New Beginnings

Hakuei sat, on the white leather couch, legs curled up under him, ashtray resting on the endtable beside him. A lit cigerette burned slowly close to his fingers, but it went unnoticed. The sun drifted lower in the sky, casting long shadows over the immaculate room. The air was still and quiet, no noise except the faint sounds of students walking through campus, cars passing far below the windows. He stared at the walls, eyes unfocused, one colorful arm encircling his bare waist just above his pants.

A key shifted in the lock and the front door swung open. Kisaki bent forward, taking off his boots, lining them neatly on the floor. He stared curiously at the other two pairs beside his, then looked up, surprised to see the other man sitting in the darkening room.

"Hakuei-san? Is that you?" His brow furrowed when the other failed to respond. "Hakuei, are you ok?"

Hakuei turned his head, slowly, and sighed heavily. "I don't know," he whispered, "but something is definatly wrong."

Kisaki dropped his bag of school books onto the floor and crossed the room to sit beside the other man. "Tell me what's bothering you." He looked around. "Where's Tsukasa?"

"He's asleep in his bed." Hakuei said, his eyes drifting back towards the window. "I had to carry him there. He just cried and cried until he was so exhausted he couldn't move..."

Kisaki swallowed hard, trying not to let his face show just how worried he now was. "Please, tell me what happened."

Hakuei led him through their day; Tsukasa staying the night at his house, being invited to band practice, how excited Tsukasa had been when he sang, going to the resteraunt, and finally how they had ended up in the shower together, all in a low, flat voice that scared the other man greatly.

"But, as we lay there... Tsukasa curled up in my arms, he began to cry." His voice grew very quiet as he looked down at his hands. "All I said was that, if I had known I would meet him, I would never have left Japan all those years ago." He shook his head. "He said.. he said he wished I had stayed, and then he began to cry harder and harder, and all I could do was hold him until he could cry no more." He looked up at the other man, his eyes wide. "Why did he cry? And what about those scares all over his back? Who did that to him? Where did they come from?? What has happened to break him so thoroughly that finally finding some happieness could hurt him so much?"

Kisaki sighed heavily, running one hand through his long, auburn hair.

"I think I better call Kirito," he said finally. "This isn't going to be easy."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Bou carefully lifted the tray and carred it into the livingroom, setting it on the black coffee table with ease. He passed out small cups of hot tea, then sat on the floor beside Kirito, legs folded under him. His lover crossed his legs, shifting in his chair as he tried to pull his thoughts into proper words.

"I don't know what, if anything, Tsukasa has told you about our past home-life," Kirito started, "but it is not a subject we talk about lightly." He sighed and Bou scooted closer to him, laying his cheek against Kirito's knee.

"Growing up, our father was a very dominering, abusive man, very loud and drunk most of the time. It was not uncommon for him to take his frustrations out on the two of us, whether it was just yelling and cursing us, or quite often showing us how unhappy he was with his fists." he sighed. "Our mother was a tiny whisp of a woman, broken and beaten, cow-towed and little more than a shell. We learned at a very young age that she could do nothing for us snd to try and stay away from our father as much as possible, especially when he was drinking or angry in any way." He absently stroked Bou's head, loose blonde hair like silk between his fingers. "From an early age I knew I was more interested in guys than girls; it just seemed natural to me. But I also knew enough not to let my father suspect as such. We recieved enough beatings and undue punishments as it was."

"Tsukasa didn't start voicing his questionable sexuality until he was about 13 or so. I'd always been honst with him, so when he began to ask questions, he naturally came to me. But..." Kirito frowned, "he wasn't as careful about concealing it as I was. By the time he was 15, he'd been with his boyfriend, Tora, a fellow classmate, for about a year, I guess. They were young, and everything was new to them, but both hopelessly in love. Tsukasa brought Tora home alot, so they could study together, and I guess our father became suspicious."

Bou cursed under his breath. "Their father was a total asshole. A bigot, a wife and child beater, a drunk and he hated anyone not Japanese, especially with partial half-breeds like yourself. God, you should have seen the one and only time he met Rose. Right away, without Rose saying a single word, he knew right away that Rose was not Japanese. Boy, did he throw a fit!"

"Tora was Japanese, but because of his parents professions, they had lived most of his life outside of Japan." Kirito continued, "I think our father could sense this, in the way Tora acted, his accent, his clothes, but for some reason, our father didn't gripe too much about their friendship, just when he got really drunk and loud, and we were old hats at making ourselves scarce when that happened anyway. I thought maybe he just didn't really care, since Tora really was Japanese." Kirito shrugged. "But it doesn't matter. After that night, everything changed."

He clenched his jaw, eyes narrowing into hard, sharp needles. "Our father had been laid off work that morning, though we didn't know it yet, and had spent the day drinking heavily. For some reason he got it into his head to go rooting through our room, opening drawers, throwing our clothes and belongings across the room. In Tsukasa's dresser, he came across a stash of photgraphs someone had taken at an outings we all had gone on the week-end before. Several of the photo's showed Tsukasa and Tora kissing or holding hands."

Hakuei's face went ghostly white, fearing what was to come next.

"I can't possibly know what must have been going through his head, but apparently he waited until Tsukasa came home from school. Unfortunatly for both of them, Tora was also coming over that night to study for an important final for one of their classes. I would have been with them too, except I had to stay after class to disuss an extra credit class with a teacher. They went back to the bedroom he and I shared, and closed the door, as they were want to do. Our father... he found a shovel mother used to garden with, and... without uttering a single word, burst into our bedroom and started swinging, one of those wrinkled pictures still clutched in his hand."

Hakuei clenched and unclenched his hands, the muscles in his arms and chest buldging as he fought to contain his rage. "The scars on his back??"

"Tsukasa tried to protect Tora, diving over him, taking the first few assaults entirely apon himself. But eventually he could not take anymore and was tossed aside, our father's blind, drunken rage now focused on the other." Kirito's voice began to shake, but he forced himself to continue. "When I came home, at first I didn't notice anything was wrong, though I did think it odd that he was home from work so early. I didn't see the blood on his shirt as he sat apon the couch, watching TV smoking a cigar, nor did I notice the shovel laying on the floor at his feet. But when I went into our bedroom..." He burried his face in his hands, shaking his head back and forth. Kisaki reached back, placing a gentle hand on his thigh and somehow the young man found enough voice to keep going.

"I called an ambulance from the extension in our room and made sure both boys were still breathing. When there was nothing more I could do for them, I... I marched back into the living room. Our father was just sitting there, watching that damned television, oblivious to my shouts and screams. I began hitting him, harder and harder until I heard the paramedics banging on the door. Tsukasa and Tora where rushed to the hospital, me riding with them, father riding in a squad car...." he voice finally gave out, so Kisaki picked up where he left off.

"The boys were hospitalized for months, all through the trial. Their father was convicted of two counts of attempted murder and is currently in jail, serving out his sentance." He sighed and set his forgotten tea on the coffee table. "We don't really know what happened to Tora after the trial. He was in a coma all through it, having recieved most of his injuries to his head. As soon as it was over, his family moved away, transfering him to another hospital. No one has heard from him since."

Hakuei rubbed his temples, trying to ignore the migraine forming there, and looked back down the hall, towards the man he could not see. "Before today.. I never would have guessed..."

"He's come a long way since then." Bou said quietly, his normally bubbly demeanor solomn. "By the time Tsukasa was let out of the hospital, Kirito had already moved out of their parent's house, and graciously took his brother in as well. Kirito had also dropped out of school so he could get a job at the bar to pay rent, but he insisted Tsukasa graduate and go on to college. For many years, Tsukasa......" he looked away, "he wouldn't trust anyone, male or female. He didn't date, rarely went out other than for school, just stayed cooped up in that shitty, rat- hole of an apartment downtown. Kirito spent most of his nights at the bar, having befriended Yoshiki-sama years ago all those nights having to drag his father home every other night from a drinking binge."

"But eventually Tsukasa started getting better." Kisaki said. "After awhile I convinced him to move in with me, to be closer to campus. He had a few friends again, but never dated, never really showed any interest in anyone romantically." He eyed the man sitting on the couch beside him, "Until you, Hakuei. Until you stepped into our lives, he'd practically given up on finding love again."

Hakuei leaned forward on his knees, chin resting in his hands. "So.. what am I supposed to do? How can I show him that its ok...."

"Do you love him?"

Hakuei looked up as Kirito's eyes, dark as obsidian, narrowed into thin blades.

"Do you love Tsukasa?"

"Yes," Hakuei replied, surprising even himself at how easily the word came out of his mouth, "I do love him."

"Then just let him know, in every way you can." Kirito stood, extending a hand to help Bou to his feet. "He's finally allowed himself to fall in love again, and all those old memories are flooding back, making him feel guilty, afraid he'll do something to hurt you too." Kirito smiled sadly. "He's always blamed himself for what happened, no matter what we try to tell him. He's scared, but he'll make it through eventually." Bou held tight to his hand, giving it a squeeze.

"We're going now." Kirito said and turned towards the door. "But if you need anything, just give us a call, ok?"

Kisaki stood as well. "Would you mind if I come over for a bit?"

Kirito nodded as Bou gathered their barely touched tea cups, depositing them into the sink. The three men left Hakuei sitting on the couch, mind reeling. The sun slowly began to set, pink and red rays casting a monet-like glow across the room as he sat, thinking...


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Tsukasa woke from his fitfull sleep less than an hour after the others had left. He lay deathly still, eyes open and staring out at the dark room around him. He vaugly remembered being carried in there and wondered if Hakuei was still somewhere in his apartment, though he couldn't bring himself to blame the other man if he'd left.

With a sigh, he climbed out of bed, wrapping a bedsheet aound his naked body, and padded out into the hallway. He stopped when he entered the livingroom, his eyes falling on the dozing figure on the couch. With a quiet sight, he gently sat down and watched the other man as he slept.

Feeling the couch shift beside him, Hakluei jerked awake, confused in the darkness around him. He noticed the the ghostly pale man sitting next to him, all wrapped up in an equally pale sheet, and sat up, rubbing circulation back into his cramped arms.

"Hey," he said, lowering his feet to the floor.

Tsukasa looked down at his hands. "I'm sorry about earlier-"

"Don't be." Hakuei whispered. "They told me what happened, what your father did to you." He placed a gently hand on Tsukasa's thigh. "It was not your fault, no more than my mother's death was mine." He pulled the smaller man into his arms, gently stroking his back. "It's ok for you to be happy, Tsukasa-kun. I'm not going anywhere."

Tsukasa wrapped his arms around Hakuei's waist, feeling the other's heart beating steadily under his cheek. "Promise?"

"I promise."