The Truth is a Lie

The Truth is a Lie
by Alices emotion (Kitia)

Whee. I don't own Schwarz Stein, Hora, or Kaya. Man. If I did...... FD

Once again, told from Kaya's POV.

It wasn't love; not anymore.

So you ask-- what was it then?

Well, I'm not sure in all honesty.

In a daze, I sat there, perched upon a tatami mat with my elbows upon the table and my hands cupping my pale, flawless cheeks. Hora had come over a while ago and was now sitting in front of me playing one of his loud and rather pointless looking video games. Initially when he first stepped through the threshold of the door, we'd chatted a bit about my first solo live, but upon running out of things to create tea party chatter about, Hora'd crawled over to my television and hooked in his video gaming system. I could never tell what it was that he saw in those noisy things... still, he seemed to enjoy them, and they made him smile so I kept my opinions to myself.

I continued to watch until a sharp noise reached my ears and Hora dropped his controller, letting out a silent "damn" to himself. I couldn't help but smile at his reaction, stifling a chuckle as he spun around to look at me. He must've heard my snickering despite my attempts to veil it. All he did was allow a small shrug to roll off of his shoulders and an almost cat-like grin make its way onto his face. "Something funny Kaya?"

"Oh? Oh no, of course not Hora." I fibbed, one dainty hand moving upwards to shield my smile from his view. Obvioiusly, he saw right through my little lie, switching the game off and giving me his full attention.

The room was completely silent, save the faint ticking of the clock that hung on my wall. Nothing was said as we stared into one another's eyes. Hora's smile had died down a little bit, but it was still there. Still there enough to make my bones feel as though they were made of goo.

I'd tried. I'd tried so hard to forget about Hora-kun... about my feelings for him. I still couldn't tell if those formentioned feelings had dissapated yet or not... but I did know one thing: I was desperate to find out. Desperate enough to even try what I was about to do. This... this was the reason that I'd invited Hora over here today in the first place. Not just to make small talk with him, but to find out what this was that I was feeling. True, I didn't know what it was... but it was strong... even though I'd mentally flogged myself more times than I cared to remember for feeling the way that I did.

Escaping from my thoughts for a moment, I came to see that Hora was still staring at me, almost like a puppy in the window of a pet store would at a potential customer-- it's eyes silently pleading "please pick me, please take me home... please love me..."

Nothing else stood in my way at the moment... so I made my move.

"Nee... Hora... what... what do you think of me?... Really...?"

Damn. I could feel my voice falter as I spoke. It made me feel impossibly weak, vulnerable... like I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. Oh God, I wanted to believe that I knew what I was doing... I hoped I knew what I was doing.

The look Hora wore was a mixture of puzzlement and surprise, obviously never having expected me to ask him such a thing. No answer... only dead, awkward silence. I tried again.

"Do you... do you think that I'm... attractive...?"

At first, there was no response... I was completely prepared to feel foolish, accept defeat... but that's when I heard Hora's voice pierce the muteness around us. "Why are you asking me this... you should know the answer to that, Kaya..." His voice had flattened to a serious and monotonous tone, and he wouldn't look at me as he spoke. It seemed as if he knew where I was venturing. My eyes focused vacantly upon his back and I crawled towards him.

"I've been thinking of you... a lot lately." I slowly wrapped my long pale arms around him from behind, being sure to vocalize every word as seductively as I could muster. Speaking seductively didn't exactly proove to be difficult since my normal voice resembled that of a soft feminine whisper-- complete with a hint of pleading. Hard for any healthy man to resist I'd say.

Regardless of the way I'd said it though-- what I'd just told Hora wasn't a lie... I had been thinking about him lately; non-stop in fact... that's why I craved the answer to what my feelings really were now; what they'd morphed into over the past two years in which I'd grown sorely accustomed to weeping myself to sleep each night, alone in my dreary little apartment... unable to understand why Hora wouldn't just... love me after I poured my heart out to him. And whether it was that dreaded four letter word or not... Still, part of me didn't want to do this to him... I felt like going through with this would be no better than using him as a tool in some twisted and selfish experiment of mine. Ultimately, I deemed it wrong, and while I was completely aware of this...

I knew that if I didn't get the answer I needed... I'd go utterly insane.

Hora still refused to look at me, however he hadn't pushed me away from him nor had he shrugged my arms off. He just sat there with his legs crossed, staring down at the grooves in the tatami mats beneath us. I sighed, mere resting my chin on his shoulder and staring at the static-filled television screen.

And at last, he spoke.

"You know what I want Kaya...but... we shouldn't..." Hora murmered.

Damn him, that idiot. I know that he didn't want anything standing in the way of his solo project nor did he want it to stand in the way of mine... but sometimes, I just wish he could drop his professional business-man facade and just live; let someone in to get close to him. He wasn't a machine, even though he acted like one more often than not. Maybe that was one of the things that made me question my feelings for him now. I needed him, I was addicted to him-- but due to my little idiosyncrasies that layed scattered here and there, his automated and seemingly harrowing work-ethic had driven me away. Not only that, but it had also been the thing standing between us and the consummation of my love for him. I hated mechanical things... and no matter how much I may have wished to deny it, I hated Hora for his mechanized tendencies regarding his music.

"Oh Hora... you're always so very stern-- and studious." There was that seductive tone again that I'd become all too acquainted with. I really hadn't meant to sound as needy as I did there, but what was done was done, so no use in fretting over it... right? One of my fingers traced the framing on his chest... then his clavicle, until it finally journeyed upwards to rest on his cheek.

"Haven't you ever wanted something solely for yourself?... That... something, that you were talking about maybe?" I could feel a shudder run through him. I could tell-- his resolve was slowly beginning to crack. A piece of me felt horrible for picking apart and practically destroying the man I loved for so long like this... but still, I continued on.

"I want you, Hora..." I whispered softly, letting my lips brush against the cheek opposite of the one I'd just placed my hands on moment before. That formentioned hand had already begun to trail down Hora's chest, stopping at his jeans to fiddle with the buttons for a moment before I wrapped my hand delicately around his growing erection. A hitch in his breath. I smiled suggestively. Feeling his arousal underneath my small, thin fingers and hearing the small, strained (and almost desperate) noises he was making I couldn't help but get hard myself, my skirt and shorts doing little to conceal this.

His erection was in plain sight now, my hand that had been wrapped possessively around it beginning to slide up and down his length. Hora's breath quickened along with my pace, his body tilting back only a bit to give me more room to work.

I continued to pleasure him, savoring the needy look on his face along with the way he bit his lip ever so slightly. At last, there was a choked gasp; a figment of a grunt... and then I felt something warm and sticky coat my hands and then splatter all over the tatami mats beneath Hora's now quavering body. Well, those would need changing now. He turned around to look at me with his chest heaving, still catching his breath. I took the chance to bring my fingers which were christined with his release up on my mouth. Beginning to lick them sensuously, I was sure to make eye-contact with him the entire time.

He was captivated.

Having cleaned off my fingers, I crawled towards him and pressed my lips against his. At first he didn't respond, still a bit too shocked that all of this was actually occurring. Giving a mental sigh, I ran my tongue against his slightly chapped lips. Opening his mouth slightly in response, Hora gingerly allowed his tongue to get acquainted with mine. Finally, he joins in I thought to myself while my hands tugged softly at his t-shirt. Getting the message, Hora broke the kiss and taking a moment to discard his shirt. I in the mean time, straightened out his legs and began to tear his pants and boxers away from his legs-- noticing that he was already beginning to become hard again.

After tossing his shirt aside, he closed in on me, relieving me of my own shirt... my skirt... my shorts... and then proceeding to toss them away in the direction he'd thrown his t-shirt.

The two of us were completely exposed to one another now, admiring one another's equally pale bodies momentarily before were were on top of eachother again. My arms wrapped around him and my tongue ventured up his neck. I pulled away briefly before bringing my lips to his ear again-- whispering words that I'd wanted to say for so long now.

"Please, Hora-- make love to me..."

For a moment, he seemed unsure again-- carefully taking me into his arms as if I was an antique doll that might crack with the lightest of touches. I gave a small frown, one of my hands coming up to brush against his cheek like it had earlier.

"Oh gods Hora-- if you don't fuck me now, I think I'm going to go crazy..."

I mentally cringed a bit at my usage of that word... feeling heat rise to my cheeks soon after I'd completed my sentence. Apparently, that was all the goading he'd needed though. Grabbing me a tad more aggressively then he had before, I screwed my eyes shut and let out a sultry moan as I was impaled on Hora's throbbing member. It hurt... like hell in fact, but I bit my tongue and swallowed any complaints of pain that may've wanted to be let out.

Hora didn't move, remaining perfectly still as he looked at me, his brows knitting and a frown working its way onto his face as he watched my face contort. Gripping my hips tighter, I could tell that he'd desperately wanted to move but held himself at bay wanting to avoid hurting me by allowing me some time to adjust to his size.

"Please Hora, move..." I found myself begging, lifting my hips up slightly as I tightened my hold around his neck. At last, he began to lift me up and down, penetrating me again and again with his hardness. I could hear him grunt from exertion as the pace quickened. I groaned along with him, my own hardness digging into Hora's toned lower abdomen and spattering the first drips of my release onto him as I bounced wildly in his lap.

"H-hora!" I'm sure that my cheeks were a rosy shade of pink by then, crying out his name several times as I came with full force. He wasn't far behind me either, letting out a strangled, ragged noise upon reaching his completion inside of me. Our frantic movements came to a halt, and I could feel Hora's come dripping down my rear and onto the mats once more. As we both attempted to catch our breath, I slowly rested my head against his shoulder, panting all the while.

"... Ka... ya... I- I don't know what this means to you... but... I... I love you..."

I love you...

I said nothing, merely continuing to breathe against him, staring at the static on the television blankly...

After what seemed like forever, I picked my mentally and physically worn body up off of him, breaking our intimate connection and feeling the cold envelop me. I didn't want to look at him as I dragged myself to the bathroom, not even bothering to close the door behind me on the way. I feebley turned the handle in the shower, not ever caring like I normally did as the ice cold water ran against my heated skin.

I stepped into the shower before the water had even begun to become lukewarm, nearly collapsing against the opposite wall but catching myself as before I had a chance to fall. Slowly, I felt the water begin to warm, steam beginning to dance around me while I just stood there... too frazzled to do anything other than remained poised against the wall and breathe. Even my thoughts of Hora who was probably still sitting out in the living room had all faded into oblivion amidst my mullings...

Slowly, I felt the corners of my mouth turning upwards into a dismal smile-- my damp bangs veiling my eyes as I sullenly lowered my head even more. Finally... I had my answer...

It wasn't love.


~ Fin