Rummy

It doesn't seem the same. I used to feel so peaceful out here, watching the sunset. I was my own place, a place where I could let my thoughts wander as I bathed in the fading light of the slowly sinking sun. I could watch the colours for what felt like hours, perfectly relaxed. No pressure.

Now that she's gone, I just... I realise how much more this particular time has come to mean to me. I miss talking to her. I miss just sitting quietly, knowing she was beside me and wasn't going to look at me strangely if I said something a little weird.

Heaviside. I didn't realise how much I'd miss her.

Jemima stopped coming to see me a few days ago. No surprises there. I guess she heard about the fight. Fuck... the fight. The other jellicles avoid me, have been since Jenny diagnosed Alonzo with a fractured cheekbone, broken nose, and cracked ribs.

I feel like such a fuck-up.

Everlasting Cat...

I...I just... I can't...

I hate you.

There are three days left.

### s ###

"Dad?"

My voice sounded timid even to my own ears, and I winced, wondering what anyone else would have though of it coming from a pirate-tom. I stood by the vicarage wall, looking up in the hopes of seeing Old Dueteronomy... my father.

I had spent the past three months without even exchanging so much as a greeting with the tom that fathered me. I figured it was about time for a reconciliation before I left again. After a few moments in silence I wrestled my way up the creepers and onto the wall. Dueteronomy sat staring out over the gardens silently.

"Father?"

"I'm very disappointed in you, Tugger."

I blinked, a little surprised to hear that. Not even a hello first? "D-dad?"

Dueteronomy didn't look at me, just shook his head sadly, "I never expected you to do something so foolish as to initiate a fight with a member of our community. The jellicles are a peace-loving tribe, despite outward appearances, and as such there is an unwritten rule..."

"Would that rule go somewhat along the lines of 'don't beat up Alonzo'?" I asked, voice bland. I already had an idea of what was to come. "Dad, come on, I had a reason for that."

"So I've heard," Dueteronomy snapped. There was a pause, and his face softened a little. "Tugger, you're my son, and I know you've been going through some kind of rebellious period, but the world does not revolve around your petty grudges. There was a time I considered placing you as second in command, in line for leadership..."

"Da..."

"But then chidlish problems saw you abandon the tribe, and when you come back, these childish problems seem to have followed you. Tugger, I am sick of waiting for you to grow up. Don't seek approval for your actions here," the old tom finished quietly, "you've already made my decision for me."

I stood staring at him for what seemed like ages. A tear spilled from one of my eyes and traced a path down the fur of my cheek. He was supposed to be my father. It wasn't supposed to go like this.

I turned and made my way back down the wall, headed for my den in order to collect my most important possessions and retrace my steps back to the harbour.

Lucky today had been my last day in the junkyard. I don't think I could stand to be here much longer.

### s ###

The harbour was bustling with noise, smoke, and the sound of too many cats in one place each trying to be heard above the other. Several ships were already in port, and I knew from past experiences how to find the Flying Cutlass amongst the rabble.

I knew I looked ruffled, more so than usual, but it didn't seem that important to look my best when the only people going to see me were a bunch of pirates.

Growltiger met me halfway up the gangplank, a sober expression on his face.

"Tugger," he said quietly and without his usual cheer, which should have been my first clue that something was wrong, "go home."

I blinked, a little put off, "what are you talking about, Growly?"

"Go home," he repeated, "to your junkyard. Not to my ship. You're no longer needed here."

"I thought you said I would always have a place here?" I half-accused quietly, my eyes narrowed.

"I lied," Growltiger replied bluntly, "we replaced you last port. A siamese rat-runner applied for a position on my crew, you're no longer needed here." He chose his words carefully, so that there could be no mistaking his meaning. "You're worth nothing on my ship."

"Bullshit."

"Don't argue," Growltiger stated, and placed a paw to his cutlass-hilt to illustrate his point. He would beat me in a fight. No questions. "Just go home. I've already seen to it that no other crew will hire you. Take it as a blessing and go with all your limbs."

"Y'know," I said finally, "I thought we were friends."

"Even the best of us can be wrong," the pirate captain nodded cripsly, "and we both know, Tugger, that you are not the best."

Unable to do anything else, I nodded. I nodded stupidly and stepped back down from the gangplank. My mind felt knumb as I wandered slowly back through the crowds and onto the main street.

Everything had gone to shit.

### s ###

When I arrived back at the junkyard it was as if I had never left. Nobody said a word when I slunk into the darkness of my den, and they all avoided me as usual. The sunset was my own personal aloneness, though I could swear I caught a glimpse of someone moving from the corner of my eye. Maybe it was just a trick of the light.

It seemed like there was only one place left to go...

### s ###

I arrived at her den half hoping that she wouldn't be there. Desperately wishing that she might be out somewhere, with Munkustrap, or with one of the queens, rather than be there to see just how broken I felt. I hovered in the entrance for a while, and when I was finally able to bring myself to step inside I saw her waiting for me.

She seemed so tall, so slender and... beautiful. My darling.

I took another step towards her, the pain of it clear in my face when she said nothing, did nothing to encourage me. Was she trying to make this hard? I already felt so weak...

"What are you doing here?" Her voice is neutral, but her eyes lock with mine almost dangerously.

"I... I came to..."

"Appologise? It's a little late."

I shake my head, it's too hard to try and voice what I'm feeling... when she might reject me. "I..." Unable to say anything I fall to my knees in front of her. To my horror, I begin crying. She immediately steps forward, letting me latch onto her and throw my arms around her waist to hold her tightly.

"Shhh..." Her paws gently stroke my head-fur soothingly, "it's OK. You don't have to say anything just yet."

I shake my head, trying to keep from sobbing, "I have to say it. I have to---"

"Just breathe first. Breathe."

She's so calm. I screw my eyes shut, trying to block out the world for a few seconds. The only thing holding me up is the support of leaning against her legs, and her paws petting my fur. Suddenly the floodgates are open, and there's no turning back.

"Bomba..." I blindly clutch at her fur and bury my face against her stomach. I feel so small in front of her, tears streaming down my face, my coat dusty and ruffled, "you were right. Heaviside, everything ... you were right. I'm so sorry, Bomba, baby... please..."

Her paw lifts up to gently stroke my cheek. "Please what?" She asks quietly.

"Please, baby... take me back?" It hurts, Everlasting Cat it hurts. "I need you, Bomba, You have no idea how much I need you now." She says nothing. "Don't turn me away, please, Rumpus, don't..." My eyes sting as more salty tears spill over my eyelashes.

"Shhh..." Bombalurina sinks down to her knees in front of me and cups my face in her paws. She smiles, "don't worry. I always said I was the only one who'd be there for you. I'm not about to turn that into a lie." Her lips gently close over mine and I hold back my sobs long enough to kiss her back almost desperately. "I'll take care of you..."

"I was never anyone else's," I say, and with a sinking feeling I realise that it sounds right in my head.

Bombalurina's smile widens into a smirk, "that's right, Rummy." Her lips are on mine again and she pushes me back against the cushions that line her den. I give no protest as she straddles my waist and her paws start to run through my mane. She knows all the right places to touch...

This is what I was made for.

"I love you, baby."

I whimper. My fingers dig into her shoulders.

"I love you too, Tugger... say my name."