Ms Self Destruct

Title:

Ms Self Destruct

Author: TrentReznorsSin

Disclaimer: Trent unfortunately doesn’t belong to me *sobs* (do you really think I’d be sat at my PC if I owned him?? Lol) but Erin and some other people you won’t recognise belong to moi. I’m a poor uni student so don’t sue, I’m not making anything out of this!

Summary: Set during the Self Destruct Tour 94/95. Trent’s decision to ask his best friend Erin to come along for the tour has made them both ask the question ‘are we just friends?’

Feedback: Yes please, no flames though, they make me cry

Author's note: This is the first NIN fiction I’ve written in years, so I might be a bit rusty.

PLEASE REVIEW! A big thank you to those who have, you're the ones who keep me going!

As always, thank you to Danu my beta *mwah*

Chapter Seven: The Way You Look At Me Now

It’s been a week since Trent and I last spoke. I’ve used some of the time I’ve had to work on my feature. But it’s hard to write about something when that something has just broken your heart. I should have stopped it when I could see what was going to happen, but when those smouldering dark eyes were locked on mine, all I could do was stare back.

That night I cried myself to sleep, yet still had dreams about him that caused me to wake up with his name on my lips. Most people would tell me to move on and find someone else, but I’ve loved him so much and for so long, I would only find myself comparing every man I met with Trent.

Not only this, but a few days afterwards we travelled to Fairfax, which meant I would have to see him on the bus. Robin is still sick so we’ve had to perform together as well. The tension between us was terrible, but neither of us has said a word. Danny pretty much figured it out by the next day and he’s been trying to console me, chatting to me and basically giving me an excuse not to get near Trent. The rest of the band knows something is up but haven’t said anything. Right now, I find it easier to stay away from him, but I know it won’t last.

I think I need to get out this place, out of this hotel and give myself some time to think without the knowledge that he is a few doors away from me.

Erin closed her diary and put the well chewed pen down next to it. Her magazine feature was almost up to date, given the time she had put into it trying to distract herself. She would be making sure Paul knew how much work had gone into it.

But enough work, it was now time to go out and try to relax. Erin decided to do what a lot of girls did when they were down, she decided to go and hit the shops.

* * *

Trent was depressed, more depressed than he had ever felt before. Erin was completely blanking him and that hurt more than the fact that she didn’t return his feelings. They had been friends for years, gone through a lot together, and now she acted as though he wasn’t there.

It broke his heart and pissed him off at the same time.

She had even ignored him on stage, remaining on her side of the stage and never moving from it. When they had come off stage, she had gone back to the hotel before the rest of them.

He had also noticed how she seemed to be spending a lot of time with Danny, hanging around with him when she usually hung around with Trent.

The jealous side of his nature was coming out in full force and it wasn’t a pretty sight.

Pacing the length of the hotel room, Trent bit at his already short fingernails. He was angrier at the fact that she wasn’t even willing to give him a chance to explain. Well now he was going to talk to her about it, whether she wanted to or not.

Things had to be sorted out; he couldn’t carry on much longer like this.

While he had been down at the hotel restaurant, James had told him he had seen Erin walk out of the hotel. Guessing she wouldn’t be back for a while, Trent decided to wait for her in her room. There was always a second lot of keys for everyone’s room in case of emergencies, and as the one in charge, it hadn’t been hard for him to obtain them.

He had waited for about half an hour before he heard footsteps nearing the door.

It was now or never.

* * *

Erin found retail therapy quite a good thing to do when she felt down. She hadn’t gone too far from the hotel, but had found some interesting little shops around. Stepping out of the elevator, she started walking towards her room. Suddenly her phone started to ring. Adjusting the bags she was holding; moving them over to her left hand, she took the shrilling phone out of her pocket.

“Hello?”

“Hey hun! I just thought I would see how this tour with Trent was going.” Erin smiled. Caron had been one of the few friends she still had after she had formed her friendship with Trent.

“It’s going…great, thanks. They’ve even got me playing stand in guitarist at the moment.”

“That’s brilliant! Trent is finally taking advantage of your musical talent as well as your writing…” There was a pause. “Anything…else happen?”

“Caron…”

“Hey! I just…thought maybe you guys…might have got together after all these years of you fancying the pants off him. I mean, how can he not fancy you either?”

“Look…it’s a long story, but its not going to happen, I can tell you that.”

“Okay babe, I won’t pry any more.”

“Good idea. Anyway, how is life back home?”

Putting down the bags, Erin fiddled with her keys while balancing the phone between her ear and shoulder. Once it was unlocked, she picked up her finds and used her back to push the door open.

When she turned around, she almost dropped the phone.

“Listen Caron…something has just come up.” The dark eyes that watched her never left hers as she spoke. “I’ll ring you soon, okay hun, bye.” Putting the phone back in her pocket and shutting the door, she put her hands on her hips. “Just what the hell are you doing in my room?”

“We need to talk.” Trent said, getting up from the chair. “You’ve been blanking me all week.”

“I’ve been busy.” His eyes narrowed as he took a few steps closer. Erin felt a small shiver run down her spine as he walked towards her.

“Bullshit, your work has never got in the way of us before. So why haven’t you been speaking to me?”

“Trent…”

“I want to know.” He moved closer still, Erin moving backwards.

“Please, you know what…” She felt her back hit the hard wall. Trent placed his hands either side of her, trapping her against the wall and him.

“What have I done? Was it because of that night?”

“What does it matter? You said it was a mistake anyway!” She suddenly blurted out. “Why bring it up? Why make it worse…” Her voice trailed away as tears ran down her cheeks.

A minute’s silence passed as the two stared at each other. Hazel eyes moved away from blue ones, down to full quivering lips as her body still shook with sobs. Moving his eyes back up to meet with hers, Trent leant closer, until their lips were a mere inch apart.

Erin felt her heart beat faster as he moved closer; she could feel his breath on her skin causing goose bumps before he pressed his lips to hers. A small whimper escaped her as he pressed his body to hers, feeling every muscle, every inch of him against her.

Trent was in heaven, the feel of her soft body yielding against his. Taking his hands away from the cold wall, he moved them to wrap around her waist as their mouths did battle, feeling her fingers grip at his hair.

Finally the need for oxygen caused them to pull apart, both panting for air. Running his tongue along his lips, he could still taste the lip gloss she wore and the sweetness of her mouth. She leant against the wall, her skin flushed. The tears, now forgotten, having already dried on her cheeks.

“I think you should go…” Trent looked up at the sound of her voice.

“Why?”

“This isn’t right…”

“But I love you Erin…don’t you feel the same?”

“Of course I do…I just…” She sighed. “I just don’t want to loose what we have already…”

“Don’t you want to take the chance?” Cupping her face in his hands, he looked at her. “What happens if it turns out better than it is now?” She looked away and closed her eyes. “Look at me Erin…”

“Trent…please go…”

Pulling away, he decided it would be a wise decision to leave. Opening the door, he leaned forward to kiss her cheek before walking out and shutting the door behind him.

Only when she heard the door close behind him did she open her eyes again, fresh tears on the brink of spilling.

Leaning on the wall next to her door, Trent gripped his hair and closed his eyes; still able to feel her lips on his own as he felt his heart break again.