The Winter Guest *Complete*

Chapter 9



I was so angry I was shaking in my chair. Why hadn’t he told me? Why had I told him everything?! I felt used, betrayed. But most of all I hated myself for my weakness. After raging a few minutes I came to my senses.



What if this wasn’t true? What if ‘currently’ wasn’t so currently anymore. What if… what if… my mind raced as I left my office and headed towards my room. Or his room. Fighting back tears I reached my room. But as I grabbed my door handle and searched for my key in my pocket I changed my mind. His room was next to mine, I could ask him right now. I walked further down the corridor towards his door. I took a deep breath and knocked. No reply. I knocked again, a little firmer this time but still his room remained silent.



I burst into my room and threw myself on the bed, burying my head in the cushions. His smell was still there, the sheets were drenched in it and I inhaled deeply. Feeling tears pushing behind my eyes again I got of the bed and started pulling of the sheets. Throwing them in a corner of the room, I sank back onto the bed and let my head rest in my hands. Feeling like a little girl, but determined not to cry, I forced myself to get up and walk to the kitchen. Thank God there was still some wine left. I emptied the bottle in of the used glasses, not bothering to get a clean one, and headed for my balcony. I opened the door and the cold wind slapped me in the face.



“Don’t you think it’s a bit early for wine?”



Sitting in my chair with a scarf wrapped around his neck was Alan.



I gasped and my heart must have missed a few beats.



“Don’t look so shocked, I only climbed the balcony, I need to tell you something. What?”



I raised my hand to interrupt him. “Don’t…what did you want to tell me?” I suddenly realised what he had said.



“I … why are you acting like this? What’s wrong?”



“Just tell me what you wanted to say.”



“Kate, why….”



“God damn it! Just tell me!” I shouted at him, swallowing back tears. “When were you going to mention you’re practically married? This is not supposed to go like this!”



I turned away from him and the wind blew my tears over my cold cheeks.



“I was going to tell you now actually.” He had to raise his voice because of the wind. I turned around and looked at him. He looked hurt, his face was full of anxiety, and guilty eyes. It broke my heart seeing him like that.



“Do you love her?”



“Yes I do,” he replied softly



“But you said you liked me, wanted to get to know me…”



“I mean that, I really do like you, I don’t know what it is, I feel really attracted to you.”



Kneeling down besides his chair I took his hand. “ Why didn’t you tell me? This should have never… .what we did..”



“ Was wrong, Kate, I know, but.. when I saw you sitting here, I had to kiss you. Had to touch you. When you’re around me I forget everything. You do something to me… I cannot resist it,” he took my head in his hands and I looked down. “I am so, so sorry Kate.”



“I cannot share you Alan.”



“I am not asking you to.”



I looked in his eyes and almost instantly forgot my anger. His hands on my face felt good. “So, this is a goodbye kiss then?” I whispered as he pulled me closer.

“It should be.”



This time our kiss felt differently. His lips brushed past my wet cheek as he searched for my mouth. Our tongues barely touched, but when it did it was like a jet of lightning ran down my spine. One of his hand was in my neck, the other one in my hair. Kissing back feverishly not wanting this to end I tried not to move. He stopped kissing and looked at me with the same look as he did the first time we kissed.



“Why is something so bad, feeling so good?” His voice sounded strange and I made myself stand up.



“I don’t know, but it ends here right?”



“Yes, I should stop fooling you, myself and…well everybody.”



“Then I guess you should go now.”



“Kate, lets just …be friends.”



I smiled at him. “I don’t know if I can do that.”



I opened the balcony door and he went inside my room. He walked towards the front door and I found myself saying goodbye to him for the second time today.



“Bye Alan, thanks for….”



“Don’t thank me, Kate, I’m not worth it.”



He opened the door, touched my face with the back of his hand and left.