Three Hearts Beating

Disclaimer: No, I don't own them. Really. Honestly. Okay, you win. I have them hidden in my dresser. Not. Song is property of London After Midnight.

Three Hearts Beating

"The moon is full and through the mist
I hear your voice I feel you kiss
The line grows thin between what's wrong and right."

"It's wrong." I say. "But I want to, Mike. You don't know how long I've wanted to."

"Of course I don't." he says, voice sharp. "You never said a damn thing."

I wince at the tone of his voice. It's like a blade, pressing against my skin. "You never told me you weren't straight." I whisper back. "I didn't want to risk what we had."

He looks at me from the chair, not saying anything for a minute. "You're married."

Does he think I'm not painfully aware of that right now? "I know."

"You love Adie."

"I know." God, I do. I love her so much, but . . . I love Mike, too.

"You wouldn't cheat."

I lower my eyes to my hands at that. "Wouldn't I?"

And that's all it takes before I feel those lips on mine, teeth tugging on my bottom lip, hands lacing through my hair. My eyes close on instinct, then open to stare into pools of blue. I feel Mike's tongue twisting with mine. I close my eyes again and bring my hands around his neck, lightly running my fingers across the skin. I feel the slight hitch in his breath.

His hands move from my hairs, down my chest and to my jeans. I'm half hard just from the kiss, but when he unzips my jeans and touches me, I'm completely hard and aching for him.

"I want you." he murmurs against my lips.

I know what he means and I nod, a bit uncertain, but willing. I start to work the buttons of his shirt as he works on tugging my jeans and boxers down. He shrugs the shirt off as I kick my jeans and boxers the rest of the way off. He tugs my shirt over my head quickly.

"Ow." I rub my chin. "Bit eager, aren't we?"

"Shut up, Billie Joe." Mike presses his lips to mine again as we both fumble with his pants. I can feel how hard he is through the fabric and he moans when I rub the crotch of his pants. "Fuck, Billie."

"As soon as we get those off." I say, smiling all too innocently at him.

He makes this noise between a growl and a groan and kicks his pants, pulling the boxers off, too. He sticks a finger in his mouth and slips it into me quickly. I hear myself moan. I want him so bad. I can feel his erection against my thigh and I move my hands to it, lightly stroking him.

He adds another finger and starts thrusting them in and out of me. "Mike, fuck. God."

He smiles and pulls his fingers out. I hear him spit into his hand and I know he's lubing himself.

Fuck! I feel him start to push into me and, fuck, God that hurts. Fuck fuck fuck! My eyes are closed so tight, but I can feel the tears start to slip down my cheeks.

I feel calloused fingertips wash them away. "It hurts the first time, doesn't it?" he asks softly.

I nod. "Y-Yes."

"Do you want me to stop?"

I shake my head, but my eyes are still closed. "Just go. It'll get better."

He starts to move inside of me, slow. But I still feel like I'm going to tear in half. Then . . .

"God, that feels so good." I breathe, my eyes flying open. "Do that again."

He smirks and and complies. It's like I don't know any other words. Everytime he hits that spot the word 'fuck' comes out. "Fuck." Thrust. "Fuck." Thrust. "Fuck."

I have this thing, too. Most people tense up right before they come, but I don't. I collapse, can't move, my eyes can't find the strength to close and then . . .

He kisses me as he comes, letting me feel his erratic breathing in my mouth.

---

I can't lie to her. I tried. I really did, but I can't. Not when she asks flat out. I love her too much. She knows me too much.

"You smell like sex. Who was it?"

I stare at her for a minute, preparing to deny it. I shake my head and set down my phone. "Mike."

Adie looks shocked. "Mike?"

I nod slowly. "I'm sorry."

She sits down next to me on the bed. "How long, Billie?"

"This was the first time."

She nods and grabs my hand. "Do you love him?"

I look at her through tears I refuse to cry. "Yes, but I love you, too. God, Adie. It's so fucked up."

"No, it's not."

"What?"

"It's not fucked up to be in love with two people."

"I shouldn't have cheated on you."

She kisses my cheek, looking a little sad through her smile. "I know, but you did. You can't take it back. I think . . . I think I understand. I know you'd never try to hurt me, Billie. But you can't hurt Mike either and leaving it as a one-night stand . . . that would hurt him."

"What are you saying?"

"I love you." she says. "And you love me. And you love Mike. And I can't let go of you and you can't let either of us go. And that's fine."

I stare at her.

"You don't have to let either of us go. It's okay. I understand."

"Y-You're giving me permission to have an affair."

She nods again. "Mike. I'm giving you permission to love Mike."

"I'd never leave you, Adie."

"I know."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

---

And I fall asleep that night, staring at the ceiling after Adie and I had sex. What the fuck just happened?

---

Okay...errr...weird.