louder than words

The taxi dropped them off at the top of a sloping street dotted with little shops.

"I just want to go into my daddy's shop and let him know I'm home then we'll walk into the main center and have a look round. You can come in with me and meet him if you want but if you feel too uncomfortable about it you can stay here because I'll only be a few seconds anyway."

"It's ok, I'll come in with you. What sort of shop is it anyway?"

"It's a sex shop, thats why I thought you might feel more comfortable waiting outside."

"I'll be fine, you worry about me too much." Bam said lightly. "I can't stop doing everything just because of him, he's already screwed my life up enough I'm not gonna let him destroy it completely. Besides, I might get some ideas for our relationship in there!"

He gave a snort of laughter as Ville tripped up the curb, his head snapping round to face him and his eyes wide in surprise.

"Ideas?"

"Yeah. You did promise me."

"I know I did. I guess I just expected you to have some doubts about it or completely change your mind, but you just keep getting more determined."

"That's a bad thing?" Bam asked curiously.

"No. No that's a really good thing. Come on then, lets go and say hi."

They entered the tiny shop and Bam glanced around quickly, trying to appear cool when he actually just wanted to giggle like the slightly immature young guy he used to be. He looked over to the counter where Ville was speaking rapidly in Finnish to a man who was obviously his father, when Ville noticed that Bam was watching them though he switched back to English so that he wouldn't feel left out.

"Bam, this is my daddy Kari."

"Aah, so you're Bam. I've heard a lot about you, it's nice to finally meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too, I know that Ville is really close to you and his mom." Bam said politely.

"We like to think we're a close family, we're very protective of each other."

Bam knew immediately what Kari was hinting at and understood where he was coming from, after all at one time his family had been like that too.

"I won't hurt him I promise. He's been so good to me and I wouldn't do anything to make him regret it."

"I believe you."

"That's great, now can we stop talking about me like I'm not here?" Ville asked sarcastically.

"Oops, sorry. I think we were done now anyway." Bam grinned sheepishly.

"Good!" Ville laughed, unable to stay annoyed at Bam especially when he was looking at him with such big puppy dog eyes.

"We'll get going now though just in case you decide to start discussing embarrassing stories from my childhood or something."

"I wouldn't do that." Kari insisted. "I have to leave something for your mother to talk to him about!"

Bam turned to face the racks of dvd's to hide his laughter as Ville jokingly berated his father and said goodbye to him, only to find his eyes drawn to the image on the front of one of the gay porn dvd's.

It wasn't that he'd never seen gay porn, he'd been in sex shops before, it was just that the last time he hadn't been in the company of an extremely gorgeous man that he could quite happily envision doing exactly the same thing with.

The same images he would have considered gross a few years back or terrifying a few months ago now just made him ache with the need to have Ville inside him, chasing away the pain and dark memories and replacing them with something beautiful and pure. Something a little like love.

He jumped slightly as a hand dropped onto his shoulder and he turned to see Ville standing there an apologetic look on his face.

"Sorry Kulta, I didn't mean to make you jump."

"It's ok, I was just thinking too hard and didn't hear you come over."

"Ready to go then?" Ville asked, draping his arm over Bam's shoulders.

"Yeah sure unless you wanted to stay and catch up with your dad for a bit longer, I don't mind."

"No it's ok, he's busy and I promised him we'd go over to the house and see him and mamma properly before we leave."

Waving a quick goodbye to Kari as Ville pulled him out of the shop, Bam took a deep breath to calm his body down.

"Are you ok?" Ville asked, a little concerned as Bam closed his eyes and dragged in a deep breath. "Was it too much for you? Maybe you should have stayed outside after all."

"No." Bam's eyes flew open and met Ville's with such an intensity that the Finn couldn't help but shiver as his body started to respond. Before he could comprehend what was happening, Bam had backed him up against the wall and pressed their bodies together.

"I don't care any more. I don't care about seeming too eager, I don't care about doing something wrong and I don't care that there are probably a lot of people that would say this was wrong because I need you. It didn't freak me out going in there, it just made me more determined not to let my bad experiences stop me from being with you. The only thing I want is to feel you inside me."

It was Ville's turn to take deep breaths to try and control himself although the feeling of Bam pressed against him obviously aroused and his soft lips only inches away from his own was making it difficult.

"Are you sure you're ready?"

"Yeah. It doesn't matter what he'd say or think or do any more because it's not about him, it's about you and me."

Tilting his head forward, Ville captured Bam's lips with his own for a brief kiss. "Good. Then we'll have a walk round the city center, maybe have lunch in the park and then I can spend all evening making love to you, ok?"

"Oh god yes." Bam breathed out. "Do we really have to wait all day though?"

"I thought you wanted to sightsee though. Are you telling me that we've only just arrived but you already want to go back home again?" Ville asked teasingly.

"Yes. I'll feel bad about it later, right now though I just wanna be somewhere more private with you." Bam ground their hips together and Ville's eyes rolled back in pleasure at the feeling.

"Well it's not like everything's going to disappear if we don't see it today." Grabbing Bam's hand, Ville walked quickly down the street practically pulling Bam along behind him.

"Where are we going?" Bam asked slightly confused.

"We're going to catch a tram back to mine." Ville replied without stopping or turning round. "It's quicker, we'd be home before a taxi arrived here to pick us up."

"A tram it is then, hopefully a really quick one."

Ville gave a chuckle but sped up as he saw a tram pull up to their stop. They managed to get on just in time and Ville paid for the tickets as Bam went and found a seat away from everyone else. Thankfully there were only a couple of other passengers on board so it wasn't difficult.

The tram started moving and Bam smiled up at Ville as he slid into the seat next to him. "Is it far to walk to yours when we get off the tram?"

"Not really, we'll cut through the woods so it'll only take a few minutes. Ville smiled back as Bam shifted closer to him until there was no gap between their bodies. Ville tentively placed a hand on Bam's knee to gauge his reaction and was pleased when Bam blushed but seemed content with what Ville had done.

"I want you to agree to something now before we even get home, it's important."

"Ok, what is it?"

"I need you to promise me that no matter what we do or how far we go, if you feel uncomfortable or scared even just a little bit, you'll tell me to stop. I don't want you to think that I'll be angry with you or that I won't do it because I want you to feel completely happy and if you're not then we just wait until you are, I won't mind."

Bam could tell that Ville was completely serious and he nodded his head. "I promise I'll tell you if I want to stop."

"Thank you sweetheart. I'm just terrified that I'll just make things worse somehow and I couldn't bear it if I hurt you in any way."

Bam's hand found it's way to Ville's leg and he rubbed it soothingly. "You wouldn't make it worse, I trust you completely and there's not many people I can say that about. I finally know what I want and I'm not scared about wanting it, not any more."

Shifting in his seat slightly, Ville wrapped his arm around Bam and placed a kiss into his hair. "You have no idea how amazing you are." He said gently.

Bam laughed slightly. "I wish I could see what you see then because I can't find it no matter how hard I try. I'm glad you didn't know me before all this though, I don't think you would have liked me and I can't imagine being without you now."

"Were you really that bad?!"

Bam nodded. "We got kicked out of our township once, I think it was bringing the elephant into our house that did it. I'd like to say I regret it but I had so much fun thinking up pranks and stuff with my friends so I can't really say it and mean it."

"Elephant?"

"Long story, something to do with a family reunion. I don't like to do things by halves."

"I'm starting to learn that. Anyway, this stop is ours so we better get moving."

They stepped off the tram and onto a secluded pathway near a small beach that headed through a small woods which Ville immediately headed towards. They followed the path through the woods and out the other side where there was a small community of houses, all set quite far apart from each other to ensure privacy and Bam could see Ville's tower looming in the background.

It only took them a few minutes to reach the tower but they found that during the journey, the sudden passion they'd had at the shop had dimmed a little and it all seemed slightly awkward and neither one knew what the first move should be.

"Ok, this is stupid." Ville said finally. "Let's just go and lay down, relax and talk for a bit. If something happens then that's good but if it doesn't, it doesn't matter because we've got as much time as we need, there's no rush."

Thankful that Ville had removed the pressure of the situation, Bam followed him into the bedroom and removed his shoes and socks before laying on top of the duvet next to him.

"We'll actually go and see the sights tomorrow if you like." Ville grinned. "There's also a band playing at Tavastia that are friends of mine that I'd like to go and watch if you don't mind."

"I don't mind, it'll be fun. Sorry I ruined the day out by the way."

"You didn't ruin anything, honestly. I'm happy to do whatever you want."

"Is that a promise?!" Bam asked suggestively, without thinking. As soon as what he'd just said sunk in though, he blushed heavily, looking at anything other than Ville.

Ville let out a surprised laugh before moving closer to him. "That's definitely a promise Kulta." He purred, brushing his lips softly over Bam's.

Bam drew in a shuddering breath, turning to face Ville fully and his teeth worrying at his bottom lip as the electricity between them made itself apparent again.

"What do you want sweetheart?" Ville asked gently, not wanting to pressure the young guy he'd come to think of as his boyfriend even though they hadn't really talked about it.

"You." The word was almost whispered, it was so quiet but it was said firmly and confidently and Ville knew that Bam wasn't having second thoughts.

Hesitant hands wandered underneath Ville's tshirt, tracing random patterns on his taut stomach as their lips found each other again, their kisses turning more passionate as Bam's shirt was open and pushed down his arms.

They pulled apart just enough for them to both finish removing their shirts and a moment of fear made Bam pause.

"We don't have to do this Bam, you know that I'd never force you."

"I want to, I really do I'm just a little nervous."

"I know. It'll all be ok though I promise."

Ville removed the rest of their clothing, keeping his movements slow and gentle checking for any signs that Bam was going to panic or change his mind but they never came. He reached into the drawer of his bedside cabinet to retrieve the bottle of lube he always kept there before returning his attention to the beautiful boy in his bed.

"Tell me if it hurts and I'll stop straight away, I don't want you to be in pain."

"I will but I trust you." Bam smiled nervously up at him, shifting his body slightly to allow Ville to move between his legs.

Ville took plenty of time preparing Bam, using his fingers to open up his body enough for him, and using his mouth to distract him from any discomfort. He was so intent on making sure that Bam felt next to no pain that he didn't stop until Bam was whimpering with need and practically begging him for more.

"Please Ville, I can't wait any more. I'm ready and I know you won't hurt me."

He slowly pushed himself into his lover, still nervous that he'd hurt him but not willing to stop something that they both wanted so much, but stayed still and waited patiently for Bam to finish adjusting to his size. Once he felt that Bam was ready for him, he started to move slowly, keeping his eyes on Bam's face the whole time for his reaction.

Bam gasped as Ville hit his prostate, his eyes impossibly wide at the sensations coursing through him. He'd heard that being with another man could be incredible, Novak had always said so but after Dan he'd stopped believing it. But now, with Ville being so gentle with him and actually wanting it, he couldn't believe how much pleasure he was getting.

One hand roamed over as much of Ville's body as he could reach while the other slid down his body to encircle his erection, knowing that after so long with any sexual contact, he wouldn't last long.

Ville wasn't faring much better either. The tightness and heat of Bam's body and the slight innocence of him was bringing him quickly to the edge. He sped up his thrusts, staring hungrily as Bam tipped his head back, his eyes closed and panting heavily as he stroked himself in time with Ville. The sight was what tipped him over the edge and he came with a muffled cry.

Moving as quickly as he could, Ville moved down Bam's body and pushed his hand away, taking Bam's erection into his mouth and taking in as much as he could. The sudden feeling of Ville's beautiful mouth on him was too much and Bam screamed his release as Ville swallowed everything he had to give.

He slumped back tiredly onto the pillows, smiling slightly as Ville moved back up the bed to lay with him.

"Are you ok Kulta?" Ville asked, brushing some of Bam's hair off his sweaty forehead.

"Mmhmm." Bam mumbled contentedly, feeling too worn out to talk much. He snuggled closer to the Finn, wrapping an arm around the slim waist. "Thank you."

Any answer Ville may have had though had to wait as Bam had drifted off to sleep.

********

When Bam woke, it was 6.30 in the afternoon and he was alone in bed. He panicked for a few moments but relaxed when he heard the sounds of Ville moving about downstairs. He got slowly out of bed, muscles protesting slightly as they alerted him to the fact that he hadn't used them that way in a very long while. It wasn't very painful though, and he soon made it into some clothes and down the towers stairs into the kitchen where he found Ville pouring out two cups of coffee with large plates of chinese food on the table.

"Afternoon sweetheart, I was about to come and wake you. I thought you might be hungry since we haven't eaten anything all day. How are you feeling?"

"Hey. I'm fine, just a little achy but in a good way." He blushed slightly and decided to change the subject. "The food looks really good, did you make it?"

"I called the number for the takeaway and placed the order, does that count?!"

"Not really!" Bam laughed, sitting down at the table. "But it looks like you did a good job placing the order, all my favourites are here, how did you know?"

"You told me once, I remembered." Ville shrugged like it was no big deal but Bam saw it very differently. The fact that Ville would remember stupid little things about him like his favourite chinese food, then go out of his way to order it, made Bam's heart ache. It was things like that that made him realise that Ville really did love him and he so desperately wanted to say it back but he couldn't until he knew he could mean it one hundred percent.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, he allowed himself to stare shamelessly at the gorgeous man that he'd made love with earlier. He smiled at the memory and Ville looked at him quizzically.

"What?"

"Nothing, I'm just happy. It kinda seems that all the bad stuff that happened is starting to fade away a little although I'll never be able to forget it, especially Novak, but I don't feel so guilty living and being happy now."

Ville smiled back as he took his seat opposite him at the table. "You should never feel guilty about living Kulta. I'm glad the pain is starting to ease for you and if there's anything I can do to help, I'll do it."

"You help just by being there." Bam pointed out through mouthfuls of chow mein and spicy beef. "I feel safe with you. I'd be dead if it weren't for you, you know." He said the words so matter of factly but Ville still shivered with a chill he always got when he thought of something like that happening to Bam.

"Don't talk like that sweetheart, just focus on the fact that you're ok and you can get your life back on track. You should give that guy from Element a call."

Bam stayed silent and avoided his gaze, picking at his food.

"What's wrong?" Ville asked patiently, slightly amused at how child like Bam could be.

"What if they remember me from before and don't want me now because I disappeared for so long and never got back to them? What would I tell them?"

"Tell them you were working with a band as a Roadie because you weren't sure whether you wanted to make a career out of skating but after you've decided that it's what you want to do. They'd be stupid not to take a chance with you, you're incredible."

Bam smiled bashfully at the compliment but protested it slightly. "There's plenty of people out there that are loads better than me but it'd be awsome if I made it, it's what I dreamt of my entire childhood."

"You'll make it, I completely believe that."

"Thanks. When are we supposed to be going to your parents by the way?"

"Probably the end of the week. Are you ok with that?" Ville replied, allowing the quick change of subject.

"Yeah I'm just a little nervous."

"Why?"

"What if your mom doesn't like me?"

"She's gonna love you, trust me. The fact that my Daddy already likes you helps as well but if you don't want to go we don't have to."

"Of course we're going, you don't get to see them often, I'm just a little bit nervous, I'll be fine."

Getting up he cleared the plates from the table but was stopped from washing them up when Ville came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist.

"Leave those Sweetheart. Let's watch a movie or something instead, I'll even let you pick." He nuzzled his face lightly in the crook of Bam's neck as he spoke.

"Hmm I don't know." Bam pretended to think. "Watching a movie with you or doing housework, it's a tough decision!"

Ville chuckled, placing light kisses up Bam's neck to his ear. "Well if you're really that interested in washing the dishes then I'll leave you to it but I thought it might be nicer to be cuddled up on the couch. I'll be there if you decide against the housework."

He allowed himself one more brief kiss before heading into the lounge and flopping gracefully onto the sofa. He'd only been there a couple of minutes when Bam appeared in the doorway.

"I guess the washing up can wait for a bit if you want my company that badly." His voice was light and teasing but he still hesitated shyly at the edge of the sofa as if he was worried that Ville would have changed his mind.

"I always want your company that badly." Ville grinned. "Do you want to watch a film, you can just pick what you want."

Browsing the shelves full of dvd's in the corner of Ville's lounge, Bam picked something at random, not really caring what they watched as long as he got to spend it with Ville curled around him. Putting it in the player he dropped onto the sofa as close to Ville as he could get, smiling contentedly when Ville wrapped his arms round him resting his chin lightly on his shoulder.

"See, now isn't this better than doing housework?!" Ville teased.

"It's not bad, it could be better though."

"How?"

Bam tilted his head back and captured Ville's lips in a mind blowing kiss.

"There, better already." He breathed out when they finally broke apart.

"Mmm, I have to agree, that is better." Ville smiled, resting his forehead against Bam's. "I have a feeling I'm not going to get much writing done these two weeks with you here though."

"Am I going to be in the way?" Bam asked, only the slightest hint of hurt colouring his voice.

"Of course not darling, it's just that I always write quite depressing songs and I'm going to find it quite difficult to do that when you're making me so happy."

"I think you write beautiful songs." Bam commented, silently thrilled that he could affect Ville's happiness like that. It sent a jolt of sudden boldness through him and he moved even closer to Ville, trying to be as seductive as Ville was naturally.

"Why don't we forget the film and just go to bed?" He whispered, letting his lips graze Ville's as he spoke, making sure that it was obvious what he meant.

He heard Ville's breath catch and suddenly he was being tugged to his feet and pulled in the direction of Ville's bedroom although he was still as gentle as he always was with him, and as Bam followed obediently behind him, he realised that he was finally free of his past, all that mattered now was Ville, his future.