Tea & Biscuits

Chapter Eight


Alan turned so he was facing Beth, who had taken off her shoes and was curled up in the corner of the sofa and hugging a cushion to her chest.

'Beth, I don't need to know, really....' he began, but she interrupted him.

'I need you to know Alan, because something has changed between us. I don't know what it is you are expecting of me, or what it is you want, but I am damaged goods. I don't even know if I can give you what you want. I don't even know what I want....'

Alan moved forward to take her hand but she pulled away.

'You just don't get it, do you?

Beth was starting to feel anger towards him.

'I'm not who you think I am, Alan, really I'm not. The fun person who just gets on with life, someone to have a giggle with, do a crossword, watch a DVD.... thats not all of me. There is this huge thing that we have never talked about, we tip-toe around it even though its what brought us here in the first place.... '

Beth stood up and threw the cushion onto the sofa. She started to pace the room, her hands clutching her hair in frustration.

'I was forced to have sex with someone I thought loved me!' She was shouting now 'And I hate him for it! It eats me up inside! All of the counselling, starting work... spending time with my friends, you...' She was standing in front of him, her face red with anger, her hands gesturing towards him ' None of that has changed the feeling I have inside when I think about that night, and him. And no-one, no-one can ever know what it's like, to feel the hate burning... it's...it's....'

Beth let out a sob, angry tears were streaming down her face.

'It's terrifying....I feel it so strongly I can't breathe. I haven't slept a full night since it happened and no-one knows! Everyone thinks 'look at Beth, she's doing great'.... but no-one has a fucking clue!!'

Alan was looking at Beth intently. He had never seen her react like this but he followed his instincts as he stood up and went to her.

'Beth...' he tried to put his hands on her shoulders but she recoiled from him and moved away, wrapping her arms around herself and turning to stare unseeing out of the window.

He walked towards her and stood behind her, not touching her but close enough for her to feel his presence.
A familiar feeling of warmth and safety spread through her, the scent of him permeating her emotional armour. With a sigh, she relaxed, sobbing silently as the fight went out of her, leaving her with an empty feeling in her stomach.

Alan wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on her shoulder. She turned to him and he held her to him tightly as she sobbed. Alan gently stroked her hair until she fell calm.

Alan pulled away and took Beth's hand, leading her towards the sofa. He handed her a glass of wine and gently pushed the strands of hair away from her face.

When he spoke it was with kindness, his voice soft and low.

'I have scared you. I am so sorry Beth. I know there has been no-one since... what happened. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you and you are right, no-one knows what its like.'

She looked up at him, her eyes large, trusting.

'For the record, I don't expect anything from you and I don't know what I want, either. Rima and I have only been apart for two months, I sort of feel in limbo...it's been...strange, being here alone, after so long.'

'You miss her?' Beth asked.

They had talked before about the difficulties Alan had been having in his relationship and the mutual decision for them to go their separate ways had been a hard one, even though they both agreed it was for the best.

'I miss the company, not coming home to an empty flat...that sort of thing.' Alan took a sip of his wine. 'I don't miss the uncomfortable feeling of something being...not right...you know?'

Beth reached out and took Alan's hand and squeezed it.

'You will be OK, you know...' She smiled at him.

Alan smiled back at her.

'I have been a bit of a prick tonight, haven't I? he said.

'No, you haven't...' Beth looked at him ' It was me... mostly'

She still held his hand in hers.

'I like you Alan... 'she whispered 'But I don't know what to do...'

Alan looked at Beth and could see the uncertainty in her eyes.

'I like you too. I didn't realise how much until tonight...'

'So.... what now?' Beth asked.

'I don't know Beth... I mean, a huge part of me is saying 'kiss her' and the other part of me is scared to hurt you, scared I might bring back bad memories.... I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, I care for you too much for that.'

Beth moved her position closer to Alan, lifted his arm and put it around her shoulders. She snuggled into the crook of his arm and they sat quietly drinking their wine until Alan spoke again, in a whisper.

'Tell me...Beth... tell me what happened... everything. I want to know....'


R/R please... feedback is always helpful.