Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous

CHAPTER 9

I shuffle my feet nervously, standing outside the door to Carrie's apartment. I try and convince myself that I'm not having second thoughts, no, I'm having third, fourth and fifth thoughts.

I love Kelly, that's not even a question anymore, but this is all becoming a little too real for me. I'm scared. Not of Carrie, this is a girl who wouldn't kill one tiny ant because she was worried it might have a little ant family waiting for it to come home and she didn't want to distress them.

I'm scared because once I break up with Carrie, that's it. Kelly will be my girlfriend and I'll have no safety net. And I know that I'm opening myself up to a whole world of hurt. I know that I told Kelly that I was ready but I don't know if I am.

I really do care about Carrie, sure sometimes she bugs me to high hell but I don't want to hurt her. I've come to find most of the dumb things she says and does cute and she really is magnificent in the sack. So, yeah I care about her. But I care about Kelly more and I don't think that I can go through losing her again, not now.

I raise my hand to knock and the door opens. Spooky. Carrie looks pissed.

"Hi."

She glares at me, yeah, I don't blame her. I'm a bitch.

"How's Kelly?" She asks. Oh this is going to be fun.

"She's good. Actually we need to talk about her. Can I come in?"

Carrie rolls her eyes and retreats back into the apartment leaving the door wide open behind her. I guess that mean yes.

"You're taking her back aren't you." She says angrily, facing the wall. "Diana, she treats you like crap."

"She doesn't." I say automatically, but now that I think about it she kind of does. "It's not like I don't do the same to her. Besides it's different now."

"Why? Did you finally realize that you're in love with her?" How does she know?

"Yes, how did you know that I was…"

She turns around and rolls her eyes at me. "Please. It was so obvious to everyone but you. I see the way you look at her. I hoped that one day that you would look at me like that. Stupid."

"Carrie…"

"Don't. I know that you don't love me." She looks devastated and I feel like shit.

"I care about you Carrie."

"I know you do." Oh, here it comes she's going to beg me to dump Kelly. "But it's not enough is it. I know I can't compete with Kelly, so I'm not even going to try."

Wait, what? "So you're just letting me go?"

She nods. "My Grandma always used to say that if you love something you should let it go and if it doesn't come back to you then it was never truly yours at all." She wipes a tear from her eye. "So that's what I'm doing. Only I already know that you aren't going to come back."

Oh man, this shouldn't hurt this much. "Car, you know I never meant to hurt you."

"I know." She turns away. "You should probably get your stuff." That was a lot easier than I thought it would be but at the same time it was so much harder. It would have been easier if Carrie screamed and cried and acted like a total bitch but for her to be so calm and understanding, it made it hurt to hurt her.

I collect my stuff from around the apartment. So that's where my pink bra went, I don't think I want to know what it was doing behind the microwave. I make sure not to forget anything, I don't want to have to come back.

So now I've gotten all my shit together and I'm just standing there in the middle of the room. I know that I could just leave but I can't I have to try and make things right.

"Carrie, you're going to be okay, right?"

She looks up from the book that she was 'reading' in attempt to look like she was ignoring me. Maybe next time she shouldn't be holding it upside down, it sort of ruins the illusion.

"I'll be fine. Break ups are the staple of country music. I figure you've just given me enough material for half of my next album." She says flippantly before getting a little more serious. "I'll get over it. Do you think that Kelly would be okay with us being friends?" Now that makes me laugh. "I didn't think so."

She drops the book and comes to stand in front of me. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too."

"Hey, if you and Kelly ever need a third." She offers, trying to smile.

"I'll give you a call." And then we kiss, slow and bittersweet. When we part I feel a wetness on my face. God, Carrie way to lose control of your emotions. But when I look at her I notice that her eyes are mysteriously moisture free. I'm the one who's crying. Fuck.

"I should go." I back away, she raises a hand in a half hearted wave.

"Goodbye Diana."

"Goodbye Carrie." I say and turn and walk away.

TBC