Mission Planet
Mission Planet
Mission Planet
© Nienna20035
A/N: I do not own Dude, Where’s My Car (that being where I got the whole Chinese food thing). Also, I do not own Queen, any other band (not to mention people), or any of the cartoons mentioned in this fic.
A/A/N: This story is not for the completely sane at heart.
*~*!*~*
Deep-voiced Announcer Dude: Now it’s time foooooor... Mission Planet!
(The Mission Planet letters fly onto the screen. Suddenly, a thin beam of light zooms through the center of the logo, and an explosion goes off, sending the letters shooting at the screen.)
Some Voice in the Background that sounds a lot like Roger Taylor: WOO-HOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
*~*!*~*
July 12, 1974 - Roger Taylor’s House
(Roger Taylor madly picks up his telephone and dials the number of the local pizza place. A man with a deep, teenage-sounding voice answers, but is instantly cut off by an irate Roger.)
Roger: HELL-o, Bobby the Pizza Guy. I just called to tell you... THAT THE DAMNED ORDER WAS MESSED UP!!!
Bobby the Pizza Guy: Look, I’m sorry, Mr. Taylor, but tonight’s quite a full night. Now if you’ll just give us twenty minutes --
Roger: TWENTY MINUTES?! Damn! You’re way too slow, y’know?
Bobby the Pizza Guy: Sorry, but that’s how long a pizza takes to make, otherwise it would be quite cold and nasty tasting.
Roger: AAAUUUGGGGHHH!!!!
Bobby the Pizza Guy: I sincerely hope you haven’t been drinking, because you sound awfully pissed.
Roger: Yeeeessss..... pissed I am.....
Bobby the Pizza Guy: O-kay... you’re really scaring me. I wonder why you Queen guys never scared me before...
Roger: I guess you don’t know us very well. All right... since you have never gotten a single order right for me, I guess I’ll bid you all a nice... uh... (meekly) farewell? Well, BYE-BYE!!!
(Roger slams the phone back on the cradle. Brian May then walks into the room.)
Brian: Eh, screw it. Freddie and John aren’t coming for another hour or so.
Roger: Sweet... just sweet. Oh, I haven’t brushed my teeth today.
(Brian mock-chokes, holding a hand up to his neck and sticking his tongue out while making a gagging noise.)
(Roger rushes into the upstairs bathroom. You can hear the faint sounds of a faucet running, then the scratching of a toothbrush. Roger comes out about 2 minutes later.)
Roger: Ok, I’m ready for... anything.
(Brian rolls his eyes. Roger then gets this very badly dubbed Japanese-sounding voice.)
Roger: Let’s see whose Kung-Fu is superior!
Brian (with a badly dubbed Japanese-sounding voice): Let’s go, Goldilocks!
Roger: Hiiiiii-yyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! (jumps at the counter and does this really sharp outside chop abo above the p. H. He picks it up, without moving his hand, and swiftly dials the number of the Chinese restaurant with his other hand.) Hello?
Chinese Person: Hello, and welcome to Chinese Foooood. May I take your order?
Roger: Yes, I would like two orders of chicken fried rice and an... eight-pack of won-tons.
Chinese Person: And then?
Roger: And then yon pun put that in one of those brown lunch bags.
Chinese Person: And then?
Roger: And then my friend here would like some... uh, what’s that called? Some kinda Moo-shoo pork thing? Yeah, moo-shoo pork.
Chinese Person: And then?
Roger: And then I’ll pay the money and get the food.
Chinese Person: And then?
Roger: No ing ‘and then’!
Chinese Person: And then?
Roger: AUGH!!!
Chinese Person: And then?
(Roger loses the fake, dubbed Japanese voice.)
Roger: That’s it!
(Roger slams the phone on the cradle again.)
Roger: Oh my God! I haven’t called the Bazooka X Spaceship Dealership to check on my spaceship yet!
(Roger picks up the phone, but he hears a certain female Chinese Person on the end of the line.)
Chinese Person: And then?
(Roger faces the camera and screams. The camera then flashes to Brian rolling on the floor laughing, and then back to Roger.)
Roger: AIIIIIIIYYYEEEE!!!
(Roger hangs up again, and then picks up the phone. He sighs with relief as he hears only a dial tone. He then dials the number of Bazooka X Spaceship Dealership. Bazooka Bob, the owner of the dealership, answers.)
Bazooka Bob: Hello?
Roger: Hello, this is Roger Taylor. I was just calling about my spaceship that I brought in to you two days ago.
Bazooka Bob: Oh, hello Roger. Sorry we could not get it fixed by now, but there seems to be a lot of trouble with this bucket of bolts.
Roger: Well, did you find out what’s wrong with it?
Bazooka Bob: We don’t know what exactly is wrong with it, but whatever it is, it has led to some of the other problems that seem to be occuring every time we fix something else with it.
Roger: Look, I need this thing fixed by tomorrow, OK? Now what’s wrong with the frickin’ thing?
Bazooka Bob: Just a sec. Have to get Billy. Hey, Bazooka Billy? What did you say is wrong with Roger’s ship?
(The faint voice of Bazooka Billy can be heard in the background saying, “Broken seal.”)
Bazooka Bob: Well, it looks like you’ve broken a seal.
Roger: Just get the damned thing fixed and leave my private life out of it!
Bazooka Bob: *GULP* Privaife?ife?
Roger: Well, thanks anyway. Bye.
(Roger, for once, does not slam the phone down. Instead, he calmly sets it down. He then faces the camera.)
Roger: That went well... almost too bloomin’ well. I need a cookie.
*~*!*~*
What will happen with Roger and Brian next? Will Roger’s ship be fixed by tomorrow?
Eat a cookie and find out on our next episode!