I Ask Myself Why

Title: "I Ask Myself Why"
Author: Liebeslied Engel, copyright © 2005-2006 S.E.J.
Fandom: Psychopathic Records (ICP, Twiztid, Dark Lotus, etc.)
Pairing: J/Shaggy
Category: Slightly angsty, lots of yearning. And everyone's favorite (or not...), "OH EM GEE THEY ARE SOOOO IN LUUUURRRRVVVEEEE!!one!!!eleven!!1!!!11!!!!1! *squeethuddead*"
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 for language and graphic depictions of sexual acts and homoeroticism. Also, pretty damn OOC. As if that would surprise anyone
Summary: A brief moment of intimate contact during a video shoot leads to entirely new levels of J and Shaggy's relationship
Disclaimer: "If I didn't see it, it's not illegal!" "I know my rights, you can't prove anything!" ...In other words, this never happened... "You can't see me!"
Notes: Inspired by a quickly passing and easily disregarded sequence in the "How Many Times" video. In relation to the timeline of my other fics, this occurs between "Fuck Y'all, We Got Each Other" and "I Have No Control of Me." Plus, more activity than just hands and oral, a first for "my" ICP, and we see a new side to them both as well. Originally written in May 2006. Enjoy.

As the shoot went on around him, Shaggy paid much more attention to his own thoughts than he probably should have, but he couldn't get his mind away from it. It was nothin'. Gotta keep tellin' myself dat. Yeah, surprised the fuck outta me, but it ain't. Nothin'. He didn't mean nothin' by it... Probly... Dammit! If he knew how dat sudden contact, the fear, made my dick jump... I can't believe I fuckin' crave him like dis now. We shootin' a fuckin' video fer fuck's sake, an' s'his song anyway, don' know why I'm even in it. Just because we ICP, together. The sudden voice of the director snapped him back to reality.

"A'ight y'all, s'a wrap for today. Be back 7am sharp tomorrow." Thank da Carnival, I'm fuckin' starved. Shaggy stood, stretched, turned to Jay.

"You hungry Joe?"

"Fuck yeah homie. But I ain't got much chedda on me, so makin' a run's outta the question 'less we go all da way back to my place first."

"Nah, ain't gotta do dat, I live closer an' I gots grub."

"Heh heh, why'd you ever move out Joey? You know I can't cook fer shit." Shaggy loved it when Jay laughed, and was touched that his friend seemed to miss him. He hoped, though, that there was more of a reason than his cooking. The question seemed easy enough to answer, because they could now each afford their own place in better neighborhoods, but right then it seemed to Shaggy like more of an excuse than a reason. Just cuz we can don't always mean we should...

He was grateful the ride to his apartment was long, it gave him some time to think, and to calm down. Fuckin' idiot dat I am, drinkin' too much again, man fuck dis shit! I gotta get my license back, feel like a fuckin' bitch havin' him cart my sorry ass around everywhere. He don't seem ta mind though, jus' like I wouldn't if shit were flipped... But holy fuck, feelin' him grab me by da collar, his dreads smackin' my face like a whip, shakin' me, fuck I almost bust one right then an' there. Dem green eyes, flashin' at me, callin' ta me, ever since the first time we got close like dat. He gets dat same look every time, scared like but fuckin' hungry. Almost like he thinks I'ma be mad dat he actually wants it. Such a big baby, sweet. He fuckin' knows I'd do anythin' for him. I do errythin' for him... Gotta think now, what the fuck am I gonna cook?

"Can we stop at da store Joe? Gotta pick up some shit."

"Yeah, I need smokes anyway." Jay parked and the pair walked into the store. Jay made a beeline for customer service, Shaggy meandered through the produce, hoping something would spark his inspiration. He eventually decided on Italian and picked up some tomatoes, onions, and garlic. The rest, he knew he had at home. Waiting in line at the checkout, feeling too run down to try and steal the items as was more in his nature, his mind still raced over the shoot. Right den, when he ran at me, wasn't like him though. More aggressive an' frustrated den he usually lets himself get. Was the song, I know it, gets 'im all riled up an' cuz'a some'a his others he don't got no outlet for it 'cept animal sex. I know he too shy to tell me dat though, much less ask for it. He got NO idea how willin' I am, 'specially after dat shit today.

The rest of the drive was quiet, both men feeling a little ragged from the day spent shooting and reshooting. Once inside Shaggy's apartment, Jay sat himself on the couch to drown the day in the mindlessness of television, and Shaggs set about chopping and cooking. It was lucky this kind of thing was second nature to him, because his thoughts refused to focus on the pasta and marinara on the stove. Maybe he does know, an' dat's why he did it in the first place. Maybe he was hopin' I'd invite him over an' jus' wanted ta tease me first, set up me, make me want it. He a sneaky bastard. I dunno though, I didn' think he'd do somethin' in fron'a other people like dat. But there again, not like any of 'em realized it'd get to me like it is. None of 'em know what we done together.

He stepped partway out of the kitchen, leaning on the doorframe and lighting a cigarette. He just watched Jay, who was completely zoned out, the occasional drag off his cigarette the only sign of consciousness he displayed. An' dey dun need ta know. We been homies fer so fuckin' long, all da little details a'dat ain't nobody else's bidness. Joe knows dat too. But I can see how hintin' at it, maybe riskin' gettin' caught, makes shit better. Maybe dat's why.

Jay could feel Shaggy's gaze on him, and had to force himself to keep sitting there, just as still as before. He hadn't planned the sudden outburst during the shoot, but something had overtaken him. Not quite anger and not quite lust, but an incredible need to be in direct, close contact with Shaggy. He hadn't even seen Jay coming, and the look of shock on his painted face only fueled this sudden desire, so Jay'd shaken him, pulled him closer, wanted to kiss him but knew that would have started something with everyone else at the shoot that he wasn't prepared to deal with. So he'd let Shaggy go, seeing the familiar burst of azure intensity that meant he now shared Jay's cravings, even if he wasn't aware they were mutual. Jay knew those eyes on him now still held that deep yearning look, and it was all he could do not to take Shaggy on the kitchen floor.

Shaggy supressed a sigh and turned back into the kitchen to finish up dinner. He felt himself growing clumsy, flustered, more easily distracted by thoughts of Jay's eyes and hands and skin. They'd shared two unexpecdtedly ecstatic nights together in the recent past, and he was starting to wonder how long they were going to pretend this was nothing, that it stemmed from frustration or tension or loneliness, and nothing more. It was becoming Something, a Something that Shaggy didn't want to ignore or repress any more than they had to. It had been too long since either of them had had anything resembling a decent relationship with a girl, and he started to think there was a reason for that. Since the revelation of the Dark Carnival, and the visions coming to Jay as much when he was awake as when he dreamed, they'd both thought and learned a lot about destiny, fate, Karma, and Shaggy was starting to believe that something about the two of them together fell into those categories. If he was going to stay true to these profound awakenings within him, he knew this connection he and Jay shared needed to be less chance and more choice. As he made the final preparations to their food, he decided it was now or never.

"Here ya go ninja, chow down." Jay smiled as he took the plate from Shaggy's hand.

"Thanks Joey." He paused, looking down at his food but not really seeing it. "You always been too good to me." Shaggy smiled himself and chuckled softly.

"Ain't no thang man." The pair ate silently for a time, their consciousness numbed by the television. But as Shaggy finished his last bite, his conviction got the better of him.

"No, dat ain't right." Jay turned to him, slightly perplexed.

"What ain't?"

"What I said befo', 'bout takin' care'a ya bein' no thang. It is somethin' Joe." Jay's look turned from confused to apologetic. "No no, not like dat, lemme explain; It ain't a chore, it ain't nothin' I dun wanna do, and dat's da point. I WANT to do this kinda shit fer you, buy you shit when ya need it, cook fer ya, be good to ya. We been closer den blood fer so long, yer more'n a friend to me man, more'n a brotha... 'specially lately..." Jay couldn't help the giddy smile and shade of crimson that crept over his face. He cleared his throat.

"So ah, what exactly you sayin'?" Shaggy furrowed his brow, determined to choose just the right words.

"I'm sayin'... what we done together, at da house an' in dat hotel--" Jay's blush deepened and he absent-mindedly bit at his lip as the memories floated back, "--We act like all dat never happened, until it happens again. Dat ain't right, an' I don' think I can keep dat up." He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again as he exhaled. Dem green eyes say so much... "I ain't playin' like dat no more. From now on, if... when I want you, I jus' gon' say so, let you know wit'out ifs ands or buts dat I need you like dat, right den. An' I want you ta do da same."

Jay's head dropped slowly, his eyes staring through his empty plate to the floor. He too drew in his breath, and set the dish aside. He rubbed his hands over his face, then together before lacing his fingers and pressing them against his forehead. He felt those blue jewels on him again, and knew things between them were about to change forever, and that he had to respond carefully. He squeezed his eyes shut and inhaled sharply as he lifted his head. Fine den. No more playin'. "Joey," his eyes popped open, "I need you."

Later, Jay thought he remembered seeing a grin before Shaggy growled and pounced.

Neither man felt in control as the storm finally broke between them, an intense flurry as lips met and clothing vanished. Soon their flesh was pressed close once again, their fingers seeming to leave trails of fire in their wake as both men readily remembered the feel of the other. Jay loved the almost graceful muscle definition the man above him possesed, and Shaggy reveled in the firm yet giving form that cushioned his weight. As tongues entwined and mouths only hungered more, four hands traveled over every inch of skin available, inevitably finding their way to the achingly hard lengths pressed between the two men's bodies. Shaggy's airy gasp accompanied Jay's gutteral moan as those most sensitive of nerves became all the more engaged, and their passions blazed on.

Shaggy pulled away slowly, only to lean down again and nip at Jay's left ear. "Today, at da shoot," he managed to whisper between gasping breaths, "When you rushed me, grabbed me, an' shook me... fuck you got me goin' so fuckin' bad Joe. I actually thought about jumpin' you right there on da set."

Jay moaned again, just as deep in his chest as before, and arched his back slightly. "I'm sorry," came his labored response, "You jus' looked so good, chillin' when I was all over the fuckin' place. An' I only wanted you more when I saw da look on yer face after." He grinned at Shaggy's chuckle then, but they both quickly returned to the pleasure, wave after wave swelling and crashing, yet never dousing their scathing lust.

Their hands again wandering over flesh and grasping at dreaded hair, Jay began grinding his hips against Shaggy's, desperately wanting to be somehow closer to this other man. "I wish..." Jay muttered as he bit down hard where Shaggy's neck met his shoulder. Shaggy yelped a little and bucked back at him, both erections pulsing and growing slick with pre-cum. "I want..." came another low utterance as Jay's tounge ran lightly over the teeth marks he'd just left.

"What?" Shaggy asked, breathless, pleading for Jay to finish his thought. He wanted something more too, but his head swam with too many hormones to articulate it, and if Jay could, he was more than willing. And after all, he'd asked for exactly this, that they'd tell each other what they wanted.

"I want... I want somethin' hot. Somethin' soft, somethin' tight..." With each new quality that was spoken aloud, Shaggy marveled that his dick kept getting harder.

"Where you gonna find all dat?" Shaggy barely got the words out before he felt fingernails scratch all the way down his back, from shoulders to hips, and had to suck in his breath sharply between his teeth. He shuddered in recovery, just as Jay's hands began grabbing and kneeding his ass. Shaggy pushed up, supporting himself on his hands, and looked the other man in the eyes. Did that mean what he thought? Was Jay serious? The spark in those green eyes said yes. "Joe, I--" he started to stammer, but the look shifted from impish suggestion to apologetic pleading, and he reconsidered. This was the one person he trusted with his life. He'd asked for this level of honesty, so how could he deny this level of intensity? He couldn't. He couldn't deny Jay anything, ever again. He smiled, just slightly. "Alright."

Now Jay's look was relief barely masked by anticipation, and even gratitude. "Jus', stay on top a'me, you got the control dat way."

"Yeah," Shaggy nodded as he sat back, spitting into his hand before wrapping it around Jay's cock again. Jay's eyes rolled back in his head for a moment, but he knew it would help if Shaggy had them to focus on. And focus he did, their shared gaze more intense than ever before as Shaggy lifted himself into a better position. He leaned forward again, resting his weight on one hand while the other held Jay's hard length still. They both found their breathing grew more labored when Jay's head first made contact with Shaggy's outer ring, the new sensations thrilling them in a way neither expected. Shaggy forced himself to draw in a lungful of air, and exhaled slowly as he very gradually sank down, his muscles spasming as he fought against the resistance.

Jay wanted desperately to close his eyes, deprive one sense to heighten another, but kept them locked with Shaggy's as long as he needed. After what seemed like eternity, Shaggy brought his other hand up to help hold himself, and each finally let his vision go black. Shaggy lowered his head just slighty to rest it against Jay's, still trembling from the effort.

"Oh Joey," Jay whispered, softly petting the back of other man's head. "It feels so good inside you." With a soft whimper and still struggling for breath, Shaggy began gently rocking his hips, sliding Jay in and out ever so slightly. Jay moaned each time Shaggy moved down, feeling himself drawn further in. Somehow he'd known this would be better than any girl he cared to remember, but how much better, he'd had no idea. He couldn't have imagined or asked for a more perfect fulfillment of this need, and now used his hand instead to tip Shaggy's jaw toward his, showing his thanks with long soft kisses.

As he kept rocking, his hardness pressing against Jay's stomach, Shaggy felt himself relax, the whole experience becoming more and more pleasurable with each movement. Jay's tender kisses certainly didn't hurt things either, as they gave him further reassurance, security, confidence. He increased his speed by the slightest bit, and pulled his lips away just far enough to ask Jay not to hold back anymore, to start thrusting into him.

The other man's breath on his lips as he made that request gave Jay cause to shudder this time, and he gladly obliged. Bringing Shaggy's face back to him with both hands, he gently raised his hips as the other pair lowered, and the penetration deepened. Both men gasped and moaned into their kiss, pausing for just a moment to let this new plateau of not only pleasure, but trust and intimacy, fully wash over them, sink in and take root. They each opened their eyes again and smiled, knowing words were utterly inadequate and unecessary now. Leaning together again, Jay's tongue mimicked his cock, working in and out of Shaggy's mouth. The only way Shaggy could have thought to describe how the two motions together made him feel, was filled, completely and perfectly.

Their confidence growing, caution quickly left the room and the thrusting of both men increased in enthusiasm. They moved together faster and harder, noises more closely resembling animals than men muffled by the pressure of their lips together. Jay let his fingers play over Shaggy's chest and down his stomach, working their way to the erection sandwiched between them. He circled the head teasingly with one finger while Shaggy nearly squealed in his begging for more solid contact. Jay granted that to him, and the resulting moan sounded like melting. His hand curled around that rigid shaft and squeezed, then began stroking, starting slow but quickly working up to match and then surpass even the near frantic pace of his hips and tongue. Shaggy's hole gripped him just as tightly, and he did all he knew how to hold off, wanting his partner to finish first.

Shaggy could barely breathe, smothered not by Jay's lips but by the unparalleled ecstasy the man was providing him. He couldn't have held onto a thought if he'd tried, and felt as though he was enveloped by water and flames all at once. The taste of Jay's mouth, the hand wrapped firmly around him, the throbbing length inside him that reached new depths with every thrust, all sent him closer to climax with each passing second. His arms began trembling again, protesting his weight and succumbing to his pleasure. He grudglingly broke away from the kiss, knowing Jay would then open his eyes. They connected then in this additional, meaningful way, and seeing the deep jade fire staring up at him, knowing the restraint this other was showing, brought Shaggy to his limits. He allowed his arms to give out, forcing his lips back onto Jay's. Several more rapid strokes and one, two, three more thrusts from below, and it was as if a dam had burst. Shaggy felt utterly drowned by the strength of his orgasm as his cock jumped and his ass clenched, repeatedly, involuntarily.

The surge didn't pass Jay over. As the warmth of Shaggy's release shot onto his stomach, Jay went beyond any hope of control. He plunged himself in one final time, as deep as he could, and let go. If Shaggy was a bursting dam, then Jay was the thunderstorm after a drought; An indescribable fury of relief that saturated and satiated every possible need. The sudden explosion inside of him inexplicably made Shaggy push down harder, drawing Jay in to the hilt, adding pressure and pleasure and intensifying the finish for both.

The two all but fell unconscious, a tangle of sweaty limbs and dreads on Shaggy's couch. Jay allowed himself to soften and slip free on his own before carefully rolling Shaggy off him and onto the furniture beneath, then stumbling weakly to the kitchen for something to clean the both of them up with. He settled on a hand towel he hoped Shaggy wouldn't miss and eventually made his way back into the living room, giving himself several good swipes of the cloth on the way. He sat on the edge of a cushion and handed the towel over to Shaggs, who had only the strength to dab at his stomach before giving up. Jay smirked and finished that part of the job before gently suggesting that Shaggy hop in the shower. When he didn't get a response different from the heavy breathing that was already present, a look of concern came over his face.

"Joey? You a'ight?" Shaggy whispered something completely inaudible, so Jay leaned in closer.

"Stay with me tonight," came the words of pure air. Shaggy hadn't opened his eyes, but Jay could tell that tears were forming behind those dark lashes. He gathered Shaggy in his arms and pulled him close.

"You know I will." A single kiss planted on Shaggy's forehead soon lead to another flurry, with fingertips tracing jawlines, hands cradling tear-stained cheeks, and innumerable thank yous passing between them as the rest of the night slipped away.