Death Wish

[Death Wish] is my first ever serious attempt at a longer fanfic, and my first ever attempt at writing this particular pairing(GacktxMasa).

Disclaimer: I do not represent these celebrities in any way, nor do I own them. I do not make any profit from this.


The inspiration for this fic came from one of my favourite films "Meet Joe Black". The basic storyline for this movie, if you have not seen it is as follows;

Taken from Yahoo!Movies--"This modern fantasy stars Anthony Hopkins as William Parrish, a wealthy New York City media mogul who suffers a heart attack on the eve of his 65th birthday; although he survives, he senses that his own death is near. On the same day, Parrish's younger daughter, Susan, (Claire Forlani), meets a handsome young stranger (Brad Pitt) at a neighboring coffee shop and is instantly smitten. As they part, the young stranger is killed and his body is instantly occupied by Death, who is coming to Earth to warn Parrish that his death is, indeed, imminent. Death enters the Parrish household disguised as Joe Black, the handsome stranger, and although Parrish realizes Death's intentions he lets the family believe that Joe Black is a young business associate. Susan is shocked to find the familiar young man at her family dinner that evening and is instantly overwhelmed with desire. As she begins a passionate love affair with the debonaire stranger, she has no idea that she is no longer falling for the young stranger from the coffee shop but for Death himself. In an effort to prolong his life and his daughter's happiness, William agrees to take Joe on a tour of human life that includes board meetings, family parties, and, ultimately, romance. As long as Joe falls in love, Parrish remains alive. This version was inspired by the Alberto Casella play DEATH TAKES A HOLIDAY and the subsequent 1934 film."

My idea is to change the movie storyline to fit into Gackt's life. We know that during 2001 he was ill with pneumonia throughout the early part of the year, resulting in that he was in hospital for several weeks with the illness at it's worst.

I intend to work this storyline into the factual and create a fic from it. It's going to be quite difficult, and i will probably fail miserably, but, alas, a girl can try, eh?

I will warn potential readers, the fic will contain alot of OMGANGST and YAOI, during which there will be NC-17 moments, but all of which will be correctly pre-mentioned at the start of each chapter.


Charli

~*~*~

"Death Wish" [GacktxMasa] Opening and Information~


Title: Death WISH
Fandom: J-Rock
Pairings: Gackt(of GacktJOB)x Masa(Formerly of GacktJOB, and SPIKY, now in DIZZYDRIVE)
Rating: R for language and sexual themes. Will be raised in later chapters.
Disclaimer: I don't own these two wonderful men. I wish i did, but alas i do not. All of this didn't happen, it just occurred in my slash ridden mind. Nor do i lay any claim to the backbone of this story, i.e the story from the film this fic is based on.
Other Notes: I want to start working on a long fanfic, spanning ten or more chapters. I thought hard of what could be done, and looked to my favourite films for inspiration. I've done the "Cruel Intentions" style fic many times over, and so have many other writers. I eventually chose the Brad Pitt film "Meet Joe Black" as the basis for this fanfiction.


~~~~~

Prologue~ A Voice in the Night

Hospital Ward-- Early April 2001

Gackt lay in the hospital bed, his breathing coming in shallow gasps. He looked around the white washed room, realizing this was really it.

--I'm going to die--

The shocking revelation sent his head reeling. Attempting to sit up he froze abruptly. He'd heard the voice again, the deep whisper containing the promise of death.

"Leave me alone!" Gackt said, attempting to sound authoratitive. He fell back against his pillows and sighed. Closing his eyes he heard the whisper once more. His eye's shot open at the clarity of the voice.

No one was there.

He felt his meagre strength fleeting and closed his eyes again.

--This is really it--

The Pneumonia had taken hold of his fragile body, drawing out his last ounce of strength. Too weak to fight his impending fate he allowed himself to drift to sleep.

"I'm going to use you..I'm going to..become you.." A voice whispered into his ear, the very voice that had haunted his last few dreams in life. "I've always wanted to see what makes you mortals tick, and now is the perfect chance.." Gackt felt his conciousness slipping away as a bright light formed inside his mind. "Follow the light Gackto Camui.."The voice said in a gentler tone. "It will all be over soon..that's it..go forward" That was the last thing the vocalist heard before slipping into nothingness.


~~~~~
Note:"-- --"Denotes Gackt's thoughts
~~~~~
Chapter One: Transient Dreams

Gackt's House-- Mid March 2001


"Yes"

The vocalist's eyes flew open. He looked around the semi-dark room he was in. Nothing.

Pulling the cover up closer around him he closed his eyes once more.

"Yes"The voice whispered.

--What the...?--

He sat up in his four poster bed, flinging his silk sheets away from his body.

"Yes"The tone of voice was rasping and deep.

His heart began to beat wildly within his chest. He was sweating, the fever still having a hold on his body.

He waited, several minutes passed and he gently lay back down, his chest heaving with fear and illness.

--It must of been a dream--

The weary vocalist fell into a dreamless sleep.

~~~~~~

Studio-Mid March 2001


Gackt regarded his companion with a slight smirk playing on his lips.

"Masa-kun, seriously now--What did you expect?"He said, eyeing his dark haired companion."That i'd go around telling everyone i'm fucking a band mate?" Gackt watched as the pain in Masa's deep brown eye's glittered through. "Cos that's all it ever can be Masa..You know i'm not a relationship kind of person. We both get what we want from this, right?"

"But, Gakuchan..I love you!" Masa said heatedly. He was sitting in a chair opposite Gackt, leaning across he placed his hand on the singer's knee and looked into his deceptively blue eyes. "Can't you see?"

"Masa..This can't continue..I'm calling the shot's now..It's over i--" He stopped abruptly as Masa stood.

"You always did call the shots without giving a fuck about my feelings.."He said before walking out of the room.

--Great, Just Fucking GREAT--

Gackt put his head into his hands and sighed deeply.

"It's going to end soon..."A voice whispered. Gackt's head snapped up in confusion. Looking around the room, he found it empty. "You can feel it can't you--?"The sinister voice continued in a rasping tone. "Your body can't take much more--The illness will claim you soon, and then what?"

Gackt stood, the chair he was sitting on thudding to the ground with the force of his rising.

"Who's there?!"Gackt said, his expression one of confusion and worry. But no voice replied to his questioning.

"Daijobu Gacchan?" Gackt span around to see his band mate, You Kurosaki standing in the door way, wearing a look of concern for his best friend.

"Hai, i'm fine. I just---Did you hear that?" He asked, his head moving from side to side wildly.

"Iie--What sound?" You enquired, stepping into the room and straining to hear whatever Gackt had heard.

"That deep whispering..You really didn't hear anything?" Gackt's eye's were filled with concern.

"No, i didn't--Are you sure you're ok?" You said before placing a hand to Gackt's forehead. "Jesus Gacchan, you're burning up again!" Gackt pulled away from his touch and shook his head defiantly.

"I'm fine You-kun, don't worry about me, i just need to--" He collapsed onto his knee's and began shaking uncontrollably. You rushed to his side and held him close.

"I'm going to call an ambulance--You need to be seen by a doctor and quick!" You said, panic rising in his voice.

Gackt pushed him away again and rose unsteadily. You looked up at his swaying figure.

"I told you i'm FINE! I just need to lie down!" Gackt said irritably. "I'm going home. Keep at the practising without me, we need to get this album completed" He added before picking up his leather jacket and walking out.

~~~~~

Flashback-Gackt's House-Late February 2001

Note:"-- --"Denotes Masa's thoughts

Masa moaned into Gackt's mouth as the pair fell to the bed. Hands were roaming all over one another's bodies, their breathing becoming heavy.

Gackt pulled open Masa's flimsy white shirt and attacked his nipples mercilessly. Masa's hand's twined in Gackt's messy light brown hair as his head travelling further south.

"Ohh Gaku--"He said as the singer roughly unbuckled his trousers, tearing them down around his ankles and off, before divulging himself of all clothing too. Masa stared in awe at the man's toned, yet thin, body.

--So..Beautiful--

The singer crawled onto the bed and pulled down the other's underwear, permitting his strained arousal it's freedom. Gackt sat back and admired Masa's manhood before setting upon it with a series of licks and sucks. Masa's grip on Gackt's head tightened almost painfully as the singer worked magic on his cock, knowing this pleasure was fleeting.

Night after Night Masa had came to Gackt. It was their sordid little secret. Yet, as Gackt claimed him, biting down onto his shoulder blade as he entered him, Masa felt..complete.

He was in no denial of his love for the flirty vocalist. And it saddened him deeply to know that his love would never be returned. Gackt was incapable of falling in love. Or perhaps simply afraid. Masa didn't know for sure.

"Aishiteru~"Masa moaned out as Gackt took him from behind, pushing his erection deep within Masa. His hips grinding hard against Masa's arse as he thrust into him. Gackt didn't reply, he just continued letting out his tension within Masa's heat.

He didn't even moan, or make any sounds of pleasure. He acted as though he was striving to orgasm, nothing more. He was insatiable, never allowing for more than a moment's foreplay before Masa found himself flipped onto his front.

Tears began to run freely down Masa's cheek's. He knew Gackt couldn't see them, and if he could, probably wouldn't care, but through his tears and heartbreak he felt happiness and euphoria in being this close to his love.

"Masa--Put some feeling into it" Gackt said in a low growl, upon realizing that Masa was no longer meeting his deep thrusts.

--If only he knew just how much feeling i've put into this--

Complying with Gackt's demands Masa began to meet every stroke Gackt inflicted on him. He cried out in pleasure when his prostate was hit, his hand darting to his erection to give himself relief.

"No--I didn't say you could touch yourself" Gackt whispered darkly into his ear from behind, his thrusting ceasing momentarily.

"S-Sorry Gackt-San" Masa said, his hand releasing his swollen member abruptly.

He always demanded Masa called him "Gackt-San" during sex. It was one of his dominate sides coming out. He liked to be in control. Masa liked to be controlled. The set up was ideal.

--Or so i keep telling myself--

Gackt's thrusting speed increased, notifying Masa of his imminent orgasm. Masa put all his effort into tightening around Gackt's cock, and meeting each thrust with equal fervour.

With one final thrust Gackt came..A slight moan escaping his lips, before he slumped over Masa.

Kissing his shoulder, which was covered in little bites, Gackt then pulled out and muttered a brief; "Cheers doll.." Before heading to the shower.

Leaving Masa to lie on the bed, the silken sheets bunched up around his knees, his hands reddened from gripping the bedframe.

~~~~~

Gackt's House-Mid March 2001

Note:"-- --"Denotes Gackt's thoughts

Gackt had precariously driven back to his house. His shaking and feverish haze making it difficult to drive safely.

Yet, he'd made it back in one piece.

Locking up his car he went to the front door and let himself in. He was greeted by his bodyguard, who eyed him with the same concern You had back at the studios.

"I'm fine" Gackt told him before he had a chance to speak.

--I'm fine..I'm fine..--

He walked into the kitchen and retrieved a bottle of mineral water from the fridge. Turning to leave the kitchen he heard a knock at the door.

Before Gackt could say otherwise his bodyguard appeared from the small security room in the hallway, obviously having checked the cameras for safety first. He opened the door and greeted the person.

Masa stood on the doorstep, his face reddening upon locking eyes with the annoyed and ill looking singer.

"Gakuchan..I..I just want to talk--"He said desperately. Gackt shook his head roughly. A headache springing up from nowhere.

"I'm not feeling well, i'd appreciate it if you went back to the studio Masa."He said, quitely, his eyes never leaving Masa.

"I just wanted to see how you were..You-kun said you'd collapsed again.."Masa walked towards Gackt."I'm worried about you, so very much Gakuchan" Masa told him, his eyes filled with sincerity.

"I'm fine.."He repeated for what felt like the millioneth time."Just go back to the studio and i'll be back in tommorow morning" Gackt said walking slowly past Masa and to the stairs.

Masa sighed deeply before leaving, the door slamming in his wake.

--I swear, i don't know why i bother with him--

He reached his bedroom and stripped himself of all clothing. Regarding himself in the full length mirror he found himself startled at how thin he'd become since his first bout of illness over new year's.

His ribs jutted out and his hipbones were more prominent than ever. His eyes were bloodshot, his face beaded with sweat. Leaning in closer he saw that his lips were tinged with blue. Shuddering he pulled away and went to lie on his bed.

As he drifted in and out of conciousness he began to hear that voice again. As if the owner of the voice was in the same room as him.

"What do you want?" He cried out, on edge with fear. "Why do you keep returning?"

"Why, i know my purpose..."The voice answered mockingly. "And it's about time you realized yours--"Gackt sat up and pulled his knee's up to his chin, wrapping his thin arms around them.

"Leave me alone!"Gackt said, his voice serious.

"Oh..i will soon..worry not.."The voice said finally before slipping away. Gackt sat there for several minutes, rocking back and forth.

--I'm losing my mind..I'm a nutcase for fuck's sake--

~~~~

His phone was ringing. Somewhere between dreaming and waking Gackt could hear the techno-esque sound of his cellphone. Opening one bleary eye he spied the phone on the floor, poking out of his trouser pocket. He reached his arm across the pile of clothes he'd carelessly tossed there the night before and retrieved the phone.

"Moshi moshi" Gackt said upon flipping open his sleek gold metallic phone.

"Gakuchan--It's Chacha..How are you this morning? We were all worried when you didn't turn up this morning for recording--" Gackt swore as he glanced at the wall clock. It read 12:30am.

"Aw Gomen, Gomen."He said, pulling himself into a sitting position."I must of overslept. I'll be in once i've had a shower"

"Ok, but, if you don't feel up to it--" Chacha said but paused when he heard Gackt sigh.

"I'm doing good. I don't feel unwell anymore." Gackt said, running a hand through his thoroughly greasy hair. "See you within the hour"

Flipping the phone shut he chucked it unceremoniously onto the bedcover. Rising up out of his bed he walked over into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

It was odd, he felt almost normal this morning, as if the night and day before had been some transient dream. Laughing to himself he stepped under the spray and washed himself.

--Maybe i'm on the mend--

Just under an hour later Gackt was parking up in the studio carpark and entering the building.

He saw all his band members jamming along to one of the new songs and frowned when You hit the wrong chord and Toshi slipped a beat. Obviously they'd slackened off in his abscence.

--I leave them alone for ONE day, and this is what happens to my hard work?--

He flung open the door and folded his arm's. Almost immediately the entire band stopped playing, except for Toshi who continued drumming, before looking across and seeing the expression on the vocalist's handsome face.

"So--How's it going?"Gackt said slinging his coat onto a chair and eyeing them all one by one.

"We've just been running through the songs that are left to record Gakuchan" You said, stepping towards the singer. "But, how are you this morning?" Gackt's frown deepened at hearing this.

"Look--I would appreciate it immensely if none of you could question the current state of my physical health so that we may be able to continue recording on schedule."You looked away, blushing slightly. "We've only got a month more until this album need's to be on the shelves, and i for one am not going to let my health hinder that in any way."He looked around the room defiantly.

"Hai, Gakuchan, Gomen--"You said before stepping back over to his amp, pretending to be fixing his effects peddle.

There was a deadly silence over the room.

"Right, let's get this show on the road" Masa said somewhat lamely.

Gackt nodded, causing Masa to beam with pleasure.

~~~~
Gackt's House- Early April 2001

Gackt slumped onto his sofa, the past week had been strenuous on his health. The intense recording and promoting of his new single had drained him of almost all his strength.

He'd been on the "HeyHeyHey" television show today. He'd gone on, had a small talk with the hosts and performed "Kimi no tame ni Dekiru koto"

He found himself becoming increasingly dissatisfied with the way the song was sounding, and the whole song had to be re-recorded almost ten times before Gackt was happy with the final recording.

He remebered entering his dressing room and sitting in front of the well lit mirror, regarding his tired face with anger..but that was all before he blacked out and later awoke to find himself laid on his sofa.

--What happened?--

"Ah, Gakuchan you're awake" Came a familiar voice. Swivelling around Gackt saw Masa had entered the room, holding a bowl of water with a blue flannel bobbing in it. "I was just getting a cold flannel for your fever"Masa said as means of explaination.

"What happened Masa?"Gackt asked as the messy haired guitarist approached him. Masa put the bowl onto the table and rung out the flannel slightly.

"Lay back down."Masa said, gently pushing the vocalist back down. He brought the flannel to Gackt's forehead and dabbed it gently.

"Masa--WHAT happened?"Gackt repeated, biting back his annoyance.

"You--You just passed out in the dressing room, so i bought you home in my car.."Masa said smiling down at the other.

"This is pathetic" Gackt said, his anger rising further. "I can't fucking do anything without ending up passing out anymore!" He sat up and batted away Masa's flannel clad hand. "I'm PATHETIC"

"No-No you're not Gakuchan--You're just unwell..You'll get better soon" Masa said attempting to sound reassuring.

--Why is he always so fucking GENKI?--

"You need rest..and plenty of it"Masa continued, attempting to tend to him again. Gackt stood up, his breathing coming in shallow gasps.

"I don't need rest..I need to get this album ready! And then the tour!"He said clenching and unclenching his pale hands.

Masa rose also, reaching out to take Gackt into his arm's despite the slight difference in height.

"C'mere Gakuchan"Masa said, his arms snaking around Gackt, embracing him gently. One hand stroking his back which was sticky with sweat beneath his thin shirt.

"No Masa! I told you, it's over between us!"Gackt pushed him away with such a force that the smaller man went flying onto the sofa. Looking up into his eyes, Masa scowled for the first time in their relationship.

"That's it!"Masa said standing again and flinging the flannel back into the bowl, the water splashing onto Gackt's tan leather trousers. "I fucking give up with you Gackt! I can NEVER win with you! No matter what i do, whatever lengths i go to please you--It's never good enough is it?!" He didn't wait for Gackt's answer and stormed out the room.

Gackt stood there, a little perturbed by Masa's sudden act of anger towards him. Hearing the front door slam he jumped a little.

--Immature--

He sat back down, taking the flannel from the bowl and rubbing it over his face.

"The time is almost here.."Gackt dropped the flannel onto his lap. It was that same mysterious voice. "I'll give you 24 more hours before it's time to go--"The vocalist rose and looked around the room straining to see. Nothing was there.

"Who are you?"Gackt asked in vain.

"I'm someone who holds the answer to the question you have began to ask yourself every single day"Gackt frowned in confusion. "The question you ask yourself when you get a fever that burns your very soul..The question you ask when you regard yourself with disdain in the mirror every single night..The question you ask when you awaken after having passed out again.."

Gackt fell to his knees, shaking hard, his breathing shallow.

"What question?"Gackt called out, looking up at the ceiling.

"You can't say you don't know..You are thinking it even now--Aren't you?"

Gackt's eyes widened with realization.

"Am i---going to--die?"The vocalist said quietely as if uttering some ancient curse.

"Yes"The voice answered.

"What?"Gackt said, his heart beating a wild tattoo against his chest.

"The answer to your question.."The voice was stern, truthful."Yes..You are going to die.."

~~~~~

Author's Notes: WOAH. I can't believe how long this took me! It's still pretty bad, but i will be making changes to it when i see fit. Please PLEEEASE let me know what you think.

Charli