Auschwitz - COMPLETE

Ville

"Your...falling for me?" I asked, shocked.

"Well...yeah, I am...there's something between us...." He replied, lowering his head in shame.

"You don't want to fall for me, I'm a dirty stupid Jew..."

"THATS NOT TRUE!" He cried, standing up, causing me to fall to the floor. He kneels down next to me ad takes my hands. "Its not true..." He whispers, kissing my knuckle's.

"Then why am I here? Aye? Because I'm a Jew, I'm dirty, I'm scum! And my father told me I'm stupid! So I must be! There, why would you want me!" I say, I don't raise my voice, yet the tone of my voice is firm and angry.

"Because your beautiful, inside and out..." Bam whispers, trying to stay calm.

"NO! No I'm not! I'm 28 and I've never been in a real relationship - with a man or woman! How does that make me beautiful - No one wants me! And do you know how many friends I had growing up? No more that 6 or 7! How does that make me beautiful inside? HOW?" I cry, my temper close to boiling point.

"Please...listen!" Bam begged, his eyes wide. I shake my head.

"Then why am I here? Why do I have to suffer? Why do I have to watch those I love die?" I sob, tears pouring down my face. Bam takes a deep breath, he really seems to be fighting to stay calm. He tries to hold me, but I pull away, shrink back into the corner.

"Ville..." He says, a single tear falling from his beautiful blue eyes.

"NO! Just leave me alone! You don't want me! My father says I shouldn't trust you! He never lies my father! So it must be true!" I cry.

"FINE! GO! GO AND ROT OUT THERE BECAUSE THATS WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF I DON'T HELP YOU! DIE! SEE IF I CARE! I'LL BE HAPPY TO SEE YOUR BODY BURN!" He cries, grabbing me and throwing me out the door. I sob at his harsh words, and violent behaviour. He has become just like the others... I feel his foot connect with my stomach as he kicks me and walks away. For hours it seems, I lay there. crying, rocking, sobbing, yelling. Just letting out my grief of losing yet another person in my life. But hes better of without me. My fathers right, I am stupid. And I must be dirty, filthy scum...why else would I be here..?

"Ville..?" Came a familiar voice. Part of me hopes its Bam...but I know it isn't. I don't look up. "Ville Valo? Come on its me, Gas!" The voice says. I look up with a smile, but it soon fades. The once quite rounded man stands before me, but he is now almost as thin as I. I gulp, he'd always wanted to lose weight...but not like this. I hug him tight and cry into his shoulder.

"Oh god...look what they've done to you! I've missed you so much!" I say as he wraps his arms around me.

"I haven't seen you since the last day at music school, when we had that performance!" He says. "You remember? I crashed the symbols together at the wrong point and everyone stared?" I laughed despite my tears, and nodded. Poor Gas, he couldn't really play much, so he was in the percussion. But he did it ever so well....unless he was nervous.

"I remember. Gas...I have some bad news...Jonne and Linde...their..."

"Dead...I know" He whispers, his voice thick with emotion. "Your father told me," We simply hold each other tighter, as we let our grief flow from our eyes for all to see. Briefly, I'm aware of Bam walking past, but I take no notice.

The next morning, role-call, and someones missing. And not just anyone. Gas. Bam counts us again and again, yet he sill comes up short. He refuses to look at me as he passes, it breaks my heart that I am the reason behind his pain. But he doesn't want me. I'm a Jew, I'm dirty, scum of the earth. No one wants me. After the third count, Gas is still missing, and I begin to worry. I know what the punishment is for missing role-call. Death. After we are counted for a third time, Bam goes looking for Gas. He finds him, passed out in front of his bunker, barely breathing. He drags him by the collar to where we are, and flings him to the floor in front of us. I gulp, Bam's eyes shine with anger, and I know he's going to take it out on my friend. Gas has awoken by this point, and looks around, confused, yet scared. He too knows whats coming, and looks at Bam with wide pleading eyes. Bam looks to his left, where two other guards stand. They grin and nod at him/ Bam smiles back, yet its forced. He doesn't want to do this...surely? But wither he does or not, is not the point at all. The point is that he HAS too, and, as he brings his foot down hard and fast into Gas's stomach, I find myself looking away. But I can't block his screams, I can't block the sound of the blows that are falling on his body again and again...and I can't block the cheering of the guards as my friend takes his last breath and dies right there in front of me... His body lays slumped awkwardly on the ground, his skin red, his cheeks hollow, blood seeping slowly from him. He is a shadow of the man I once knew, but he was still my friend, and know I'll never see him again...

As I wait in line for the washroom that night, I feel a hand over my mouth. I cant move against it, and I'm dragged away. Soon, I find myself in oh so familiar surroundings.

"I thought you might be hungry..." says Bam, holding out a few things. A tear falls down his face as I nod. Should I be mad at him? He killed my friend - in front of me! But he was only doing his job - he needs to help his mother, and survive himself! Would I do the same thing if I were him? He passes me the food without a word, and lets me eat in silence. Soon however, he breaks down in tears.

"Oh god I'm sorry! I know he was your friend! I'm sorry...I just...and....I'm sorry! But don't forgive me! I don't deserve forgiveness," He cries out. At one point, he goes to hug me, but thinks better of it. I sigh...what do I do? What do I say? Suddenly, my eyes meet Bams, and I know what I have to say.

"Bam...Its ok, really, I understand. You don't want to do this, but you have to. For your mother, you clearly love her very much. Your just as much of a prisoner as I, you do what you do because you have to, not because you want to, and its driving you insane! And your right, I'm not going to forgive you. Not any time soon at least. But right now, all we have is each other. You said it before, if you die, I die...even if I am just a dirty Jew,"

Bam sobs harder at my words, so I pull him into my arms.

"Your too good Ville. I don't deserve to be in the same room as you! Your not the dirty one, I am!" He cries. I rub his back.

"Sssshhh Kulta, Its ok, I promise. We'll work through this together, be there for each other yes?" I say, forcing Bam to look into my eyes. He nods, but says nothing.

"I didn't want to kill him...honestly...I didn't want to kill anyone..." He says, fresh tears leaking from his eyes. I wipe them away as I let some fall from my own eyes.

"He was dying anyway...he looked so thin...so ill..." I say, trying to stay strong. It doesn't work, and I end up bawling. Bam holds me tight as my grief spills onto the floor.

"If it helps...he passed out almost straight away..." Bam says as he runs my back. I nod.

"At least he didn't suffer much..."

Bam

"Your...falling for me?" He asks, shocked. Oh god...I'm moving too fast...


"Well...yeah, I am...there's something between us...." I say, hoping to salvage the situation.


"You don't want to fall for me, I'm a dirty stupid Jew..." He says seriously. What!


"THATS NOT TRUE!" I cry, standing so that Ville falls from my lap. I grasp his hands and look into his eyes. "Its not true..." I whisper as I kiss his knuckles softly.


"Then why am I here? Aye? Because I'm a Jew, I'm dirty, I'm scum! And my father told me I'm stupid! So I must be! There, why would you want me!" He says firmly. I'm shocked at just how serious he is...


"Because your beautiful, inside and out..." I say, close to tears.


"NO! No I'm not! I'm 28 and I've never been in a real relationship - with a man or woman! How does that make me beautiful - No one wants me! And do you know how many friends I had growing up? No more that 6 or 7! How does that make me beautiful inside? HOW?" He cries, his voice slightly raised. I gulp, that can't be true!


"Please...listen!" I beg. He simply shakes his head.


"Then why am I here? Why do I have to suffer? Why do I have to watch those I love die?" He sobs, crawling back into a corner.


"Ville..." I say, letting a tear fall. Why won't he listen!


"NO! Just leave me alone! You don't want me! My father says I shouldn't trust you! He never lies my father! So it must be true!" he says. Finally, my temper reaches boling point!


"FINE! GO! GO AND ROT OUT THERE BECAUSE THATS WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF I DON'T HELP YOU! DIE! SEE IF I CARE! I'LL BE HAPPY TO SEE YOUR BODY BURN!" I scream as I throw him from the room. I storm home, leaving him in a heap.


"MURDERER...MURDERER..MURDERER..." I hear the second I step in the door. I try to ignore them as I shakily make a cup of tea. As I sit and drink, I again feel eyes on me. i try not to look up. All of this is in my head.


"MURDERER...MURDERER...MURDERER..." Its getting louder. I hum, trying to block out the sound. Still it gets louder. I start to sing. Suddenly, silence. I dare to look up. Standing before me is a single person. Ville. He looks like a living skeleton. His eyes look to bog for his face, his skin is white, his hair thin, he reaches out one long, slender finger and points at me.


"Murderer...you killed me Bam....you sent me to my grave..." He whispers. His voice is high and distant. I gulp and shake my head.


"No...I'm going to help you...I got mad...please...I don't want you to die..." I plead. 'Ville' simply comes up to be and grasps my hand. His touch is cold, wet, like I'm touching a body that's been dead for days. I pull back my hand in fear. It drips in blood. Ville's blood.


"My blood will be on your hands Bam..." 'Ville' says, and he disappears. I gulp and run to the sink, leaving a trail of blood in my wake.


"Must get rid of it...must get rid of it..." Soon, the water is red with my own blood, as I scrub so hard, I tear my skin...


I have to go to the camp hospital to ge it looked at. I lie and say I'd been sandpapering some wood. They believe me. As I return home, I spot Ville, I know I shouldn't go up to him. I yelled at him, and not only that he's with someone. And they are hugging, crying in each others arms. Who is it? Is it just another upset prisoner? A friend? Or maybe...maybe...a lover?


The next morning, I bump into Weber as I enter the camp. Time to 'Thank' him I think.


"Hello Margera, didn;t think you'd stay here since you;d been offered a job as a sniper!" He says. I smile at him.


"Go to stay here, its easy to keep in contact with my mother - she's ill you see, and I'm all she has!" I say matter of factly. He simply nods.


"You were right about that bitch Margera," He says sadly as he looks at the floor. Right? About what? "She had HIV, now I have it. I gave it to my wife..." He says slowly. "She thinks I cheated on her..." He trails off, and I hide a smirk. Serves him right!


"Sorry about that man..." I say. He walks off, hanging his head. I don't care, he got what he deserves.


I'm on roll-call that morning, and I wish I wasn't. I spot Ville straight away, but I can't look at him. As I finish counting, I realize that there is someone missing. Who? I count again, and again, but still I am one short. In anger I go back to the bunkers and search them for the man that had stayed asleep. I didn't find him. Instead, I find
Villes 'friend' passed out in front. He's barely breathing. I grab him by the collar and drag him in front of the prisoners. I know I have to kill him for what he did...there are other guards here, I can't get round it. But he's Villes 'friend' and Ville is watching! He'll never forgive me. But does he hate me already. As I look over at the other guards, the voices in my head return,


"MURDERER...MURDERER...MURDERER..." Again something inside of me snaps, and, as the poor defenceless man before me wakes, and realizes his fate, I find myself taking out all my anger on him. With every kick, I hear the roar of the word 'MURDERER' in my ear, but that only spurs me on. Soon, he slumps at my feet...dead.


"MURDERER...MURDERER...MURDERER..." Oh god what have I done...? This was Ville's friend, and I'd killed him...in front of Ville.

I need to find him to apologise. I find him that night, waiting to go to the washrooms, and, in case he fights back, I grab him from behind and drag him away.
"I thought you might be hungry..." I say before he can protest. He nods, and takes the food I give him. He eats in silence, not looking at me. Before long, I can't take in any longer.


"Oh god I'm sorry! I know he was your friend! I'm sorry...I just...and....I'm sorry! But don't forgive me! I don't deserve forgiveness," I cry, tears of sorrow rolling down my crimson cheeks. He just looks at me for a few seconds, no expression at all.


"Bam...Its ok, really, I understand. You don't want to do this, but you have to. For your mother, you clearly love her very much. Your just as much of a prisoner as I, you do what you do because you have to, not because you want to, and its driving you insane! And your right, I'm not going to forgive you. Not any time soon at least. But right now, all we have is each other. You said it before, if you die, I die...even if I am just a dirty Jew," Oh god! That man as a heart of gold...I really am falling for him! I simply sob harder, so he hugs me tight.


"Your too good Ville. I don't deserve to be in the same room as you! Your not the dirty one, I am!" I cry! Its true, I'm the murderer! He is the pure, perfect man that is keeping me somewhat sane.


"Sssshhh Kulta, Its ok, I promise. We'll work through this together, be there for each other yes?" He whispers, forcing our eyes to meet.


"I didn't want to kill him...honestly...I didn't want to kill anyone..." I admit. Ville simply wipes my eyes, but can't stop his own falling. I made that happen...oh god I'm a horrible person.


"He was dying anyway...he looked so thin...so ill..." He says, trying to be matter of fact about it. Yet, his tears drip to the floor. I hug him tighter.


"If it helps...he passed out almost straight away..." I say truthfully as I rub his back
"At least he didn't suffer much..." He says, trying to look on the bright side.