Hard to Say

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Hard to Say
Chapter 1

Gerard sat on the couch of the tour bus, slowly spinning his cigarette between two fingers. He was watching him, Bert, smile and giggle as he sat on Quinn's lap, twirling a piece of blond hair through his fingers as Quinn whispered something inaudible in his ear.
Damnit, Gerard thought, how can Quinn stand it? If I had Bert in my lap I'd be doing a hell of a lot more than just whispering in his ear. Is he trying to torture me, because its certainly working.
Not able to stand the sight anymore, he glanced across the bus at Frank, who was sitting cross-legged on the floor, bent over his guitar working out whatever new riff that had popped into his head. Frank looked up at Bert, then shot Gerard a sympathetic smile before looking back down at his fingers. Sure, if Gerard just wanted a good fuck, Frank was always willing to oblige, but since he'd met Bert, friend-fucks just left him cold. Frank was a great friend though, always providing a shoulder for Gerard to cry on after every kiss Bert shared with another man. He'd never felt this way about anyone, this dull, heavy ache that threatened to consume him and no amount of alcohol could kill. He'd known the first time he saw him that Bert should be his. Unable to stop the wave of misery that was pooling in his stomach, he took a long pull off his cigarette, leaning his head back and closing his eyes, letting the remnants of sweet cinnamon liquor and nicotine wash over his tongue. He was just about to lose himself in the bliss of intoxication when he felt a rough hand wrap around his wrist and pull him to his feet.

**POV switcheroo**

"You're driving Gerard crazy," Quinn whispered. Bert just giggled maniacally and started playing with Quinn's hair. Bert had been trying to get some kind of reaction out of Gerard since the beginning of the tour. He was throwing everything he could at him, flirting, teasing, touching, cracking jokes about his "sweet ass," but the man just wouldn't fucking break. He'd practically kissed every willing guy in front of him, never taking his eyes off Gerard. Anybody else would have slammed him up against the wall and ripped his clothes off by now, but not Gerard. He would just look away, his face expressionless.
"No, I'm not," Bert whispered sadly. "Nothing I do ever drives that man crazy."
"No, I'm serious, look at him. He can't stand to watch you with me."
Bert looked up to see Gerard, head resting on the back of the couch as he slowly exhaled the last drag of his cigarette. Damn, he looks so beautiful when he does that, Bert thought as he watched the movement of muscles in Gerard's exposed neck. Unable to stand it any longer, Bert hopped off Quinn's lap and stumbled to where Gerard was sitting, grabbing his wrist and pulling him off the couch.

********
Gerard kept his eyes closed, struggling with his balance for a couple of seconds, relying on the rough hand still grasping his wrist to steady him. He opened his eyes and found his face inches away from..."Bert," he whispered, a stunned expression spreading across his alcohol-flushed face.

"So I've been called," lauged Bert, a smart-ass smirk playing over his lips.

For a minute Gerard thought he was dreaming, staring the beautiful face in front of him, the usually bright blue eyes darkened with...could that be lust?

"What are you doin..." he didn't have time to prepare before Berts lips were crushed against his own, his hands tangling in Gerard's sweaty, black hair.

Gerard's mind spun. Bert was kissing him. Bert, the man he'd been in love with from the first time they'd met, was kissing him. There was only one thing he could do in this situation. He pulled away.

Fear shot through Bert's eyes as Gerard pulled back, but it quickly changed to a wide grin as Gerard lifted his hands to the top of Bert's head, slowly smoothing is tangled hair down and back before stopping to cradle his face.

"You kissed me," he breathed. He knew he sounded like a drunken idiot, but he didn't care. He gently brushed his thumb across Bert's lips, taking in every contour of his face through half-lidded eyes.

"Yeah, I di.." Before Bert could finish his reply, Gerard's lips slammed into his own with such force that Bert almost fell backwards, but Gerard's hand snaked up the back of his shirt and held him in place. Gerard was kissing Bert so softly, yet with such ferocity that it was all he could do not to moan. Bert opened his mouth slightly in invitation, and Gerard dove in, running his tongue over Bert's lips and across his teeth as he dug his nails into Bert's back. Bert tasted exactly the way he'd imagined, and he pushed his tougue further to tangle with Bert's, reveling in the taste of sweet alcohol and cigarettes. Gerard was in control now, and Bert was just a passenger on this wave of pent-up attraction they knew would some day overtake them. The kiss was flowing like liquid fire now, without thought, like their bodies had been planning this forever.

Bert tangled his hands in Gerard's hair once again as he wrapped his leg around Gerard and began grinding himself against him, relying on Gerard's arms for support. Gerard let out a deep moan as he felt how much Bert wanted him, and dug his nails deeper into Bert's hot, smooth skin. He felt the fire threaten to consume him, and started to pull away.

Bert let out a tiny whimper as he felt Gerard move away, but it turned into a rough growl as Gerard sucked in his bottom lip before breaking the kiss. His eyes still closed, he pressed his forehead against Bert's, gasping for air. Both men stood in silence, fighting to regain control of their breathing and pounding hearts.

"I just kissed Bert," Gerard panted, pulling his hands from under Bert's shirt, letting them rest on the other man's chest that was still rising and falling way too rapidly. They stood there together for a few seconds, before the silence was suddenly broken by applause and loud cheers and whoops. They looked up, finally remembering they had an audience. Somewhere in the middle of everything, Mikey and Jeph had climbed onto the bus to join Quinn and Frankie, and they all stood at the top of the stairs, cheering and laughing.

"Fucking right you did, dude!" Quinn yelled as he pumped his fist in the air.

"And about fucking time, too!" Frankie added. "We were getting so sick of listening to you two whine about each other all day." He tried to sound irritated, but he couldn't supress his smile as he flicked his guitar pick at them.

"Ya know?" Jeph laughed, clapping Bert on the back. "I was like, those jackasses need to hurry up and get it out of their systems." He proceeded to wrap his arm around Bert's neck, pulling his head down and ruffling his hair.

"I'll drink to that," a very intoxicated Mikey giggled, raising his glass and swallowing all of its contents in one gulp.

Gerard turned his eyes back to Bert and smiled. "Yeah, about fucking time," he laughed, giving Bert a peck on the cheek and pulling him into a tight hug.

TBC