ordered for them both before turning back to Jeanne, "It's ok."



"So...how about your new album? Have you done any recording yet?"



"No, not yet. I have been emailing back and forth with Ryan Tedder on some songs, and we're both really excited with what we have so far."



"And who is this Ryan fellow?"



"He's in a band called One Republic. He's a great writer and producer. I'll burn you a CD of the songs he's worked on."



Jeanne nodded, "So..."



"We moved in together," Kelly remarked. "I know you don't want to know, but at the same time you do. So, yea, she's living with me now. Or at least, she's living with us in Tennessee, we haven't been home to Texas to unpack her stuff we had sent there, so technically she's not moved in there yet."



"So, you decided to keep your house in Tennessee?"



"Yea, she figured it'd be nice to have a place the four of us can fix up together. We just haven't really had the time with the tours and stuff."



"The four of you?"



"Me, Carrie, Jason, and Ashley."



"And they don't have a problem with Carrie moving in? I mean, did you ask them?"



"I didn't ask their permission, no," Kelly tried not to frown at her mother. "They are my houses that I paid for, so I think I do have the right to let whoever I want live there. But I did ask for their opinion on the matter, and both thought it was a good idea."



"It's nice that they support you."



Kelly sighed.



"What's wrong dear?"



"I don't know. This is just a lot to take in...you being here."



"I'm just trying to make things right."



"I know," she gave a small smile. "And I seriously appreciate this so much, Mom."



"I'm glad you're giving me another chance," Jeanne replied, reaching over the table and patting her hand.



Kelly nodded.



"So what does Carrie think of all this? Of you talking to me?"



"She supports it, as she does everything I do. She just wants me to be happy, and she knows I've missed you."



"You seem a bit closed off tonight. Is everything alright?"



"Like I said...it's just a lot to take in."



"Kelly," Jeanne reached across the table, this time holding her daughter's hand in between her own. "I want you to know that I am sorry for everything. I mean that, and I love you...I always have."



"Thanks Mom," she replied politely.



+++++++++++



"Hey y'all, we're back," Kelly replied, as she opened the front door, allowing her mother to walk in before her.



"Hey Mom," Jason stood from where he was seated in the recliner, allowing her to pull him into a stiff hug.



"Hey Mrs. Taylor," Ashley waved from the sofa.



"You can call me Jeanne," she replied. "You know that."



Ashley frowned, going back to flipping through a magazine as Jason watched the replay of an old game on the television.



"So...where's, um, where's..."



"I'm not sure," Kelly looked around the room. "Where's Carrie?"



"She's in y'alls room," Ashley replied.



Kelly wasn't sure, but she could've sworn that Ashley put way more stress on the word 'y'all' than necessary. If she had, though, Jeanne hadn't seemed to notice.



"But be quiet," Jason told Kelly as she turned to go get her. "She went in there to take a phone call. I think it was Tony."



"Romo?" Jeanne asked curiously.



"No, her manager," Jason explained.



Kelly made her way to their bedroom, quietly opening the door. She slipped inside to find Carrie talking on her phone as she went through her emails. Kelly smiled, she couldn't even begin to count the amount of times she had done that.



She walked up behind her, bending down to be able to drape her arms around her neck. She saw Carrie smile as she kissed her temple



"We're back," Kelly whispered.



Carrie nodded, bringing a hand up to touch the Texan's cheek affectionately. Kelly kissed her once more before letting her go. She sat on her bed, giving her space so she could finish her work.



Finally, Kelly watched her x out of her email account and hang up with Tony. Carrie swiveled the chair around to face her.



"Hey," she smiled.



"We're back," Kelly replied.



"So I can see. How'd it go?"



"I think it went good," she nodded.



"Well, that's good. Are we supposed to go out there? I mean, am I supposed to..."



"She'd think it was rude if you didn't."



"Ok," Carrie nodded, standing up, tugging Kelly to her feet as well. "Then let's go. I don't want to give her any more reason to not like me than necessary....but can I kiss you first?"



"Why are you asking?" Kelly questioned curiously. "What is going on in that evil mind of yours?"



"I don't know, it'll just kinda make me happy while I'm in there with her, knowing that I was just in here kissing you."



Kelly shook her head, laughing softly, "Come here."



Carrie's eyes lit up as she wrapped her arms around the shorter Texan, kissing her warmly. She felt her folding into her, sighing into the kiss. Carrie slowly pulled away, holding her closely which seemed to be what the shorter girl was searching for, "Are you ok?"



"It's been a long night," Kelly admitted.



Carrie nodded, reaching up to kiss her forehead, hugging her tightly, "I love you."



"I love you too," Kelly replied, wrapping her arms around her and burying her face in her neck.



Carrie rubbed her back soothingly as she swayed them back and forth, "Tonight's almost over. You can do this. I know how strong you are."



"I love you," Kelly repeated.



"Shh," Carrie whispered at the sound of her girlfriend's voice catching. "Not yet, ok? I know this has been harder than what you thought it would be, but you can do this. I'm here with you. I promise."



Kelly nodded, pushing back slightly.



"How about a smile, huh?" she urged. "This is what you wanted, remember? Your mom is back, and she's willing to be a part of your life. That's a good thing...so how about a smile?"



Kelly offered a small smile.



"Hmm," Carrie studied her carefully. "That's not a Kelly Clarkson smile."



"Maybe because Kelly Clarkson doesn't feel like smiling," she mumbled.



Carrie laughed softly, "What's wrong, Kell?"



"Why does this have to be hard?" Kelly asked. "You said you knew it would be, but why? She's my mom, it shouldn't be hard."



"She is your mom," Carrie replied carefully. "But she's also hurt you very much, time and time again. It's hard to let someone in that's caused you that much pain."



"Why are you being so good about this?"



"Because I know how important this is to you, and I know that if this works out, how happy it'll make you."



"That's what I told my mom at dinner," Kelly smiled gently.



"Well, everybody has always said you're the smart one in the couple."



Kelly laughed, "That's just because they don't know how brilliant you are...but that's ok, I like keeping you to myself."



"And I like being all yours," Carrie smiled, kissing her softly. "Now come on, I saw Jason watching an old Texas A&M versus Northeastern game earlier. It looked good."



"Texas A&M?" Kelly questioned. "Who likes them? Go Longhorns!"



Carrie laughed, "Well, you can cheer for my team."



"And what are y'all?"



"The River Hawks."



"The River Hawks?"



"Don't question it."



"Go River Hawks!" Kelly grinned.



"That's my girl," Carrie beamed, kissing her once more.



+++++++++



Kelly smiled as Carrie cheered when her team scored. She squeezed her hand that she was holding.



"I never thought I'd see the day when Kelly was happy for a Texas team to be losing," Jeanne shook her head.



"It's A&M," Jason pointed out. "We don't claim them."



"And who's the other team?"



"Northeastern," Carrie replied.



"It's where Care went to college," Kelly beamed proudly.



"You graduated from college?" Jeanne asked.



"Mom..." Jason fussed.



"What?" she replied, noticing Kelly's hard glare. "I was just wondering if she was able to finish before Idol."



"It's fine. I know what you meant," Carrie assured her.



"See," Jeanne smiled.



"And, no I wasn't able to finish before Idol, but I was able to go back and finish my degree in Journalism afterwards."



"She was one of the top in her class," Kelly bragged.



"Congratulations," Jeanne nodded. "I always wanted Kelly to go to college after high school, but she was too hard headed."



"I'd say things didn't turn out too bad, though," Carrie winked at her girlfriend.



"Plus, I take classes online whenever I can," Kelly added.



"Really? I didn't know that."



"Yea, I just haven't been able to in about a year. It's been crazy."



"I think you should start up again," Carrie nodded.



"Yea?"



"Yea," Carrie smiled.



"Ok," Kelly smiled back, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.



"Kelly, care to help me in the kitchen?" Jeanne asked.



"Hm?" Kelly asked, not remembering having anything in the kitchen that she would need help with. "Ok, sure."



She stood, following her mother into the kitchen. "What's up?" she asked curiously.



"Nothing, I just thought everybody could use something to drink," Jeanne explained, opening the fridge. "Soy milk?"



"Carrie's a vegan," Kelly reminded.



"So y'all all drink it now because of her?"



"It just made it easier to just buy one kind of milk. Besides, it's pretty good."



Jeanne sighed.



"What's wrong?"



"All those nights I fought with you, trying to get you to just consider going to college when you were younger, and all it takes is one sentence from her?"



"Mom, don't get upset," Kelly urged. "Things are completely different now than they were back then. There's no way I could've pursued music while going to classes."



Jeanne dabbed at the corners of her eyes.



"Mom..." Kelly frowned, noting the tears. "It's not a big deal."



"And since when do you not cheer for a Texas team? It's like I don't even know who you are anymore."



"I'm the same person I've always been," Kelly replied.



"You've changed," Jeanne shook her head.



"Well, if I have, it's for the better. Mom, please, just relax. Please?"



Jeanne sighed, "Sorry. I guess, I just...I'm trying."



"I know," Kelly said quickly. "And I appreciate it. How about we go back in there?"



Jeanne nodded, following her daughter back into the living room.



Kelly sat beside Carrie, immediately taking her hand. Carrie yawned loudly.



"You're tired?" Kelly asked, studying her carefully.



"A little," she admitted.



"You wanna go to bed?"



Carrie nodded smally.



"Alright, let's go," she smiled, standing up, tugging her up as well.



"Where are y'all going?" Jeanne asked swiftly.



"We're gonna head to bed," Kelly replied. "Carrie worked all day."



"Does that mean you have to go to?"



"Well, I don't want to wake her up when I join her later."



Jeanne flinched barely, but enough for her daughter to notice.



"And I'm tired too, so we're gonna go. Night Mom."



"Night sweetie."



Kelly gave a weak smile before allowing Carrie to guide them to their room.



+++++++++



Carrie pulled the blankets up around them as she kissed Kelly slowly. "You ok?" she asked, pulling away.



"Yea," Kelly nodded.



"I'm sorry this is so hard on you."



"There is absolutely no reason for you to be apologizing."



Carrie reached up, kissing her forehead, "What happened in the kitchen?"



"She was upset."



"About what?"



"The fact that she and I fought over and over again when I was younger about my decision to not go to college, yet I listened to you about it without so much as a hesitation."



"But that's two completely different circumstances," Carrie pointed out.



"I know. That's what I told her. I think it still bothers her though, but I mean, I love you, you know?"



"I know."



"And every word you say means so much to me, like every thought is so important."



Carrie smiled, "Why do you think that is?"



"Because you know me better than anyone else," Kelly replied quietly. "Because I trust you more than anyone else. I guess, deep down, I realize that in a sense, you're just like me--everything you do is for us. So, I just look at whatever you say as being right."



"Seriously...how amazing are you?"



Kelly laughed softly.



"I'm serious. I've hurt you, way too many times, yet time and time again you continue to let me in, and I know how hard that is for you to do in the first place."



"It's easy with you," she shrugged. "I was just trying to make it harder than it really was."



"I feel like I need to be honest with you, but I don't want you to get upset."



Kelly nodded, wrapping her arms around her as she noted the serious tone in her voice.



"Now, you know that I am all for you having a relationship with your mom, right? I know how much she means to you, and I want nothing more than for you to be happy. You know that, right?"



"Of course."



Carrie sighed, "I just...I can't help but think this is all just some plan of hers."



"You don't trust her?"



"Please don't look at me with those eyes. You want me to be open with how I feel, but you know how much it kills me to see you sad."



"Sorry."



"And honestly, no, I don't."



"Care..."



"But can you blame me?" Carrie asked. "I mean, I don't know her like you do. I only know her by what she's put us through, so can you blame me for not trusting her?"



"No," Kelly shook her head.



"And I'm sorry for that, I really am. But right now, my instincts are screaming at me how wrong this is. I mean, I keep seeing that look you had in your eyes the last time you kicked her out; it keeps playing in my mind, over and over, and I just don't want you to have to go through that again."



"She's my mom."



"I know."



"So what am I supposed to do?"



"I just want you to take this slow. Promise me you'll be careful?"



"Promise," Kelly nodded, kissing her softly. "But don't you think that there is at least the slightest chance that she's really sorry for everything?"



"Yea," Carrie lied, knowing that for once it wasn't the truth the Texan was searching for. She kissed her once more before turning onto her back, allowing the shorter girl to snuggle into her.