Dreams

P.O.V. Gerard

Chapter one: Under pressure.

Do you ever feel like you're being crushed? Like the weight of a thousand souls is constantly pressing down on your chest, haunting your every moment, pulling you down? And no matter how hard you try it won't go away. But it won't just kill you and take away your pain or end your suffering. It just sits there, crushing your chest until you think your ribs will splinter, popping your lungs and suffocating you.

I suffer. All this pain. Love is a lie, a hurtful crushing pain that leaks into every corner of your body to the point that you'd rather die than put up with it. I've fallen in love and I can't pull myself from this pain. This pathetic devotion that's taking me nowhere, just continuing to drag me down under, drowning me in thick, black goo.

But I can't end it. Not yet anyways. Why? Fear? Weakness? No. I won't damn myself to an endless hell of never being able to see his perfect face or hear the velvet that falls from his soft lips. I'm bound to him. I won't let go until there's nothing left to hold on to. My life can't end until his does. I can't leave this world knowing I left him.

Frank. My muse. I live for every word he speaks, every breath he takes. He's what keeps me going. My inspiration, my hope, my will to live. Unmarred perfection and beauty. Alive and breathing, eyes like stars giving the world its color. But he's not mine. No.

He belongs to Jamia. That cold girl who steals his smiles and pins them onto her face, making up for the character that she lacks. He's too good for her and she knows it. But she's not there to care for him. Just his money. I can smell the dark weaved deep inside her soul that wont show through the smiles she's taken from his lips. I'd tell him, but he loves her, and it would only make him angry with me. So I sit and remain quiet, not speaking of her cruel intentions, hoping he'll see.

I look before me at the mix and mess of pill bottles, popping a couple xanax. They help take away my pain for a little bit, relieving the tightness in my chest and letting me breath easier. I take a couple sleeping pills to get me through the night before stripping down to my boxers and crawling into the hotel bed.

Sleep fills my body, my breath swallowing, lowering the oxygen going to my brain, and the drams come over me. I'm falling into a black pit, trying to cling onto the edge of a cliff, the dirt crumbling beneath my fingers. I hear footsteps n the gravel above me, and a helpless voice that must be my own, screaming for help. Frank is there, out of breath from running, and he's on his knees grabbing my hand, trying to pull me up. But he can't. He's too small and not strong enough to lift my weight.

"Gee c'mon you can't die. Somebody help me!" He screams over and over and over, but of course we're alone. No ones around to hear. The darkness wraps it's invisible fingers around my ankles, pulling me down into the abyss and my fingers start to slip through his grasp. "Gee don't let go...c'mon hang on.'' But I'm being pulled down too hard and I'm slipping away from him.

"I can't hold on." He leans down further but I wont stop slipping. " I have to let go" He's crying for me, but the longer I hang on the closer he is to falling in with me.

"No Gee, Please. You can make it."

"I'm sorry" I let go of him, silently falling into a black hell, listening to him scream.

I open my eyes just seconds before impact, feeling the wetness on my cheeks from crying in my sleep.

Love is a nightmare.