Dangerous Play

By: scarecrowslady

folder J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop › D

Rating: Adult +

Chapters: 20

Views: 2,597

Reviews: 4

Recommended: 0

Currently Reading: 0

Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop › D

Rating: Adult +

Chapters: 20

Views: 2,597

Reviews: 4

Recommended: 0

Currently Reading: 0

Disclaimer: Disclaimer: This is a piece of fiction. Ergo: not real or factual. I do not know D (or any other jrock band) and I am not gaining profit from this!

Your Heart

Thanks to Asp for their lyrics. This is fanfiction: not real! for free! Goodness right here!

Dangerous Play

Chapter 9: Your Heart

"Feed me with your heart..."

There were many times in his life that Asagi wished that the world would open up its jaws and swallow him whole. Asagi had read once in the Christian Bible about men being devoured by the earth - and he had often wondered what it would be like to disappear into the earthy darkness.

To be buried alive, he thought, would be a moment of supreme panic - and then the darkness would take over...

In those painful hours of the night, feeling lonely and abandoned and too far from home, Asagi had wished for the darkness to come upon him - warm and full of nothingness like his mother's womb.

Lying in Kisaki's arms, he had wished for the sweet oblivion. And now, as he emerged from the depths of the stillness of unconsciousness to the ever painful present, Asagi's mind grabbed frantically at the last tattered rags of forgetfulness before crashing into the multitudinous pains of the present.

If only it would stop...

He shifted to ease himself and realized with a start that the soft sounds of crying were his own. Shaking from head to foot, Asagi tried to straighten a little. Looking around, he realized that the only sound in the apartment was his own breathing and the quiet ticking of his alarm clock. Before him, curled on his pillow, Donna sat, ears pricked forward. Somewhere behind him, in the living room, he supposed Mie had found his favoured spot on the couch.

"Kisaki-sama..." his voice quavered through the stillness like a breaking echo.

There was no answer.

Frantically, he looked around for a key. For someone - something to free him. There was nothing. Only his slightly damp sheets and the chains remained. He looked up and gazed despairingly at the solid hook rooted in the ceiling. His mind tried to understand how it got attached there and failed. Instead, he began to cry again as he realized how badly his wrists had been cut. It was horrible to slump there on his knees crying like a desolate child alone in the dark.

It is humiliating, he thought, trying to get himself in control. You are an adult man. You can do something about this. Sitting around and crying and denigrating yourself like this... it's not right for someone like me who is going to become famous one day... Working towards your dreams - you can overcome even this...

Looking around, Asagi's eyes wandered over the room - and finding nothing. Then he noticed it. His cellphone hanging from it's strap - from his wrist. Easing himself up, he fumbled to open it, flicking opening the cellphone.

He paused.

Who to call?

His parents.... Asagi's face grew hard remembering the angry, red face of his father and his mother's despairing looks.

"No son of mine is leaving his studies before graduating. You are a shame! A freak!"

"Honey..."

"You will end up on the street! Worse than working at a department store - you will be selling what little favours you have to offer!"

"Dear..."

"You think you'll get into the big time - be famous? Think again! Who'd want someone like you? The kind of person who is more like a girl each passing day!!! You are a disgrace! If you leave like this, you will never be able to return!!"

"Akimitsu, dear... Think on this," pleaded his mother softly.

It was her voice that haunted him the most. Soft and gentle and disappointed. It cut deeper than the bludgeoning voice of his father.

No. Not my parents. It's unthinkable. And Ken-chan... is out of the question...

Asagi could remember Ken-san's touches and sympathetic eyes. Not only would it anger Kisaki to invite such a man to his house - but Asagi had brushed off Ken-san's offers. To call would be...

Even more humiliating...

"I'm not that unhappy. Just uncomfortable with the new me. It's just a matter of time before I settle in and it will all be okay."

"Perhaps," Ken nodded.

"I'd do anything to achieve my dreams," Asagi whispered vehemently, leaning closer.

"Good for you," replied Ken simply.

No. To call him would be to admit that he was still a child. It didn't leave Asagi much options. Any acquaintances he had made were in Tokyo. And there was only the band... And it was around seven in the morning on a Saturday...

With a sigh, Asagi scrolled through his short friends list - until he came to Ruiza. After staring at the number for a few moments, he dialled it, heart heavy. It was a long shot but...

"WHHHAAATTTTT...."

"Ruiza-san? This is -"

"Asagi-kun. I know. You think I don't have Caller ID?"

"Well... no..." Asagi flinched at Ruiza's belligerence.

He checked the time again on his alarm clock. It was seven in the morning.

And yet he's drunk.......

"I was just wondering if you wouldn't mind giving me a hand this morning..." Asagi shifted uneasily in his bonds.

"A hand? Whatever for?" Ruiza's voice faded and Asagi could hear a faint gurgle of someone drinking something...

"Well... it's hard to explain but..."

"Did Kisaki screw you over or something?"

Asagi flinched at the lack of suffixes and the blatant annoyance in Ruiza's voice.

"Ah... well..."

"'Cause if it is... well..." Here, Ruiza snorted bitterly. "You made your bed - so you gotta lie in it, right?"

"Ruiza-san. I am in a bind and I was hoping you could help me get out of it. We have another band practice tomorrow morning so -"

"Asagi...." Ruiza's slurred voice seemed abnormally gentle when he said the vocalist's name.

"Yes?"

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Ruiza-san..." Asagi could feel his face burning with shame and embarrassment as he remembered his orgasm as Kisaki more or less raped him. "That is..."

"Just answer me. Or do you want me to be more specific."

"I - no - no - I mean, yes... yes... I - I -" Asagi whispered into the cell phone, his belly fluttering with humiliation, fatigue and despair. "Yes. I did."

"Then... excuse me. I have other things to do - like get drunk on my day off - and try to forget fucking lunatics who never listen to advice and who obviously are deviant enough to enjoy the abuse heaped on them."

"Ruiza-san!" Asagi tried to cut through the blond's drunken rant, panic rising in him as he realized that the guitarist was more or less pissed at him for some reason.

"Asagi," Ruiza breathed gently over the phone. "You may be beautiful and have the voice of an angel. But you are a freak and deserve every bit of enjoyment and pain you asked for. So. In other words. You can go fuck yourself."

Ruiza hung up and Asagi dropped his cellphone in shock. Trying hard - and failing - to keep the tears at bay.

The blond guitarist was right, he had to admit to himself. He was a freak, as his father proclaimed. And he was nothing better than a streetwalker getting paid a bit more money for his voice... And he had enjoyed it...

He deserved this. Coldness settled in his bones and his heart as his looked into the abyss of his heart.

Asagi had found his darkness.

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