Stay My Love

Stay My Love


The window is open. I can feel the cold breeze against my skin, I can hear the curtins gently flapping in the wind. I can see the sun through my closed eyes. It's obviously morning. The distinct smell of morning floats in on the wind. It must be six or seven. I hate that scent. It reminds me it's too damn early and tickles my nostrils. I crinkle my nose up and lean foward hoping to burry my face in the pillow but instead am greeted by the feather lite tickle of a head of hair. A scent much better to the annoyingly cold and air drifting in.

Opening my eyes I smile at the blonde dyed hair and the layer of black roots left over since the last time he dyed his hair. I can't tell though if there are some gray hairs popping up or not. With all the time he works it wouldn't surprise me. Nor does it surprise me that he's already loosing his hair. I think about all the times I've made him stressed out or worry about me. Sometimes I feel guilty for it but I know that he doesn't hold it against me. I breath in his hair and automatically regret it. I can smell his shampoo. A light fragrance of some sort of flower. Not overpowering but it's melted with another scent I detest. Smoke.

For all the times that he worries about me, I return it with worry that he won't stop smoking. I know I annoy him with my constant complaints but I truely wish he would stop. I worry that it hurts him. I see him cough and when he laughs he chokes. I can't hide my worry. Sometimes I think he sees it as a joke or even worse he keeps doing it to see me worry. I admit that we often walk on egg shells around each other, still trying to figure each other out. Though, this time with him, it's much different. He's harder now. Much more withdrawln. I know he's put up barries but I can break them at anytime if I wanted to. I don't want to hurt him. He's become so important to my exsistance.

I can feel my arm going numb under the pressure of his body as I slowly gain more conciousness. I move my arm a little to get some feeling back into it and I feel him stir a little. A low groan creaks out of his throat. A voice an octive lower than from when I had first met him. His muscles tense a little as he wakes up. He stretches a little to loosen them up again. Without thinking I contract my arms and squeeze his waist. He grunts a little and settles back down on the pillow falling back into a light sleep. Having seen this alot I know he will wake up again soon, soon I will have to stop admiring him and get out of this little world we have here.

I don't know if I've ever regreting time passing as much as I do now. I sit up and look out the window that woke me in the first place. Even the birds have woken up and begin their morning call to the world. Looking down on his sleeping form I can't stop my heart from skipping a beat. His lips slightly opened as he breathes lightly. How did I get so attached? Seeing him smile makes me smile. Hanging off of his praise has become such an important thing. His daily text messages of things and my response to them. We've become part of each other's lifes. Going anywhere, doing anything, or even talking to another person. Somehow he always ends up in my conversation. Do you think about me as much as I think about you?

Elsewhere in his apartment the sound of a dog's whining yawn echos. Straining my ears I can hear whichever dog it is stretch and stand up then shake it's self awake. The jingling of it's collar and the shaking of it's fur piercing the rest of the silence in the apartment. Then the soft padding of the dog traveling down the hall makes my heart sink. Soon, soon it will come in here and wake him. Then this spell of the morning will be broken. As hard as I try I can't will the dog to stop it's progression to the room. The slight scraping of it's nails on the floor and the jingling grow louder and in she comes. She sits down and looks up at the bed then makes a whimper. When she isn't answered she edges to the bed and stands up on her hind legs with her front paws on the bed. She noses his hand but isn't answered. Her gaze shifts to me. She looks like a guilty child waking a parent. Another whimper from her is heard. Again he groans and stirs. "maaa daaa" he moans softly and gently pushes at her paws so she gets off the bed. I smile as she starts to leave the room and looks back at him one more time, Apparently use to him telling her "not yet".

He curls up more as his naked body shivers from the cold morning air. Pulling the blanket up around him I settle back down next to him, wrapping my arms around his waist again. His own arms double over mine and he wiggles back into my embrace. To anyone seeing the scene unfold before them it would seem like I love him. I supose they would be right. These feelings don't have words though. That's fine with him though, he doesn't need the words. My actions say more then any words I could ever speak. Dispite all the words I sing and all the words I say, I'm not good with saying my feelings. Just stay near me. You are the one I love. I kiss his shoulder so that my feelings don't cause me to to lose my breath. He rolls over in my arms to face me. He yawns and causes his eyes to water, lazyily he raises a hand to wipe at the water collected at the corner of his eye. Leaning foward I kiss at the tear at his other eye. His eyes open and look at me. I lose my breath for a moment when he looks at me. Then his eyelids slide close and he burries his face in my chest. I'm automatically confused. I thought he was awake. "Arn't you getting out of bed?" He answers by his small hands snaking under my arms around to my back and pulling himself closer to me. "maa daa" his breath tickles my skin but I don't let it bother me. I pull him tighter to me also. In 100 years we won't be here, this apartment might not even be here but, this space, this area, this air won't forget this morning. Carved into time and in our hearts it will never fade away. Will remember it in the next life and all the lifes after that.