Kinda I want To

Chapter One:

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own Trent Reznor or any of the band members. This story is purely fiction and based on ficticious events. Nor do I own any character from White Oleander.

Astrid moved over from her canvas, a dripping paint brush still in her hand. Thick, jagged black streaks lined the canvas and frame along with reds, purples and greens so dark they looked muted and mixed with the whole picture. Nine Inch Nail's "The Wretched" was playing on her small boombox, Trent Reznor's voice in desperate vibrado combined with thrumming piano and pulsing drums. Astrid leaned against the wall, trying to remember what her next line was going to be. Most of her artwork was inspired by NIN music, especially since it was so melencholy and hauntingly beautiful. Astrid lived with her mother, who was not so much bitter as she was blunt about life. Ingrid had never hidden anything from her daughter. Astrid was an artist and her mother backed her up most of the time. She didn't want to really go to college, she already knew what she was doing.
Astrid put the paint brush down and stepped back to look at the painting. Those few missing lines wouldn't affect much since it wasn't about what you were seeing. It was about what you weren't that made the picture rather special to her. She set out on the windowsill to let it dry and went to fix herself a lunch. The Santa Ana winds blew in from the south, creating a nice gentle breeze. Astrid lifted her heavy white-blond hair up over her head and let the wind caress her neck. It was soothing and comforting.
Night fell like a cloak around the deadly but beautiful city of Los Angeles. Music from cars blasted down the street, along with sirens and open bars. Astrid and her mother lived in a tall Sunset Strip-like house that was directly in the middle of Sunset Blvd. Ingrid had chosen the house because it was tall and offered one of the most breath-taking views of the city. The roof was flat and Astrid knew that sometimes her mother liked to sit up on it late at night and look at the blanket of bright lights that covered L.A. Astrid was alittle scared of heights so she didn't do it as often.
Ingrid was out at an art gallery with her artistic friends Astrid didn't or didn't care to know. Her mother's friends were too far out for her, alittle too into their artwork and didn't have time for husbands or family lives. Astrid was only 16 and, like her mother was single. She wanted someone who understood her and knew her pain. Being taught that men were animals and only wanted one thing didn't help. Astrid had grown up homely and didn't see herself as beautiful even though that wasn't quite true.
Despite her lack of curves or small breasts size, her skinny frame, her hair was nearly to her waist. Thick and from the sunlight, it had gone from blond to near white. Her eyes were dark brown, adding to the paleness of her flawless skin. She tried to remember the pros about herself, but it was difficult. She was just a weaker, smaller version of her mother.
Grabbing a glass of milk and a cucumber sandwich, she decided to listen to the radio. Astrid didn't watch television much, again being told by her mother that T.V rotted your brain and turned you into mindless sludge. So, radio it was. She turned the dial to a hard rock station and listened to afew songs before a loud D.J came on and spoke about an upcoming concert.

"Yes they are returning to California, people. Trent Reznor and Nine Inch Nails are going to have their last big show of the year here in beautiful, sunny Los Angeles. They are looking foreward to it and we are as well. So kiddies grab your leather shorts and fishnets and purchase your tickets at"...


Astrid didn't hear the rest. Nine Inch Nails was coming to her town. She wasn't aware that she had dropped her sandwich and didn't care. She sat back and listened to where the destination was and how much tickets cost. When she heard the figure, she worried a nail. Her mother wouldn't pay for it, she knew. Ingrid never bought concert tickets or anything of a sort. In fact, the only concert Astrid believed her mother had gone to was Woodstock and that was decades ago. So now, there was no concert.
Astrid deflated back into her chair and pushed the plate of half-eaten food away. She had never seen NIN before and had been a fan of theirs for quite some time. The first song she had heard was "Head Like a Hole" and instantly she was attracted to them. She didn't see their sad, angry lead singer as attractive. But he was attractive with his voice and lyrics. She loved listening to his ballads and hard, shivering, stinging leads.
She decided to get out for awhile, just to do something. The bus was still running so she decided to go to one of the thrift stores on the strip down the street. The bus was crowded like always and smelled worse. Astrid sat in front so she could get off right away. When the bus stopped in front of one of the small strips, Astrid got off, clutching her ticket in hand. When she came to the doorway of a clothing store called "Paris's Flashback", she walked in. Paris, the owner waved hello. "Hey Astrid. Where's your mom?" Astrid was fingering a soft purple silk dress when she looked up. "Out with some friends", she said. Paris nodded and let Astrid get back to shopping.
After afew minutes, Paris came over to Astrid, who was now looking at some boots. "I got something for you hon", she said. Astrid turned around to face Paris. They had known eachother for awhile and when Paris decided to open a thrift store, Astrid had backed her up one hundred percent. When Astrid felt sad or moody, Paris had helped her recuperate.
"This is for taking my back when I decided to do this thing. Without your support, I wouldn't have gotten as far as I have". Paris produced a small envelope from her pocket and handed it to Astrid. At first Astrid thought it was money, but when she held it up to the light, it wasn't. It was shaped like a long card, a ticket...
Astrid looked at Paris for a minute. "Well, come on girl, open it already", Paris promted. Astrid self-conciously tore the envelope open and looked inside. It was a ticket. A concert ticket. With trembling fingers, Astrid took out the ticket and looked at it. It was for the NIN show. "God", Astrid said. "Where did you get the money for this, Paris?" she asked. Paris just smiled and shook her head. "Girls don't kiss and tell, sweetheart", she said. Astrid smiled and felt tears spring into her eyes. "This is more than i could asked for", she said. Paris wrapped her arms around Astrid and held her for a moment. "It's the best I could do", she said. "And here". Paris went into the back and came out with something small and black in her hands. She held it up and it was a pair of black leather boyshorts.
Astrid was shocked for a minute but took them gratefully. "I figured you needed something to wear besides your Goldilocks wardrobe", Paris said, floding her arms across her chest. Astrid nodded. "Thank you, Paris", she said softly. "Now you get on home and wait for your mother", Paris replied grinning. Astrid nodded again, said thanks and went home.
All the way from the store, Astrid stared at her ticket, ignoring the people on the bus around her. She was going to this concert and her mother couldn't stop her now. This was anything and everything she had ever dreamed possible. Now she could feel peace. When she got home, her mother was sitting at the kitchen table, a pen in one hand and a peice of paper in the other. "Astrid where have you been", her mother asked. "The store", Astrid said, sticking the ticket in the back of her jeans. "Why?" her mother asked looking at her. "I just wanted to look for something new", Astrid said. Ingrid nodded and Astrid ran up to her room. The summer felt hotter and exciting with promises of a whole new year.